Bisexuality
Replies
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My cousin was in a similar situation. He finally came out to his family even though he was terrified they would disown him. He told them and they still love him the same. My sister is gay and she was afraid to tell my parents for the same reason and guess what they are happy that she is happy.
If you are scared to tell your parents for that reason that is okay. But eventually they will find out and they will be hurt that they didnt hear it from you first. Follow your heart and tell them when you are ready. But try to do it before they find out elsewhere.
Just because you like women doesnt mean you are not you. It wont change you right? You will always be you. Your family should be happy for who you are and that you are happy. Good luck to you.0 -
Heterosexual people dont go around confessing they are heterosexual..
Well yeah. Because being heterosexual is the norm. o.O
Look, before acceptance can happen there needs to be acknowledgement. Black people look black, fat people look fat, etc.
Despite what many people see/believe gay and bisexual people do not look gay unless they go out of their way to embrace sterotypical behavior and dress. So people will tell you they are whatever because they want to be accepted for who they are. You may not think that's important but it is. People don't want to hide who they are from the world they want to be themselves.0 -
I'm bisexual..
It's something that I have struggled with accepting for years. I'm 20 years old now and I grew up in a very religious family. I know they won't understand. So even though I finally admitted it to myself five months ago, I haven't been able to tell anybody else. A couple really close friends know, but they haven't said anything and I trust them with with my life. But those are the only people I can tell. Right now it's dying to come out.
I guess I don't really know how to deal with it. I would love to be able to date women. But..I know that right now, until I can get away from home, it's not a possibility.
My family is really close minded. We have some family members (distant) who are bisexual and gay and they just refuse to understand it or don't get it period. Most of my family members just pretend it doesn't happen. My great aunt is gay and has been with her partner for over 25 years..and to this day they just say that they are friends or roommates. I'm sure it has to hurt them...
I'm afraid that if someone finds out, no one is going to love me anymore.
I don't even know where I'm going with this... Does anyone have any advice?
Stay true to yourself and others. That's all that matters.0 -
Have you seen the shyte bisexual people get from every turn. Gays look down on them because they "aren't really gay", straights either tell them "you aren't bisexual, you are confused" or think of them as being such sluts that they can't even limit themselves to trying to bang 1/2 the people, or just lump them in with "the gays"
Why on earth would anyone CHOOSE that? Bisexuals cannot help being bisexual anymore than I can help being straight
Amen!! So being straight is obviously fine, being gay, hell if it has to be, fine, but being bisexual is "curious" or "confused". That confuses me. Oh, hang on, maybe that means you're right! People fall in love. For some people, it doesn't matter what sex the person is they fall in love with. That doesn't mean they are confused. It means they love a person for who they are and not what they are. When I met my girlfriend, she blew me away (still does). Even though I had only had relationships with men until that point, I just knew she's the one. Haven't been curious about being/dating/sleeping with anyone else since :-)
It's funny though, my buddy Dave told me he was seeing someone and I asked him if the new guy played poker. He very casually said "I haven't asked her"
I paused and was dumbfounded but then finally said "TRAITOR!!!" then we laughed and laughed. He's married now, I'm not a huge fan of his husband because he won't give us this level of good natured ribbing or play rockband. We've tried and he just won't join in our reindeer games.0 -
I understand you are in a very tough situation. If your family believes in the Bible, it will be difficult for them because there is no ambiguity on what God has planned for mankind in this area. There was Adam and Eve and multiple other examples of where it was made obvious that this was not in his plan.
However, having 2 daughters of my own, if one of them came to me and told me they were bi or gay, I would still love them. I would not agree with their lifestyle decision and I would pray for them daily to get back on the right path, but I would still love them none the less. That is also in the Bible....you are suppose to love the sinner but not the sin. We are not to judge others, so we will love regardless. If they truly believe, they should feel the same way. I wish you the best of luck and hope you stay a family through this. You must be close if telling them something like this concerns you and being a close family is a wonderful thing.0 -
I'm really glad you have come to terms with this honey. I think people have left you some excellent advice. Try to build up your resources and networks. Look for LGBTQ resources in your area. If you are in school seek out "safe zone" educators to talk with. I want to leave a more resource-filled post for you but I'm on my way out. Hopefully I can come back to this thread later and elaborate. But anyway I just wanted to chime in and add my support.0
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I've just come out to my family, after years of lying because I was scared. And then years more cause it just got so damn complicated.
