Bisexuality
missimperfect
Posts: 66 Member
in Chit-Chat
I'm bisexual..
It's something that I have struggled with accepting for years. I'm 20 years old now and I grew up in a very religious family. I know they won't understand. So even though I finally admitted it to myself five months ago, I haven't been able to tell anybody else. A couple really close friends know, but they haven't said anything and I trust them with with my life. But those are the only people I can tell. Right now it's dying to come out.
I guess I don't really know how to deal with it. I would love to be able to date women. But..I know that right now, until I can get away from home, it's not a possibility.
My family is really close minded. We have some family members (distant) who are bisexual and gay and they just refuse to understand it or don't get it period. Most of my family members just pretend it doesn't happen. My great aunt is gay and has been with her partner for over 25 years..and to this day they just say that they are friends or roommates. I'm sure it has to hurt them...
I'm afraid that if someone finds out, no one is going to love me anymore.
I don't even know where I'm going with this... Does anyone have any advice?
It's something that I have struggled with accepting for years. I'm 20 years old now and I grew up in a very religious family. I know they won't understand. So even though I finally admitted it to myself five months ago, I haven't been able to tell anybody else. A couple really close friends know, but they haven't said anything and I trust them with with my life. But those are the only people I can tell. Right now it's dying to come out.
I guess I don't really know how to deal with it. I would love to be able to date women. But..I know that right now, until I can get away from home, it's not a possibility.
My family is really close minded. We have some family members (distant) who are bisexual and gay and they just refuse to understand it or don't get it period. Most of my family members just pretend it doesn't happen. My great aunt is gay and has been with her partner for over 25 years..and to this day they just say that they are friends or roommates. I'm sure it has to hurt them...
I'm afraid that if someone finds out, no one is going to love me anymore.
I don't even know where I'm going with this... Does anyone have any advice?
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Replies
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Don't tell them until you are living on your own, stable, have a good job and can take care of yourself. If you are living in their house, keep it to yourself. It could get bad for you. That's how I would approach it.0
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The truth is that your sexuality is no one else's business. The practicality of dating another woman and bringing her home to meet the family is trickier and I understand that. While my parents know in abstract theory that I've dated women, I do not bring it up with them. I also do not live near them, so that is easier and may not be an option for you.
You are not alone. Lots of us struggle with this. I am 31 and have only begun to be comfortable in my own bisexuality for five or six years now. It gets better. It gets easier. As you learn to accept that part of you, you also learn to love yourself. It's a work in progress, but that is okay.0 -
Instead of hiding it you could try the extreme opposite. Profess you are bi, own it. If others can't except it, who gives a *kitten*! The worse they can do is kill you.0
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Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing0
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The worse they can do is kill you.
Unfortunately it actullay happens in the U.S. far too many times.
OP, it's no one's business but your own what your sexuality is. You need to do what feels right for you, and if it's keeping it to yourself or letting the world know, only you can decide that.0 -
Im glad you have accepted and are dealing with it for you. As for the family...talk to your aunt. Perhaps she has some ideas for you or at least gives you an outlet to talk about it. There are plenty of support groups online that can help too. Seek them out. You can still date but be clear about your family situation from the start. I would say for the most part people are understanding.
I wish you luck.
~mindy (also bisexual)0 -
Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing
Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?0 -
Heterosexual people dont go around confessing they are heterosexual. If you're living at home and dependent on them for support then just keep the bisexuality to yourself until you're financially independent. Girls go out with girlfriends all the time. No need to announce what the motivations are.0
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When I came out to my family my mom's response was What you do in your own time with whoever doesn't affect me when I wake or sleep at nite. It's a part of you and I have loved you from the day you were born and will always love you for you. I have been very lucky to have extremely supportive friends and family, but I understand it's scary and at times can be lonely. I would say before you decide to tell anyone be 100% with who you are. There gonna aske questions and why's just be prepared and confident. Deep breaths and when your ready do it.
Good luck!0 -
I'm sorry that your family is so narrow-minded. More and more people are celebrating the rights of gays and bisexuals, so in theory it should be easier than it was, say, 20-years ago. (Not that that will help you!)
When you throw religion into the mix, it just gets ugly. Some churches, such as Unitarian Universalists, welcome and support gay rights. If you have a UU church near you, you might want to go and meet some like-minded people! I believe the Episcopalian church is also starting to accept gays-- but I'm not sure about this. Other churches, such as the Mormon church--- well, fuggedaboudit. They love you but expect you to change to meet them.
