relationship stress

Options
kas1021
kas1021 Posts: 92
in Motivation and Support
Ive been going through hell in my relationship lately. Its only going to get harder, I know. I've been through up's and downs experiencing everything from fear and depression to exhilaration and anxious anticipation. I was just wondering if anyone else is going through anything similar (break up, separation, divorce)? and how does it affect your new lifestyle? I dont know how to handle it all. I get upset and I wont eat. I get angry and I push myself too hard to workout and end up getting hurt. Stupid mistakes... I just dont see how stupid they are until the damage is done.

Replies

  • ♥seoid♥
    ♥seoid♥ Posts: 476
    Options
    divorced finalized last june & boyfriend issues now....i know the feeling. but you have to try and think of you & put you first. i was the opposite - i would eat when upset. now doing something relaxing and something you enjoy. hang in there.
  • LostTeen
    LostTeen Posts: 110
    Options
    Me and my boyfriend recently broke up but we are remaining friends.

    It hasnt affected me as much but I randomly cry because I got so attached to him and I really miss the times I spent with him, it's better to move on..
  • JayAlexander
    JayAlexander Posts: 268 Member
    Options
    Take control! I'm sorry to hear that you are going through something difficult, but you need to take control of the only thing you can right now: Your body and your eating. You are the only one that can be accountable for that you do and put in your body right now. I know you can do it! Take care of yourself, right now especially. All my best:flowerforyou:
  • Jessica_Laraine
    Jessica_Laraine Posts: 12
    Options
    Normally, I have the opposite problem. Instead of not eating, I eat a ton and the damage might not be as physically painful, but it definately shows! I know this is probably something you have heard before, but you have to love yourself. I really thought I loved myself and when I saw what I was doing to my body, I knew that that was far from the truth. Despite what is going on in your relationship right now, you have to love yourself enough to know that you deserve to do what is best for you and not the other person. Trust me, I know it is difficult to put yourself first and I know it sounds like I'm asking you to act like everything is normal, but you can't continue to hurt yourself as a release. Even if you have to force yourself, you have to eat wisely-otherwise, you're doing more damage than good. Turn some of that sadness into anger and take a kickboxing class. That is really how I deal with a lot of things-I just take it out on the bag in class and I feel so much better.
  • cbnorris
    cbnorris Posts: 204 Member
    Options
    My boyfriend and I split up about 2 weeks ago. I thought he was the man I was going to marry and that he felt the same, but I guess maybe it is not meant to be. I've been using my anger / sadness and channel it into working out more and concentrating on my health. My goal is to do more productive things with my time than stress, and spend more time with family and friends. Sometimes it can be a challenge. When I find that it gets hard, I usually call or text a friend and I keep conversations with him to a minimum.
  • wsucheergirl
    wsucheergirl Posts: 17
    Options
    I am trying to use the problems I am having in my marriage right now as motivation to be the best me I can be. When I am frustrated, mad, sad, disappointed, hurt, confused, etc, etc, etc, I go work out (if possible), or log on here and start planning my next grocery list with all the yummy and healthy recipes. :) Probably sounds pretty cheesy, but I find that if I remove myself from the situation that's bothering me, then I can control my reaction and not end up eating something I'll wish I hadn't.
  • kas1021
    kas1021 Posts: 92
    Options
    Turn some of that sadness into anger and take a kickboxing class. That is really how I deal with a lot of things-I just take it out on the bag in class and I feel so much better.
    [/quote]



    I'm taking kickboxing :] best decision I ever made. i LOVE it.
  • jdramage
    jdramage Posts: 37
    Options
    Have you ever read "He's Just Not That Into You"? I'm not talking about the movie (which was a big disappointment for me). Seriously though, the book is fantastic. It's an easy read, hilarious, and very uplifting. I'm recently out of a 3 1/2 year relationship and it is ridiculously hard. I think I've experienced every single emotion possible. Sometimes it's difficult even smiling out in public and using my social skills because all I really want to do is curl up and home and put something in the DVD player to try to turn my brain off. Like mentioned previously, I seem to be happiest when I'm being active and planning out my healthy meals for the week, and of course reading another chapter in the book :)
  • alisaperry74
    alisaperry74 Posts: 99
    Options
    I've been divorced for about a year and even though it was my decision and for the best, it was a difficult transition. Learning how to cook/shop/eat for 1. Plus I didn't want to just sit home by myself, so I'd go out more to eat and drink with friends. Next thing I knew I'd gained 20 pounds and felt horrible about myself. As of Feb 8th I joined MFP and started P90x. It's been 51 days and I'm already looking and feeling 100x better.

    You just have to convince yourself that you ARE worth taking the time and effort to improve yourself and be healthier. Exercise is a great way to get rid of stress. Good friends and encouragement from fellow MFP'ers also works wonders.

    My best to all of you :flowerforyou:
  • FluffnStuff
    FluffnStuff Posts: 387
    Options
    Totally agree with Alisaperry74 on this....and many of the others...
    Been divorced...like manty channeled that anger/hurt into workouts.
    Been in BAD relationships....used that to channel control into eating habits (a little TOO much).
    IN a stressful marriage (dur to Iraq, personality changes, and goal adjustments).... and right now I am trying to figure how to channel that struggle into a healthy, stable fashion of my new life.... It's tricky...

