Bisexuality

If you indeed "bi" as you say, why not find yourself a man for a committed relationship. You'd not have these family guilt issues and the self esteem issues that come from keeping a dark secret from the people most close to you. Realize that when you do commit to a person, you have to suppress your desires for other people you might otherwise be attracted to regardless of gender. And the advantage of marrying the opposite sex, is you'd be able to have children, insurance issues are easier, and society is more accepting. You can be honest with yourself about having feelings for women without acting on them it that's what you choose to do.

The bible takes a very dim view on homosexuality. Believe or don't believe - up to you, but if you have a choice, why not choose a heterosexual lifestyle?

If you were truly homosexual I could see it being a much more difficult issue.

YES.

My Dad was a Pentecostal Preacher.
Doesn't change how I would react to one of my children.
If they came to me and said they felt the way you do.
Sorry your folks have put you in this position.

I LOVE my kids unconditionally!!!!!!!!!!!

To the rest of the closed minded people on here IGNORE them.

Yeah, the thread took an expected turn into arguments. Big shock.

To The OP, I would like to give you a different perspective, from a 49 yo parent, as well as someone who grew up in a very religious home.
My father was a Southern Baptist preacher, so my parents had some very strict views about sex outside of marriage, period, whether it was with the same or opposite gender. Of course, homosexuality was like a mortal sin, but was never even discussed in our home, or our church setting back in the 70s/80s when I was living at home.

I wasn't gay or bi, but I did want to date men and have sex before I was married. (sorry Mom), but I knew that my parents would have a heart attack if I blatantly threw my sexuality in their face. I was living in THEIR house, and openly doing something that they felt very much against, would be very disrespectful to them and their beliefs. So I hid my actions from them. If I wanted to spend the night with my boyfriend, I simply told them I was staying over at a friends house. They probably suspected that I was NOT at a friend's house, but this way they could avoid having to have that confrontation. Sometimes ignorance can be bliss.

Now years later, when I was in my 30s and had been on my own for many years, and no longer dependent on them, my current husband moved in with me 6 months before our wedding, since his lease was up and it made financial sense for us to do so. I told my parents in a respectful way, explaining the reasons, and pointing out that I was an adult, on my own, and this was what I felt was best for me. They didn't particularly like it, but they accepted it. We did however, respect them enough to sleep in separate rooms when we visited their house, until we were officially married.

In your situation, you need to ask yourself what is more important at this time of your life? Do you feel that it is so important for your parents to know the questions you are having about your sexuality? As others have pointed out, this is a fairly new question for you, so you aren't 100% sure at this point, and you may decide that you aren't bi or gay, or you may confirm that you are.

But at this point, telling your very religious parents, will be a very big 'in your face' statement that will cause them to have to choose between accepting your decision, which means going against their core beliefs, or standing firm in their beliefs and risk damaging their relationship with their daughter. Those scars may last a long time, long after the time when you have figured out for sure who you are.

So what is more important to you at this time? Asserting your right to be completely open with your sexuality, whether it be male or female, or both, or showing respect for your parents and their beliefs, and keeping a good relationship with them, at least while you are living in their home?

As a parent of adults now, there are some things that my children did growing up that I just didn't need to know about. I may have suspected things, but I knew that certain issues they just needed to figure out for themselves, and in the end, the decisions they made for their lives, would not change my love for them. We don't have to agree completely on every issue to have a good relationship.

If you indeed "bi" as you say, why not find yourself a man for a committed relationship. You'd not have these family guilt issues and the self esteem issues that come from keeping a dark secret from the people most close to you. Realize that when you do commit to a person, you have to suppress your desires for other people you might otherwise be attracted to regardless of gender. And the advantage of marrying the opposite sex, is you'd be able to have children, insurance issues are easier, and society is more accepting. You can be honest with yourself about having feelings for women without acting on them it that's what you choose to do.

The bible takes a very dim view on homosexuality. Believe or don't believe - up to you, but if you have a choice, why not choose a heterosexual lifestyle?

If you were truly homosexual I could see it being a much more difficult issue.

