Frustrations with friends

Lake_Po
Lake_Po Posts: 228 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have people who are on my friends list and I look through their diaries and in one day they will have Cinnabon, full sugar sodas, half a happy meal with a candy bar and nothing else. They are under their calories, but eat nothing healthy at all.

Do you any of you comment on your friends' bad eating by mentioning it and kind of hinting (or flat out telling) them they are not really being healthy at all (consistently, not just here and there) or do you just unfriend them?

By the way, I'm guilty of being unhealthy sometimes, too and my friends (RL friends, mostly) will call me out on bad choices and would NEVER say "good logging" or "great day" when my day was just plain crap. What are the thoughts on calling people out on bad eating habits?
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Replies

  • jimmy713
    jimmy713 Posts: 13 Member
    I say give suggestions I eat real bad sometimes and may need to be called on it
  • fludderbye
    fludderbye Posts: 457 Member
    you know what- thats a really good thought-

    I never thought of actually commenting on their diary food log

    i think its a good idea provided your not mean about it.LOL
  • G__Force
    G__Force Posts: 280 Member
    I have been known to give my friends a hard timeif they are making bad choices. Its normally if they are eating alot of fast food like McD's BK where 1 meal is 1000+ calories or if they are eating out everyday. We all have days that we need a little something sweet or we have to eat out because of time constraints. For me this weekend was not a great one but I tried to keep in with in the calories goals. I expect to be ribbed if I was making bad decisons all the time.
  • angel79202
    angel79202 Posts: 1,012 Member
    I don't unless someone asks me..like a "why am I not losing weight thread"..this is a personal journey and I don't feel it is my place to judge others..
  • Lake_Po
    Lake_Po Posts: 228 Member
    I don't unless someone asks me..like a "why am I not losing weight thread"..this is a personal journey and I don't feel it is my place to judge others..

    That's kind of my what I was thinking, especially because most of these people are strangers to me and don't understand my personality, I could come off judgmental and rude. Thanks!! :)
  • _Katastrophic
    _Katastrophic Posts: 98
    I call out my good friends and they do the same for me when I eat like crap.Thats what were here for to support and help.
  • Mcgrawhaha
    Mcgrawhaha Posts: 1,596 Member
    i actually just recently went through my friendslist and cut 1) those who have very unhealthy eating habits and 2) those who have not signed in for over a month. not being judgemental, but, for me, im trying to lose weight, and i need motivation, not temptation. my friends on here are not friends to hang out with, go shopping with, or talk on the phone with... these are friends that are supposed to have the same goals as me, which is to lose weight, be healthy, and look great! thats all...
  • angel79202
    angel79202 Posts: 1,012 Member
    There are days that I am sick and maybe don't eat enough or have soup and soda..my friends may say "are you okay?"..but no one judges me..I do delete people who don't log in for extended periods and I support my friends..but my eating plan may not be someone else's goal...so why judge them?
  • 20tulipgirl20
    20tulipgirl20 Posts: 99
    I admit to being one of the worst eaters, but I try to stay within my limits and for the most part I do. I wish people would come right out and bluntly tell me what I eat is wrong etc... I will tell people what they are doing is unhealthy and congratulate with good choices,
  • nadinab
    nadinab Posts: 124 Member
    I have in the past and have received negative comments back from the MFP and their MFPs. Since then I haven't commented on a a bad food day negatively. I cannot stand when people say well done for staying under but that person has actually eaten very unhealthy food. I just choose to not comment on it all.
  • Mcgrawhaha
    Mcgrawhaha Posts: 1,596 Member
    in my case, im speaking of crazy daily habits, for example... (and im not kidding) 1 day for one of my "friends" would be about 800 cal for breakfast, nothing but crap, about 800 cal for lunch, again, crap like pizza and fries, another 800-1000 cal for dinner, loads of crap, and snacks and desert on top of that, not to mention about 3 sodas a day... one day here, one day there, fine... but when im seeing it day in and day out... i got to cut them... i need motivated friends...
  • cmcollins001
    cmcollins001 Posts: 3,472 Member
    This is one of the reasons I never click the green button that says "Complete this day"

    Unless someone is asking for your help with their calories or food, then I say it's non of your business. Let people eat what they want, it doesn't influence or affect your weight loss, does it?

    If I feel like having a day of Krispy Kreme and McDonalds and go over my alotted goal for the day by 2500 calories, that was my choice, and I don't want anyone telling me I was a bad boy.

