Bisexuality

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  • FitBeto
    FitBeto Posts: 2,121 Member
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    Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing

    Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

    Edit: Saw you tried to say the "sleep" business was taken out of context. Still not sure how you think "But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity."

    I have had plenty of gay friends, and even marched a few times too, but when it comes to bisexual - never really met anyone before.To me, someone who is bisexual is choosing to go back and forth between men and women to figure out what they want in life - so I would chart that as more curious. Forgive me for my ignorance if I am mistaken, but there are large debates on whether or not 'gay' is a choice or not, and being bi (varying men and women partners) to me is a choice.
  • PaveGurl
    PaveGurl Posts: 244 Member
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    Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

    The thing I don't get about this post is the "why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?" bit. It sounds to me like you think bi-folk are just gay folk who haven't come to grips with it yet. I assure you that is not the case, and it's something that bi people get from both sides - no pun intended - as the gay community often dismisses us for not being gay enough (or thinks of us as fickle and not able to commit), and the straight community thinks we're just greedy. I'm not gay. I'm not straight. I'm bi, though I indentify as queer now, primarily. It makes the most sense to me.

    To the OP:
    I didn't come out to my parents, in so many words. I just lived my life and when I'd talk to my parents, I talked to them openly about who was IN my life at a given time. Sometimes, it would be a female. Sometimes, it would be a male. If they ask, I address it, but whether or not I'm sleeping with someone is really none of their business, and if someone is important in my life, I don't think it matters if it's a romantic or platonic partnership - they are my partner. If you think it will cause a rift in your family, and that would be hurtful to you, you have to decide which is more difficult for you: losing your family ties, or hiding a part of you? That's a really personal and individual decision to make.
  • Captain_Tightpants
    Captain_Tightpants Posts: 2,215 Member
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    If people can only love you for pretending to be someone you're not, then it's not really love, is it?
  • Onesnap
    Onesnap Posts: 2,819 Member
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    this blog author just came out as being anything other than straight. It was amazing. Also, he lost something like 7,000 readers due to him coming out as bisexual.

    Worth a read for sure (he's awesome)

    http://www.danoah.com/
  • Punkedpoetess
    Punkedpoetess Posts: 633 Member
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    Don't tell them until you are living on your own, stable, have a good job and can take care of yourself. If you are living in their house, keep it to yourself. It could get bad for you. That's how I would approach it.

    I agree with this and I was in a similar situation when I was a teenager. As another bisexual with a religious family, I hid my female relationships, but they eventually found out and were not happy. Luckily I was only a few months from moving out by then. Now they pretend I am straight since I am married to a guy, but I am still not straight. Once you move out it will get better. My friends all know and are cool with it and my older brother is gay, so we are each other's allies. Best of luck to you, I know exactly how you feel.
  • AmberLee2012
    AmberLee2012 Posts: 540
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    My brother is 21 and just came out to my mother and step-father a few months ago. My step-father (his father) told him to go kill himself. My brother was in a bad way for awhile. They had to have known before he said anything. He is always with his partner and has been since high school. They even moved out of town to go to college together and live together. My brother says that he and his dad are now civil, but their relationship will probably never be the same. That being said, he has no secrets anymore. The whole family knows and most choose to accept him because they care about him. They can see he is happy and in love. It depends on what is hurting you more I think. Putting your life on hold so you don't rock the boat, or letting the cat out of the bag and being free to do what you want. I wish you the best of luck!
  • justal313
    justal313 Posts: 1,375 Member
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    Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing

    Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?


    Edit: Saw you tried to say the "sleep" business was taken out of context. Still not sure how you think "But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity."

    I have had plenty of gay friends, and even marched a few times too, but when it comes to bisexual - never really met anyone before.To me, someone who is bisexual is choosing to go back and forth between men and women to figure out what they want in life - so I would chart that as more curious. Forgive me for my ignorance if I am mistaken, but there are large debates on whether or not 'gay' is a choice or not, and being bi (varying men and women partners) to me is a choice.

    Have you seen the shyte bisexual people get from every turn. Gays look down on them because they "aren't really gay", straights either tell them "you aren't bisexual, you are confused" or think of them as being such sluts that they can't even limit themselves to trying to bang 1/2 the people, or just lump them in with "the gays"

    Why on earth would anyone CHOOSE that? Bisexuals cannot help being bisexual anymore than I can help being straight
  • cbeutler
    cbeutler Posts: 667 Member
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    I can't tell you how to come out or how others will react. I can say you are perfect just the way you are. Love yourself and trust yourself and eventually it will all work out.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    I have had plenty of gay friends, and even marched a few times too, but when it comes to bisexual - never really met anyone before.To me, someone who is bisexual is choosing to go back and forth between men and women to figure out what they want in life - so I would chart that as more curious. Forgive me for my ignorance if I am mistaken, but there are large debates on whether or not 'gay' is a choice or not, and being bi (varying men and women partners) to me is a choice.