Oh my. Being gay or bisexual isn't a "choice". One doesn't wake up in the morning, look at the shining sun and say "I do believe today I'm going to be gay!" It's evident that you know nothing about bisexuality or homosexuality for that matter. It's not something that can be changed or forced out of a person. Being bisexual means that a person can have a long and stable relationship with either sex. She can't change who she loves and trying to force someone who is gay or bisexual into something that's not them . . . . smh. Would you also tell someone who is confused about who they are gender-wise to just suck it up and be the person that they are on the outside even though everything in them is saying they're a different gender?

It's no wonder that people who are homosexual, bisexual, trans-gender are afraid to come out of the closet because people like you will tell them it's basically wrong, that they have to change and then proceed to try and make them into something they're not.

Here's a question: What if you went to school and pursued a degree in Electrical Engineering because that's what you wanted to do. Once you graduated, got your PE and was ready to pursue your career you were told no, you can't be an EE you have to be a bagger at the grocery store and you just have to accept that. Sure your passion is for Electrical Engineering but you really need to temper that and be a bagger. Would you be happy and fulfilled with the choice someone else made for you? (I know I'm not comparing apples to apples but you get the idea)

And not to be a total Debbie downer on your whole marriage thing but there are a lot of states where gay people can get married and have all the benefits of heterosexual married people.

Thanks for your respectful response, without resorting to insults as others have done. I still see an impressionable 20 year old that has a choice to make and everyone encouraging her to follow her urges into homosexual encounters. Sorry I don't agree with that advice. She has choices, and not all of them revolve around a hormonal response. If a bisexual can commit to an opposite sex person that they are attracted to, I believe that would be the best course for that person.

Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing

Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

I'm sorry that you are so closed minded as to assume that bisexuality is something akin to a phase. Perhaps I should explain that to my ex-husband (male) whom I share 3 children with or maybe my current spouse (female); that I am just exploring my options because I am bisexual ... or better yet ... I should take out an ad in the paper professing my bisexuality and offer up my body to anyone interested that fits my preferred type for a man or a woman ... just so ... you know ... I can check out all my options before I decide to just be gay.

I'm usually not one to be negative towards other posters ... but please ... try not to be so damn shallow or stupid as to assume that bisexual preferences are just a stage of indecision or an excuse to sleep around.

Try to think next time, Jack-hole.

I don't think my post was worth your 'unusual'l menstrual anger attack - and its pissy fits like that that will get this thread closed.

How in the sam heck is saying that its unwise for someone who posts about coming out to their parents about being 'bisexual' which to them is pretty much just being gay - shallow and stupid? She hasnt dated women. She is flirting with the thought of it for less than half a year, and she wants to TRY it. She wants to come out of the 'closet' to an unaccepting family for something that she doesnt even know she wants yet.

If you were to drank beer once, would you run do your family and exclaim you are an alchoholic?

Er, no, sexist personal attacks like that will get this thread closed.

Linking sexual orientation with an ADDICTION is also way out of line.

And what post did you read where she said she wanted to "try" anything out? She said she WAS bisexual, hadn't yet dated, but wasn't sure how to approach it when it came to her religious family.

Goddamit, Beto, why do I even try.

I got it from I would love to be able to date women. . I would assume if you wanted to start something then you haven't done it before?

And exactly why do any of us try? Its a label - and its not going to change any ones views on anything by arguing about it.

"Trying to date women" does not mean, "I want to try being bisexual." That's like someone saying, "I'm single but I want to try dating" (heteronormative perspective), or, for further comparisons, "I've been divorced for two years, but I want to try getting back into the dating pool." In both cases, the "attraction" or "desire" isn't the "try," it's the dating aspect.

As for your last statement: for some people, information can help change views. I suppose people just...choose... to be ignorant?

Disagreeing with you does not make us ignorant. Are we not allowed to have our own feelings and stances on topics? I understand people will not feel the way I do about things and I am ok with that.

Can we just agree to disagree and move on? We are here to help Missimperfect with her difficult situation, not argue about how the world should view this issue. Lets redirect to helpful comments and not on our own feeling about this topic.

Ok.. so here is my two cents.
I think you should take some time and really try to better understand if you are in fact "bisexual" or just interested in exploring things sexually. Also I wonder if you are actually in fact, gay, but since you have this "fear" of coming out to your family, you still hold on to the option of being with a man, or its just a way to let your family down easy. Does that make sense? My best friend is gay and he dated women for years and even started out by saying he was "bisexual", when in fact he was just fearful of what his conservative friends and family would say. He has been with the same man, who did the exact same thing, for over 5 years, happily. I think it took some years of him "exploring" to finally say "YES! I'm gay!" I think once you actually know, and i think its best that you are on your own, in your own place, stable, to tell your family that you are gay. I think this way you can feel confident and not guilted but their influence.

