Still struggling, lost and feeling hopeless
tifalva
Posts: 220 Member
It seems as if my motivation comes and goes. I have been "off the wagon" for about 2 months now and I feel horrible. I blame some of the lack of motivation on the stress I've had in my life recently, but as a therapist I know the number one way to combat against stress is exercise and I still didn't do it. All I want to do is sleep and even when I wake up I'm tired and don't want to do anything. All I've had to drink is pop, can't even tell you the last time I had water to drink. I don't remember the last time I did anything to lose weight either. Everything I'm eating is fried and salty because that's what I'm craving. I have no idea what to do or where to go from here. I want to get back on track and be at least 10 pounds down before the first of the year, but with the way I'm going I don't see that happening. Only bright side is with everything that's been going on, I haven't gained weight, I'm at the same weight I was before.
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Replies
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Sounds like you know exactly what to do...you just need to do it. So, follow our corporate masters advice and "Just Do It".0
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Knowing what is wrong and fixing it are two very different things. It's great you've observed what the issues are and yes, the hardest step is often the first one but you can do it. Don't over think it. Just get to it. One step at a time.0
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Stop beating yourself up. You know it doesn't help. Just get out and start with a walk to get your thoughts together and go from there.0
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It seems as if my motivation comes and goes. I have been "off the wagon" for about 2 months now and I feel horrible. I blame some of the lack of motivation on the stress I've had in my life recently, but as a therapist I know the number one way to combat against stress is exercise and I still didn't do it. All I want to do is sleep and even when I wake up I'm tired and don't want to do anything. All I've had to drink is pop, can't even tell you the last time I had water to drink. I don't remember the last time I did anything to lose weight either. Everything I'm eating is fried and salty because that's what I'm craving. I have no idea what to do or where to go from here. I want to get back on track and be at least 10 pounds down before the first of the year, but with the way I'm going I don't see that happening. Only bright side is with everything that's been going on, I haven't gained weight, I'm at the same weight I was before.
if someone told you all the things in this post, and asked what to do, what would you tell them?0 -
Dont focus on losing 10 pounds it will only bring you further down if you down meet that goal. Your first goal should be to feel better. Sounds like you are eating poorly because of low self esteem and you don't think you deserve to feel better. So start by getting rid of the pop and fried foods. That will make you feel better and less tired just getting rid of those things. If all else fails - talk to your doctor about depression. Good luck - take it one step at a time. Try something today and take it a little farther tomorrow. It's amazing how quickly you can get back on the wagon once you start.0
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Motivation comes and goes. Motivation is nice but it will fade, determination and patience get us through the times we have no motivation.
Without getting into it, I've been a lot more stressed out lately than usual. This is usually my downfall. I react to stress in my life by comforting myself with food and by shutting down and just laying around all day. Every time I've tried to lose weight in the past, this is what has got me every time. And once I "screwed up" and had to "start over" I decided I just couldn't lose weight and would give up completely.
This time I have really tried to just keep my weight loss effort separate from the other situation. Eating bad food will not make the stress go away, losing weight will not help the other situation at all, but being fat wouldn't either. So I might as well keep trying. We can't always control what happens in our life, but we can control the choices we make every day about our diet and weight loss.
If you really want to be healthy, it's going to be for the rest of your life, and even when you're struggling it's going to be a part of your life. You can't let these obstacles take over this part of your life.
I'm still a super fatty, so I just want to say, I'm not trying to spout wisdom like I know everything, I know very little to be honest. But I do know how it feels to constantly beat the **** out of yourself for "failing" and "falling off the wagon". I'm trying to be a lot nicer to myself this time, and I think guilt tripping ourselves is something a lot of people do, and what is a trigger to give up for a lot of us. It makes me sad.
