Feeling a lack of support

Options
2

Replies

  • T1mH
    T1mH Posts: 568 Member
    Options
    I bet your family is all overweight. For some reason it's tough for family to believe that you can succeed where they have all failed. My mom instead of being supportive that I lost 25 lbs told me I'd be emaciated if I make it to my goal. Your not doing it for them, you have to do it for you. Don't let where you are today determine where you'll be tomorrow.
  • josachi
    josachi Posts: 79
    Options
    I think it's a good idea just to not tell them, and then they can't say anything!

    YES! As others have said, you need to just do this for you. You deserve to be happy and proud of what you have accomplished. That being said, I totally understand what it's like to have others mock you, especially family. We all want support and encouragement from our family members and loved ones; when they are patronizing or mocking instead, it hurts and can get into our heads even when we know it shouldn't matter. All the more reason just to stay quiet and go about your business. Come here for support! This is where I get encouragement...no matter what, MFPers are here to pick me up, cheer me on, celebrate every ounce of success and NSV with me. Makes it easier to just do what I need to do and ignore the rest.

    Twelve pounds? WOO HOO! WAY TO GO! You are solidly on your way to goal and will no doubt get there. Keep up the great work!
  • dls06
    dls06 Posts: 6,774 Member
    Options
    when I first started no one wanted to hear it. I stopped talking about it. I did it with out any ones help or support. when it comes down to it, you are the only one you can truly count on. Don't get discouraged.
  • latchington
    latchington Posts: 12
    Options
    I take it you do not hold "Most Favored Child" status in your family.

    I'm the stupid one out of the two haha, ah it doesn't bother me too much - my mum and dad are great, just not very helpful motivation-wise sometimes:)
  • rwhawkes
    rwhawkes Posts: 117 Member
    Options
    Some of these sound like the family in "Million Dollar Baby." Prevail like she did in spite of them.
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
    Options
    It sounds like no matter what you say, they're going to have something hurtful to say back. So don't seek validation-instead, seek to prove them wrong by visibly shedding the pounds! You can do it :)
  • bikinibeliever
    bikinibeliever Posts: 832 Member
    Options
    Keep in mind that you are doing this for you, not them! Just keep doing what you are doing. You're doing awesome. Remember, slow and steady wins the race. Good luck!
  • capriciousmoon
    capriciousmoon Posts: 1,263 Member
    Options
    Honestly? I treat weight loss like a one person fight club. First rule is don't talk about it. Too many people are negative and others just don't get why I'm so "strict" with what I eat. Now that I'm down this much, I do talk about it some because people approach me and ask questions, but I pretty much never bring it up. I know that I'd get about the same reaction as you did from a lot of my family and a couple of friends and it's better for my mental health to just do what I do and take the compliments when they finally feel like giving them.

    I like this!

    I don't tell people that I'm trying to lose weight because most people don't care about that kind of stuff. Also aside from my boyfriend's family, most people I know met me after I was already down to only being slightly overweight. I got a "where do you need to lose weight from?" comment just because I prefer diet soda.
  • arlenem1974
    arlenem1974 Posts: 437 Member
    Options
    I know how you feel I am 1/3 to my goal and not one person has mentioned my weight lose. :(
  • eatyourselffitter
    eatyourselffitter Posts: 42 Member
    Options
    I'm new here and would love to offer support (and could use some myself). I'll send you a add. :)
  • algebravoodoo
    algebravoodoo Posts: 776 Member
    Options
    I take it you do not hold "Most Favored Child" status in your family.

    I'm the stupid one out of the two haha, ah it doesn't bother me too much - my mum and dad are great, just not very helpful motivation-wise sometimes:)

    Parents are not supposed to have favorites; we are supposed to love each child equally but differently, if that makes any sense. That being said, parents are still *gasp* human and usually will click better with one child or the other, or with different kids at different times in their lives. My husband and I have six and the running joke was always who had MFCS at any given moment.

    Anyway, you are doing great! i lose my weight slowly too, but then it stays gone, even with temporary set-backs like holidays! :happy: (I have baked some 30 dozen cookies this evening plus made burnt sugar almonds, all for my second set of children - my students.)
  • makaiya
    makaiya Posts: 80 Member
    Options
    Honestly? I treat weight loss like a one person fight club. First rule is don't talk about it. Too many people are negative and others just don't get why I'm so "strict" with what I eat. Now that I'm down this much, I do talk about it some because people approach me and ask questions, but I pretty much never bring it up. I know that I'd get about the same reaction as you did from a lot of my family and a couple of friends and it's better for my mental health to just do what I do and take the compliments when they finally feel like giving them.

    I love this! Fight club mentality! So true!

