Still the fat girl..

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Replies

  • dancinnat
    dancinnat Posts: 25
    Thank you everyone for the overwhelming responses! Honestly, I really didn't think anyone would respond, much less with such great insight and support!

    First let me say that I did do this for me. Deciding to get healthy, eat right, and exercise had very little to do with him. Mostly it was about how I felt about myself and how I want my daughter to feel about me and living life in general.

    I'm all about open communication in a relationship, almost to a fault. So believe me, I'd love nothing more than to just come out and ask him whats up. But what do I expect him to say? Even if my suspicions are true, is he really going to come out and say that? I highly doubt it...and would I be ready to hear him admit that he is ashamed of me, if that is the case? And if I am wrong, I feel like it will make me look weak, insecure, or needy.
  • axialmeow
    axialmeow Posts: 382 Member
    I would just not park far away from the building anymore. If he has a problem with it then he doesnt want lunch bad enough. But anyway, you need to do this for yourself. Not for him and his coworkers.
  • jamiem1102
    jamiem1102 Posts: 1,196 Member
    It's like another poster wrote: you need to grow some thicker skin. If you think your husband's ashamed of you, just ask him. Why does it have to make you look weak and insecure? I'm pretty sure it'll make you look stronger to confront the situation with confidence, than being upset behind closed doors.

    Also, if he IS ashamed of you, then you have bigger fish to fry, right? I mean, that is something that you need to figure out sooner rather than later. I'm not going to tell you you're not fat or that you're beautiful, because it doesn't matter what I say. You need to figure that out on your own, BUT regardless of what you look like, you should be with someone who not only loves you for you, but makes sure YOU know that he loves you and is proud of you.

    However, my second point is invalid if you talk to him and find out that he doesn't want you near his office because he just doesn't want to hear his co-workers talking about you like a piece of meat.

    Good luck!
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    Thank you everyone for the overwhelming responses! Honestly, I really didn't think anyone would respond, much less with such great insight and support!

    First let me say that I did do this for me. Deciding to get healthy, eat right, and exercise had very little to do with him. Mostly it was about how I felt about myself and how I want my daughter to feel about me and living life in general.

    I'm all about open communication in a relationship, almost to a fault. So believe me, I'd love nothing more than to just come out and ask him whats up. But what do I expect him to say? Even if my suspicions are true, is he really going to come out and say that? I highly doubt it...and would I be ready to hear him admit that he is ashamed of me, if that is the case? And if I am wrong, I feel like it will make me look weak, insecure, or needy.

    He makes you park far away and honestly, I'd be wondering why. Sure I'd wonder if I was being insecure, but at the same time...does it logically make sense? I say just approach him calmly and mention it to him and ask him why. You two are married and it would be better to clear the air instead of letting it fester and build :)
  • Rebirth08
    Rebirth08 Posts: 174 Member
    I looked at your pics and you look incredible!! Congratulations on your success so far!

    As for the husband telling you to park far away, not to bring in cookies, etc. honestly I would think the same thing as you. But I would also ask him about it. Communication is really important, because it really could be HIS insecurities (like other people said). There's no reason to feel crappy about yourself when you're assuming the wrong thing, you know? Just ask him about it and tell him to be honest.

    I agree with this. And the other lady who said that only you know what is going on with you and your personal experiences. But you have to ask your husband what is up. Don't assume. And hoping that he will tell you the truth, then you can work on whatever voids there have been.
  • ChristineDiet
    ChristineDiet Posts: 719 Member
    You are beautiful and you need to learn to be confident about yourself (I'm still working on it) - it's hard. Especially when you have a partner who puts you down for 13 years because of his insecurities (that's me!) You need to talk to your partner about how you are feeling and how when he asks you to park at the far end of his work, how it makes you feel. Maybe he just doesn't even think that it matters. Maybe he thinks it's less hassle for you and your daughter. It could be something so simple but you need to tell him and discuss how it makes you feel and also work on your confidence.

    Well done on the amazing weight loss - you are half the size - amazing!!!

    x
  • Jessie544
    Jessie544 Posts: 127 Member
    I looked at your pics on your profile, and if my husband worked with your husband I wouldn't want him ogling you, lol... that's what he would be doing!! You're absolutely beautiful! I remember going through a phase when my self esteem was very low, and I was constantly under the suspicion that my husband was cheating. There was no evidence to suspect anything, yet my mind was playing tricks on me.

    There could be a million explanations for him choosing to do that. Like it's been said before, just ask him.

    I really do feel for you, I have been there before. I hope that someday you can look at yourself and realize what a prize you are for your husband. You're a gorgeous woman :)
  • Rebirth08
    Rebirth08 Posts: 174 Member
    I'm all about open communication in a relationship, almost to a fault. So believe me, I'd love nothing more than to just come out and ask him whats up. But what do I expect him to say? Even if my suspicions are true, is he really going to come out and say that? I highly doubt it...and would I be ready to hear him admit that he is ashamed of me, if that is the case? And if I am wrong, I feel like it will make me look weak, insecure, or needy.

    I see where you are coming from. And ya know, he couild be so darn insecure within himself and he knows his co-workers run their mouths, that he doesn't want to have to become vulnerable. But only he knows.

    As far you, i don't know, keep going...find some confidence. Because whether he is insecure or ashamed, you have got to find a way to be okay with you. I don't know that way, for me, it is knowing that God made me beautiful and if I am doing all that I can to take care of myself, I have to be ok with that.

