How do you get your husband to want to change to?

I don't try to change what my husband eats. If I were eating unhealthy things I wouldn't want him to nag at me about it, so I don't nag at him about it. I cook 3 different meals every night. 1 dinner that is on the healthier side and kid friendly for our 3 year old, something healthy and adult friendly for myself (chicken, shrimp etc) and then I cook for my husband, tonight it's boneless pork loin cooked in cream of mushroom soup with rice, I always offer him a veggie, but he doesn't always accept. It is tiring sometimes.. .but I can't eat his meals without gaining weight, and he doesn't like what I eat...so this is what seems to work for us for now

:noway: You have more patience than me! They'll eat what I cook or they won't eat. I'm not a short-order cook. Your DH is a lucky man!

I just told my husband I wanted him around for a long, LONG time. And that I was choosing to eat healthy and since I do the shopping/budgeting, that our kitchen would have healthy food in it. We all cook our own meals anyway, so he makes what he likes. But without HFCS, fatty dressings & sauces, MSG, shortening, etc., it's rather difficult to make an unhealthy meal from healthy foods.

I don't nag him or guilt trip him. I walked in the other afternoon to him scarfing down fast food fried chicken. I could smell the greasy odor, but I didn't berate or harrass him. Just went about my business (ok...I was holding my nose there for a minute :devil: ). I'm sure he eats fast food other times (when I'm not around) and that's his perogative. But he has made HUGE efforts to change his eating, exercising, and sleeping habits to a healthier future. I'm very proud of his changes.

His health issues may have had something to do with the changes he's made too . Fast food, lack of exercise, avoiding fresh veggies/fruit WILL catch up to you. Obesity, diabetes, high cholesterol, destroyed metabolism (insulin/ghrelin/leptin not being released properly), high blood pressure, ED, and never ending relentless pain from nerve damage in his extremities may have influenced him somewhat also. Seriously!! Eating and living in an unhealthy manner will KILL you!

My husband has bought into now. He just said, "Wow! You're looking good and losing weight and I'm gaining weight." So now, he's paying attention to calories. It has to be a choice they make on their own for themselves.
I make healthy dinners and snacks and he eats what I make or he makes something different for himself. I try to make things seem more hearty so he doesn't feel like he's eating healthy. When I make things in a crock pot he seems to think they are more filling. I think it's because it looks like more food. When I make fish he will eat 2 fillets, but fish is low in calories.

We don't eat red meat at home at all. If we eat it, it's when we our out and we'll eat it once in a while (every few months).

It has been a long, slow process over a year + with my live-in BF. He does most of the cooking & cleaning (yippeeee!), which I'm verrrry thankful for! But, left to his own devices, he'd put cheese & sauce on everything!

At first I ate most everything he made because it was good.... and I know it's one way he expresses his love for me.

BUTT.... I started gaining weight and stopped that right quick! I used to get really mad because I lost track of my healthy eating patterns when he moved in. I got it together and lost 35 lbs. which really impressed him. He eats mostly better now; but still makes big plates of food for himself and makes me wonderful salads instead! And he eats them too which is a relief to me!

I had a great success yesterday on the "Snack Front". He's been buying AWFUL cookies & crap at the dollar store because money is a big concern as well. But I found some similar, healthier versions of what he likes at the Grocery Outlet for only .99 and 1.29! Yahoooo! The baby steps are getting bigger! Little by little....... whew! You can't force anyone to change, no matter how good your intentions are! I'm learning to be more patient.......... with him & myself!!!

I've had to start eating gluten-free which has created a new challenge for us! Friday night pizza is still happening... we're trying different GF pizza crusts and he enjoys doctoring them up. Also trying different GF baking mixes & recipes.

Best of luck!!!! :flowerforyou: :drinker:

I totally sympathize with you. I just asked my hubby to not eat that kind of stuff around me, but when it comes down to it, I feel we have to be accountable for ourselves. We can not "change" anyone. frustrating, yes...but the truth.
give it a couple of weeks and you'll find you have more willpower than you are giving yourself credit for.
And, when he decided to get healthy, he will.

