Guys, it is never okay to...

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  • n2thenight24
    n2thenight24 Posts: 1,651 Member
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    I get what you're saying. Fat isn't a bad word though. Fat is a body type. Using that word as a weapon is what's not okay.

    fat is not a body "type"

    fat is a body with too much fat on it

    still....it is lame for a SO to make fun of you

    "My pain may be the reason for somebody's laugh, but my laugh must never be the reason for somebody's pain"
    Charlie Chaplin

    Fat is a body type just like thin is a body type or muscular is a body type. Everyone has different definitions of "too much" fat, so that does not accurately describe what being fat is.

    I disagree. No body is meant to be fat. When you get fat, your body "type" does not change. Your body type (endo, ecto or meso) will always be one of those three. Added fat does not change that

    It doesn't matter whether you believe a body is "meant to be" fat or not, no body is "meant to be" disabled, but some people just are. There is nothing wrong with either.
    Fat is a type of body. Just like thin is a type of body.

    ^^This is silly. While no one is 'meant' to be disabled, if someone could grow back a limb or their eyesight with a little hard work and dedication. I'm pretty sure that they would jump on the chance.

    Also, for 'fat' being genetic. That is incorrect. People can be more genetically PRONE to become obese. But being fat in and of itself is NOT a genetic certainty.
  • BSchoberg
    BSchoberg Posts: 712 Member
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    I'm kinda having a bit of trouble with the words "it's never ok" and "this should never happen"

    not because i want to be teased, and not because I want to be called fat.

    But rather because this kind of thinking establishes a routine where the word itself, in this case "FAT" is now a weapon, and has power.

    I'm working really hard on my self esteem and while it's not perfect, I'm realising that I had, when I was overweight, fat, obese, what have you and whatever you call it, given these words SO much power that it crippled me.

    I was fat. And if i can't say it, and I can't hear it, then uhmmmm I have a problem, because I was fat.

    it's not the word you should be disputing...it's the method of delivery....

    this should be " People (because guys aren't the only ones that do it) it is NEVER ok to tease someone about something that you know makes them feel sensitive, or inferior."

    THAT'S what is not ok....the teasing, the created feeling of being less and less worthy....

    but the word fat? I just feel you are hanging up on a word, and giving it WAY too much power...

    the problem lies in the tease.

    it's never ok for a boyfriend to tease you about something that you feel very sensitive about.

    That I will agree with.

    Amen, Alex...
  • cyndil98
    cyndil98 Posts: 1
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    It's funny you should mention the confidence. I weigh 124 lbs now and my goal is 120. I suffer from lack of confidence is so many different ways. I didn't lose any weight this week and I'm upset about it. Once I set a goal I don't do well with any set backs. As for you boyfriend, maybe you could write him a letter and then drop the subject. He might take you seriously if you have it in writing.
  • RobynLB
    RobynLB Posts: 617 Member
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    Guys, it is never okay to joke about your girlfriend's weight or body! I don't care if she is 200 lbs or 100 lbs! Just don't do it.

    It is not funny to call a fat girl fat, and it is equally NOT FUNNY to call a skinny girl fat! My boyfriend thinks it is hilarious to tease me for being fat (because I am not), and I have to keep telling him he can't joke with me like that because it totally messes with my head! Not funny! Not funny! Not funny! Even the most confident woman is not THAT confident.

    Rant complete.

    3 suggestions:

    1. Slap him in the face every time he calls you fat.

    2. Talk to him about how his name-calling isn't funny or motivating and it pisses you off.

    3. Find out what he's insecure about and take digs at it.

    1. Lol. I would never slap him in the face, but we spar together all the time, so I do get to punch him regularly.

    2. I have told him why it isn't funny: I litterally am unable to see what I look like. I know that I am not fat, but if he keeps joking about it, it makes me start to believe it, which is really dangerous for me because I had an eating disorder when I was young, and it took me a long time to develop any kind of confidence about my body.

    3. I know what he's insecure about... but I would never poke fun at a man's penis.

    I think a lot of people missed the point. I am not fat. I am 5'7" and 128 and very athletic. He's not teasing me about it because he thinks I'm fat or he doesn't like my weight or body. He's teasing me about it because he likes to press my buttons and just doesn't get it.
  • jetscreaminagain
    jetscreaminagain Posts: 1,130 Member
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    Guys, it is never okay to joke about your girlfriend's weight or body! I don't care if she is 200 lbs or 100 lbs! Just don't do it.

    It is not funny to call a fat girl fat, and it is equally NOT FUNNY to call a skinny girl fat! My boyfriend thinks it is hilarious to tease me for being fat (because I am not), and I have to keep telling him he can't joke with me like that because it totally messes with my head! Not funny! Not funny! Not funny! Even the most confident woman is not THAT confident.

    Rant complete.

    3 suggestions:

    1. Slap him in the face every time he calls you fat.

    2. Talk to him about how his name-calling isn't funny or motivating and it pisses you off.

    3. Find out what he's insecure about and take digs at it.

    1. Lol. I would never slap him in the face, but we spar together all the time, so I do get to punch him regularly.

    2. I have told him why it isn't funny: I litterally am unable to see what I look like. I know that I am not fat, but if he keeps joking about it, it makes me start to believe it, which is really dangerous for me because I did had an eating disorder when I was young, and it took me a long time to develop any kind of confidence about my body.

