Need some help with Self Sabotage
Replies
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Oh. From the title I thought you wanted suggestions on delicious ways to sabotage yourself. My bad. Well let me know if you do.0
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I find it really hard to stay on track if I am cutting things out completely - so I usually plan for a treat, several times a week and make sure that it fits into my daily food/exercise limits. I mean sometimes you just wanna eat ten cookies, lol - but if you are having one or two and stopping there on a regular basis - there's no problem with that.0
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I think what you're experiencing is very normal. It's what makes losing weight so hard... the behavioral aspects.
I'm a stress eater. One bad week at work and my self-control tends to go out the window for a couple of weeks until I finally drift back onto the wagon. I don't expect to ever get over it, but I am getting better at it. For what it's worth, here's some strategies that have helped me to improve it.
1) Have a mantra: Mine is 'don't turn a slip up into a give up'. I don't know why that one rang true for me, but it did, and it helps. Find yours.
2) Redefine your goal. It should be something along the lines of "healthy and happy" rather than "below 210lbs".
3) Try to redefine your relationship with food. The fact that you used the term "junk food" in your post says a lot. Most people who yo-yo diet have overly strict definitions of what food is 'good' and what is 'bad', and as a result they fall into cyclical patterns of self-punishment when they eat a perceived 'junk food' item. On the contrary, most of the really successful people on mfp have a healthy relationship with food, they allow themselves treats and fast food, just within the boundaries of their daily calorie allowances. I would even go as far as to suggest having a once-weekly meal of something you consider 'junk' to prove to yourself it can be okay and life can go on normally. I had Taco Bell yesterday. It was delicious, and I came in under cals regardless.
4) Try mindful eating. I recommend the book "Savor" by Thich Naht Hahn.
5) Try to develop a love affair with food. It sounds counter intuitive, but the more I dig into culinary arts, the better I find myself eating. You just don't want that frozen pizza when you know you can make a fresh, delicious and nutritious one just as quickly.
6) Remind yourself at least once a week that weight loss is *never* a descending straight-line graph, but it always has jags and peaks. You go up and down, up and down... the trick is to try to keep the *general* trend going down. I'm trying a new strategy where, regardless of my performance during the year, I try to end each year 10lbs lighter than the year before. By having that set point goal, I can swell up in the summer (at least I did this summer) and still end the year on the downward trend.
7) Modify behaviors that put you into contact with your weakness foods. I take a different route home from work so I don't pass any restaurants or gas stations that might tempt me in during a stressful day. And I try not to keep things in the fridge that I know I tend to binge on (sadly, my favorite food - cheese - is one of them.)
8) Don't deny yourself anything. I don't keep cheese in the fridge (see #7 above) but I do let myself have a delish cheese sandwich now and then. nom nom.
9) It helps me to remind myself that I tend to feel better when I'm eating better and working out. And ultimately, isn't that the only reason to do it? Weight loss goals and health or longetivity hopes and dreams have a place, but it's feeling good about yourself each day that really counts. If you can find a way - some kind of personal mental trick - to keep that in your consciousness, then you'll have more success.
10) Build up an awesome wall of supportive mfp friends. Drop anyone who holds beliefs that will steer you towards your own problem areas (such as divisive white/black thinking about "junk" food for instance).
Hope something there helps.0 -
stop thinking about it and talking about it and just put your money where your mouth is already0
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Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels!!
*runs and hides*
:bigsmile:
sorry.0 -
I think this is very common. Fear is the why.. I've been to two therapists and I still cant figure out why I keep doing this to myself. I gain and lose the same 20 lbs over and over again.. not sure why!
I think everyone is different. Having someone hold you accountable helps. I have a buddy who has the same goals as me. It helps keeping me motivated since I feel less alone.
Good luck!0 -
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels!!
*runs and hides*
:bigsmile:
sorry.
:explode: :explode: :explode: :explode: :explode: :explode: :explode: :explode:0 -
I think what you're experiencing is very normal. It's what makes losing weight so hard... the behavioral aspects.
I'm a stress eater. One bad week at work and my self-control tends to go out the window for a couple of weeks until I finally drift back onto the wagon. I don't expect to ever get over it, but I am getting better at it. For what it's worth, here's some strategies that have helped me to improve it.
