How do you get your husband to want to change to?

Easy....SEX! No greater incentive than that for men. Give him some positive reinforcement when you see him making healthy choices or working out.

Easy....SEX! No greater incentive than that for men. Give him some positive reinforcement when you see him making healthy choices or working out.

:laugh:

Honestly, you can't make him do anything. But, what I did was just eat healthy myself and always offer what i'm having for dinner. If he doesn't want it, he can figure out whatever it is that he wants to eat on his own. Eventually he just started to eat what I made and actually like it all now. We still enjoy our food (homemade burgers, etc.) but just a healthier version. Instead of french fries with the burger, I make oven fries. If we make tacos, I make it into a salad while he has whole grain shells. If he wants spaghetti, I eat mine with chicken breast and whole grain pasta while he has the regular spaghetti.

It can work!

If you or any one can figure that out you could make a lot of money. But my husband is supper supportive of my weight loss he tells me the smaller my waist the bigger my (.) (.) get lol. Good luck with getting the family on board they will just be better off because of it. And only you know if you are taking this to far and health is something I think you can take far. We are a nation of over weight people and the change starts with one person at a time so keep up the good work.

My husband can eat anything, and loses weight. It's massively irritating. Massively.

In the time we've been together, he's lost 50 lbs, and I've gained about 70. It's like it transferred by osmosis.

*sigh*

So when I started trying to lose weight, I started cooking super healthy. He enjoyed the food, because everything I cook is very flavourful. The man who didn't like green veggies, now happily downs whatever I serve. The guy who would rather drink gravy than eat meat without it, has not had gravy in our house for three years. I do not make it. Ever. I do the cooking. If he doesn't like it, he can cook his own meal. He knows that I am working hard, and is supportive. When he goes out to hang with friends, is when he binges on Wendy's or something.


I think you should sit down with your future spouse, and say "look. Here's the deal. I will make good food, that will help me to reach my goals. I am serious about these goals, and ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO SUPPORT ME, is not eat crap in front of me, and not complain that it's too healthy. If you want junk, you're on your own all day at work. Eat it then."

Being a husband, my perspective may be different:

First, obviously he isn't going to change if he doesn't want to. That said, tell him how important it is that you get healthy and that he needs to be supportive. Also tell him that if you're going to be married it's important for him to be healthy too. He can't think just of himself anymore, he needs to do it for himself, but needs to remember that the family needs him to be healthy too.

If you do the cooking, cook the healthy stuff and make it available. Let me either eat the good stuff, make his own bad stuff, or not eat at all. If you do the shopping, don't buy the bad foods. Honestly you can't take being healthy too far. Either your healthy or you aren't. Sure you could go from fat and unhealthy to skinny and unhealthy, but it doesn't sound like that's the case here.

Don't stop him from eating anything bad, or give dirty looks or make comments. Make available the good stuff and anything that's not good he needs to find, buy, or make himself.

Best of luck!

You can't!!!!

Wow, horrible to see some women talking about using sex, etc... to get their men to change.

My wife tried all sorts of things while we were dating and engaged to get me to wise up and get healthy. None of it worked, and only put stress on our relationship. But now I have owned it FOR ME, not FOR HER, that it is what is making this change of lifestyle permanent.

And now it is ME that desires her to change her lifestyle as well.....but I will NOT manipulate her or be passive aggressive like many of you are discussing to get her to change. She sees my example, and she will come around and OWN IT FOR HERSELF.

As you can see, I feel very strongly about this, as I have been on BOTH sides of the fence.

but I'll say this, nothing good can come of you trying to force him to change, either subtly or obviously. He has to WANT to do it. And until he does, you will only create resentment by trying.

I 100% agree with this! Just keep doing what you are doing, and he will come along (or not) on his own. I think he will come along eventually, but in the meantime, hang in there, stick to what you know is right for you, and like sonjavon said above, make a night where he can choose something he likes/wants, and you can eat something else or alter it for yourself to be what you feel comfortable eating. I do that all the time with my son and husband, neither need to lose weight, so I cook healthy for us all, but they will eat whole wheat pasta, or have a potato etc where I won't.

Good luck! :flowerforyou:

I've been married for 17 years to a wonderful man who has struggled with his weight since my two children were born (empathy weight? lol) Anyway, I have learned, from experience, that I cannot make him lose weight or work out. I went through phases where I tried to, only to be frustrated and angry. I now have healthy food in the house and that's whats there for him to eat. If he chooses to eat out or eat too much of the foods I have, it is out of my hands. I pray he will lose weight so he can live longer and watch our children grow up; but it is out of my control and I now have a peace about it.....I hope this helps you :^D

You can't!!!!