    3. I know what he's insecure about... but I would never poke fun at a man's penis.

    I think a lot of people missed the point. I am not fat. I am 5'7" and 128 and very athletic. He's not teasing me about it because he thinks I'm fat or he doesn't like my weight or body. He's teasing me about it because he likes to press my buttons and just doesn't get it.

    I caught that and his behavior, particularly given the danger it poses for you, but also simply because you have asked him to stop and he has not, makes him a ****ty partner and unworthy of your time.

    Find someone who will treat you well. You deserve it. And the advice you are responding to is terrible (with the exception of #2). If anyone feels that that advice is appropriate to their relationship, their relationship is inappropriate and should end.
  • toddis
    toddis Posts: 941 Member
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    just to clarify your lifestyle helps determine if your genes express themselves. Your fate isn't to be fat unless you choose that.

    As far as pushing buttons, isn't that men do best?
  • UncleMac
    UncleMac Posts: 13,148 Member
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    Guys, it is never okay to joke about your girlfriend's weight or body! I don't care if she is 200 lbs or 100 lbs! Just don't do it.

    It is not funny to call a fat girl fat, and it is equally NOT FUNNY to call a skinny girl fat! My boyfriend thinks it is hilarious to tease me for being fat (because I am not), and I have to keep telling him he can't joke with me like that because it totally messes with my head! Not funny! Not funny! Not funny! Even the most confident woman is not THAT confident.

    Rant complete.
    Since no-one else used the line yet, I will do so....

    Just break up.
  • RedHeadDevotchka
    RedHeadDevotchka Posts: 1,394 Member
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    I agree that you shouldn't joke about stuff like that. I am SOOOO insecure about my body it's ridonkulous.

    However, if I started getting pudgy like I was I wouldn't want my husband to lie and say "I still think you're beautiful" if he thought I was fat and doughy. It's ok to be honest, but maybe in a nice and supportive way. Especially if I (which of course I have) ask for honesty.
  • mistyladidah
    mistyladidah Posts: 210 Member
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    Have you talked to your boyfriend and put the teasing into terms he can get, like penis size or something? I'm NOT saying to actually tease him about it. But even though you and he both know it's fine, teasing about it would probably cause him GREAT distress and anger. He would start to wonder if you really thought that way, and were softening it through jokes, even though logically knowing that's wrong.

    Maybe he really doesn't get HOW deep of an issue this is. Guys are like that sometimes... really meaning no harm, but still thoughtless.
  • wonderwomn27
    wonderwomn27 Posts: 40 Member
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    THATS TRUE I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU...ITS A NO LAUGHING MATTER
  • x311Tifa
    x311Tifa Posts: 357 Member
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    My fiance had a rating scale of body sizes on women.
    1) anorexic
    2) athletic
    3) average
    4) cuvy/has meat on her (2 and 4 are his preference. I happen to be the 4)
    5) dude.. girl, you got FAT (not in those terms, but that's what a girl will hear)

    I, like an idiot, told him to be honest about the day I started getting too big (nearing 5). Being in a REALLLLYYY ****ing depressed mood for about a week, I looked at him and said, "I'm a 5 aren't i?"
    His response came slowly and I knew it was going to be bad.. He had that look of "Don't make me say it." Well.. he said it... "I'm sorry babe, but you are getting there."

    I sobbed for 2 hours, ignoring him completely, or as much as I can, even though he was near/in tears for making me feel so bad. I had never felt so ashamed and hurt and all around ****ty EVER. Really sucks when the person you love pretty much is overly honest....

    I believe you already knew the answer before you asked the question. It was just hearing it out loud that made you believe it and that hurt your feelings. Honestly, what could he have said, THAT WAS HONEST, to avoid hurting your feelings. It looks like you are trying to lose 90 pounds. If that is correct than you were significantly over weight. I am not saying that he or any of these men couldn't find a kinder way to say it, but if you ask someone if you look attractive, healthy, skinny....whatever the question is and they answer you honestly and not in a mean way, how can you be angry with them. Please don't mistake what I mean here, i am not trying to stick up for anyone who is mean or teases. I am a very honest person and I value someone's opinion who will tell me the truth in matter how bad it is so much more than someone who just says what they think I want to hear.

    I knew the answer, but it's hard hearing it from someone whose opinion I value more than anyone else in the world. *side note.. WHAT S**T STORM DID I CREATE ON HERE!? GOOD LORD!*
    I know I'm fat. I worked in fast food to support myself because it was the only job that I could find at the time and I couldn't, even though I tried, leave. I am now in a different job, different settings, and am losing relatively decently. I know what I did and it was enought to scare me. I love him dearly for being honest, but I just wanted to throw out a real example, not have a crucification match over whether my fiance is a jerk or I'm a heifer.

    Also, I sort of just picked a post to reply to. This one was it. Also, I value your honesty as well and took no hard feelings. I know what I've done to myself. I'm obviously on here to fix it.

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