i'm scared and i don't know what to expect

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2

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  • Trueray
    Trueray Posts: 1,189 Member
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    People are saying they won't judge you but they will. Not really in a bad way but more like "Why is she doing this, doesn't she know we love her." type of way. Besides if you really love them you won't be doing this, your just putting them through a lot of pain and agony by acting like this. Grandparents hearts are not as strong as it use too and their sensitive creatures.

    All I want to say is think about your grandparents(who you say you love) before attempting this again and how it will affect them.

    Be strong, keep your head up you'll be fine.
  • rileysowner
    rileysowner Posts: 8,238 Member
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    As stated, they love you. I am sure they are very happy they have you with them for Christmas. Having said that, they probably have no idea how to approach you. I know I wouldn't. so they may say or do things out of their love that are not exactly what you may want. It likely won't be intentionally judgmental, but could come across that way.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,108 Member
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    I agree, they are going to want to help.

    Just be aware that people who love you are not going to know what to say. In my darkest hours, I thought people were judging me, but now I know that they just didn't know what to do, or what to say, and they were very afraid.

    It is human nature to judge. Every thing any one of us does is judged by others. You judge, and you are judged.

    Now with that said, have you ever heard "Judge not, lest you be judged."? To me that means that if you are having positive thoughts toward your family, you will think they are having positive thoughts toward you. If you feel like everyone is out to get you, that is what you will see. If you think no one loves you, you will perceive every comment as negative judgement. Things other people do are for themselves. They aren't "out to get you" or "judging you" (in a negative way) - they are merely looking at circumstances from the outside, and from their own perspectives, clouded by their own experience. Like the lady above said, they are trying to figure out what they can do. This is scary for them, and they've probably never had to deal with something like this.

    I hope you get well. You deserve it. You are almost an adult, and you can steer your own path now. I hope you choose laughter and joy, not darkness.
  • wjniii
    wjniii Posts: 110 Member
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    Grandparents, more often than not, give love that is unconditional. You don't need to do anything for it or earn it. They won't judge you but they do want you around so they can love you.
  • KrazyAsianNic
    KrazyAsianNic Posts: 1,227 Member
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    Everyone makes mistakes. We are only human. I don't think your grandparents will want to judge you. They may want to talk about it and help prevent it in the future, but as everyone else says, they love you. They will be there to help you in any way they can.
  • VictoriaWorksOut
    VictoriaWorksOut Posts: 195 Member
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    They will not be judging you, they will be trying to find right things to say to express how happy they are that your are with them and that they do not want you to go down the same path ever again.

    I do not know what you have experienced in your life and why thoughts of complete hopelessness and despair has creeped in to your life. Whatever it is, it's past. Look to the future, it is bright and you have every option available that is within your reach. You are young and beautiful, and you have family (not perfect, but who has perfect family!) to support you the best they can.

    You can't drive forward if all you do is look in rear view mirror. Look at future, it is bright! Don't discount the whole day if it starts out with raining weather. Often sun comes out even before lunchtime. Your life and your future really is what you will make it to be.
    Hugs and have a wonderful Christmas!
  • NaomiJFoster
    NaomiJFoster Posts: 1,450 Member
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    I don't think your grandparents are going to be judgemental in a bad way. But you did scare them, they will be concerned, and conversation will probably be awkward. They will very likely not really know exactly what to say or how to act. And it's probable that someone is going to say exactly the wrong thing, in the wrong tone, at the wrong time. That doesn't mean that they are angry, or disappointed, or hateful toward you. It means that they are human too, and they will make mistakes.

    Try to going into the day with love in your heart and understanding in your mind. Maybe if you bring up the topic in a lighthearted way ("Hey everyone, I'm so glad that I didn't miss out on this special day with you!") it will open the door to a more meaningful conversation, or even let everyone know that it isn't something to worry about on this day.

    But, I'll say it again. They're going to say something 'wrong'. Please try not to get too upset by it, and try to understand that it's just because they have absolutely no idea what to say that would be 'right'.
  • returntorural
    returntorural Posts: 350 Member
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    ((hugs))
    I've been the one in the hospital, worried about people judging me when I got out.
    Know that people really do want to help, but recognize that different people will express their concern in different ways.
    Some may act irritated with you. Others will want to hug you and not let go.
    Meet people where they are, just as you hope they'll do for you.
    If they want to talk about your stay in the hospital, talk about what helped rather than what you didn't like.
    Should there ever be a time when it's best for you to return to the hospital for treatment, you want your family to know that's a safe place to take you if you're feeling like hurting yourself.