Keep it to yourself until you are out of the house, then be honest. You don't have to be detailed, but take it from a 40 year old woman whose family is more upset about the lying then the fact I'm gay. Don't lie to them.0 -
Sometimes I find it hard to believe that in 2012 people are still concerned about sexual orientation. Meaning, parents, family, and friends who ostracize gay or bisexual individuals. Its very sad that some parents disown their children over something so small.0
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Have you seen the shyte bisexual people get from every turn. Gays look down on them because they "aren't really gay", straights either tell them "you aren't bisexual, you are confused" or think of them as being such sluts that they can't even limit themselves to trying to bang 1/2 the people, or just lump them in with "the gays"
Why on earth would anyone CHOOSE that? Bisexuals cannot help being bisexual anymore than I can help being straight
Amen!! So being straight is obviously fine, being gay, hell if it has to be, fine, but being bisexual is "curious" or "confused". That confuses me. Oh, hang on, maybe that means you're right! People fall in love. For some people, it doesn't matter what sex the person is they fall in love with. That doesn't mean they are confused. It means they love a person for who they are and not what they are. When I met my girlfriend, she blew me away (still does). Even though I had only had relationships with men until that point, I just knew she's the one. Haven't been curious about being/dating/sleeping with anyone else since :-)
It's funny though, my buddy Dave told me he was seeing someone and I asked him if the new guy played poker. He very casually said "I haven't asked her"
I paused and was dumbfounded but then finally said "TRAITOR!!!" then we laughed and laughed. He's married now, I'm not a huge fan of his husband because he won't give us this level of good natured ribbing or play rockband. We've tried and he just won't join in our reindeer games.
No not trolling at all.
Not attacking you my friend, but would you say that your friend chose to date that girl?0 -
Have you seen the shyte bisexual people get from every turn. Gays look down on them because they "aren't really gay", straights either tell them "you aren't bisexual, you are confused" or think of them as being such sluts that they can't even limit themselves to trying to bang 1/2 the people, or just lump them in with "the gays"
Why on earth would anyone CHOOSE that? Bisexuals cannot help being bisexual anymore than I can help being straight
Amen!! So being straight is obviously fine, being gay, hell if it has to be, fine, but being bisexual is "curious" or "confused". That confuses me. Oh, hang on, maybe that means you're right! People fall in love. For some people, it doesn't matter what sex the person is they fall in love with. That doesn't mean they are confused. It means they love a person for who they are and not what they are. When I met my girlfriend, she blew me away (still does). Even though I had only had relationships with men until that point, I just knew she's the one. Haven't been curious about being/dating/sleeping with anyone else since :-)
It's funny though, my buddy Dave told me he was seeing someone and I asked him if the new guy played poker. He very casually said "I haven't asked her"
I paused and was dumbfounded but then finally said "TRAITOR!!!" then we laughed and laughed. He's married now, I'm not a huge fan of his husband because he won't give us this level of good natured ribbing or play rockband. We've tried and he just won't join in our reindeer games.
No not trolling at all.
Not attacking you my friend, but would you say that your friend chose to date that girl?
Choosing to date =/= Choosing the attraction.0 -
Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing
Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?
Edit: Saw you tried to say the "sleep" business was taken out of context. Still not sure how you think "But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity."
I have had plenty of gay friends, and even marched a few times too, but when it comes to bisexual - never really met anyone before.To me, someone who is bisexual is choosing to go back and forth between men and women to figure out what they want in life - so I would chart that as more curious. Forgive me for my ignorance if I am mistaken, but there are large debates on whether or not 'gay' is a choice or not, and being bi (varying men and women partners) to me is a choice.
Have you seen the shyte bisexual people get from every turn. Gays look down on them because they "aren't really gay", straights either tell them "you aren't bisexual, you are confused" or think of them as being such sluts that they can't even limit themselves to trying to bang 1/2 the people, or just lump them in with "the gays"
Why on earth would anyone CHOOSE that? Bisexuals cannot help being bisexual anymore than I can help being straight
So true. Fear and distrust from every quarter. Sexual preference is a totally different issue from sexual fidelity.0 -
Ok.
So I don't consider myself bisexual because there's a lot of heaviness involved with the label. I've dated women. I prefer women. However currently I am in a long term relationship with a man. So for all intents and purposes, I'm straight. I have never once told someone I'm bisexual even though technically I guess that's what I am.
I don't see a need to "come out" as bisexual unless you end up in a same sex relationship. Society isn't entirely accepting of change and there's still HUGE issues with homosexuality and then you throw another wrench in there and bisexuality gets frowned on from both sides of the fence. I'm all for loving who you will, but I don't see a need to announce it. People don't walk around going "I'm straight" or "I'm gay" and no matter what your sexuality will be defined by who you're dating at the time.