Hang in there, I wish I could say something more positive. Positively, most people won't give a hoot about your sexuality. Men, almost universally are heavily attracted to bisexuals. Your bedroom is your business and nobody else's. And trust me, there will probably be people who don't love you for being you, but there will be many, many people who will. :flowerforyou:0 -
Heterosexual people dont go around confessing they are heterosexual.
Yes they do. Everytime I had a girlfriend, I let all my friends know. It is never a secret... unless you're embarassed.. haha..0 -
Yes, do what feels comfortable to you, And if that means not telling everyone right now, then don't. You don't have to do anything until you are ready, it's not any one else's business but your own anyway. I understand, i have been in your situation since i was 17 and I'm 31 now (so, 14 years). I struggled A LOT in the beginning, thinking it would go away, but that just made it worse. I'm a lot more accepting and open with it now, but Its not something i run around shouting from the rooftops because frankly, it's no ones business. I never straight out told my parents, but i have a sneaking suspicion they know anyway. Best of luck to you. It does get easier. :flowerforyou:0
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Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?
I believe you are making the erroneous assumption that bisexual people want to sleep with multiple people at the same time. This is hardly the case. When I have dated women, I have dated that one woman. When I have dated men, I have dated that one man. And even further, when I was dating multiple people at once, the drive was not because I wanted sex from as many different people as possible.
I am not gay. I like men way too much. I am not straight. I like women way too much. Not everyone falls squarely in the "yes/no" "black/white" "cat person/dog person" "gay/straight" category and you'd do well to readjust your attitudes that everyone should0 -
Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?
I believe you are making the erroneous assumption that bisexual people want to sleep with multiple people at the same time. This is hardly the case. When I have dated women, I have dated that one woman. When I have dated men, I have dated that one man. And even further, when I was dating multiple people at once, the drive was not because I wanted sex from as many different people as possible.
I am not gay. I like men way too much. I am not straight. I like women way too much. Not everyone falls squarely in the "yes/no" "black/white" "cat person/dog person" "gay/straight" category and you'd do well to readjust your attitudes that everyone should
No no, the multiple people was more of a "more than one person over a period of time", just like you didnt marry the first person you dated. And yes I shouldn't have used 'sleep', rather than 'date', my mistake :drinker:0 -
Have you tried being with women? Sometimes we think we like something until we have it..
If you have and you are sure that you are bi..you dont have to tell them, at least for now.0 -
I would wait until you were out making a living in your own home.
That said, love is love.
If 20 years from now either of my children confessed the same thing, I'd feel no different for them whatsoever. Just as long as they were protecting their hearts from hurt and their bodies from STD's.
All any parent really wants is for their child to be happy, I think a lot of parents biggest worries is the stigmas a child will have to carry with a more "alternative" lifestyle.0 -
Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?
I believe you are making the erroneous assumption that bisexual people want to sleep with multiple people at the same time. This is hardly the case. When I have dated women, I have dated that one woman. When I have dated men, I have dated that one man. And even further, when I was dating multiple people at once, the drive was not because I wanted sex from as many different people as possible.
I am not gay. I like men way too much. I am not straight. I like women way too much. Not everyone falls squarely in the "yes/no" "black/white" "cat person/dog person" "gay/straight" category and you'd do well to readjust your attitudes that everyone should
No no, the multiple people was more of a "more than one person over a period of time", just like you didnt marry the first person you dated. And yes I shouldn't have used 'sleep', rather than 'date', my mistake :drinker:
and this is why reading something is bad... it is ALWAYS taken out of context... not everyone thinks the same...0 -
Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?
I believe you are making the erroneous assumption that bisexual people want to sleep with multiple people at the same time. This is hardly the case. When I have dated women, I have dated that one woman. When I have dated men, I have dated that one man. And even further, when I was dating multiple people at once, the drive was not because I wanted sex from as many different people as possible.