    Aaaand you just stepped in it again. *facepalm* I fell in love with my girlfriend. She was the first person I ever fell in love with. I also fell in love with my current boyfriend. He is the second person I've ever fallen in love with. Love isn't a choice - it simply is.

    You are mistaken and you are ignorant in this matter. There are also debates about whether or not the moon landing took place. Just because it's being discussed does not mean it is not real.
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
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    If you don't already, you should check in on this guy's column from time to time. He addresses concerns like yours frequently:

    http://www.avclub.com/features/savage-love/
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
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    Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing

    Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

    Edit: Saw you tried to say the "sleep" business was taken out of context. Still not sure how you think "But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity."

    I have had plenty of gay friends, and even marched a few times too, but when it comes to bisexual - never really met anyone before.To me, someone who is bisexual is choosing to go back and forth between men and women to figure out what they want in life - so I would chart that as more curious. Forgive me for my ignorance if I am mistaken, but there are large debates on whether or not 'gay' is a choice or not, and being bi (varying men and women partners) to me is a choice.

    "To you" does not make it so. I will not forgive you for your ignorance; I urge you to look past your anecdotal pool of people you know and realize that there are very many bisexual people, and these people didn't "choose" to be bi anymore than people choose to be gay, lesbian, straight, etc.

    Someone who is bisexual doesn't "go back and forth" because they think, "Hmm, maybe I like this better. Oh, just kidding, maybe this!" They perhaps have boyfriends and girlfriends at different periods of their life... because they like different people. You JUST said in an earlier post, "Well, I mean, like we don't necessarily marry the first person we're with." Why would you not understand that concept being applied to someone who's bisexual?

    You can't possibly think the "I have gay friends and I've marched" saves you from such a clearly offensive argument, right? I mean, hell, the OP is sitting here saying she's not even sure how her parents would take her being bi, and here you're just hitting home how hurtful willful ignorance can be.
  • MikeyD1280
    MikeyD1280 Posts: 5,257
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    I have had plenty of gay friends, and even marched a few times too, but when it comes to bisexual - never really met anyone before.To me, someone who is bisexual is choosing to go back and forth between men and women to figure out what they want in life - so I would chart that as more curious. Forgive me for my ignorance if I am mistaken, but there are large debates on whether or not 'gay' is a choice or not, and being bi (varying men and women partners) to me is a choice.

    Aaaand you just stepped in it again. *facepalm* I fell in love with my girlfriend. She was the first person I ever fell in love with. I also fell in love with my current boyfriend. He is the second person I've ever fallen in love with. Love isn't a choice - it simply is.

    You are mistaken and you are ignorant in this matter. There are also debates about whether or not the moon landing took place. Just because it's being discussed does not mean it is not real.

    Isn't this just proof that some see the glass half empty and some see it as half full?
  • FitBeto
    FitBeto Posts: 2,121 Member
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    Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

    The thing I don't get about this post is the "why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?" bit. It sounds to me like you think bi-folk are just gay folk who haven't come to grips with it yet. I assure you that is not the case, and it's something that bi people get from both sides - no pun intended - as the gay community often dismisses us for not being gay enough (or thinks of us as fickle and not able to commit), and the straight community thinks we're just greedy. I'm not gay. I'm not straight. I'm bi, though I indentify as queer now, primarily. It makes the most sense to me.

    Rephrase: Why tell your parents you are bi - when you could be with a few girls and not like it (since OP said she wanted to START dating women (I would love to be able to date women)) and start a ton of family drama over something that wasn't even pursued in the first place. When you know you are gay or find a woman you LOVE then tell - if you are afraid of what your family might think.

    Personally I think its terrible that being gay would ruin a parents attitude toward a child.
  • MikeyD1280
    MikeyD1280 Posts: 5,257
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    Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing

    Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

    Edit: Saw you tried to say the "sleep" business was taken out of context. Still not sure how you think "But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity."

    I have had plenty of gay friends, and even marched a few times too, but when it comes to bisexual - never really met anyone before.To me, someone who is bisexual is choosing to go back and forth between men and women to figure out what they want in life - so I would chart that as more curious. Forgive me for my ignorance if I am mistaken, but there are large debates on whether or not 'gay' is a choice or not, and being bi (varying men and women partners) to me is a choice.

    "To you" does not make it so. I will not forgive you for your ignorance; I urge you to look past your anecdotal pool of people you know and realize that there are very many bisexual people, and these people didn't "choose" to be bi anymore than people choose to be gay, lesbian, straight, etc.

    Someone who is bisexual doesn't "go back and forth" because they think, "Hmm, maybe I like this better. Oh, just kidding, maybe this!" They perhaps have boyfriends and girlfriends at different periods of their life... because they like different people. You JUST said in an earlier post, "Well, I mean, like we don't necessarily marry the first person we're with." Why would you not understand that concept being applied to someone who's bisexual?