So to the OP....just chill. It'll be ok. Date who you want but don't put this intense pressure on yourself to make up your mind. That's what being young is about. You can't help who you're attracted to and you should be with whoever makes you happy. I just don't see the need to announce it when everything is still all back and forth.
I'm not so great at phrasing the things I think so this may come off differently than I intend.0 -
Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing
Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?
I'm sorry that you are so closed minded as to assume that bisexuality is something akin to a phase. Perhaps I should explain that to my ex-husband (male) whom I share 3 children with or maybe my current spouse (female); that I am just exploring my options because I am bisexual ... or better yet ... I should take out an ad in the paper professing my bisexuality and offer up my body to anyone interested that fits my preferred type for a man or a woman ... just so ... you know ... I can check out all my options before I decide to just be gay.
I'm usually not one to be negative towards other posters ... but please ... try not to be so damn shallow or stupid as to assume that bisexual preferences are just a stage of indecision or an excuse to sleep around.
Try to think next time, Jack-hole.0 -
Choosing to date =/= Choosing the attraction.
So I guess the question he's asking is, "why choose to pursue attractions to the same sex if you also are attracted to the opposite sex?"0 -
Choosing to date =/= Choosing the attraction.
So I guess the question he's asking is, "why choose to pursue attractions to the same sex if you also are attracted to the opposite sex?"
Because, last time I checked, most people choose to date people they like.0 -
You can't force people to accept who you are.0
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You can't force people to accept who you are.
No, but you can be who you are regardless and they can go **** themselves.0 -
Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing
Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?
I'm sorry that you are so closed minded as to assume that bisexuality is something akin to a phase. Perhaps I should explain that to my ex-husband (male) whom I share 3 children with or maybe my current spouse (female); that I am just exploring my options because I am bisexual ... or better yet ... I should take out an ad in the paper professing my bisexuality and offer up my body to anyone interested that fits my preferred type for a man or a woman ... just so ... you know ... I can check out all my options before I decide to just be gay.
I'm usually not one to be negative towards other posters ... but please ... try not to be so damn shallow or stupid as to assume that bisexual preferences are just a stage of indecision or an excuse to sleep around.
Try to think next time, Jack-hole.
I don't think my post was worth your 'unusual'l menstrual anger attack - and its pissy fits like that that will get this thread closed.
How in the sam heck is saying that its unwise for someone who posts about coming out to their parents about being 'bisexual' which to them is pretty much just being gay - shallow and stupid? She hasnt dated women. She is flirting with the thought of it for less than half a year, and she wants to TRY it. She wants to come out of the 'closet' to an unaccepting family for something that she doesnt even know she wants yet.
If you were to drank beer once, would you run do your family and exclaim you are an alchoholic?0 -
You can't force people to accept who you are.
No, but you can be who you are regardless and they can go **** themselves.
that doesn't fly to well to tell the ones who provide for you.. Hence people stating to get everything prepped before she says. Obviously with about 15 people here with different views... She is probably more afraid to tell her parents because of some of the comments she is reading here...0 -
Have you seen the shyte bisexual people get from every turn. Gays look down on them because they "aren't really gay", straights either tell them "you aren't bisexual, you are confused" or think of them as being such sluts that they can't even limit themselves to trying to bang 1/2 the people, or just lump them in with "the gays"
Why on earth would anyone CHOOSE that? Bisexuals cannot help being bisexual anymore than I can help being straight
Amen!! So being straight is obviously fine, being gay, hell if it has to be, fine, but being bisexual is "curious" or "confused". That confuses me. Oh, hang on, maybe that means you're right! People fall in love. For some people, it doesn't matter what sex the person is they fall in love with. That doesn't mean they are confused. It means they love a person for who they are and not what they are. When I met my girlfriend, she blew me away (still does). Even though I had only had relationships with men until that point, I just knew she's the one. Haven't been curious about being/dating/sleeping with anyone else since :-)
It's funny though, my buddy Dave told me he was seeing someone and I asked him if the new guy played poker. He very casually said "I haven't asked her"
I paused and was dumbfounded but then finally said "TRAITOR!!!" then we laughed and laughed. He's married now, I'm not a huge fan of his husband because he won't give us this level of good natured ribbing or play rockband. We've tried and he just won't join in our reindeer games.
No not trolling at all.
Not attacking you my friend, but would you say that your friend chose to date that girl?
Because we rib each other about everything at every turn. We both thought it was funny and then we continued with "why won't you bring your significant others to poker?"0 -
Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing
Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?