1) Have a mantra: Mine is 'don't turn a slip up into a give up'. I don't know why that one rang true for me, but it did, and it helps. Find yours.
2) Redefine your goal. It should be something along the lines of "healthy and happy" rather than "below 210lbs".
3) Try to redefine your relationship with food. The fact that you used the term "junk food" in your post says a lot. Most people who yo-yo diet have overly strict definitions of what food is 'good' and what is 'bad', and as a result they fall into cyclical patterns of self-punishment when they eat a perceived 'junk food' item. On the contrary, most of the really successful people on mfp have a healthy relationship with food, they allow themselves treats and fast food, just within the boundaries of their daily calorie allowances. I would even go as far as to suggest having a once-weekly meal of something you consider 'junk' to prove to yourself it can be okay and life can go on normally. I had Taco Bell yesterday. It was delicious, and I came in under cals regardless.
4) Try mindful eating. I recommend the book "Savor" by Thich Naht Hahn.
5) Try to develop a love affair with food. It sounds counter intuitive, but the more I dig into culinary arts, the better I find myself eating. You just don't want that frozen pizza when you know you can make a fresh, delicious and nutritious one just as quickly.
6) Remind yourself at least once a week that weight loss is *never* a descending straight-line graph, but it always has jags and peaks. You go up and down, up and down... the trick is to try to keep the *general* trend going down. I'm trying a new strategy where, regardless of my performance during the year, I try to end each year 10lbs lighter than the year before. By having that set point goal, I can swell up in the summer (at least I did this summer) and still end the year on the downward trend.
7) Modify behaviors that put you into contact with your weakness foods. I take a different route home from work so I don't pass any restaurants or gas stations that might tempt me in during a stressful day. And I try not to keep things in the fridge that I know I tend to binge on (sadly, my favorite food - cheese - is one of them.)
8) Don't deny yourself anything. I don't keep cheese in the fridge (see #7 above) but I do let myself have a delish cheese sandwich now and then. nom nom.
9) It helps me to remind myself that I tend to feel better when I'm eating better and working out. And ultimately, isn't that the only reason to do it? Weight loss goals and health or longetivity hopes and dreams have a place, but it's feeling good about yourself each day that really counts. If you can find a way - some kind of personal mental trick - to keep that in your consciousness, then you'll have more success.
10) Build up an awesome wall of supportive mfp friends. Drop anyone who holds beliefs that will steer you towards your own problem areas (such as divisive white/black thinking about "junk" food for instance).
Hope something there helps.
That was freaking great. I'm sure it will help a lot of people!0 -
I had been struggling with the same issue for a couple years. Then a few months back I realized that the reason I self-sabotaged is because I never really believed I could make the change in the first place. In the back of my mind I really thought I'd always be stuck at the weight I was at, never able to achieve success. I didn't believe that I was able to work toward a goal and reach it. That's what other, driven people did, but not me. I have a history of not finishing the things I start (is what I've been telling myself) and this was just one more thing on that list of failures. I don't know how else to explain it besides that, but I believe that's the reason for my own personal self-sabotage. Every time I'd see a visible sign of success I'd suddenly start eating and stop trying. Then I'd be right - see? I knew I couldn't do it.
Anyhoo, not sure if I'm explaining that in a way that makes sense. Makes sense to me. Enough sense that I decided to actively think differently about the outcome, now that I know what was going on in the background without my knowing it. That little bit of knowledge has shaped the way I'm approaching things this time.0 -
Kidnaping is a crime and is not OK. This should not even be a possibility. Do you have a restraining order? At least are all your friends/family aware of the risk and know what to do should you turn up missing? Yikes. Wishing you the best.
I had a restraining order and he kidnapped me while it was still in effect. So when he went to jail, that was one of the charges against him. It has since expired and I've been told I cannot put it back into effect until he does something to cause me to. He has joint custody of our two kids so unfortunately he's in the picture. However, I don't talk to him or even get near him and my hubby goes with me to the "drop off". Everyone in my family knows what's happened to me and will know it's him if something happens to me again.0 -
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels!!
*runs and hides*
:bigsmile:
sorry.
