PTSD - How Can I Help?

As a victim of PTSD, it definately takes time. You have to remember to stop and take a deep breath when things become too much. Get councelling, take comfort in those around you.

It sounds like you are doing a good job helping him through. Keep listening to him without judgement. Keep being supportive. Encourage him to go to his counseling sessions. Just keep loving him. What about support groups for you? Or speaking to his counselor to get information on how you can continue to help him?

I am sorry that he is going through this, but I thank him for his service to our country.

Also, there is an approach that could be helpful for him called a WRAP- a Wellness Recovery Action Plan. It basically helps you plan what you need to do every day to stay well, identify triggers and have a plan to deal with them, and how to recognize when things are getting worse and more action is needed and plans for those times. It is not therapy, just a plan for how to live your life with ongoing problems. I could give you more information by email if you want. Message me if you are interested in this.

Miriam I agree with the last 2 paragraphs of what you said. Don't know about the eye movement thing. I am a sufferer of PTSD since I was 9 I am now 58 and it doesn't go away. I have the most severe type. I still suffer from nightmares at times and there is a trigger that will set me off in the worst way.

I don't know what type your boyfriend has but I know when I am in the throws of terror I DON'T WANT TO BE TOUCHED. But it is good to know that my husband is close by. As the anxiety eases though I'm not much to talk about it (I do seek therapy) and I love to just be held in silence.

I pray that things even out for him and his is not like mine and I praise you for sticking by his side for this type of fear can be so debilitating and lonely.

There's a part of your brain called the amygdala that is responsible for memories connected to emotional events. It's also connected to threat perception, and if you've ever watched a scary movie, and then had to sleep under the covers for a week, had to check the closet for axe murderers or were leery of showering after watching Psycho- that anxiety is your amygdala at work. After witnessing or being in a traumatic event, your amygdala can start to perceive threats EVERYWHERE, even if you know that it's not very logical. You can't help it. If you watch a movie that really freaks you out, you get over it fairly quickly. Car crashes, war related trauma and the like take a lot longer to recover from.

A lot of people think that PTSD is something that can be taken care of easily with just meds. It can't. You literally have to retrain your brain. Psychotherapy really helps. Also, its a really bad idea to try to surprise someone with PTSD. Even if its something as simple as going out to dinner. They need to adjust to changes gradually. Try to do things to reduce anxiety whenever possible.

It sounds like you are doing a good job helping him through. Keep listening to him without judgement. Keep being supportive. Encourage him to go to his counseling sessions. Just keep loving him. What about support groups for you? Or speaking to his counselor to get information on how you can continue to help him?

I am sorry that he is going through this, but I thank him for his service to our country.

I agree completely. It sounds like you are doing exactly what you should be. Just make sure you are taking care of yourself as well. I have PTSD. I used to wake up screaming, or bawling my eyes out in the middle of the night. Most people were weirded out by it. I've been with my Husband almost 2 years, and the night terrors are gone for the most part. I attribute that to him being patient with me, listening to me, and making me feel safe.

Like I said, make sure you take care of you too. The situation can be very stressful. :flowerforyou:

You can help by finding a decent CBT provider more than anything else.

I have it from nearly dying in a fire. I can never sleep... I take anxiety medication here and there--I don't like taking it so I try not to. It's a really hard thing to deal with but personally, I think it's harder on those we love. My husband puts up with me and my panic attacks and everything else. After the fire happened, I'd go a long time without eating, then the next week it seemed, I'd be stuffing my face with everything in sight. Just be there for him as hard as it is. It's a huge help knowing that someone loves me enough to put up with me and my issues.

After going through it and recovering from it myself, all I can say is listen when he needs you to and don't bring it up, let him do it when he's ready. When I first tried talking about 'it', I'd hyperventilate and run from the room and that was from counselors. I was lucky and only had nightmares and panic attacks for 6 mths. Eventually I was able to talk about it and came to terms with it, realizing there was nothing I could have done to prevent it from happening. I worked in EMS and lost 14 kids within 2 yrs. I couldn't mention confidential information to my family so that made it even harder. Eventually I quit the job and that eased the pressure and the fear of 'it' happening again.
Give him time and make sure he has someone he doesn't know to talk to.
Praying for you both.

I have PTSD due to a terrible beating at the hands of my father. My SO was with me during this time. He was with me when I had to shut off my emotions to keep surviving, and he was there with me when I had to go through the agony of turning them back on.

I had a very good psychologist. One thing she made me do was relive it (I don't suggest you do this yourself- let the licenses professionals handle this work). And sob. and sob and cry and hurt and sob. And then move on and deal with the rest of it all.

The best thing you can do as a SO is have the patience of a saint. He needs you to not yell at him that you got no sleep because of his nighmares, don't even mention it. When I have nightmares, I hang on to Derek for dear life until they go away. He can't sleep because of it, but he never says a word. Also, know he has triggers. If he isn't willing to discuss them with you, you will have to try your best to figure out what they are. Then you help him avoid those triggers, and if he encounters one, and you can't stop it, you simply sit there, and be a physical presence in the here and now for him. I don't know if he gets violent with his flashbacks, so obviously take your safety into consideration. Being there doesn't necessarily mean you are hugging him telling him everything is ok. It means sitting there right in front of him, with him, ready to catch him when he comes out of it.

Know you can't fix it, only he can. But communicate that you will do whatever you can to support HIM in that journey. Don't walk on eggshells, but seriously, do everything in your power to not do anything that triggers him. You need to be his rock and safe spot. Everyone makes mistakes, but do your very very best not to trigger him. That is my biggest piece of advice. My triggers are being grabbed and being scared/snuck up on. Derek snuck up on me once. After 30 minutes of sobbing in the corner, he realized he could never do that again. We were in the grocery store and he grabbed my arm, just to prevent me from walking into someone, and I punched him square in the gut.

The best way to relate is that his fight or flight response is on overdrive. And that is what is triggered at any given time. Think of how you would feel if you got backed into a corner of a dark alley by 3 strangers who obviously wanted to do you bodily harm. That is how he's feeling.