I'm sorry that you are so closed minded as to assume that bisexuality is something akin to a phase. Perhaps I should explain that to my ex-husband (male) whom I share 3 children with or maybe my current spouse (female); that I am just exploring my options because I am bisexual ... or better yet ... I should take out an ad in the paper professing my bisexuality and offer up my body to anyone interested that fits my preferred type for a man or a woman ... just so ... you know ... I can check out all my options before I decide to just be gay.
I'm usually not one to be negative towards other posters ... but please ... try not to be so damn shallow or stupid as to assume that bisexual preferences are just a stage of indecision or an excuse to sleep around.
Try to think next time, Jack-hole.
I don't think my post was worth your 'unusual'l menstrual anger attack - and its pissy fits like that that will get this thread closed.
How in the sam heck is saying that its unwise for someone who posts about coming out to their parents about being 'bisexual' which to them is pretty much just being gay - shallow and stupid? She hasnt dated women. She is flirting with the thought of it for less than half a year, and she wants to TRY it. She wants to come out of the 'closet' to an unaccepting family for something that she doesnt even know she wants yet.
If you were to drank beer once, would you run do your family and exclaim you are an alchoholic?
Er, no, sexist personal attacks like that will get this thread closed.
Linking sexual orientation with an ADDICTION is also way out of line.
And what post did you read where she said she wanted to "try" anything out? She said she WAS bisexual, hadn't yet dated, but wasn't sure how to approach it when it came to her religious family.
Goddamit, Beto, why do I even try.0 -
Choosing to date =/= Choosing the attraction.
So I guess the question he's asking is, "why choose to pursue attractions to the same sex if you also are attracted to the opposite sex?"
Why not? Because they're of the same sex? Because they're black? Because they're not blond? Why would it matter? You can't pick who you fall in love with.0 -
Choosing to date =/= Choosing the attraction.
So I guess the question he's asking is, "why choose to pursue attractions to the same sex if you also are attracted to the opposite sex?"
Because, last time I checked, most people choose to date people they like.
True, but people can also choose to pursue a relationship or not based on more than just attraction.
I'm not saying OP should or should not pursue same sex relationships. I'm just saying that it may be a viable option for SOME people. This is coming from a not 100% straight guy.0 -
I told my family i liked when when i was 15 they didn't see it as a big deal but i know many who were pushed out as a result
maybe concentrate on moving out and getting a stable life then tell them? at least then they can't accuse you of rubbing it in etc xx 0 -
I'm bisexual, married to a man. Some of the comments here, well, responding to them will only make me angrier and that's not what this thread needs. That being said, OP, check out http://www.wipeouthomophobia.com/ it's a good resource as well as a community on facebook. You can get lots of support and ideas there.
Best of luck to you, sweets.0 -
Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing
Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?
I'm sorry that you are so closed minded as to assume that bisexuality is something akin to a phase. Perhaps I should explain that to my ex-husband (male) whom I share 3 children with or maybe my current spouse (female); that I am just exploring my options because I am bisexual ... or better yet ... I should take out an ad in the paper professing my bisexuality and offer up my body to anyone interested that fits my preferred type for a man or a woman ... just so ... you know ... I can check out all my options before I decide to just be gay.
I'm usually not one to be negative towards other posters ... but please ... try not to be so damn shallow or stupid as to assume that bisexual preferences are just a stage of indecision or an excuse to sleep around.
Try to think next time, Jack-hole.
I don't think my post was worth your 'unusual'l menstrual anger attack - and its pissy fits like that that will get this thread closed.
How in the sam heck is saying that its unwise for someone who posts about coming out to their parents about being 'bisexual' which to them is pretty much just being gay - shallow and stupid? She hasnt dated women. She is flirting with the thought of it for less than half a year, and she wants to TRY it. She wants to come out of the 'closet' to an unaccepting family for something that she doesnt even know she wants yet.
If you were to drank beer once, would you run do your family and exclaim you are an alchoholic?
Er, no, sexist personal attacks like that will get this thread closed.
Linking sexual orientation with an ADDICTION is also way out of line.
And what post did you read where she said she wanted to "try" anything out? She said she WAS bisexual, hadn't yet dated, but wasn't sure how to approach it when it came to her religious family.
Goddamit, Beto, why do I even try.
I got it from I would love to be able to date women. . I would assume if you wanted to start something then you haven't done it before?
And exactly why do any of us try? Its a label - and its not going to change any ones views on anything by arguing about it.0 -
Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing
Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?