:explode: :explode: :explode: :explode: :explode: :explode: :explode: :explode:
C'mon!!! I even dedicated that one to you!!!! :flowerforyou:0 -
Personally, I refuse to label any food as "junk." I make sure to get plenty of protein, and I usually save enough calories each day to have a dessert after dinner. I am able to stop myself from a binge on high calorie foods because I let myself eat a little bit of yummy each day. I know that tomorrow will come, and *only then* will I eat another dessert.
I hope that helps. :flowerforyou:0 -
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels!!
*runs and hides*
:bigsmile:
sorry.
:explode: :explode: :explode: :explode: :explode: :explode: :explode: :explode:
C'mon!!! I even dedicated that one to you!!!! :flowerforyou:
:laugh: :laugh: :drinker: :drinker:0 -
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels!!
*runs and hides*
:bigsmile:
sorry.
:explode: :explode: :explode: :explode: :explode: :explode: :explode: :explode:
C'mon!!! I even dedicated that one to you!!!! :flowerforyou:
:laugh: :laugh: :drinker: :drinker:
:smooched:0 -
Personally, I allow myself 1 meal...ONCE weekly to do this.0
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that's why we ♥ ya UV, excellent advice \m/stop thinking about it and talking about it and just put your money where your mouth is already0 -
I've been putting more ketchup on my food. Good luck!0
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Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels!!
*runs and hides*
:bigsmile:
sorry.
:explode: :explode: :explode: :explode: :explode: :explode: :explode: :explode:
C'mon!!! I even dedicated that one to you!!!! :flowerforyou:
:laugh: :laugh: :drinker: :drinker:
:smooched:
SPANKINGS0 -
You need to allow yourself some cheat meals every once and awhile so that you don't feel like eating all of the bad stuff and avoid going back on the "diet". You can't completely deprive yourself, or else you are setting yourself up to fail. But you need to know that never again (if you want to be at a healthy weight) will you be able to eat all unhealthy things all of the time. This is a life change, you need to choose you, not the food. If I have an unhealthier meal, I actually look forward to eating better the next day. Think about how it feels to have gained weight back (been there before) and think about how good it'll feel never to feel that way again!
You.can.do.this. Be strong!0 -
When my depression or PTSD flares, I find myself eating constantly. I try to keep only healthy things around the house so at least I am eating healthy even if I am overeating. And I talk to my mental health practitioner about meds and therapies. Use my Wellness Recovery Action Plan. Use my positive sayings. But it is very hard.0
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Don't do what you feel like doing. Plan out your day, write down on your notebook that you WILL work out today, and don't find an excuse. If your mind gives you some reasons to give up, ignore them.
self-sabotage is about fear.
Find out what the suppressed fear
-afraid that you won't succeed?
-afraid of change?
-afraid of not getting through the holidays without backsliding?
-afraid of people's perceptions?
Oh, and stop dieting.
*Our body is a mirror that reflects to us our own beliefs about our selves. Seeing our body as the enemy – because it “should” look different, or because it’s not perfect, or because we feel repelled by what we see in the mirror – prompts us to fight it, to reject it, to abuse and shame ourselves for it. We develop an adversarial relationship with our body, and feel victimized by it. We take turns then shaming, blaming, trying to fix, control, or hide (and deny) it. Explain to me how anything but suffering can come from a relationship like that with our body?* ~ Lynne Forrest
HALT: "Am I eating to nourish my body or feed my addiction?"
self-sabotage is about fear.
Find out what the suppressed fear
-afraid that you won't succeed?
-afraid of change?
-afraid of not getting through the holidays without backsliding?
-afraid of people's perceptions?
"A consciousness of wrongdoing is the first step to salvation…you have to catch yourself doing it before you can correct it." --Seneca
Remember TFAR: Your Thoughts lead to your Feelings which lead to your Actions which lead to your Results. Diets don’t work because they are focused on actions, not the root causes (your thoughts and feelings); in fact they even create new thoughts and feelings that drive more overeating! Where else in your life do you try to fix the outside without addressing the inside first? How is that backfiring?
Why I Want To Get In Shape
"Losing weight is hard. Maintaining weight is hard. Being overweight is hard. CHOOSE YOUR HARD." I've made my decision!!
"If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution."
One "bad" meal doesn't make you fat, just like one "good" meal doesn't make you skinny!" Get up and move on, don't stay down
I suggest you post quotes of encouragement around you, and find exercises you like to do.
