Still the fat girl..

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2

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  • RekindledRose
    RekindledRose Posts: 523 Member
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    Maybe he's embarrassed of his coworkers.

    You should sit down and talk with him about your insecurities and why you're concerned. If you let him know that it's very important to you, I would expect him to listen and take you seriously.

    This might be it. Truly, how does he treat you at home, when it's just you two? Is he considerate? Does he act like he loves you, are does he take you for granted. I've found that a person's intuition is usually right, but maybe if you keep focusing on your health and being fit/lovely for yourself, he'll start responding in a way that is positive.

    Talking to him is good too. Don't beat around the bush; come out and just ask what you asked us here, or maybe even print out your original post and give it to him.

    Good luck. Your progress is admirable, and you're beautiful!
  • BlackStarDeceiver
    BlackStarDeceiver Posts: 590 Member
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    You are not a fat girl! Don't let yourself think that. Anyone who calls you fat or makes you feel that way deserves to be castrated! Am I right, ladies?! :drinker:

    Would you castrate me for calling you PHAT?
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    You are not a fat girl! Don't let yourself think that. Anyone who calls you fat or makes you feel that way deserves to be castrated! Am I right, ladies?! :drinker:

    Would you castrate me for calling you PHAT?

    Ladies, ATTACK!
  • chunkydunk714
    chunkydunk714 Posts: 784 Member
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    A. You're not a fat girl. You hear me? You're you and you have accomplished so much you should be proud of. You're an inspiration to anyone looking to lose weight. So stop putting yourself down and be proud of what you've done.

    2. Ok none of that sounds good. You need to have an open and honest talk with the man. Best of luck.

    This is my favorite! :)

    p.s. To the OP, you look amazing mama...and I hope whatever is going on isnt what you think it is...its the worst feeling in the world to feel your significant other isnt attracted to you or is ashamed of you..breaks my heart you feel that way :(

    Take care!
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    Maybe he's embarrassed of his coworkers.

    You should sit down and talk with him about your insecurities and why you're concerned. If you let him know that it's very important to you, I would expect him to listen and take you seriously.

    This ^^
  • twinketta
    twinketta Posts: 2,130 Member
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    Maybe he's embarrassed of his coworkers.

    You should sit down and talk with him about your insecurities and why you're concerned. If you let him know that it's very important to you, I would expect him to listen and take you seriously.

    This ^^

    I second this!!

    If you don`t ask you won`t know...sometimes the worrying far outweighs the reply.

    I am sure you will work it out between you if you just have a good talk x
  • tbisca1
    tbisca1 Posts: 142
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    You are a beautiful girl (before & after). You know your husband better than any advise we can give you. I would try and talk to him about it. But honestly I think there is an issue in his work place. Looking at your before & now pic I couldn't imagine why he wouldn't want to show you off! And if they have never seen you then there would be no reason for him to be ashamed. As a matter of fact he should have taken you up there 60lbs ago so he could really show off the great job you have done! Stay positive and DO NOT get discouraged because you have come too far to let anything get you down!
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
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    You are not a fat girl! Don't let yourself think that. Anyone who calls you fat or makes you feel that way deserves to be castrated! Am I right, ladies?! :drinker:

    Would you castrate me for calling you PHAT?

    Ladies, ATTACK!

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    But on a serious note...OP, it breaks my heart when I see such a beautiful young woman with such low self esteem. You should just ask him why. If you can, try being direct but not accusatory. I'm sure you'll find out that it's not about you. Good luck and take care, sweetie. You are doing wonderfully on your weight loss. :flowerforyou:
  • SPNLuver83
    SPNLuver83 Posts: 2,050 Member
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    I'm sorry, but wtf. Your husband should not be treating you like this. Sure, maybe he wishes you were thinner, but love is suppose to triumph anything physical, and not act in this way. It really pisses me off.....

    The motivation to getting healthy has to come from WITHIN. Not from some external source (like so your husband will stop being a douche). Do it for YOU. so YOU can feel great and happy and confident, and not feel the need to put up with this *kitten*.
  • Yaya1976
    Yaya1976 Posts: 357 Member
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    I just checked out your profile. You have a beautiful face and your figure is curvy and very cute. I'm 37 years old and my advise to you, as someone older is to ask your husband. Communication is key in any and all relationships.
  • dancinnat
    dancinnat Posts: 25
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    Thank you everyone for the overwhelming responses! Honestly, I really didn't think anyone would respond, much less with such great insight and support!

    First let me say that I did do this for me. Deciding to get healthy, eat right, and exercise had very little to do with him. Mostly it was about how I felt about myself and how I want my daughter to feel about me and living life in general.

    I'm all about open communication in a relationship, almost to a fault. So believe me, I'd love nothing more than to just come out and ask him whats up. But what do I expect him to say? Even if my suspicions are true, is he really going to come out and say that? I highly doubt it...and would I be ready to hear him admit that he is ashamed of me, if that is the case? And if I am wrong, I feel like it will make me look weak, insecure, or needy.
  • axialmeow
    axialmeow Posts: 382 Member
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    I would just not park far away from the building anymore. If he has a problem with it then he doesnt want lunch bad enough. But anyway, you need to do this for yourself. Not for him and his coworkers.
  • jamiem1102
    jamiem1102 Posts: 1,196 Member
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    It's like another poster wrote: you need to grow some thicker skin. If you think your husband's ashamed of you, just ask him. Why does it have to make you look weak and insecure? I'm pretty sure it'll make you look stronger to confront the situation with confidence, than being upset behind closed doors.

