Am I Being Weird?
melissam226
Posts: 59
in Chit-Chat
So my guy and I have been together 3 years as of last week. He's 31, I'm 28. We moved in together last February and it's been really awesome so far. We talked about marriage and he said he's open to it, as am I, but we need to get a little more stable financially. And I totally agreed--I just don't see marriage as a step we need to rush into right now. He's a teacher looking for a career change after this school year and I'm currently trying to get licensed as an attorney.
Anyway, I went into his bag before Christmas to get a stain remover pen thing after asking him and saw a little bag from a jewelry store in there and freaked out a little. I then assured myself it was probably earrings or a bracelet. I love surprises so I didn't want to snoop.
So then Christmas Eve comes around where we do just stockings. Mine had a bracelet in it--and a ring.
Yeah, he got me a ring...a gorgeous amethyst and white gold ring with CZ stones and diamond accents. I expected him to say something else but all he said was, "Do you like it?"
And he used the costume jewelry I always wear to size it so it only fits my left ring finger.
My thing is we're still struggling financially and the ring (yes, I looked it up on the jewelry store website) is a decent amount of money even without full diamonds so I kind of wish he had just put that money away for something else--like the living room furniture we're saving up for or the Tokyo trip we keep talking about.
Am I being weird to want either an engagement ring in the future or no ring at all?
I need guys girls to weigh in on this!
Anyway, I went into his bag before Christmas to get a stain remover pen thing after asking him and saw a little bag from a jewelry store in there and freaked out a little. I then assured myself it was probably earrings or a bracelet. I love surprises so I didn't want to snoop.
So then Christmas Eve comes around where we do just stockings. Mine had a bracelet in it--and a ring.
Yeah, he got me a ring...a gorgeous amethyst and white gold ring with CZ stones and diamond accents. I expected him to say something else but all he said was, "Do you like it?"
And he used the costume jewelry I always wear to size it so it only fits my left ring finger.
My thing is we're still struggling financially and the ring (yes, I looked it up on the jewelry store website) is a decent amount of money even without full diamonds so I kind of wish he had just put that money away for something else--like the living room furniture we're saving up for or the Tokyo trip we keep talking about.
Am I being weird to want either an engagement ring in the future or no ring at all?
I need guys girls to weigh in on this!
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Replies
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I don't find him getting you a ring weird. It's a little weird if you have to wear it on your left ring finger though; you may want to get that resized for another finger. Rings are perfectly acceptable gifts so I do kind of think you are being weird by not wanting a ring unless it is an engagement ring. Besides, you are both in agreement that the wedding will wait.0
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Tell him you love the ring, but would prefer that he return it and put it towards the trip because you value having that experience with him over a wonderful gift for you. Leave engagement and furniture out of it entirely.0
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I don't think you're being weird either.
Spending money you really don't have to spend is what I picked out of that.
I think Espressocycle said it very well0 -
I would just keep it. Its a gift from his heart to yours. If you feel awkward wearing it on your left hand I would agree with getting it resized.0
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It's weird to either only want an engagement ring or no ring at all, yes.
But it's not weird to think the money could have been spent so much better elsewhere. And if he really doesn't want to return it, just get it resized and wear it on another finger.
Also, Espressocycle pretty much nailed this.0 -
The first piece of jewelry my guy gave me for Christmas was a ring, and it wasn't the engagement ring I was hoping for. I was a little weirded out, but then realized that he was just trying to get me a pretty piece of jewlery and didn't think (because guys don't think about these things like we do) that it may have been weird to get a ring that fit my ring finger and it not be an engagement ring.
I got the engagement ring 6 months later, and now the first ring is a beautiful right hand ring that reminds of a beautiful Christmas we had together. So while I do think you're being a little weird, I totally understand it.
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I think you risk hurting him if you try to give back the ring. Men don't think the way we do and all of the points you brought up about wanting a different ring or the sizing being finger specific probably didn't even occur to him. Unless what he spent is way out of line with what you can afford, keep the ring and love it for what it is, which is a beautiful and thoughtful gift from the man you love.0
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Unless you only wear rings on your left hand, he might very well have chosen the size specifically for the left hand. My husband got me a "promise" ring (OK this was a thousand years ago and maybe folks don't do that anymore) but point is, this may be his idea of a pre-engagement ring. However, if you don't want it, I like Esproessocycle's idea. It's thoughtful and less likely to hurt your guy's feelings.0
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The first piece of jewelry my guy gave me for Christmas was a ring, and it wasn't the engagement ring I was hoping for. I was a little weirded out, but then realized that he was just trying to get me a pretty piece of jewlery and didn't think (because guys don't think about these things like we do) that it may have been weird to get a ring that fit my ring finger and it not be an engagement ring.
I got the engagement ring 6 months later, and now the first ring is a beautiful right hand ring that reminds of a beautiful Christmas we had together. So while I do think you're being a little weird, I totally understand it.
Pretty much...we think, "Hey, she would like this ring. I should get it." Has no connection to wedding, trip, money, savings, future plans, nothing. I can't say that for all men, but most guys I know would think like this.