    I really hate when people bring up my weight. It's a sore point with me. I don't even like the compliments because they always seem to be backhanded. What about, "hey you look great!" - not, "wow, you were SO fat before." And commenting on what I'm eating, or complaining about something I'm eating. WTF is that?
  • KevinMassine
    KevinMassine Posts: 54
    Options
    Focus on yourself and be proud of yourself....You are here and doing this for you and not them! Take your time and remember you! The support you are getting from your Husband and freind is all the support you need. At the end of the day and as the needle on the scale goes down.....YOU did that.....Not your brother!
  • serenapitala
    serenapitala Posts: 441 Member
    Options
    I hate those bumps. I have the aunt who says, "Well, how are you going to keep it off?" We all seem to have those people in our lives. I want to say tune it out, but I know I can't do that. Instead I just try to focus on the positives. Everytime I catch myself thinking about a negative comment, I make myself remember a positive one. Sometimes I have to use the same positive comment over and over. I do like the other commentors "Fight Club" rule, but some people need to be able to talk about it and you may be one of those. This may sound dumb, but Facebook has been a great place for me. I can post something great and the negative people generally just pass it by, only the positive people take the time to post uplifting words. And when I'm struggling to get to the gym there is almost always another friend on there who is doing the same thing. And of course there is MFP. We're a pretty supportive lot :wink:
  • fuzzysham
    fuzzysham Posts: 75 Member
    Options
    It's going to be even more satisfying to see the look on their faces when they realize you DID lose a bunch of weight and you DO look amazing.
    Then you can tell them to put that in their juice box and suck it :D
  • cheshire29
    cheshire29 Posts: 48
    Options
    Honestly? I treat weight loss like a one person fight club. First rule is don't talk about it. Too many people are negative and others just don't get why I'm so "strict" with what I eat. Now that I'm down this much, I do talk about it some because people approach me and ask questions, but I pretty much never bring it up. I know that I'd get about the same reaction as you did from a lot of my family and a couple of friends and it's better for my mental health to just do what I do and take the compliments when they finally feel like giving them.

    I agree with this. I only talk about it if someone else brings it up. I have learned my lesson. My family said nothing the first time they saw me 40 lbs lighter. Nothing. If I can't do this on my own I can't do this at all. Glad I am not willing to give up on myself!
  • Madsocks
    Madsocks Posts: 54 Member
    Options
    I have quite a lack of support really from friends, and even my fiancée at times. They just don't seem to understand and laugh when I say I'm going to watch what I eat/drink and go the gym. I'm the butt of quite a few jokes in that respect. But i'm starting to not give a damn now. I don't have to explain myself to people.

    Now it's surprising to say, but I've found that even on here if you don't seem to stick rigidly to what you plan on doing, people will drop you like a bad penny. I was offline for a few months due to having a few personal issues, plus I had no use of the internet nor did I have a phone. Once I got my head together, and got everything sorted, I came back to messages such as "where are you?", "thought you were taking this seriously" and then about 5-6 of my friends decided to delete me for no reason. No idea what I had done to them, I was too busy trying to sort myself out. I'm not a nasty person, and not one to wind other up but I had to say the above as it really upset me that people can do this without knowing the full facts first.

    But anyway, I'm back with it now and planning on zapping this excess fat. I have two items of clothing that I am itching to get into so they are my motivation to get back into shape! :happy:
  • valeriewxy
    valeriewxy Posts: 418 Member
    Options
    Honestly? I treat weight loss like a one person fight club. First rule is don't talk about it. Too many people are negative and others just don't get why I'm so "strict" with what I eat. Now that I'm down this much, I do talk about it some because people approach me and ask questions, but I pretty much never bring it up. I know that I'd get about the same reaction as you did from a lot of my family and a couple of friends and it's better for my mental health to just do what I do and take the compliments when they finally feel like giving them.

    I agree with this. I only talk about it if someone else brings it up. I have learned my lesson. My family said nothing the first time they saw me 40 lbs lighter. Nothing. If I can't do this on my own I can't do this at all. Glad I am not willing to give up on myself!

    >.< My mum recently asked me how much weight I'd lost. When I told her, she did a double take like she couldn't believe it and then said that measurements were more important -.- I was like, yes mum, obviously I've also lost inches. Where did she think I lost the 8 kg?? In internal organs? Bah.
  • Madsocks
    Madsocks Posts: 54 Member
    Options
    That's why a lot of us are here. My family tries to be supportive...they just don't know how. And I've always been the forgotten one in my family....I'm the emotionally independent one who's not a basket case, which leaves my family to focus on the less than emotionally stable peeps in my family lol. So I get my support here. Shame we didn't have internet when I lost my weight in 1987 lol. I had my diary then...that diary was my ear that year! I still have it b/c that's when I lost my weight!

    I know what you mean. My family are supporting of me for different things, but weight loss has never been one of them. I don't mind though, I've been on/off with my weight loss and motivating myself for the past 10 years. I've always been the forgotten one since my sister had her kid lol, but now that she is growing up it seems to be changing and we are all equals again. I don't mind my family not supporting me with this, as like you I'm emotionally independent (I can't count the number of emotions I have had over the past few weeks!).

    I've actually shown people photos of when I was stick thin compared to me now and everyone has said that I looked really ill back then, and some even said I looked like a "smackhead" (which I wasn't, believe me!!)
  • lovelyladyJ21
    lovelyladyJ21 Posts: 246 Member
    Options
    This place is amazing for support!
    I haven't been here very long but have found more support here than I have had in the last 3 years in my day to day life!

    I'm sorry that your family is comparing you to your brother. I know the feeling I have 8 brothers and I've always been compared to them. It doesn't help you at all. But I've stopped associating myself with the people who didn't want to support me and that put me down and even though I miss them terribly I'm in alot better place.

    You need to surround yourself with caring and supportive people and rid yourself of the ones that are dragging you down!
    Prove to them make them feel dumb for ever doubting you, AND never compare yourself to anyone. Everyone's body is different even if you are related!

    Keep your chin up and do this for you and no body but you! Because in the end as long as your happy then nobody else matters!

Categories