How do you help a loved one lose weight?

Excepticon
Excepticon Posts: 83 Member
in Motivation and Support
My husband is morbidly obese. He knows it. He always says he wants to lose weight, yet when I "push" him to do something healthy, he's not interested. I've learned to cook healthier at home so that at least I know when he eats meals here he's not eating something horrible. However, he's a cop on the night shift and so meals while he's at work consist of fast-food-type restaurants.

Just looking for tips.

Replies

  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
    Maybe pack some healthy food for him to take to work? Find active things to do when spending time together, go for walks and so on.
  • Excepticon
    Excepticon Posts: 83 Member
    Maybe pack some healthy food for him to take to work? Find active things to do when spending time together, go for walks and so on.

    He can't take any snacks to work. And I do suggest things for us to do together: he went hiking with me ONE time. I ask him all the time to come to the gym with me, or to help do minimal stuff like clean the pool, rake the yard, etc... always with the same turn-down.
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
    If he doesn't want to do it, there is nothing you can do.

    The best option is to lead by example. My husband helped motivate me to lose weight by dropping 50 of his own pounds. I saw how much attention he got from the rest of the family, and in my jealous rage, I lost about 20 of my own. :)

    If you nag him about it, he will lose his mojo and not feel sexy at all. Reassure him that you think he's awesome and then go workout. Either he'll join you or he won't, but in my experience it feels very strange to be sitting around while my spouse works out and looks all hot and stuff. At some point, I had to put the cookies away and get up and do my own thing so I could keep up.
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
    It sounds to me like he's not yet at his personal breaking point, where he decides for himself that he needs to get healthy. If he is morbidly obese i would have a serious conversation about how it will affect his health and how his health will affect your whole family not just him personally. Just out of curiosity, with him being a cop, isn't there some kind of fitness/health test that he is supposed to pass at his job?
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    He has to want it, period.
  • Faye_Anderson
    Faye_Anderson Posts: 1,495 Member
    If he's morbidly obese and knows it and wants to change then he will. If he can't take snacks and has to chose his own meals at work then no amount of tips will help you. He's an adult, he knows what he should and shouldn't be eating
  • Excepticon
    Excepticon Posts: 83 Member
    If you nag him about it, he will lose his mojo and not feel sexy at all.

    I understand completely - I try to be supportive, and I think I'm just at the point where it's going to get ugly!
    Just out of curiosity, with him being a cop, isn't there some kind of fitness/health test that he is supposed to pass at his job?

    Yes ma'am, and he passes somehow. Physically he's about 5'8" and ~350lbs. He's also their best marksman, so I think there's a curve...
  • MelStren
    MelStren Posts: 457 Member
    You can't do any thing to help him lose weight until he's ready to do it for himself.
  • Excepticon
    Excepticon Posts: 83 Member
    He has to want it, period.

    True.

    I just want him to want it before it's too late!
  • JustPeachy044
    JustPeachy044 Posts: 770 Member
    Once he decides, you be as supportive as possible. Until then, you are walking a tightrope, between providing encouragement and "nagging". For me, the more I am reminded that I need to do something, the less I want to do it. It is about control. Of course I am passive-aggressive, but maybe he is too....
  • Ant_the_old_keith_lemon
    Ant_the_old_keith_lemon Posts: 272 Member
    if its not important to him he wont do it......

    if it is important to you, you need to make the ultimatum tbh..... maybe to a point where sapre time is never spent on the couch?

    do these Cops not get annual medicals (already answered), how can he go down the Aircon ducts in the Nakatomi plaza like John Mclain...

    life is much much easier lighter.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    He has to want it, period.

    True.

    I just want him to want it before it's too late!

    I understand, but it's like any other change, the person has to want it. No matter how much you want it you can't want it enough to make up for them wanting it. There has to be a switch flipped, and until there is you're pretty much sol.
  • sijomial
    sijomial Posts: 19,809 Member
    Would he take a medical?
    Over here quite a few medical firms to a full day health assessment - maybe seeing the results written down in black and white might shock him out of his complacency?
  • TKOhYeah
    TKOhYeah Posts: 8
    I agree, he has to want to do it. I was in the I want to lose weight and doing nothing about it rut for a long time. A good friend of mine started losing weight and dropped almost 100 lbs. It really motivated me to get up and get moving. I have lost 37lbs so far. Last week I ran into an old friend and the 1st thing she said was "Wow, you have lost weight. Good job!" .... It made me feel great that she noticed and has motivated me to stay on track.