    Blessings to you. Please know that it can get better. It does get better. It's hard work but you're totally worth the effort.
    Feel free to friend me.
  • NaomiJFoster
    NaomiJFoster Posts: 1,450 Member
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    ((hugs))
    I've been the one in the hospital, worried about people judging me when I got out.
    Know that people really do want to help, but recognize that different people will express their concern in different ways.
    Some may act irritated with you. Others will want to hug you and not let go.
    Meet people where they are, just as you hope they'll do for you.
    If they want to talk about your stay in the hospital, talk about what helped rather than what you didn't like.
    Should there ever be a time when it's best for you to return to the hospital for treatment, you want your family to know that's a safe place to take you if you're feeling like hurting yourself.

    Blessings to you. Please know that it can get better. It does get better. It's hard work but you're totally worth the effort.
    Feel free to friend me.

    That was lovely.
  • returntorural
    returntorural Posts: 350 Member
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    Thanks, Naomi.
    It's what I would've wanted to hear after my experience.
  • BorderlineAngel
    BorderlineAngel Posts: 214
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    Besides if you really love them you won't be doing this

    You obviously don't know anything about mental illness.
    When you feel like everyone would be happier without you and you'd be making the world a better place it's a different story.
  • returntorural
    returntorural Posts: 350 Member
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    Besides if you really love them you won't be doing this

    You obviously don't know anything about mental illness.
    When you feel like everyone would be happier without you and you'd be making the world a better place it's a different story.

    Wow. This. Well said, Angel.
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
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    Besides if you really love them you won't be doing this

    You obviously don't know anything about mental illness.
    When you feel like everyone would be happier without you and you'd be making the world a better place it's a different story.
    Besides if you really love them you won't be doing this

    You obviously don't know anything about mental illness.
    When you feel like everyone would be happier without you and you'd be making the world a better place it's a different story.

    ^Truth.

    (1) I don't know you and don't know what your home life is like but judging by your profile, its not optimal.

    (2) In all likelihood your parents/grandparents are scared sh**tless and may say something that's less than eloquent. Prepare yourself for that but know that it is your life and as such its all you have.

    (3) You need to find a way to help yourself. The mental health system is there but there are not enough experts in the world to fix someone who doesn't really want help. No one can really "fix" you but you.

    (4) Find something that drives you, and use it. And find something that's healthy that you enjoy and do it.
  • BorderlineAngel
    BorderlineAngel Posts: 214
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    Besides if you really love them you won't be doing this

    You obviously don't know anything about mental illness.
    When you feel like everyone would be happier without you and you'd be making the world a better place it's a different story.
    Besides if you really love them you won't be doing this

    You obviously don't know anything about mental illness.
    When you feel like everyone would be happier without you and you'd be making the world a better place it's a different story.

    ^Truth.

    (1) I don't know you and don't know what your home life is like but judging by your profile, its not optimal.

    (2) In all likelihood your parents/grandparents are scared sh**tless and may say something that's less than eloquent. Prepare yourself for that but know that it is your life and as such its all you have.

    (3) You need to find a way to help yourself. The mental health system is there but there are not enough experts in the world to fix someone who doesn't really want help. No one can really "fix" you but you.

    (4) Find something that drives you, and use it. And find something that's healthy that you enjoy and do it.

    When did I say I didn't want help? There's a reason I go to a psychologist every week?
    I dance, I run, I lift weights, I eat healthily 24/7... none of these things are healthy?
  • returntorural
    returntorural Posts: 350 Member
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    Besides if you really love them you won't be doing this

    You obviously don't know anything about mental illness.
    When you feel like everyone would be happier without you and you'd be making the world a better place it's a different story.
    Besides if you really love them you won't be doing this

    You obviously don't know anything about mental illness.
    When you feel like everyone would be happier without you and you'd be making the world a better place it's a different story.

    ^Truth.

    (1) I don't know you and don't know what your home life is like but judging by your profile, its not optimal.

    (2) In all likelihood your parents/grandparents are scared sh**tless and may say something that's less than eloquent. Prepare yourself for that but know that it is your life and as such its all you have.

    (3) You need to find a way to help yourself. The mental health system is there but there are not enough experts in the world to fix someone who doesn't really want help. No one can really "fix" you but you.

    (4) Find something that drives you, and use it. And find something that's healthy that you enjoy and do it.

    When did I say I didn't want help? There's a reason I go to a psychologist every week?
    I dance, I run, I lift weights, I eat healthily 24/7... none of these things are healthy?