You could try to make him get into "need to be the dominant male" mode. Most men are competitive and will strive to be better than someone else.

You could start by doing things like, say the next time he takes off his shirt, go up to him, squeeze his belly and say "awh its so cute." Say it in a way that maybe is a cutesy voice, but is probably making him feel bad.

You could also try doing things like, after a trip to the gym, say something like "man I saw this guy today on the bench press who was doing leg lifts at the same time, it was really impressive. some guys really know how to work out"

This approach is kind of mean, but if he's not taking you seriously already maybe you need to do some of that psychological ninja magic women are so good at.

AWESOME! I read this original post and I thought the same thing. Most guys have a type A personality and the challenge of not being the dominate male figure will drive us crazy. If your future husband isnt type A this advise probably wont work so well though and it will cause problems.

When my wife and I were first married I was 165lbs and all it took was one time for her to say "he has a nice build" and I was in the gym. LOL

Go for the SUBTLE psychological ninja magic though, dont push to hard and show him the benefits of being healthy at the same time. If all else fails the eat it or cook for yourself will work wonders!

I don't try to change what my husband eats. If I were eating unhealthy things I wouldn't want him to nag at me about it, so I don't nag at him about it. I cook 3 different meals every night. 1 dinner that is on the healthier side and kid friendly for our 3 year old, something healthy and adult friendly for myself (chicken, shrimp etc) and then I cook for my husband, tonight it's boneless pork loin cooked in cream of mushroom soup with rice, I always offer him a veggie, but he doesn't always accept. It is tiring sometimes.. .but I can't eat his meals without gaining weight, and he doesn't like what I eat...so this is what seems to work for us for now

:noway: You have more patience than me! They'll eat what I cook or they won't eat. I'm not a short-order cook. Your DH is a lucky man!

I agree JS, If mine doesn't like what I make that's finebut he has to make somthing else himself. lol And My daughter's too young to make anything so she just has to eat what I give her. Although I have stopped trying to make her finish her plate. Just because it's on the plate doens't mean you have to eat it.

Well put! My kids (3 & 5), hubby and I all eat the same thing. If the kids tried it, don't like it, I'll make them a cold sandwich AFTER I finish my meal. I am not a short order cook and they should eat healthy too.

Don't try to change him. If the tables were turned how would you feel??? If he was telling you what to eat would you like it? If he was nagging you, would you like it? He's a big boy, he's not going to change ANYTHING because you "nagged" him...he'll change when he wants to, just like you.

wow.

Well, I'm kinda in the same situation only not with food, but with smoking. I'm trying to quit, my husband isn't ready to quit. It makes it VERY hard for me but we both smoked when we got married (over 25 yrs. ago!) so I knew when I married him he smoked.

I know that I will have to learn how to not smoke around people who do smoke. This includes my husband!

When your husband whips out a candy bar and doesn't care if you see it, well that will trigger you to want some. You will have to learn how to manage these 'triggers' all your life.

Just like anything you try to do to better yourself, it's hard, but you learn it. You will be a better person when you do.

GOOD LUCK to you.

I dont know how to copy things into the blue box.. but I just wanted to add that my husband doesnt expect this from me at all.. He is at work until 5pm and I am home, So I cook, I really enjoy cooking. But on nights that I dont feel like doing it he has no problem coming home and throwing something in the oven. His father always did the cooking, never his Mom, so this isn't a role that he think I am required to do. I just like to do it, just like he comes home on his lunch hour and shovels the driveway when I am home..I don't expect him to, he just does. I dont think it is a bad thing that we are like this...it is nice to have someone who takes care of you and someone that you want to take care of.

Just click the "quote" button on the post you want to quote.

I think that so long as you do it because you want to, and there is no expectations on the other's part, then things will be ok. I am glad to hear there are couples out there who do nice things "just because."