    You can't possibly think the "I have gay friends and I've marched" saves you from such a clearly offensive argument, right? I mean, hell, the OP is sitting here saying she's not even sure how her parents would take her being bi, and here you're just hitting home how hurtful willful ignorance can be.

    and maybe her parents will have the same reaction as this guy... only the OP would know once "presented".
  • croissantsetchocolat
    croissantsetchocolat Posts: 1
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    Heterosexual people dont go around confessing they are heterosexual..

    Well yeah. Because being heterosexual is the norm. o.O
  • faireplay
    faireplay Posts: 126
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    Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing

    Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

    Edit: Saw you tried to say the "sleep" business was taken out of context. Still not sure how you think "But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity."

    I have had plenty of gay friends, and even marched a few times too, but when it comes to bisexual - never really met anyone before.To me, someone who is bisexual is choosing to go back and forth between men and women to figure out what they want in life - so I would chart that as more curious. Forgive me for my ignorance if I am mistaken, but there are large debates on whether or not 'gay' is a choice or not, and being bi (varying men and women partners) to me is a choice.

    I dated men of different ethnic groups with different skin and hair colors....was I just I just trying to figure out what I wanted? Oh and as for women I prefer blonds. But I like dark haired men....by your measure I must still be confused at the age of 50.
  • ideliver
    ideliver Posts: 114 Member
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    Practical, non-judgemental advice:

    1) It's only been 5 months since you've come to terms with your own identity. Give it some time to figure out what this all really means for you. There is no prize for rushing through the coming out process.

    2) I agree that it is always safer to wait until you have safety and independence in the off-chance you are asked to leave the house. Even though my family was anticipated to be supportive, I waited...you just never know.

    3) I have found that we come out first to the people who are very important to us, and last to those we are most afraid of losing. Not to minimise what you are going through, but what you are experiencing is normal, common, and a critical part of the identity of us lucky enough to be LGBT/Queer.
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
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    Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

    The thing I don't get about this post is the "why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?" bit. It sounds to me like you think bi-folk are just gay folk who haven't come to grips with it yet. I assure you that is not the case, and it's something that bi people get from both sides - no pun intended - as the gay community often dismisses us for not being gay enough (or thinks of us as fickle and not able to commit), and the straight community thinks we're just greedy. I'm not gay. I'm not straight. I'm bi, though I indentify as queer now, primarily. It makes the most sense to me.

    Rephrase: Why tell your parents you are bi - when you could be with a few girls and not like it (since OP said she wanted to START dating women (I would love to be able to date women)) and start a ton of family drama over something that wasn't even pursued in the first place. When you know you are gay or find a woman you LOVE then tell - if you are afraid of what your family might think.

    Personally I think its terrible that being gay would ruin a parents attitude toward a child.

    I'm going to go out on a limb and just assume you're not trolling, Beto, so I'm going to be very serious with you.

    I said it in an earlier post: does a straight person need to "date someone" first to know that they are straight? No. Attraction occurs towards the opposite sex, regardless of if that person is actually able to date, kiss, sleep with, marry, etc.

    If the OP feels attraction to both sexes, she feels it. You're invalidating her feelings; that's what a, well, ignorant parent might feel towards their child when they come out: "I don't think you feel this; you're only 16, it's just a phase; you just need to meet the right guy/girl to show you you're straight." How do you not see that your feelings are akin to what a parent might think, which might hurt the OP or any other person struggling with coming out to their parents?
  • Izzwoz
    Izzwoz Posts: 348 Member
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    Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing

    Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?


    Edit: Saw you tried to say the "sleep" business was taken out of context. Still not sure how you think "But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity."

    I have had plenty of gay friends, and even marched a few times too, but when it comes to bisexual - never really met anyone before.To me, someone who is bisexual is choosing to go back and forth between men and women to figure out what they want in life - so I would chart that as more curious. Forgive me for my ignorance if I am mistaken, but there are large debates on whether or not 'gay' is a choice or not, and being bi (varying men and women partners) to me is a choice.

    Have you seen the shyte bisexual people get from every turn. Gays look down on them because they "aren't really gay", straights either tell them "you aren't bisexual, you are confused" or think of them as being such sluts that they can't even limit themselves to trying to bang 1/2 the people, or just lump them in with "the gays"

    Why on earth would anyone CHOOSE that? Bisexuals cannot help being bisexual anymore than I can help being straight

    Amen!! So being straight is obviously fine, being gay, hell if it has to be, fine, but being bisexual is "curious" or "confused". That confuses me. Oh, hang on, maybe that means you're right! People fall in love. For some people, it doesn't matter what sex the person is they fall in love with. That doesn't mean they are confused. It means they love a person for who they are and not what they are. When I met my girlfriend, she blew me away (still does). Even though I had only had relationships with men until that point, I just knew she's the one. Haven't been curious about being/dating/sleeping with anyone else since :-)
  • No_Finish_Line
    No_Finish_Line Posts: 3,662 Member
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    idk, i'm pretty private about all things sexual especially with my parents. If it was me, i wouldn't bother telling them unless i was in some kind of commited relationship and the person would have to be around my family. then i 'd probably just show up with them and let my family figure it out lol.
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