Today i'm sad, holding in the tears as much as possible. :(

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24

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  • fitsin10
    fitsin10 Posts: 141
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    Send your Mom a letter or a card telling her how much you miss her and you together. Ask her what she needs from you to make it easier for her and let her know how much you miss her and how lonely you feel without her participating in your life. Ask her for a hug and tell her how much you love her. Our paths in life aren't always what parents dream for their children, but parents come around, some need more time than others but in the end that's all we have....family! .....HUG!!!!
    P.S.
    talk to your friends about it, they will help you through this lonely time.
  • photogal375
    photogal375 Posts: 149 Member
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    I'm so sorry... I wish there was something I could do to help. Just know that you are a beautiful person and maybe one day soon your mom will realize how much she misses & loves you.... pick up the phone and give you a call. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
  • ukloveme
    ukloveme Posts: 125
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    What i learnt about life is their nothng that time cant heal. Just let your mum know you love and miss her and the rest will follow in time. Have faith and keep smiling.
  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
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    I'm going to hope your parents can come to remember that you are still the daughter they loved when you were a child. ((HUGS)). Reading your post made me think you are totally lovable, and I hope that your family comes to realize that really soon!
  • keelz2010
    keelz2010 Posts: 182
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    Aww bless you, I really feel for you. Sometimes it can be a lot to process for a parent, and can take some time. She probably finds it hard to talk about so is avoiding the situation completly. I would suggest writing her a Christmas card, and pop a letter inside.

    Explain that you came out to her as you needed a mothers support at a confusing time, and that you miss the relationship you had prior to this. Let her know you understand that she finds it difficult and she has all the time to come to terms with it, but you are happy as you are and she need not worry for you. You could include a gift , or a giftcard for a spa day, or a nice lunch and ask her to join you for a day out and celebrate the new year. Give her the card then go out for a few hours, give her some time to think about what you have written. Hopefully this will let her see how you are feeling.

    You can include a link to this website for families of people that have come out, I sent the li k to my own parents-this is the UK one;

    http://www.fflag.org.uk/index.php?option=com_content&view=frontpage&Itemid=25

    or US
    http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=539
  • Ejourneys
    Ejourneys Posts: 1,603 Member
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    (((Hugs))) I'm sorry. Five years is a long time.

    My partner had a harder time than I did when she came out to her parents (we both came out over 30 years ago). I learned some years ago that parents of LGBT also have their own coming-out process to do.

    There's a lot of good information over at PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends Lesbians and Gays):
    https://community.pflag.org/

    They offer free publications here:
    https://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=594

    They also have a chapter in Greensboro. You don't have to do this alone.

    Maybe your mother really needs to know that she is not alone, either. Other parents have gone through what she has and have come around.

    Above all, keep treasuring yourself. That will also set a good example for your mom.
  • Ejourneys
    Ejourneys Posts: 1,603 Member
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    or US
    http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=539

    Ya beat me to it, keelz2010. :D
  • FatIsNotGood4Me
    FatIsNotGood4Me Posts: 45 Member
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    Sorry about your sadness... I don't have any on my family that is gay or lesbian and I am thankful for that, you know why, because It'll be hell for that person, I am from a very conservative family, sometimes I just wonder if I was adopted lol I think different, I just don't understand why we just can love people equally, I pray you don't hold your feelings against your mother, hope your mother can accept you as you are, hugs to you... give your mother some time, probably she is trying to process this change, and soon she will hold you into her arms and love you like you deserve. God bless you girl {{{hugs}}}
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    My youngest daughter came out about a year ago and her older sister and father refuse to have anything to do with her, but as her mother I can say that for me as long as she is happy that is all I care about..

    ((HUGS))

    Good for you, Mom! I don't understand how some parents can just stop loving their babies like that! They should be grateful to have raised a happy, healthy, loving child - regardless of sexuality. Maybe they just need time to adjust, but maybe they are set in their ways.

    OP, I kinda know what it's like to have to sever ties with family. My husband is estranged from his parents, although not for the same reason. It really sucks when a parent can't respect that their adult children are independent people, not an extension of themselves. Maybe your Mom will come around in time, but if she doesn't, that's on her, not you!

    It may be that you need to find your own family - you aren't stuck with the people who share your genes - just ask my husband. I don't believe in keeping relationships with unsupportive/unloving/abusive/negative people. It's disappointing and hurtful to not be accepted by the people who should make you feel safe, but don't let them bring you down. :heart:
  • Zeromilediet
    Zeromilediet Posts: 787 Member
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    As a mother now I could not ever think about not loving my child regardless of what he chooses.

    ^^ This ... except I'd add this is not a choice.