    The scale trends down, my clothes are getting too big, I'm eating what I want, when I want, and as long as I generally say within my goals, I figure I'm doing something right. I'm happy.
  • janbez
    janbez Posts: 37 Member
    Feel free to friend me. My diary is open to friends. I am willing to be called out fr making poor chices, and my habit is to private message friends who do the same. I recently "fired" a friemd who was eating within calorie limits but doing it entirely on nutritionally void fas food. Real friends hold one another accontable not just for results, but for the paths they choose to achieve them.
  • mercina22
    mercina22 Posts: 446 Member
    No i never make negative comments on friends diaries. Its their journey not mine. I would unfriend anyone who judged me for my eating habits. Ultimately we are responsible for what goes into our bodies and we pay the price for that weather it be good or bad. I didnt join MFP to be judged, I joined to get myself healthier. If i can find people with the same goal Great..If not i move on.
    I will ask people about thier food if i find it to be interesing or sounds tasty and i will ask for recipes. Just as mom would say"If you dont have anything nice to say don't say anuthing at all".

    My $.02:smile:
  • Lake_Po
    Lake_Po Posts: 228 Member
    Thanks everyone! I agree that it's a personal thing, each journey is different and unique and how you choose to do it is your own business.

    For me, I like constructive criticism and I was interested in hearing other people's take on that.

    On my journey, I'll probably just tend to stay friends with the people who have similar eating habits to me and not follow those who don't.

    :)
  • lynn1982
    lynn1982 Posts: 1,439 Member
    No. If I log a day like that, then I'm probably already feeling crappy about it and I'm logging in order to hold myself accountable. If someone craps on me on top of that, I'd probably lose it. I assume other people are the same. However, if someone specifically asks for advice, then that's a different story.
  • Lake_Po
    Lake_Po Posts: 228 Member
    No. If I log a day like that, then I'm probably already feeling crappy about it and I'm logging in order to hold myself accountable. If someone craps on me on top of that, I'd probably lose it. I assume other people are the same. However, if someone specifically asks for advice, then that's a different story.

    I think I may have been unclear when I posted (I wasn't really sure how to word my thoughts). I meant, not for one or two days, but consistently poor choices. Not even like fantastic breakfast, fantastic lunch, a little too much dinner and then dessert. I mean, every single day Mcdonalds for breakfast, Wendys for lunch, Large coke for dinner and 2 apple pies.

    I appreciate your thoughts though and agree with them. There are days when Ben and Jerry are the only 2 people I need in my life and if one more person ran their face to me, I'd snap! lol
  • wonderfulboodad
    wonderfulboodad Posts: 36
    I mention it but in a humorous way like "wow cake for breakfast? Well you had the eggs in there". They usually respond with why and then I support them for there.

    I had a week where I was just on the run and hadn't been to the grocery. I ate out at fast food places but tried to keep it to salads and subway but one time I went to McDonald's and had a filet of fish and fries. I got called on it and was happy I did.
  • BaconMD
    BaconMD Posts: 1,165 Member
    I'm glad my friends don't comment on my food journal chastising me for my food choices, because, frankly, I'm the one eating the food, not them, and I'll eat whatever the hell I want to eat. They probably know that I know that there are better choices than McDonald's. Because I'm not an idiot. And neither are they.
  • Debbe2
    Debbe2 Posts: 2,071 Member
    There are many people on MFP who have lost a lot of weight eating exactly what they want but keeping calories low enough to loss. I wouldn't say anything unless asked. What seems healthy to one person is not to another. And what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another. Question is why does it bother or frustrate you? I say live and let live. :flowerforyou:
  • Slimmd
    Slimmd Posts: 10
    I am trying to friend people who eat well (most of the time-- we all have exceptions!) and exercise regularly. If my friends saw a negative trend in my diet, I would appreciate the check in, since I'd see it as a wake up call. After all, we're on here because we need support! I think you just have to read your post a few times before you send it because tone gets lost in emails/posts. As long as you're constructive, I think it's more than fine.
  • Morgenlstar
    Morgenlstar Posts: 31 Member
    I would say that its best not so say anything unless they ask for help when they aren't making progress. I know I'm not perfect and the last thing I want is someone to happen to check my diary on a treat day and then make a comment to me about it. I know we're all here for support but at the same time, we have to be careful not to offend people.
  • gmallan
    gmallan Posts: 2,099 Member
    If I'm going to make comments about people's bad food choices I usually try to do it in a positive and constructive way. Something like "good work on staying under, how about a few more veggies in there/you probably should watch your sodium/are you drinking enough water" as opposed to "you are making bad food choices/you just ate crap all day". Try and encourage them to incorporate healthy things into their diet by positive suggestions.