If you indeed "bi" as you say, why not find yourself a man for a committed relationship. You'd not have these family guilt issues and the self esteem issues that come from keeping a dark secret from the people most close to you. Realize that when you do commit to a person, you have to suppress your desires for other people you might otherwise be attracted to regardless of gender. And the advantage of marrying the opposite sex, is you'd be able to have children, insurance issues are easier, and society is more accepting. You can be honest with yourself about having feelings for women without acting on them it that's what you choose to do.

The bible takes a very dim view on homosexuality. Believe or don't believe - up to you, but if you have a choice, why not choose a heterosexual lifestyle?

If you were truly homosexual I could see it being a much more difficult issue.

Oh my. Being gay or bisexual isn't a "choice". One doesn't wake up in the morning, look at the shining sun and say "I do believe today I'm going to be gay!" It's evident that you know nothing about bisexuality or homosexuality for that matter. It's not something that can be changed or forced out of a person. Being bisexual means that a person can have a long and stable relationship with either sex. She can't change who she loves and trying to force someone who is gay or bisexual into something that's not them . . . . smh. Would you also tell someone who is confused about who they are gender-wise to just suck it up and be the person that they are on the outside even though everything in them is saying they're a different gender?

It's no wonder that people who are homosexual, bisexual, trans-gender are afraid to come out of the closet because people like you will tell them it's basically wrong, that they have to change and then proceed to try and make them into something they're not.

Here's a question: What if you went to school and pursued a degree in Electrical Engineering because that's what you wanted to do. Once you graduated, got your PE and was ready to pursue your career you were told no, you can't be an EE you have to be a bagger at the grocery store and you just have to accept that. Sure your passion is for Electrical Engineering but you really need to temper that and be a bagger. Would you be happy and fulfilled with the choice someone else made for you? (I know I'm not comparing apples to apples but you get the idea)

And not to be a total Debbie downer on your whole marriage thing but there are a lot of states where gay people can get married and have all the benefits of heterosexual married people.

Thanks for your respectful response, without resorting to insults as others have done. I still see an impressionable 20 year old that has a choice to make and everyone encouraging her to follow her urges into homosexual encounters. Sorry I don't agree with that advice. She has choices, and not all of them revolve around a hormonal response. If a bisexual can commit to an opposite sex person that they are attracted to, I believe that would be the best course for that person.

SO when I met the love of my life, I should have said to her: "Sorry, you are a woman. I must wait for someone of the opposite sex to come along so I can feel attracted to him and live happily ever after"?
I am sorry but life doesn't work like this. Things happen that we do not plan or do not necessarily want to happen. If I have the choice between living with the woman I love and being on my own waiting for "Mr. Right", hell, I know what I am "choosing" :-)

Heterosexual people dont go around confessing they are heterosexual..

Well yeah. Because being heterosexual is the norm. o.O

I know several bisexual people. It's the norm for them. I know a few in the Dom/sub lifestyle. It's the norm for them too. Some live it openly. Most dont. Some things in life are on a need to know basis and at this point for the OP (where there isn't a serious relationship that would need to be introduced to parents) there isn't a need for the parents to know. It wouldn't benefit the OP or the parents. If there's no benefit and there's a possibility of pitfalls, one doesn't need to tell everything they know.

This may not help you because every family is different. My one brother is gay and we all ( there are 2 girls, 2 boys in our family) love him EXACTLY the same as each other. I guess he is pretty strong, as in if someone cannot accept his sexuality he is basically like forget you. I am so glad he has that strong gene because I care too much about what others think. Your family should love you NO MATTER WHAT!!! It makes me so sad, I cried when I watched the one movie called "Prayers for Bobby" on Lifetime, where the mother did not accept her gay son and he killed himself that is just soooo uncalled for very very sad. I wish everyone just accepted everyone whatever their sexuality!!!
Keep strong and I hope that if you tell your family everything works out well!!! :-)

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