It seems as if my motivation comes and goes. I have been "off the wagon" for about 2 months now and I feel horrible. I blame some of the lack of motivation on the stress I've had in my life recently, but as a therapist I know the number one way to combat against stress is exercise and I still didn't do it. All I want to do is sleep and even when I wake up I'm tired and don't want to do anything. All I've had to drink is pop, can't even tell you the last time I had water to drink. I don't remember the last time I did anything to lose weight either. Everything I'm eating is fried and salty because that's what I'm craving. I have no idea what to do or where to go from here. I want to get back on track and be at least 10 pounds down before the first of the year, but with the way I'm going I don't see that happening. Only bright side is with everything that's been going on, I haven't gained weight, I'm at the same weight I was before.0 -
Motivation is a funny thing. Funnier still is being able to define the problem but hesitating towards the solution.
Just start. Whatever is is: logging, drinking more water, eliminating one fast food meal a day, whatever. Just keep asking yourself when you get hungry, "What can I do right now that will help get me where I want to be?"
One moment at a time.....you can do this!0 -
this process can be hard. there's a lot of falling off and hopping back on. don't think about this as weight loss, necessarily. you're eating fried foods and drinking soda--that's UNHEALTHY for your insides. clean up the insides and the outside will follow. start eating more veggies, drink water until you're floating. you still can enjoy foods you like, but in MODERATION. instead of making them the sole focus of your diet...
JUST.
DO.
IT.0 -
Boy, have I been there before. It's easy to talk about life-style change, persistence, and determination when you're in the rhythm of diet and exercise, or when you're feeling motivated. But when you're down and out and have the know-how but absolutely no inner drive to follow through...it's hard. Freakin' hard. Whenever I get like that I go into planning mode. I set a date for when I'm going to start trying again. I go shopping for healthy foods and plan meals. I set an exercise schedule. And then when that date comes I'm mentally prepared for it and I get back up...somehow the planning sparks that little bit of motviation. But everyone is different and that might not work for you; like other people have posted, maybe you just need to start small: skip a soda and drink a glass of water, get up and walk around during commercial breaks, have an apple instead of a cookie. Or maybe you're the kind of person who needs to set your mind on your end goal and all the things you'll be able to do and enjoy once you've lost the weight. Just keep trying different things until you find what works for you, no matter how many times you get off track. I've been on a "trial and error" weight loss journey for about 3 years. I'd try something, get discouraged or lose motivation, stop, then try again. Only recently have I started to discover eating and exercise habits that are right for me, that I can stick with.
Whatever you do, don't give up. Feel free to add me as a friend if you'd like some extra support. I keep a small group of friends and try to check up on each one daily (although this doesn't always happen on the weekends).0 -
Thank you for all the feedback. I really do love this website for this reason. When you're struggling there are always so many people to give you encouragement and positivity to keep you going.0
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I know I am a little late to the party but just to add some things:
I have always been a guy to use laughter in any situation, whether I was happy, sad, depressed or anything else in the emotional spectrum. this helped feed the cycle of me not worrying about my body and getting a bit out of control size wise.
I would go to the gym 5 days a week and still eat fast food 4 days and wonder why I wouldnt lose which then led me to eat more horrible food keep the cycle going.
Finally I decided I wanted to play basketball better (having played for the last 20 years in a 30+ old white guy league so you can tell i didnt have to be in too much shape) and i found this app/site through the HR dept at my new job.
once i decided to track everything from weights to calories and saw what horrible things i was putting into my body i knew i had to make a change.
I have always been the "husky" one in the family so thats all anyone has ever expected of me but this time i was determined to make a change.
april 25th i was 296. i am now at 247ish and i have accepted that some weeks i am not going to lose and may even gain. it is just my bodys way of fighting off the curve ball i have thrown it.
i also recognized the signs that would lead me to binge eating and hit them head on. Unfortunately these were put to the test in late september when my mother passed away suddenly. i dont think anyone would have batted an eye if i used that as an excuse to go gulp down a few double whoppers and some fries, but i had made such progress i knew that is all it would take to derail my determination.
i ended up losing 6 lbs over that three week period and if i can keep motivated after that i know there isnt anything that is going to stop me from reaching my goals.
you just have to ask yourself, are you a happy with the way you are.0 -
First, there's no wagon and there's no finish line. It's just daily choices. Some days are better than others.