    Here's an example of folks trying to help but maybe not saying things in a way that you find helpful. I don't think that was the poster's intent. Nobody knows your full story (including your family) so anyone offering ideas, comfort, encouragement is going to meet up with your true view of the whole experience. Trust that folks want to help and just nod and smile at those who don't quite get it right.
    Just an idea.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    They won't be judging you, but they might walk on eggshells a bit. They probably won't entirely understand why you did it, and will maybe try to avoid the topic completely.

    Just be who you are and everything will be okay.

    By the way, please don't do that again. Life has ups and downs, and you have to try to remember that no matter how low and long the down is, there is always an up on its way. Be good to yourself.
  • SanteMulberry
    SanteMulberry Posts: 3,202 Member
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    It happened to my daughter and if it helps this were my main thoughts:

    OMG did I do enough for her
    Could I have been there for her more
    Could I have prevent it
    So glad that she is alive
    I couldn't bear the thought of losing her
    What can I do to help her in the future
    How can I be there for her
    I wish I could put a bandaid on her to make her better
    I cannot wait to see her again and just give her the biggest hug of her life
    I am going to do everything in my power to ensure she gets better

    You will notice that every sentance has the word 'I' in. At a time like this they will not be focusing on what you have done, but on what they have done and what they could and should have done.

    They love you. embrace their love and snuggle into it this Christmas.

    Excellent! :flowerforyou:

    p.s. I'm glad that your daughter made it.
  • SanteMulberry
    SanteMulberry Posts: 3,202 Member
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    Long story short, life got to be a bit much last week and I tried to OD.
    After I got out of hospital, my parents were informed by the mental health workers as to what happened and they told my mum's parents (my grandparents who I adore).

    I am seeing them for christmas lunch tomorrow and I am scared they will judge or look down on me. :(

    They no doubt love you a great deal and are probably mightily relieved to have you still here. They won't likely know what to say. You could start the conversation if you have the desire to do so. I doubt they will judge (but they could be bewildered, hurt and just a smidge angry).
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
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    Besides if you really love them you won't be doing this

    You obviously don't know anything about mental illness.
    When you feel like everyone would be happier without you and you'd be making the world a better place it's a different story.
    Besides if you really love them you won't be doing this

    You obviously don't know anything about mental illness.
    When you feel like everyone would be happier without you and you'd be making the world a better place it's a different story.

    ^Truth.

    (1) I don't know you and don't know what your home life is like but judging by your profile, its not optimal.

    (2) In all likelihood your parents/grandparents are scared sh**tless and may say something that's less than eloquent. Prepare yourself for that but know that it is your life and as such its all you have.

    (3) You need to find a way to help yourself. The mental health system is there but there are not enough experts in the world to fix someone who doesn't really want help. No one can really "fix" you but you.

    (4) Find something that drives you, and use it. And find something that's healthy that you enjoy and do it.

    When did I say I didn't want help? There's a reason I go to a psychologist every week?
    I dance, I run, I lift weights, I eat healthily 24/7... none of these things are healthy?

    Here's an example of folks trying to help but maybe not saying things in a way that you find helpful. I don't think that was the poster's intent. Nobody knows your full story (including your family) so anyone offering ideas, comfort, encouragement is going to meet up with your true view of the whole experience. Trust that folks want to help and just nod and smile at those who don't quite get it right.
    Just an idea.

    All I can do is reach out. If you want perfection then I wouldn't even pretend to be qualified. Sorry.
  • darlilama
    darlilama Posts: 794 Member
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    I really hope you're getting help. :flowerforyou:

    HAHA don't really have a choice. It was either I stay in the psych ward for an extra week or I get home visits.
    No way was I staying there!

    I wasn't meaning the help that's forced on you. I was meaning that I hope there's a professional you know, or find, who you will really talk to, and hopefully resolve what you were feeling so this doesn't happen again.

    Yeah I've been going to a psych who I really like for couple months. But cos we are bringing up old stuff I had blocked out it kind of triggers everything.

    I worked with a wonderful lady once who didn't try suicide, but was hurting herself (cutting, etc.). Once she got into therapy, it initally became worse, not better. She struggled. She told me that her doctor told her it was like peeling an onion, getting through all the layers of hurt, anger, denial, self-loathing, and whatever else might be in the way of finding your true self that is there, in the center. I'm sure your family loves you no matter what. They may have trouble finding a way to say it. Listen with your heart, not your ears. :heart: I hope the day becomes a wonderful memory for you and for your family.

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