I'm sorry that you are so closed minded as to assume that bisexuality is something akin to a phase. Perhaps I should explain that to my ex-husband (male) whom I share 3 children with or maybe my current spouse (female); that I am just exploring my options because I am bisexual ... or better yet ... I should take out an ad in the paper professing my bisexuality and offer up my body to anyone interested that fits my preferred type for a man or a woman ... just so ... you know ... I can check out all my options before I decide to just be gay.
I'm usually not one to be negative towards other posters ... but please ... try not to be so damn shallow or stupid as to assume that bisexual preferences are just a stage of indecision or an excuse to sleep around.
Try to think next time, Jack-hole.
I don't think my post was worth your 'unusual'l menstrual anger attack - and its pissy fits like that that will get this thread closed.
How in the sam heck is saying that its unwise for someone who posts about coming out to their parents about being 'bisexual' which to them is pretty much just being gay - shallow and stupid? She hasnt dated women. She is flirting with the thought of it for less than half a year, and she wants to TRY it. She wants to come out of the 'closet' to an unaccepting family for something that she doesnt even know she wants yet.
If you were to drank beer once, would you run do your family and exclaim you are an alchoholic?
Yes, because being bisexual absolutely equates to an alcohol addiction. Both something that can be cured with an intervention of loved ones and ultimatums. I am not menstruating, though it would probably be a better excuse for my outburst earlier against ignorance trumpeted proudly by someone who has marched in a gay parade.0 -
If you indeed "bi" as you say, why not find yourself a man for a committed relationship. You'd not have these family guilt issues and the self esteem issues that come from keeping a dark secret from the people most close to you. Realize that when you do commit to a person, you have to suppress your desires for other people you might otherwise be attracted to regardless of gender. And the advantage of marrying the opposite sex, is you'd be able to have children, insurance issues are easier, and society is more accepting. You can be honest with yourself about having feelings for women without acting on them it that's what you choose to do.
The bible takes a very dim view on homosexuality. Believe or don't believe - up to you, but if you have a choice, why not choose a heterosexual lifestyle?
If you were truly homosexual I could see it being a much more difficult issue.0 -
Practical, non-judgemental advice:
1) It's only been 5 months since you've come to terms with your own identity. Give it some time to figure out what this all really means for you. There is no prize for rushing through the coming out process.
2) I agree that it is always safer to wait until you have safety and independence in the off-chance you are asked to leave the house. Even though my family was anticipated to be supportive, I waited...you just never know.
3) I have found that we come out first to the people who are very important to us, and last to those we are most afraid of losing. Not to minimise what you are going through, but what you are experiencing is normal, common, and a critical part of the identity of us lucky enough to be LGBT/Queer.
This is great advice, especially the first one! There's no point in saying "hey mom I'm bi" when it will make her really upset. If you meet a girl, and really like her then it might be time to say "hey mom, I'm dating a woman."
the guy who mentioned bi=confused/promiscuos (sp?) was right about how it will be VIEWED especially in the religious community. I was raised very stonch Christian, rebelled for a few years, and now am back to my Childhood faith. During my time of rebellion I definitely thought I was bi, and I tried dating women. FOR ME it turned out that while the female body is way hot I had a better connection with men. If you tell your parents you are bi I think they will probably think you are just confused or want to sleep around but if it really comes down to it and you fall for a woman I think they will come around.
They may never accept your choice of life partner but they will hopefully accept you. Good luck sweetheart and feel free to PM me if you want some more details about how things worked out for me and the family dynamic. It sounds like we come from a very similar background and you are at the same place I was when I was 21 (p.s. just because it was a "phase" for me, I do understand that may not be the case for you)0 -
This thread has turned really ridiculous.
OP, all I want to say to you is, don't be afraid. I don't know your family or how difficult it may or may not be with them, but you should never worry about being rejected by people in general because of your sexuality. Some people will love you for it, some people will not be as accepting, and the majority, at least hopefully, will just not care and like you or dislike you based on who you are and not one fact about you. Who you are attracted to is a part of you, and you should never be ashamed. Love yourself, and screw anyone who doesn't accept that.
With your family, I know lots of people are saying to keep hiding it until you're out of the house and self-sufficient, but to me that seems like one of the more extreme things you could do. I know they are hesitant to accept your more distant family, but maybe if you came out to them, it would actually help move them toward acceptance. It's obviously a very delicate situation, but maybe you could try to bring it up in less obvious ways and kind of test the waters. Watch a movie with them with bisexual or lesbian characters, or mention that someone you know is having trouble with her parents about it. If there's any way to be honest with them and maintain a good relationship, in my oppinion, wouldn't that be best?
If you do feel you need to hide it from them longer, hang in there. I can imagine it would take a lot of strength.0
This discussion has been closed.
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