    BUT YOU ARE SOOOO WORTH IT!
  • kas1021
    kas1021 Posts: 92
    Options
    I think i'm going about this allllll wrong. I'm making a lot of horrible decisions that effect my entire lifestyle. I stay out all night. drink too much. and skip too many meals. I'm hypoglycemic. I really cant afford to mess around like I do. but i cant make myself care. so this is me trying harder. gosh, I really didnt think I could try any harder.
  • FluffnStuff
    FluffnStuff Posts: 387
    Options
    but i cant make myself care.

    If you don't care about you....who will?
  • kas1021
    kas1021 Posts: 92
    Options
    but i cant make myself care.

    If you don't care about you....who will?

    no one! i know that..but it doesnt make me care more. it makes me feel discouraged.
  • StVal
    StVal Posts: 91
    Options
    Honey, you shouldn't feel discouraged by becoming a strong, independent woman. Why would you want to rely on a man to take care of you anyways? He isn't your "daddy" and you shouldn't want to be with someone that wants to play that role for you. Be confident in who you are as a person. Sure, easier said then done. But confidence attracts confidence. And you should want to be with someone that wants to be with you and not pining over someone that might not care as much about you as you do for him. You deserve better that. Hell, we all deserve to be with someone who loves us for us and is their equal, not their "child" they have to watch out for. A guy treats a girl the way they see her, if you are going out partying and acting all crazy, then that's how they see you. And that isn't exactly "relationship" material for a lot of guys. Guys like the girls who are smart about their minds and bodies. Who take care of themselves. Use that internal switch and turn off those negative feelings that are bring you down right now. Think of a potential break up as a positive thing. Time to really focus on you and the person you want to become. A time to really get in there and lose that weight you are wanting to. A time to make you #1 in your life, which it sounds like you aren't doing. It's also a chance to meet someone that you are meant to be with and will love every part of you, from in between your toes to the roots of your hair needing a dye job. Plus, you should want to do well for you. Make you a healthy person inside and out. Prove to the world that longs to see strong women fail, wrong. That a break up is just that, a stingy break up that gives you a chance to learn about yourself from. Because you've got to love yourself before you can love someone else. On a side note, it seems to me that you know what you need to do and you are waiting for someone to tell you that how you are treating your body is wrong. But you want that someone to be your significant other.
  • DamienRiceFan
    DamienRiceFan Posts: 30
    Options
    Honey, you shouldn't feel discouraged by becoming a strong, independent woman. Why would you want to rely on a man to take care of you anyways? He isn't your "daddy" and you shouldn't want to be with someone that wants to play that role for you. Be confident in who you are as a person. Sure, easier said then done. But confidence attracts confidence. And you should want to be with someone that wants to be with you and not pining over someone that might not care as much about you as you do for him. You deserve better that. Hell, we all deserve to be with someone who loves us for us and is their equal, not their "child" they have to watch out for. A guy treats a girl the way they see her, if you are going out partying and acting all crazy, then that's how they see you. And that isn't exactly "relationship" material for a lot of guys. Guys like the girls who are smart about their minds and bodies. Who take care of themselves. Use that internal switch and turn off those negative feelings that are bring you down right now. Think of a potential break up as a positive thing. Time to really focus on you and the person you want to become. A time to really get in there and lose that weight you are wanting to. A time to make you #1 in your life, which it sounds like you aren't doing. It's also a chance to meet someone that you are meant to be with and will love every part of you, from in between your toes to the roots of your hair needing a dye job. Plus, you should want to do well for you. Make you a healthy person inside and out. Prove to the world that longs to see strong women fail, wrong. That a break up is just that, a stingy break up that gives you a chance to learn about yourself from. Because you've got to love yourself before you can love someone else. On a side note, it seems to me that you know what you need to do and you are waiting for someone to tell you that how you are treating your body is wrong. But you want that someone to be your significant other.
    Beautifully put StVal : )
  • kas1021
    kas1021 Posts: 92
    Options
    Honey, you shouldn't feel discouraged by becoming a strong, independent woman. Why would you want to rely on a man to take care of you anyways? He isn't your "daddy" and you shouldn't want to be with someone that wants to play that role for you. Be confident in who you are as a person. Sure, easier said then done. But confidence attracts confidence. And you should want to be with someone that wants to be with you and not pining over someone that might not care as much about you as you do for him. You deserve better that. Hell, we all deserve to be with someone who loves us for us and is their equal, not their "child" they have to watch out for. A guy treats a girl the way they see her, if you are going out partying and acting all crazy, then that's how they see you. And that isn't exactly "relationship" material for a lot of guys. Guys like the girls who are smart about their minds and bodies. Who take care of themselves. Use that internal switch and turn off those negative feelings that are bring you down right now. Think of a potential break up as a positive thing. Time to really focus on you and the person you want to become. A time to really get in there and lose that weight you are wanting to. A time to make you #1 in your life, which it sounds like you aren't doing. It's also a chance to meet someone that you are meant to be with and will love every part of you, from in between your toes to the roots of your hair needing a dye job. Plus, you should want to do well for you. Make you a healthy person inside and out. Prove to the world that longs to see strong women fail, wrong. That a break up is just that, a stingy break up that gives you a chance to learn about yourself from. Because you've got to love yourself before you can love someone else. On a side note, it seems to me that you know what you need to do and you are waiting for someone to tell you that how you are treating your body is wrong. But you want that someone to be your significant other.

    thank you :]
    its a work in progress. Im seeing now that other people are going to see who I am on the inside unless i act that way on the outside.
  • cbnorris
    cbnorris Posts: 204 Member
    Options
    great post StVal. Something I needed to read as well. :smile:

Categories