Best of luck~
^^ Just read this and I completely get it
this is awesome and super helpful!! 0 -
Your story is exactly like mine. I am so desperate to lose weight. I am so absolutely unhappy with myself it's not even funny. I know exactly what I need to do, I know what foods I should be eating, I know I should be exercising and moving more and creating a calorie deficient without starving myself.I know how to cook healthy meals too. But I just can't do it. I start strong, and I see results but then I just quit. I don't have anything in my past I can attribute it to. I wish I had a good answer for you. I think it's hard for everyone. I keep waiting for something to click or something to just become natural to me or a habit for me but it just doesn't.
I'm just going to take it one day at a time. And try and eat healthy today, and exercise today and not worry about yesterday or tomorrow, just focus on today.0 -
I have the same problem but I figured it out. I like to reward myself with food. It goes back to behaving for cookies when I was little. I'll get down to the low 190s and then eat something to "reward" myself and it just ends up spiraling until im back at 205. Maybe it might be that or something different? We all have different triggers. The hard part is figuring out what the trigger is and then staying away. Instead of food, I'm going to buy myself a cute top/bra/shoes/etc. and only 1 of those things when I finally get under 190.
Hope that helps! Losing weight isn't just about food and exercise. It is about discovering ourselves again too. 0 -
:huh: at all the smart a$s answers. (there needs to be an eye-roll smiley)
I do the same thing, I self-sabotage after weighing in at a new low weight for me. I'm not on a damn "diet". I don't think I am afraid of change because I am BEYOND ready for this change. Afraid of other's perception? Maybe. I lost a lot of weight before and got a great deal of attention from it, and I couldn't handle it. It freaked me out, and it made me sad that all those people were only paying attention to me after I lost the weight. But I was a different person back then, 10 years younger in a lot of ways. However I think I still struggle with that way of thinking, which makes it hard to get to my goal.
One step forward, two steps back.0 -
As most posters said, I struggle with this too. On a daily basis. Some of these are really good tips. Good luck and feel free to add me as a friend if you want some more support.0
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I hear you and struggle with it to this very day. I don't have any answers as to why or how not to do this self-sabotage, but you're not alone and the success is just to keep rolling with these punches (even self-inflicted) and keep going. Never giving up no matter how far we stray from the course is the real victory because there is no finish line on this healthy lifestyle.0
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This seems to be an EXTREMELY common problem. Here's why I think that is...
The most common method for losing weight is to eat at a deficit; to DENY YOUR BODY WHAT IT DESIRES. Your body craves the calories from food to fuel your body because of the exercise you do, burning calories.
And all the "diets" out there are just methods to try to make eating at a deficit EASIER. But honestly, any way you look at it, eating at a deficit just makes you feel like crap and makes you frustrated and you just crave sugar and carbs and it sucks.
Eating at a deficit just isn't sustainable.
So here's the conclusion I've come to on that...
How can I look awesome in a bikini/be healthy/be proud of my body/be sexy/whatever goal anyone might have, without making my life suck? Well... I feel great when I lift weights. And you need to eat plenty of food to build muscle, and then the muscle helps you burn fat... so how about trying that?
I'm enjoying this method a lot more. It obviously takes longer and you need a lot of patience... but I don't hate my life, so I'm okay with it taking a while :P0 -
Very good advice! I am positive I can benefit from this as I have been sabotaging myself for the past 2 months. I have lost 120 lbs and in the past 2 months put on 15. Not to proud of myself.
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i have the same issue.. i know what i need to do i know what i should and shouldn't eat or how much i should or shouldn't eat but i choose to stay the same. i've gotten better lately.. before i would binge and eat so much junk until it hurt then wait a bit and eat a buunch more. it's finals weeks so i haven't been making the best choices lately but i haven't been seriously binging so i suppose that is progress. gotta take it one day at a time!!0
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I wish I could offer some well sound advice, but I suffer from self sabotage, too. I am struggling to over come it. I do find however that when I sit down (whenever you have time) and plan my meal for the day (or week) that I can look on here and say, Oh, I can have this. And when it's planned out I don't snack unless it's planned. But as the old saying goes "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail." it's never been truer in my life!0
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