Still struggling, lost and feeling hopeless

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  • NuggetLovesEdie
    NuggetLovesEdie Posts: 477 Member
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    "I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure, wanting to get back into it at this time of year, but I also don't want to be one of those people that makes a resolution at the beginning of the year either."

    I totally relate to this...
    Three months ago I started back getting "serious" about all this. One month ago I stopped caring. Two weeks ago I recommitted.

    I'm also a social worker/therapist... isn't it both cool and annoying how we, at least in theory, know how to fix ourselves?!?

    One of the things that I find helpful is to decide what I am going to feel better for having done at the end of the day. Sometimes the answer is no refined sugar. Sometimes its going for a walk... EVEN if I don't feel like it.

    There's also the "5 minute" trick... If I don't feel like doing something, I will commit to doing it for a minimum of 5 minutes. If I am thoroughly hating it still at the end of 5 minutes, I will stop and keep my promise to myself.

    I also have been getting a lot of mileage in general out of the concept of behavioral activation... which is kind of, as far as I can tell, a fancy behavioral therapy term for "fake it til you make it"... or "do it anyway and your mood/motivation will follow".


    "NOW, if I could take my own advice, we'd be getting somewhere! "
    Damn! Right?!?

    Do you know how to do motivational interviewing? Have you ever done it on yourself?

    Sending you lots of support!
  • Fvaisey
    Fvaisey Posts: 5,506 Member
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    I agree that if you commit to logging every day then what you need will follow. There is something about writing it down that helps you to move on. If you are currently maintaining your weight then it's not a big change to move to losing. Logging will help you in so many ways, especially if you share your diary. There is a whole community here to support you to get where you want to be.
  • skinnybitchbarbie27
    skinnybitchbarbie27 Posts: 306 Member
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    Hi!! I wanted to tell you that you are an awesome person and stop beating yourself up. That causes stress, which causes thoughts of eating, which generally causes us to eat, which causes stress. See the sick cycle here?

    I just wanted to share with you a little about me. I suffered two big events in my life this year and the first one in January (infidelity from my husband) didn't push me off track. I Wasn't about to let that *kitten* not only cheat on me but let me beat myself into fatness. The second incident (mind you, not knowing the whole story, we did go through extensive counseling etc and have a better marriage) was a miscarriage. The miscarriage is what did it. I ate until I literally vomited. I hadn't had any soda (maybe the occasional glass of diet at a restaurant) and I went to the movies, ate a whole large bucket of popcorn and a 44oz soda and was SICK AS HELL but I kept doing it. It only took 2 weeks for me to gain 12lbs. I woke up one morning, crying on the scale, and realized I am not a victim to my life, I am a victim to myself. I was the abuser to my own sadness. I decided to put up a huge hot pink poster board. On one side was a list of goals from that point to the end of march 2013. The other side was a line graph set up. I put a big dot on my starting date of 266 lbs.

    It wasn't easy, but I had a realization that I can't control my life. Bottom line. I will have to push bills back, Will have to deal with the actions of other people, will have to deal with *kitten* that I don't want to happen, But dammit I can control myself. My body is MY temple and I decide what goes in, what happens to it. The whole world can crash down around me but I can control me. I can hold myself and mentally know that the world can go to hell but I am ok.

    You are strong. You are worth everything you want in life. You can do this.
  • butterfli7o
    butterfli7o Posts: 1,319 Member
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    If you keep stopping and starting, and lose weight to gain it all back, you're doing it wrong. You need to make a lifestyle change, not go on a diet. The only one stopping you is YOU. Just do it!! :flowerforyou:
  • Derpes
    Derpes Posts: 2,033 Member
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    Try to achieve a few small victories, baby steps if you will.

    Write down the top five "bad foods" or types of bad food that you eat regularly. After that, determine alternatives that are still tasty but not AS BAD. While the altneratives might not be the best, you are still improving.

    Also log how many cans or bottles of pop that you drink. Maybe you can cut back gradually.

    It's a lot easier said than done and stress does not help. Is it possible that you are drained from helping others?
  • 3LittleMonkeyMom
    3LittleMonkeyMom Posts: 259
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    It seems as if my motivation comes and goes. I have been "off the wagon" for about 2 months now and I feel horrible. I blame some of the lack of motivation on the stress I've had in my life recently, but as a therapist I know the number one way to combat against stress is exercise and I still didn't do it. All I want to do is sleep and even when I wake up I'm tired and don't want to do anything. All I've had to drink is pop, can't even tell you the last time I had water to drink. I don't remember the last time I did anything to lose weight either. Everything I'm eating is fried and salty because that's what I'm craving. I have no idea what to do or where to go from here. I want to get back on track and be at least 10 pounds down before the first of the year, but with the way I'm going I don't see that happening. Only bright side is with everything that's been going on, I haven't gained weight, I'm at the same weight I was before.

    You are a therapist. So am I. (ETA: Was. I stay home with the kids now...) I have been where you are. You have to look yourself in the mirror and talk to yourself as if you would talk to a client headed down the same path. I, being firmly rooted in reality therapy, told myself that I had better start looking good and hard at the consequences I was creating for myself and my family by not taking care of myself. Stop making excuses that is' so HARD and I just CAAAN'T and get my *kitten* off the couch and get moving. I don't care if it's 30 minutes or an hour. Just do it.
    I was hating life for the first 2 months. It was hard work convincing myself that I LOVED getting up in the morning to exercise before everyone woke up. Truth be told, I HATED IT. I hated every flipping second of it, but I did it. Guess what? I grew to LOVE it. The days that I don't exercise, I am grouchy and sad. It will come. You just have to be stronger for yourself. Get out of that cycle. Make the first step TODAY. You've got this. YOU CAN.
  • NuggetLovesEdie
    NuggetLovesEdie Posts: 477 Member
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    How are you doing today?
  • SweetestHoney
    SweetestHoney Posts: 95 Member
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    I know you already know this but:

    Exercise will give you energy and help you sleep better.

    Keep telling yourself that. Get up and make yourself go through the motions and get to the gym. Once you get in the habit you will feel amazing and sleep better and feel so much more rested. Trust in the science and stop letting your brain tell you that you can't do it. We are too good at convincing ourselves why we shouldn't do something that we really should be doing. Turn your brain off and get in the habit.
  • fearless_
    fearless_ Posts: 75
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    baby steps...
    start buy just cutting down the soda... from 3 a day to one a day or only drink after drinking so much water...
    I literally only ate fast food and didn't work out at all
    I was so tired, I'd sleep all day, work 4 hours, and go back to bed...
    but now that I'm working out, and eating better
    I have ennneerrggyyy
    and better mental health. :)
    You CAN do it,
    go as slow as you need to. :)
  • TVISmith
    TVISmith Posts: 28 Member
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    Try focusing on one thing at a time. Instead of depriving yourself of everything you are craving cut out fried foods or pop first. When you have success and start feeling better about yourself then cut out one or two things more. Focus on exercising for small amounts of time or three out of seven days and then build up your time and frequency. You have to remember that it takes 30 days to make or break a habit. Give yourself some positives and follow your own advice. You can do it!
  • ECA67
    ECA67 Posts: 806 Member
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