    Congrats on your weight loss. You have done well.
  • 77tes
    77tes Posts: 8,571 Member
    You look great. Maybe your husband's coworkers are the types who say wildly inappropriate things, and he knows them making such comments about you would lead to major friction. I had a friend who said that was why he never let his fiance visit him at college. He was afraid he would have to punch a few people and get into trouble.
  • cjsacto
    cjsacto Posts: 1,421 Member
    Maybe he isn't popular at work, he is struggling to fit in or be successful there, or his co-workers are the type to give him a hard time about every little thing.

    I have to ask - how often do you drop by? In most workplaces, husbands/wives/friends/family drop by pretty infrequently/rarely. If you are going there all the time it may make him uncomfortable and have nothing to do with the way you look. There's a whole other social thing going on at work. He couldn't have known another wife was going to bring in cookies, he might have thought it wouldn't be OK to interrupt the workday by having you come in with them if he is new there.

    Or he could be a ****.

    I absolutely sympathize with you about feeling this way. My boyfriend has issues with my weight and we have talked about it. It doesn't make me feel good, and he is *trying* to be supportive but I know he would find me more attractive if I were thinner. He has actually said he "likes me for my personality," which stings even though he means it to be positive, and he is very rarely complimentary about my appearance. I always accuse him of not wanting to take photos with both of us in them, or not posting photos that include me on his Facebook page and he is usually mystified. I am trying to be less insecure and he is trying to be more accepting. We are not perfect people.

    Edit to add: I looked at your before/after and you do look great! I know you want to lose more (I am also in the high 180s), but you look like a completely average sized person. No one would glance at you and think you are the fat girl. Even if you were still heavier, I doubt everyone in his office and all their spouses are supermodels, there has to be something else going on.
  • cboutin89
    cboutin89 Posts: 79 Member
    So I don't post a lot, but today I am in particular need of advice/support.

    I started at 257lbs in May and have managed to lose 60lbs. I got down to 197lbs by September. I know I still have a ways to go. I had some health problems in October/November that prevented me from working out so I have since been at a stand still. I am mostly recovered now, but finding it extremely hard to get back into my routine and diet plans with as much ferocity as I started with. I've stayed right around the lower 190's with my lowest weight reaching 189lbs. I'm feeling like since all of this weight loss stuff has happened in my life, that I am having trouble with my self esteem. You would think that losing the weight would help you feel better about yourself. And I do, it's just that I have lost a good amount of weight and I still feel like the fat girl.

    I get the feeling my husband is ashamed of me. This could be from my own insecurities, or there really could be something to this. He changed jobs in July and works mostly with a bunch of other men. I go to his job to visit him often with the baby or to bring him lunch. He always requests that I park far away from the building and I wait in the car for him. I have not met any of his co workers, even though they repeatedly invite us out. The owners of the company he works for had a Christmas party, we did not go. With it being Christmas, I made a lot of homemade Christmas cookies and wanted to bring some into his job for everyone, but he said no. Today he calls me from work and his friend's wife is there, handing out Christmas cookies she made. As typical men, any time any of the other wives come into the shop the guys all talk about them and how good/bad they look and stuff. I guess it's hard not to think that the reason he hasn't wanted me up there is because he's ashamed of the way I look and is probably worried what the other guys would say or think.

    While this type of scenario would normally motivate the hell out of me to get back at it, and become happy with the way I look so that stuff like this wouldn't even cross my mind. But I feel defeated. I feel like all the hard work I did still didn't get me to where I need to be. I feel like he must think I am disgusting. I feel so ashamed that my own husband doesn't want anyone to see me. This does not make me want to work out more, it makes me never want to leave the house again.

    Hey there,
    I read about your problem. Before I start giving you advice I would like to say you look amazing. You have made tremendous progress in your weight loss. I think like the others said you are probably over thinking it. I would suggest you talk to him about his actions towards you. I think he may feel like his coworkers may say inappropriate things towards you, and that he will have to react. I feel your husband should be proud and happy to show you off anyway. Regardless of the matter you are his, and he is yours. He should defend that. Remember why you started to lose weight in the first place. You did it for yourself mainly, not him. You have alot of people here supporting you on this, including me. Don't let his actions discourage your progress. Show him whose boss lol.

    P.S. Stop calling yourself Fat Girl its not attractive:p
  • cboutin89
    cboutin89 Posts: 79 Member
    Thank you everyone for the overwhelming responses! Honestly, I really didn't think anyone would respond, much less with such great insight and support!

    First let me say that I did do this for me. Deciding to get healthy, eat right, and exercise had very little to do with him. Mostly it was about how I felt about myself and how I want my daughter to feel about me and living life in general.

    I'm all about open communication in a relationship, almost to a fault. So believe me, I'd love nothing more than to just come out and ask him whats up. But what do I expect him to say? Even if my suspicions are true, is he really going to come out and say that? I highly doubt it...and would I be ready to hear him admit that he is ashamed of me, if that is the case? And if I am wrong, I feel like it will make me look weak, insecure, or needy.

    Hey beautiful girl,
    I am glad you did this for you. Do not think your confrontation will make you look weak or insecure. It will surprisingly make you look and feel stronger. One thing I know with interacting with people is that is communication there is latent and manifest messages. Whether or not your husband will say how he actually feels you will get answers. It is what he does not say that will you pick up on. Sometimes in life the answers to the questions that we ask will not be the answers that we want to hear. Take it as a learning experience, and that will make your stronger. If what he says is hurtful, you still have yourself and your daughter at the end of the day.
  • xgg2rs
    xgg2rs Posts: 128 Member
    What you have done already is an amazing acomplishment. If my spouse acomplished what you did, I would be bragging to anyone that would listen. Does he tell you how proud he is of you and your acomplishments?

    If he isn't proud of you, you deserve better imo.

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