In my humble opinion, having eaten a lot of garbage and also having eaten clean, the reason you are craving crappy foods is because that's what you've been eating. Switch to clean eating and if you want, add some other foods back in in small portions after you sort of get it out of your system. I'm not a doctor, but that's what has worked FOR ME. Ditto on the water. I still struggle with drinking water.
Also, just exercise for a month and see how you FEEL. Perhaps don't even look at the scale.
Why not just avoid looking at the scale for a whole month, eat clean, and exercise? Focus on how much better you FEEL and how much more you are able to do physically. Then worry about the scale. If you worry about the scale right away, you may never go far enough to realize some other health benefits. It seems like sometimes our motivation is so tied to the scale that we forget about other things like getting sick less often, lowered blood pressure and resting pulse, better sleep, reduced stress, ability to walk more and enjoy our daily activities, improved flexibility, etc.If the scale's not moving, we throw the baby out with the bathwater and forget all the important benefits of healthy living.0 -
First, there's no wagon and there's no finish line. It's just daily choices. Some days are better than others.
In my humble opinion, having eaten a lot of garbage and also having eaten clean, the reason you are craving crappy foods is because that's what you've been eating. Switch to clean eating and if you want, add some other foods back in in small portions after you sort of get it out of your system. I'm not a doctor, but that's what has worked FOR ME. Ditto on the water. I still struggle with drinking water.
Also, just exercise for a month and see how you FEEL. Perhaps don't even look at the scale.
Why not just avoid looking at the scale for a whole month, eat clean, and exercise? Focus on how much better you FEEL and how much more you are able to do physically. Then worry about the scale. If you worry about the scale right away, you may never go far enough to realize some other health benefits. It seems like sometimes our motivation is so tied to the scale that we forget about other things like getting sick less often, lowered blood pressure and resting pulse, better sleep, reduced stress, ability to walk more and enjoy our daily activities, improved flexibility, etc.If the scale's not moving, we throw the baby out with the bathwater and forget all the important benefits of healthy living.
There is a lot of truth to this statement. I remember how I felt when I was exercising 6 times per week. The energy I had, how happy I was, it was GREAT. The same with eating clean. It was unbelievable how good I felt and how less hungry I was throughout the day because I was eating nutrients and minerals that my body needed.
I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure, wanting to get back into it at this time of year, but I also don't want to be one of those people that makes a resolution at the beginning of the year either. I just have to find the happy medium between my baking and Christmas cookies/food and what I need to do to be healthy, even if that is just starting with increasing my water intake and exercising on a consistent basis, then tackle the food aspect later.0 -
"I remember how I felt when I was exercising 6 times per week. The energy I had, how happy I was, it was GREAT. The same with eating clean. It was unbelievable how good I felt and how less hungry I was throughout the day because I was eating nutrients and minerals that my body needed."
Your words above rang like a bell to me . . I had lost 51 pounds last year and have gained 40 pounds over the last 10 months. . I lost sight of my own self some where down the road. . .depression is sneaky and can make you feel like giving up and in to cravings, don't feel at loss. Just try each day to resight the above words you wrote about yourself
I am trying to get back to where I was last year, may be slow but I will get there! We all are here to help you along the roadway too!
Your worth all things to be happy! Your worth it! Happiness to you! . .. JM 0 -
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"I remember how I felt when I was exercising 6 times per week. The energy I had, how happy I was, it was GREAT. The same with eating clean. It was unbelievable how good I felt and how less hungry I was throughout the day because I was eating nutrients and minerals that my body needed." Your words above rang like a bell to me . . I had lost 51 pounds last year and have gained 40 pounds over the last 10 months. . I lost sight of my own self some where down the road. . .depression is sneaky and can make you feel like giving up and in to cravings, don't feel at loss. Just try each day to resight the above words you wrote about yourself
I am trying to get back to where I was last year, may be slow but I will get there! We all are here to help you along the roadway too!