I am not gay. I like men way too much. I am not straight. I like women way too much. Not everyone falls squarely in the "yes/no" "black/white" "cat person/dog person" "gay/straight" category and you'd do well to readjust your attitudes that everyone should
No no, the multiple people was more of a "more than one person over a period of time", just like you didnt marry the first person you dated. And yes I shouldn't have used 'sleep', rather than 'date', my mistake :drinker:
Alot of bisexual people dont like to date the same sex, just have sex..so in a way I agree with you0 -
No no, the multiple people was more of a "more than one person over a period of time", just like you didnt marry the first person you dated. And yes I shouldn't have used 'sleep', rather than 'date', my mistake :drinker:
Ah. Sorry for jumping on you, then. Thanks for clarifying.0 -
No no, the multiple people was more of a "more than one person over a period of time", just like you didnt marry the first person you dated. And yes I shouldn't have used 'sleep', rather than 'date', my mistake :drinker:
Ah. Sorry for jumping on you, then. Thanks for clarifying.
condoms people... condoms...0 -
You aren't all that unusual. Just keep things under wraps with your family for now. I'm sure this isn't the first secret, and it won't be the last, that you keep from your family. You're an adult now and you're on the road to finding yourself and loving yourself. Like, the previous poster said, its not exactly unusual for young women to be hanging out with other young women. Once you get yourself settled and are living away from your family, then you can make the decision to discuss it with your family or not. None of us on MFP know your family, so there's no way to know whether your family will ultimately accept you or not. Of course, we also can't make the decision for you of whether you're going to ultimately give your family's decision any credence at all. That's your decision. Live your own life and learn to love yourself no matter who you are.0
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No no, the multiple people was more of a "more than one person over a period of time", just like you didnt marry the first person you dated. And yes I shouldn't have used 'sleep', rather than 'date', my mistake :drinker:
Ah. Sorry for jumping on you, then. Thanks for clarifying.
condoms people... condoms...
You mean penis prisons? No thanks..0 -
My parents' love has always been conditional. I dropped out of college to get married (because they said if I were dating that guy, they wouldn't pay for college) and they disowned me.
It took them about 7 years to accept that. We didn't speak much at all for 2 years. Then we very slowly started to become a family again, on my own terms.
I know they are sorry, but they've never said it. It hurts every time I think about it. I promised my kids that would never, ever happen to them...nothing they can do could cause me to disown them like that. Especially not over being in love.
I don't know how much advice I have for you, except that eventually you may reach a point where you care enough about who you are and who you love that you are willing to sacrifice for it. I highly suggest (as others did) that you wait until you are on your own.
If you need to chat, you can always message me.
P.S. I realized I was bisexual AFTER I was married. I'm now divorced (after 7.5 years of marriage) and dating a man, but it's still a part of who I am. 0 -
Heterosexual people dont go around confessing they are heterosexual.
Yes they do. Everytime I had a girlfriend, I let all my friends know. It is never a secret... unless you're embarassed.. haha..
:drinker: :drinker:0 -
Ah. Sorry for jumping on you, then. Thanks for clarifying.
condoms people... condoms...
[/quote]
:laugh:0 -
When it is and isn't a good idea to come out is a topic which Dan Savage of the column "Savage Love" periodically visits. You might want to go through the back catalog of columns and see what he advises people in your situation. He's well respected by many people.0
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Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing
Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?
Edit: Saw you tried to say the "sleep" business was taken out of context. Still not sure how you think "But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity."0 -
If you want to date a women go ahead and do so. Women go out with their female friends all the time.
I wouldn't tell them until you are in a relationship and decide to bring a woman home as your girlfriend.
As another poster said it, if you haven't already dated a woman you may not want to anymore once you do. I would wait to tell your family until you are at a point where you bring someone home to save yourself the heartache from telling them and than possibly decided that it actually isn't for you.
The good thing is that you have some friends who are truthworthy and you were able to tell. Having friends on your side may help if and when the time comes to tell your parents and family.0 -
Have you tried being with women? Sometimes we think we like something until we have it..
If you have and you are sure that you are bi..you dont have to tell them, at least for now.
This is an arbitrary assumption. People use this argument as a means to "convince" people of their own sexuality; last time I checked, straight virgins are not told, "Well, maybe you really just like the same sex since you haven't actually had sex yet to know."0 -
This is an arbitrary assumption. People use this argument as a means to "convince" people of their own sexuality; last time I checked, straight virgins are not told, "Well, maybe you really just like the same sex since you haven't actually had sex yet to know."
Cheers. I'd figured out I was bisexual years before I had sex with a woman.0
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