Personally, I think I would get my little feelings hurt if you returned a gift I gave you, especially if I gave it with heartfelt intentions.0 -
Personally, if its his money and you have your financial plan lined up and are meeting those goals then he can spend his money however he wants. My husband likes to buy me pretty things, he plans financially to be able to do that and meet his obligation. Sometimes it's just as important to do thoughtful things for the people we love as it is the be responsible. Sometimes it is just as important that we appreciate the effort our loved ones do to getting the perfect (and perfectly fitting) gift as it is to make sure we are being responsible.0
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The first piece of jewelry my guy gave me for Christmas was a ring, and it wasn't the engagement ring I was hoping for. I was a little weirded out, but then realized that he was just trying to get me a pretty piece of jewlery and didn't think (because guys don't think about these things like we do) that it may have been weird to get a ring that fit my ring finger and it not be an engagement ring.
I got the engagement ring 6 months later, and now the first ring is a beautiful right hand ring that reminds of a beautiful Christmas we had together. So while I do think you're being a little weird, I totally understand it.
Pretty much...we think, "Hey, she would like this ring. I should get it." Has no connection to wedding, trip, money, savings, future plans, nothing. I can't say that for all men, but most guys I know would think like this.
Personally, I think I would get my little feelings hurt if you returned a gift I gave you, especially if I gave it with heartfelt intentions.
I agree with both these points. I think you'd hurt his feelings, and I think attaching your expectations to something nice he's trying to do are a good way to both get your feelings hurt and confuse him. I can understand the money thing, but I do think you'd hurt his feelings.0 -
I think you risk hurting him if you try to give back the ring. Men don't think the way we do and all of the points you brought up about wanting a different ring or the sizing being finger specific probably didn't even occur to him. Unless what he spent is way out of line with what you can afford, keep the ring and love it for what it is, which is a beautiful and thoughtful gift from the man you love.
I agree with this. I think it's just a nice gift, and he might be hurt if you return it.0 -
I think it's not weird if that is how you feel. Everyone has a right to feel however they do. But to me it was a gift, which means he saw it thought of you, wanted to get it for you and probably weighed the options. Sure, that money could have been used for furniture or a trip, but those aren't necessities when he was trying to be sweet.
I do think going to the website to look it up was uncalled for, you aren't supposed to know how much someone paid for something and to me that was like you trying to prove your feelings right when you probably felt they were unfounded.
I think this sounds harsher than I meant to, I think it was a sweet gesture and everything, but if you feel he overstepped or it's bothering you a lot you really should talk to him, just let him know you love it.0 -
I think you risk hurting him if you try to give back the ring. Men don't think the way we do and all of the points you brought up about wanting a different ring or the sizing being finger specific probably didn't even occur to him. Unless what he spent is way out of line with what you can afford, keep the ring and love it for what it is, which is a beautiful and thoughtful gift from the man you love.
I agree with this. I think it's just a nice gift, and he might be hurt if you return it.
Oh and by the way, if you asked me if I would get hurt if "we" returned the ring I would say no. Would I ever buy you another ring? Not any time soon.0 -
"It's the thought that counts."
I try my best to buy gifts for those that I love. If they b*tch about what I get them, then, next time they get a gift card or nothing.
If you want something specific, mention it, but don't p*ss on something someone got you.0 -
Personally, if its his money and you have your financial plan lined up and are meeting those goals then he can spend his money however he wants. My husband likes to buy me pretty things, he plans financially to be able to do that and meet his obligation. Sometimes it's just as important to do thoughtful things for the people we love as it is the be responsible. Sometimes it is just as important that we appreciate the effort our loved ones do to getting the perfect (and perfectly fitting) gift as it is to make sure we are being responsible.
I completely agree.0 -
DO NOT GIVE IT BACK TO HIM. He will think twice in the furture about buying you another ring.
Hun, be grateful for what he gave you. If he didn't actually say the words "will you marry me" then it's just a nice piece of jewlery that he thought you'd enjoy (not stress over it). Are your left and right fingers different sizes? I know mine are the same so it would fit on both. .0 -
I've been married 30 years next July and so speak from so experience when I say, enjoy the process and stop all the focus on the destination. Stay in the here and now and be so, so thankful that the man you love cared enough to surprise you in such a delightful and awesome way! Now that the holidays are over you can both get back to your daily goals of saving and planning a future together. Sounds to me like you've got a keeper in that partner of yours
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I think you risk hurting him if you try to give back the ring. Men don't think the way we do and all of the points you brought up about wanting a different ring or the sizing being finger specific probably didn't even occur to him. Unless what he spent is way out of line with what you can afford, keep the ring and love it for what it is, which is a beautiful and thoughtful gift from the man you love.
I agree with this. I think it's just a nice gift, and he might be hurt if you return it.
Oh and by the way, if you asked me if I would get hurt if "we" returned the ring I would say no. Would I ever buy you another ring? Not any time soon.