    Having said that if it's happening all the time and they don't really express a desire to change I would just stop commenting and not look at their diary. I suppose you could delete them if it really bothers you. If they are eating within their calories and still losing weight I guess it's each to their own. People are on here for different reason and losing weight even by still eating lots of crap is probably still improving their health. Just harder to stick to long term
  • rompers16
    rompers16 Posts: 5,404 Member
    I have one friend in particular that I've asked to be critical of my diary when necessary. I respect her for all the weight she's lost and she always eats well. I don't really want someone who eats a lot of junk calling me out on my choices or being too low/too high. I may not always follow her advice, but I do hear it and try to make changes.
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
    I fail to see how their food intake affects your progress. I also fail to see how it is your place to judge their food intake.


    If my friends have a good day, I tell them. If they ate nothing but crap, or they went over their caloric limit, I still tell them good job. Ya know why? Because at least they're logging.


    Oh, and I lost over 100 lbs shoveling McDonald's, In n Out, Jack in the Box, Taco Bueno, and ungodly amounts of pizza in my face.


    Judgy thread is judgy.
  • realme56
    realme56 Posts: 1,093 Member
    I delete people who routinely eat too little as I did one who was doing medifast having days where she was eating very little and days where she was obviously binging. I can't provide support to someone who doesn't want it yet.

    We all fall off the wagon but there are no magic potions out there, just hard work and making good choices more often than bad ones.
  • Mcgrawhaha
    Mcgrawhaha Posts: 1,596 Member
    I fail to see how their food intake affects your progress. I also fail to see how it is your place to judge their food intake.


    If my friends have a good day, I tell them. If they ate nothing but crap, or they went over their caloric limit, I still tell them good job. Ya know why? Because at least they're logging.


    Oh, and I lost over 100 lbs shoveling McDonald's, In n Out, Jack in the Box, Taco Bueno, and ungodly amounts of pizza in my face.


    Judgy thread is judgy.

    well, for me, its simple. im not here to make "regular" friends. im here to lose weight, and if im going to have any friends on my profile, they are going to be friends who i consider "motivating"... someone eating a bunch of crap, to me, is not motivating. do i say anything to them? no, its not my place... but i do delete them. simple as that.
  • Onaughmae
    Onaughmae Posts: 873 Member
    I rarely will comment on someone else's log. I think your diary is more for you to keep a visual record of your habits so you can see what is working for you and what is not. Occasionally I will look at someone's diary if I see they are really having some great losses to get some ideas. Usually the only comments I make are to ask how to make something that they had in their diary that looked interesting.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    I fail to see how their food intake affects your progress. I also fail to see how it is your place to judge their food intake.


    If my friends have a good day, I tell them. If they ate nothing but crap, or they went over their caloric limit, I still tell them good job. Ya know why? Because at least they're logging.


    Oh, and I lost over 100 lbs shoveling McDonald's, In n Out, Jack in the Box, Taco Bueno, and ungodly amounts of pizza in my face.


    Judgy thread is judgy.

    These are foods I ate to get in shape too (except for Jack in the Box, cuz that shish is nastee), so people should be wary of what they think other people need to eat to lose weight. My "junk food" meals are probably better planned out than most people's "clean eating" meals and I hit my macros, stay at my calories, lose weight and get strong. All while enjoying the awesome free wi-fi at McD's.

    I'll disagree with Lea on one little thing. This site is set up SO people can check behind other people, so if you want to check and comment, go ahead. If your friends don't like it they can delete you. Or you delete them if their Dunkin Donut habit offends you. I don't check diaries and while my is open to my friends I don't post it at the end of the day. That's the part of the site that just isn't for me, but to each his own.
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
    I fail to see how their food intake affects your progress. I also fail to see how it is your place to judge their food intake.


    If my friends have a good day, I tell them. If they ate nothing but crap, or they went over their caloric limit, I still tell them good job. Ya know why? Because at least they're logging.


    Oh, and I lost over 100 lbs shoveling McDonald's, In n Out, Jack in the Box, Taco Bueno, and ungodly amounts of pizza in my face.


    Judgy thread is judgy.

    These are foods I ate to get in shape too (except for Jack in the Box, cuz that shish is nastee), so people should be wary of what they think other people need to eat to lose weight. My "junk food" meals are probably better planned out than most people's "clean eating" meals and I hit my macros, stay at my calories, lose weight and get strong. All while enjoying the awesome free wi-fi at McD's.

    I'll disagree with Lea on one little thing. This site is set up SO people can check behind other people, so if you want to check and comment, go ahead. If your friends don't like it they can delete you. Or you delete them if their Dunkin Donut habit offends you. I don't check diaries and while my is open to my friends I don't post it at the end of the day. That's the part of the site that just isn't for me, but to each his own.
    For the record, I wised up and I now no longer eat Jack in the Crack.

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