    Also, if he IS ashamed of you, then you have bigger fish to fry, right? I mean, that is something that you need to figure out sooner rather than later. I'm not going to tell you you're not fat or that you're beautiful, because it doesn't matter what I say. You need to figure that out on your own, BUT regardless of what you look like, you should be with someone who not only loves you for you, but makes sure YOU know that he loves you and is proud of you.

    However, my second point is invalid if you talk to him and find out that he doesn't want you near his office because he just doesn't want to hear his co-workers talking about you like a piece of meat.

    Good luck!
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    Thank you everyone for the overwhelming responses! Honestly, I really didn't think anyone would respond, much less with such great insight and support!

    First let me say that I did do this for me. Deciding to get healthy, eat right, and exercise had very little to do with him. Mostly it was about how I felt about myself and how I want my daughter to feel about me and living life in general.

    I'm all about open communication in a relationship, almost to a fault. So believe me, I'd love nothing more than to just come out and ask him whats up. But what do I expect him to say? Even if my suspicions are true, is he really going to come out and say that? I highly doubt it...and would I be ready to hear him admit that he is ashamed of me, if that is the case? And if I am wrong, I feel like it will make me look weak, insecure, or needy.

    He makes you park far away and honestly, I'd be wondering why. Sure I'd wonder if I was being insecure, but at the same time...does it logically make sense? I say just approach him calmly and mention it to him and ask him why. You two are married and it would be better to clear the air instead of letting it fester and build :)
  • Rebirth08
    Rebirth08 Posts: 174 Member
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    I looked at your pics and you look incredible!! Congratulations on your success so far!

    As for the husband telling you to park far away, not to bring in cookies, etc. honestly I would think the same thing as you. But I would also ask him about it. Communication is really important, because it really could be HIS insecurities (like other people said). There's no reason to feel crappy about yourself when you're assuming the wrong thing, you know? Just ask him about it and tell him to be honest.

    I agree with this. And the other lady who said that only you know what is going on with you and your personal experiences. But you have to ask your husband what is up. Don't assume. And hoping that he will tell you the truth, then you can work on whatever voids there have been.
  • ChristineDiet
    ChristineDiet Posts: 719 Member
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    You are beautiful and you need to learn to be confident about yourself (I'm still working on it) - it's hard. Especially when you have a partner who puts you down for 13 years because of his insecurities (that's me!) You need to talk to your partner about how you are feeling and how when he asks you to park at the far end of his work, how it makes you feel. Maybe he just doesn't even think that it matters. Maybe he thinks it's less hassle for you and your daughter. It could be something so simple but you need to tell him and discuss how it makes you feel and also work on your confidence.

    Well done on the amazing weight loss - you are half the size - amazing!!!

    x
  • Jessie544
    Jessie544 Posts: 127 Member
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    I looked at your pics on your profile, and if my husband worked with your husband I wouldn't want him ogling you, lol... that's what he would be doing!! You're absolutely beautiful! I remember going through a phase when my self esteem was very low, and I was constantly under the suspicion that my husband was cheating. There was no evidence to suspect anything, yet my mind was playing tricks on me.

    There could be a million explanations for him choosing to do that. Like it's been said before, just ask him.

    I really do feel for you, I have been there before. I hope that someday you can look at yourself and realize what a prize you are for your husband. You're a gorgeous woman :)
  • Rebirth08
    Rebirth08 Posts: 174 Member
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    I'm all about open communication in a relationship, almost to a fault. So believe me, I'd love nothing more than to just come out and ask him whats up. But what do I expect him to say? Even if my suspicions are true, is he really going to come out and say that? I highly doubt it...and would I be ready to hear him admit that he is ashamed of me, if that is the case? And if I am wrong, I feel like it will make me look weak, insecure, or needy.

    I see where you are coming from. And ya know, he couild be so darn insecure within himself and he knows his co-workers run their mouths, that he doesn't want to have to become vulnerable. But only he knows.

    As far you, i don't know, keep going...find some confidence. Because whether he is insecure or ashamed, you have got to find a way to be okay with you. I don't know that way, for me, it is knowing that God made me beautiful and if I am doing all that I can to take care of myself, I have to be ok with that.

    Congrats on your weight loss. You have done well.
  • 77tes
    77tes Posts: 7,890 Member
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    You look great. Maybe your husband's coworkers are the types who say wildly inappropriate things, and he knows them making such comments about you would lead to major friction. I had a friend who said that was why he never let his fiance visit him at college. He was afraid he would have to punch a few people and get into trouble.
  • cjsacto
    cjsacto Posts: 1,421 Member
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    Maybe he isn't popular at work, he is struggling to fit in or be successful there, or his co-workers are the type to give him a hard time about every little thing.

    I have to ask - how often do you drop by? In most workplaces, husbands/wives/friends/family drop by pretty infrequently/rarely. If you are going there all the time it may make him uncomfortable and have nothing to do with the way you look. There's a whole other social thing going on at work. He couldn't have known another wife was going to bring in cookies, he might have thought it wouldn't be OK to interrupt the workday by having you come in with them if he is new there.

    Or he could be a ****.

    I absolutely sympathize with you about feeling this way. My boyfriend has issues with my weight and we have talked about it. It doesn't make me feel good, and he is *trying* to be supportive but I know he would find me more attractive if I were thinner. He has actually said he "likes me for my personality," which stings even though he means it to be positive, and he is very rarely complimentary about my appearance. I always accuse him of not wanting to take photos with both of us in them, or not posting photos that include me on his Facebook page and he is usually mystified. I am trying to be less insecure and he is trying to be more accepting. We are not perfect people.

    Edit to add: I looked at your before/after and you do look great! I know you want to lose more (I am also in the high 180s), but you look like a completely average sized person. No one would glance at you and think you are the fat girl. Even if you were still heavier, I doubt everyone in his office and all their spouses are supermodels, there has to be something else going on.

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