^this. I don't think your feelings are weird, their yours...but I think gifts should be accepted and treasured, no matter what they are. Maybe I'm weird, but people who nitpick and return gifts, unless it is a size issue, are petty. If he loves you enough to think of going into a jewerly store, a thing most men do only under the duress or with so much love in their hearts...take it for what it is and be grateful he loves you that much.
Course I'm just someone on the internet, and can only speak my own feelings. I know nothing of your relationship...but you did ask.0 -
There's nothing you can really do about---if you ask him to return it, his feelings will be hurt & he'll probably be confused. So I'd just try to enjoy it (& get it resized)
However, I don't think you're being weird. Rings are tied up in my mind with engagements/weddings, so I wouldn't want or expect a ring from a boyfriend unless it was an engagement ring. This is something my boyfriend asked me about early on in the relationship, though. So I'd recommend (for the future) that you have this kind of conversation. It's as simple as "What kind of jewelry would you prefer?" or "I prefer to receive _______ or _______ jewelry as a gift." For me, it's necklaces & bracelets only because I tend to lose earrings (& I feel the same as you do about rings)0 -
In general, women love receiving jewelry of all sorts as gifts. As someone else said, it was a gift from his heart to you. I'm sure it never crossed his mind you would not like receiving jewelry as a gift. He also more than likely did not think there would be a size differene from left to right hand. As others said, get it resized if wearing it on your left hand is bothersome to you and be grateful for the gift from the heart.0
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Accept the gift with graciousness and say thank you with sincerity.
Honestly, I feel bad for men when it's time to buy gifts. They're advised not to buy clothes for us because the won't get the size/style right. They shouldn't buy anything with a cord unless we specifically ask for it. They shouldn't buy candles because they lack immagination. They shouldn't buy lingerie because it will be too small or too trashy. Workout clothes or equipment imply we're fat - unless we ask for them. Perfume is out becuase we want to control what we smell like. Flowers are not special enough for Cristmas. Kitchen utensils are up there with items with cords. Last year's spa gift was a hit but we don't want the same thing this year. What's left? Jewelry. But it shouldn't be costume jewelry.
Accept the gift with graciousness and say thank you with sincerity.0 -
I would just keep it. Its a gift from his heart to yours. If you feel awkward wearing it on your left hand I would agree with getting it resized.
I kinda agree - I feel that your lucky enough to have a guy that went out a brought you a really pretty/nice piece of jewelry! But, maybe if you feel the need - hints in the future about what you might like - saving for the trip- might help avoid this again. My now husband purchase a small tanzanite ring on our first trip together - I still wear it and treasure it!!! Neither one of us was ready for the "engagement ring" at that time, but this was a beautiful token for hime to give to me!!!0 -
Oorrrrrrr.....go look for the receipt, return the ring for full refund, and save the money for your Tokyo trip.
I vote for this one. He doesn't get his feelings hurt, you don't harbor bad feelings for money misspent.
Ignorance is bliss.0 -
Oorrrrrrr.....go look for the receipt, return the ring for full refund, and save the money for your Tokyo trip.
I vote for this one. He doesn't get his feelings hurt, you don't harbor bad feelings for money misspent.
Ignorance is bliss.
ah, I gotta say it...
How YOU doing? damn you're fine. :smokin:0 -
Oorrrrrrr.....go look for the receipt, return the ring for full refund, and save the money for your Tokyo trip.
I vote for this one. He doesn't get his feelings hurt, you don't harbor bad feelings for money misspent.
Ignorance is bliss.
I disagree with this. If he's anything like my husband he will take note of when you donor don't wear the jewelry he got you. If he never sees you wear the ring he'll second guess whether or not you like it. If you have a jewelry box and you leave it open he may note that you aren't wearing it AND its not in the jewelry box.0 -
This is why us guys can't win.
BAH!
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... and I thought I was being selfish for wanting to exchange the running jacket I received for the same jacket in a different color.
This post makes me feel much less selfish and guilty.0 -
Well, that's what I get for posting in a public forum. I feel terrible now. Thanks, everyone.
I guess I forgot to mention how beautiful the ring is and how much I actually love it. I'm wearing it right now at work and it does make me happy every time I look at it.
I wouldn't return it, with or without telling him, because it would hurt him and us.
However, I'll talk to him about it and make sure we're good financially and this didn't hurt his finances. He's constantly in the negatives in his account so this concerned me. He's never been excellent with money, sometimes buying himself something and then unable to buy groceries.
I guess this was also a sign that he wasn't thinking of the future and we're a little bit further from Tokyo, a wedding, a nicer apartment, etc. I didn't spend a lot on his gift so I could put some away to meet my end of the year savings goal so maybe I feel a bit guilty also?
Anyway, like I said, I feel horrible now. I didn't know I should feel selfish or terrible about myself for any of this but I guess I do now.0 -
KEEP THE RING. KEEP. THE. RING. Keep it.
It's a gift from the heart. I think it's sweet. Especially the fact that he went through your costume jewelry to try and figure out the size.0
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