Your worth all things to be happy! Your worth it! Happiness to you! . .. JM
I tell my clients all the time that depression and stress fight dirty within your body. It tackles and beats up the heart and core of who you are, takes no prisoners. I tell them to always stay motivated, keep an eye on your goal and to fight back just as dirty by exercising, eating well, sleeping well and doing something to take care of yourself each day. NOW, if I could take my own advice, we'd be getting somewhere! :laugh:0 -
"Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going" Jim Ryum.0
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everyone giving advice is all well and good, but im in the same place with a feeling of nowhere to go. its beginning to feel like every other year and i'll start again in January! Sounding familiar. Its my last night at work for a week tonight and tomorrow is my start day. I'm getting on those scales, assessing the damage and am going to start and fix it. Want to join me?0
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omg quit starting and finish something0
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Hi! I know what you are going through. I had also gone through loss of motivation over the past two months, and mine was because of stress too. School stress was too much and I was drinking soda, stopped logging and stopped exercising. Last week I felt so fat and horrible, and I just told myself ok that's it!! I spent 2 days drinking plenty of water and tried my best to stay away from crappy food, and made sure I was going to bed early so I got enough sleep, and after a couple days, I was ready to start logging my food again and exercising! You CAN get your motivation back, I say put the soda down and pick up a water bottle to start! However you do it, I wish you well. You can do it!0
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"I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure, wanting to get back into it at this time of year, but I also don't want to be one of those people that makes a resolution at the beginning of the year either."
I totally relate to this...
Three months ago I started back getting "serious" about all this. One month ago I stopped caring. Two weeks ago I recommitted.
I'm also a social worker/therapist... isn't it both cool and annoying how we, at least in theory, know how to fix ourselves?!?
One of the things that I find helpful is to decide what I am going to feel better for having done at the end of the day. Sometimes the answer is no refined sugar. Sometimes its going for a walk... EVEN if I don't feel like it.
There's also the "5 minute" trick... If I don't feel like doing something, I will commit to doing it for a minimum of 5 minutes. If I am thoroughly hating it still at the end of 5 minutes, I will stop and keep my promise to myself.
I also have been getting a lot of mileage in general out of the concept of behavioral activation... which is kind of, as far as I can tell, a fancy behavioral therapy term for "fake it til you make it"... or "do it anyway and your mood/motivation will follow".
"NOW, if I could take my own advice, we'd be getting somewhere! "
Damn! Right?!?
Do you know how to do motivational interviewing? Have you ever done it on yourself?
Sending you lots of support!0 -
I agree that if you commit to logging every day then what you need will follow. There is something about writing it down that helps you to move on. If you are currently maintaining your weight then it's not a big change to move to losing. Logging will help you in so many ways, especially if you share your diary. There is a whole community here to support you to get where you want to be.0
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Hi!! I wanted to tell you that you are an awesome person and stop beating yourself up. That causes stress, which causes thoughts of eating, which generally causes us to eat, which causes stress. See the sick cycle here?
I just wanted to share with you a little about me. I suffered two big events in my life this year and the first one in January (infidelity from my husband) didn't push me off track. I Wasn't about to let that *kitten* not only cheat on me but let me beat myself into fatness. The second incident (mind you, not knowing the whole story, we did go through extensive counseling etc and have a better marriage) was a miscarriage. The miscarriage is what did it. I ate until I literally vomited. I hadn't had any soda (maybe the occasional glass of diet at a restaurant) and I went to the movies, ate a whole large bucket of popcorn and a 44oz soda and was SICK AS HELL but I kept doing it. It only took 2 weeks for me to gain 12lbs. I woke up one morning, crying on the scale, and realized I am not a victim to my life, I am a victim to myself. I was the abuser to my own sadness. I decided to put up a huge hot pink poster board. On one side was a list of goals from that point to the end of march 2013. The other side was a line graph set up. I put a big dot on my starting date of 266 lbs.