Wow, horrible to see some women talking about using sex, etc... to get their men to change.

My wife tried all sorts of things while we were dating and engaged to get me to wise up and get healthy. None of it worked, and only put stress on our relationship. But now I have owned it FOR ME, not FOR HER, that it is what is making this change of lifestyle permanent.

And now it is ME that desires her to change her lifestyle as well.....but I will NOT manipulate her or be passive aggressive like many of you are discussing to get her to change. She sees my example, and she will come around and OWN IT FOR HERSELF.

As you can see, I feel very strongly about this, as I have been on BOTH sides of the fence.

I think many of us said the same thing as you. Only one person suggested sex.

Um, Divorce is DEFINITELY NOT the answer.

Easy....SEX! No greater incentive than that for men. Give him some positive reinforcement when you see him making healthy choices or working out.

:laugh: :laugh: I like this answer!

On a slightly different note - you say future husband -- being married for a while I can offer the advice up front - he isnt going to change who he is right now after you are married....if he doesnt like to eat healthy now, it isnt going to happen in a few years....I dont mean anything bad by this but be aware of this before you get married...if you are heading in a healthy direction and he isnt this could be a problem later on.....again...just my opinion and I dont mean it offensively at all.

I meant to say this as well. I would strongly consider putting off the wedding until this issue is cleared up. It may seem drastic to some, but if he's going to continue down his path while you get healthy it could cause problems and resentment in the future.

You could try to make him get into "need to be the dominant male" mode. Most men are competitive and will strive to be better than someone else.

You could start by doing things like, say the next time he takes off his shirt, go up to him, squeeze his belly and say "awh its so cute." Say it in a way that maybe is a cutesy voice, but is probably making him feel bad.

You could also try doing things like, after a trip to the gym, say something like "man I saw this guy today on the bench press who was doing leg lifts at the same time, it was really impressive. some guys really know how to work out"

This approach is kind of mean, but if he's not taking you seriously already maybe you need to do some of that psychological ninja magic women are so good at.

that is very true what he said in EVERY ways.

i really hope that, will help you out.
and also, try to maybe put healthy food little by little.
so he can adjust to it.
cause i wouldnt eat a lot of veggie except broccoli and a few salad..
but after a while. i got used to it and started eating more of it.

Um, wow. Sex, divorce, pinching his fat! I can't imagine that would be helpful in any way. My only advice is to keep doing what you're doing. If you want him to change in the sense that he is not supporting you, then approach it that way. If he wants to bring junk food in the house, ask him if he can put it somewhere you won't see it and not eat it in front of you. If he complains about your cooking, tell him it's fine if he doesn't want to eat it but he needs to make his own meal. Not in a mean way, but if he doesn't like what you're cooking, he can cook something else.

I would just lead by example. Maybe he'll want to change, maybe he won't. But, it is what it is. My whole family (DH and two little boys) have come around slowly. I didn't push it, but I do all the food buying and most of the cooking so that is what they eat. Sometimes my husband brings something home that he knows I am not eating and he puts it in a high cupboard I would never see it in. That's his way of being considerate. As far as me getting him to not want to bring that home - well, he's an adult and it's not so much that it is an issue at this point.

It's definitely a hard thing to motivate someone to do something that they don't necessarily think is important at the time being.

I used to go through the same thing with my hubby. I changed what I was eating and he ate crap so I let him do it. He's only home on the weekends and I make a healthy meal for me and the kids and I don't cook for him anymore. I make sure there is enough so that he can have some if he wants some but mostly he goes to Burger King and orders his chicken sandwhich combo with cheese and extra mayo. He upsizes it and get a large vanilla milkshake and then gets a double cheeseburger. It's sickening. When we go out he says, "lets order and appetizer" and I say "I cannot possibly eat that much food, but if you'd like one, go ahead."

Here's the thing. Hubby is 6'2" and 350 lbs. He's on high blood pressure medicine and he's starting to have problems with his heart. At 37! That's insanity to me. So I sat him down and I told him, "Hubby, I love you but I am seriously worried about your health. I don't care if you're a million pounds as long as you're healthy and you aren't. The reality is that if you don't change something now, you aren't going to see your children graduate from high school and I know that sounds harsh, but that's the fact. You're missing out on the lives of your family and this isn't fair to any of us."

He listened to me and he's stopped going to Burger King. That may not sound like a big deal but to him, it is. And slowly he's making more and more contributions to save his own life.