    Stay strong and be who you are.
  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
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    Parents are afraid for their gay children. Things were worse when your mom was your age. She's worried about discrimination, ignorance against you and all sorts of potential problems. Also, parents have dreams for their children from the time they find out about the pregnancy. Reality isn't matching up. She's in withdrawl. It's not necessarily against you. She has a lot to process. Look at how much trouble Cher has talking about Chaz and she's very cool. Keep being you. Mom will come around. In the meantime, seek out support from other sources, including moms of friends. My kids have gay friends and I love them to pieces.
    This is well said ^
    OP I think it is very unfair and (sorry to say) selfish of your mother (because it is possible she is making it about her instead of supporting you. ) Many hugs to you darling.
  • meaghan2008
    meaghan2008 Posts: 401 Member
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    Thank you everyone for the advice & hugs & love! Glad to know that I have a strong supportive team here not just for my WL journey but as well as my life journey! You guys are amazing and I was soooooo nervous to post anything about this but I had a burden on my heart and I had to let it out. Thanks for listening & I def will try most of the advice you all have given me! I'm proud to say you guys are like MFP Fam <3

    Much Love

    Meaghan

    xoxox
  • lilpoindexter
    lilpoindexter Posts: 1,122 Member
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    Damn, that's terrible. A lot of us have difficult relationships with a/our parent(s) for a lot of reasons. Good luck. :wink:
  • CarlieeBear
    CarlieeBear Posts: 325 Member
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    There are things we don't know about this, that might help.

    How did the conversation go? How did she react? How did you react to her reaction? Why might your mom not be okay with homosexuality? Is she a religious person?

    It could be that she feels like you're avoiding her. When my brother moved in with his gf, we found out from the shared answering machine. In our family, that's taboo. From our perspective, we gave him space. He's still distant years later. We did try to reach out for him at first, but he ignored us, so it is a bit different.

    I think that after 5 years, it's time to try to communicate with her. Let her know you love and want a relationship with her. I also think you need to let her know it's safe for her to express any negative response she may have. She needs to be comfortable asking her questions and sharing her concerns with you. If she tries and you get upset, you can't really blame her for being distant. You both need to be able to talk about things unconditionally.

    I think most straight people, esp. those of us who believe homosexuality is sinful, are afraid to share our views because there has been so much hostility shown toward those who believe that way from the homosexual community. I've had good working relationships with homosexuals and believe in respecting them no matter my views. That doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to tell them honestly how I feel about their lifestyle if they're close enough or the subject comes up.
  • valeriebpdx
    valeriebpdx Posts: 499 Member
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    ^^ Thank you for your helpful and not-at-all ignorant post.
  • Toya2xcel
    Toya2xcel Posts: 107 Member
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    I am really sorry you are going through this. I believe your mom is grieving for the you that she thought you would become. To be honest as a mom myself with a daughter, we as mothers dream about our daughters one day marrying a man that will treat her right, helping her to pick out her wedding dress, being there for her as she has kids of her own. She is grieving the loss of all that because now she realizes all of that is just a dream that may never become reality. Parents want the very best for their children. They don't want to think about their children facing discrimination and hardships. In an odd way, I think she is pushing you away because she loves you so much. But at the end of the day love should ALWAYS be unconditional, especially the love between a mother and her child. Hopefully, one day she will come around and see how much time she has wasted with you and love you as you are. I wish you the best.
  • libbymcbain
    libbymcbain Posts: 206 Member
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    I am so sorry to hear that your mother has reacted with distance to your being honest with her. I hope that you find a path to a better relationship with her. And I also hope that you have found or find surrogate family who you can have a much more straightforward relationship with. Various instances of family disintegration (due to divorce, death, disagreement) in my own life have led me to find some really, truly wonderful people who accept and love me for who I am, no justifications, no judgements.

    And by the way, you aren't sinful. Not even slightly.
  • SpanksNotSpanx
    SpanksNotSpanx Posts: 31 Member
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    I'm so so sorry that you have to go through this, but beautiful.. you are never never alone. When I brought home my first girlfriend my mother refused to acknowledge our relationship, calling her my friend even after almost a year together.

    Parents .. especially moms I think... really do have to go through a whole grieving process and come around to the realization that nothing has changed. Parents still like to blame themselves, like it's something to be prevented, or something wrong just because it's different than what they're used to. They have to grieve their perception of normality.. They have to grieve the nuclear family that you could have had.. And as all steps of grieving they go through denial.. refusing to believe that you aren't just doing this for attention, anger... that this isn't what they were expecting or how they raised you, bargaining.. why is this happening to me.. what can I do to change this, what can I give to make you feel differently?, depression.. and acceptance.... whether they agree or not with your life. All of that.. has less to do with you than you may think.. and unfortunately until she's ready (however long that may take) she may not be emotionally capable of carrying on an adult relationship with you.

    So send your Christmas cards and letters to her, but don't do it for her.. do it for your own heart. Send her those gentle reminders that you're the same person, only... the same person being honest and trusting her.. and know in your own heart that you are strong and doing everything that you can one day at a time.
  • Susanthecatwhisperer
    Susanthecatwhisperer Posts: 141 Member
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    I'm so sorry your mom is having a hard time with it. I'm proud of you! I wish there were something I could do to make it easier for you. How is your father dealing with it? Are your parents still together?
    Maybe there's a book out there (for a gift) for your mom, to explain to her you're still who you are.
    Hugs!!:flowerforyou:
  • robin52077
    robin52077 Posts: 4,383 Member
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    I have no helpful advice...

    I would still love the hell out of either of my boys if they told me they were gay, and support them to the fullest. Nothing would ever change that.

    I want to hug you right now....:cry:

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