It wasn't easy, but I had a realization that I can't control my life. Bottom line. I will have to push bills back, Will have to deal with the actions of other people, will have to deal with *kitten* that I don't want to happen, But dammit I can control myself. My body is MY temple and I decide what goes in, what happens to it. The whole world can crash down around me but I can control me. I can hold myself and mentally know that the world can go to hell but I am ok.
You are strong. You are worth everything you want in life. You can do this.0 -
If you keep stopping and starting, and lose weight to gain it all back, you're doing it wrong. You need to make a lifestyle change, not go on a diet. The only one stopping you is YOU. Just do it!! :flowerforyou:0
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Try to achieve a few small victories, baby steps if you will.
Write down the top five "bad foods" or types of bad food that you eat regularly. After that, determine alternatives that are still tasty but not AS BAD. While the altneratives might not be the best, you are still improving.
Also log how many cans or bottles of pop that you drink. Maybe you can cut back gradually.
It's a lot easier said than done and stress does not help. Is it possible that you are drained from helping others?0 -
It seems as if my motivation comes and goes. I have been "off the wagon" for about 2 months now and I feel horrible. I blame some of the lack of motivation on the stress I've had in my life recently, but as a therapist I know the number one way to combat against stress is exercise and I still didn't do it. All I want to do is sleep and even when I wake up I'm tired and don't want to do anything. All I've had to drink is pop, can't even tell you the last time I had water to drink. I don't remember the last time I did anything to lose weight either. Everything I'm eating is fried and salty because that's what I'm craving. I have no idea what to do or where to go from here. I want to get back on track and be at least 10 pounds down before the first of the year, but with the way I'm going I don't see that happening. Only bright side is with everything that's been going on, I haven't gained weight, I'm at the same weight I was before.
You are a therapist. So am I. (ETA: Was. I stay home with the kids now...) I have been where you are. You have to look yourself in the mirror and talk to yourself as if you would talk to a client headed down the same path. I, being firmly rooted in reality therapy, told myself that I had better start looking good and hard at the consequences I was creating for myself and my family by not taking care of myself. Stop making excuses that is' so HARD and I just CAAAN'T and get my *kitten* off the couch and get moving. I don't care if it's 30 minutes or an hour. Just do it.
I was hating life for the first 2 months. It was hard work convincing myself that I LOVED getting up in the morning to exercise before everyone woke up. Truth be told, I HATED IT. I hated every flipping second of it, but I did it. Guess what? I grew to LOVE it. The days that I don't exercise, I am grouchy and sad. It will come. You just have to be stronger for yourself. Get out of that cycle. Make the first step TODAY. You've got this. YOU CAN.0 -
How are you doing today?0
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I know you already know this but:
Exercise will give you energy and help you sleep better.
Keep telling yourself that. Get up and make yourself go through the motions and get to the gym. Once you get in the habit you will feel amazing and sleep better and feel so much more rested. Trust in the science and stop letting your brain tell you that you can't do it. We are too good at convincing ourselves why we shouldn't do something that we really should be doing. Turn your brain off and get in the habit.0 -
baby steps...
start buy just cutting down the soda... from 3 a day to one a day or only drink after drinking so much water...
I literally only ate fast food and didn't work out at all
I was so tired, I'd sleep all day, work 4 hours, and go back to bed...
but now that I'm working out, and eating better
I have ennneerrggyyy
and better mental health.
You CAN do it,
go as slow as you need to. 0 -
Try focusing on one thing at a time. Instead of depriving yourself of everything you are craving cut out fried foods or pop first. When you have success and start feeling better about yourself then cut out one or two things more. Focus on exercising for small amounts of time or three out of seven days and then build up your time and frequency. You have to remember that it takes 30 days to make or break a habit. Give yourself some positives and follow your own advice. You can do it!0
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