    Letting him know your concerns for his health and letting him see you focused on your health may motivate him. But again he realy has to want to do it before it will happen.
  • bpotts44
    bpotts44 Posts: 1,066 Member
    My husband is morbidly obese. He knows it. He always says he wants to lose weight, yet when I "push" him to do something healthy, he's not interested. I've learned to cook healthier at home so that at least I know when he eats meals here he's not eating something horrible. However, he's a cop on the night shift and so meals while he's at work consist of fast-food-type restaurants.

    Just looking for tips.

    I think your best bet is to not nag him at all and lead by example. If you start seeing real results and feeling better that will motivate him. Its really your best hope.
  • blf20
    blf20 Posts: 97 Member
    As someone formerly like your husband, I can tell you that the motivation had to come from within. He's in a high stress job and works nights - both tough to handle. If he's not getting enough sleep, and eats to compensate, that is also a factor.

    If you are the primary cook, there are plenty of great websites where you can lighten up his favourites: skinnytaste, picky eater, janet and greta, even Paula Deen's son. He wouldn't even notice the difference. And if he cooks, he might use the recipe after he tastes it first.
  • boatsie77
    boatsie77 Posts: 480 Member
    Can you HELP someone lose weight--yes....but you're wanting to MAKE someone lose weight--you can't do that, so the first thing you need to do is to release your expectation that you can. As others have said, you just need to control the things you can (your diet/exercise, the food you cook for him), let him know that you love him and will be there to support him should he decide to get healthy, and continue on knowing you've done everything you can for him.

    Pardon my bluntness...but deep down inside, aside from your thoughts of the heartbreak of what can inevitably happen if he doesn't chose to change his lifestyle, you need to ensure you and your family are prepared financially to face that event...if that includes a discussion with him about adequate life/disability insurance, so be it---maybe that will give him something to think about and something less for you to worry about.

    I pray that he makes the decision to turn his lifestyle around and he'll be blessed that he has a supportive wife to help him get healthy.
  • apexgtp
    apexgtp Posts: 64 Member
    He will want to lose weight once he has a heart attack. If he wont even help you with the household work such as raking maybe there is a bigger problem.
  • jzammetti
    jzammetti Posts: 1,956 Member
    He has to want it; otherwise there is nothing you can do.

    You can make your tools available to him - fat2fitradio.com and MFP...but if he isn't interested, then there is nothing you can do until he is. My son is big and needs to eat better so over the past two years of my weight loss journey he has been aware of my calorie counting and talking about eating what I want in moderation. A month ago he finally asked me to help him calculate his calories after he stepped on the scale at an impressive 198 pounds (he is 13). I had to wait until he wanted it - and I never told him he should diet because I didn't want him to feel bad because of something I said - so I focused on me and he eventually got on the bandwagon.
  • selig0730
    selig0730 Posts: 509 Member
    Invite him to MFP...if u told me that I can eat whatever I want and lose weight I would have laughed at you...just have him stay within calories and also take a walk with him so hes not going by himself but something that both of you could do together. He wont want to lose weight if u just make him healthy food so you gotta teach him to eat enough calories to just just lose a little a week after losing weight his attitude may change and will want to lose more...hope this helps:)
  • Retiredmom72
    Retiredmom72 Posts: 538 Member
    I agree that he has to want it. If you do most of the cooking, prepare lower calorie choices BUT do NOT tell him that it is lower in calories.
  • axialmeow
    axialmeow Posts: 382 Member
    You are doing what you can. He has to want to do this for himself. Does his job put pressure on him to get in shape? I imagine they would. How does he handle that?
  • Excepticon
    Excepticon Posts: 83 Member
    Thank you everyone for your support and suggestions. From what I gather, I'm being as supportive as I can. As for his work thing, a few of you have asked, he does get criticism from his superiors, and he gets made fun of from his coworkers. But when it comes down to crunch time he can pass the physicals.

    I just wanted to hear what other people that have been in my shoes (and his) have done that have helped, and all of you guys have been really helpful.

    (And he does have a MFP account. Txcop03, but I don't think he's been on but once or twice.)
  • Excepticon
    Excepticon Posts: 83 Member
    No point in having an MFP account with out friends. Get him on here and active, he needs friends to encourage and motivate him.

    >.<
    If I didn't have trouble persuading him to do things that are beneficial to him, that would be easy. I even installed the app on his phone for him.
  • Excepticon
    Excepticon Posts: 83 Member
    I hope this doesn't come across rude, it's not my intention. If i was you, next time he says he wants to lose weight, I'd just say. "no you don't, every opportunity that comes up you don't take." or something along those lines. That's just me, some say i have no tact. Sorry if it's not your style.

    No harm, no foul. That's basically what I've been saying to him the past few weeks. Honestly that's why I'm at my wits' end and asking for advice.

    I'm just gonna keep pluggin away at making myself better for me and hopefully he'll see how much better I feel and look and then get on with his bad self.

    Again, thanks for all the support you guys!

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