The Pie

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IamBlackMamba
IamBlackMamba Posts: 229
in Chit-Chat
Yesterday I spent Christmas at my boyfriend's house. We brought gifts, wine, some Bailey's ( for a family tradition to honor a loved one who passed away) and I made a home made pumpkin pie, from scratch.

At the end of the evening I asked my SO to go and pick out what he wanted to bring home from the dessert table since I am not a 'sweets' person. He was taking an exceptionally long time so I went to see what the hold up was. I walked into the dining room to hear my SO's father screaming at him about me bringing a pie. He had no issued with the literally tens of other sweets on the table the other guests brought, just mine.

Long story short, my SO just let his father scream about me and the nerve I had to bring (arguably) the healthiest and only home made thing on the table and, he did not defend me in the least. I was raised to never show up somewhere you were invited empty handed, especially on a holiday.

My question is, should I be concerned my SO didn't stick up for me or just blow if off b/c his father over indulged in liquor ( as he often does) and he likely didn't want to listen to his father? Or, both?
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  • taso42
    taso42 Posts: 8,980 Member
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    I'm lost

    Was he angry becaue you were bringing home the pie you came with?
    Was it because the pie was homemade?
    Was it because he doesn't like pie or pumpkin pie?
    Maybe he's a pumpkin pie snob and the pie was not up to his standards?
  • rachelleahsmom
    rachelleahsmom Posts: 442 Member
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    In general, I think S/Os should stick up for their partners, but since the dad was drunk, it was probably best to just leave it alone. You have good manners to not show up empty handed. I'd let this one slide.
  • MoreBean13
    MoreBean13 Posts: 8,701 Member
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    What?

    I have no idea what happened.

    ETA: If the father was drunk, and frequently gets drunk, probably the family tunes out whatever he's b!tching about and don't fight with him no matter what the subject. That's just what people do to ranting family drunks.
  • rachelleahsmom
    rachelleahsmom Posts: 442 Member
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    Of course, if it was the SOs mother, that would be another issue all together. :smile:
  • IamBlackMamba
    IamBlackMamba Posts: 229
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    I am too.

    What I think happened is my BF's father yelled at him b/c I brought over a pumpkin pie. But, there must be a deeper issue... and, my BF just let him go on and on screaming about me and didn't stick up for me...

    Make more sense now I hope?
  • kimosabe1
    kimosabe1 Posts: 2,467 Member
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    that is completely bunk! Think about whether this is the family u want to pick because u eventually has kids!
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
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    Um...


    Erm...


    Who gets angry about pie???
  • Sarauk2sf
    Sarauk2sf Posts: 28,072 Member
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    If he was screaming, why didn't you hear the commotion before you walked into the room?
  • AZKristi
    AZKristi Posts: 1,801 Member
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    You SO kept his father from screaming at you. He basically took all of the rage his *kitten* father wanted to throw - sort of like a shield. That is definitely something to be thankful for. Perhaps your SO just knows enough not to argue. Perhaps arguing would have only made the situation worse. Your SO has obviously had a lot longer to figure out the best ways to get through these awkward family situations and you should trust him to handle it. Sticking up for you might make you feel better but it could make the entire situation ten times worse. You know it is absurd for his father to be angry that you brought a pie - I would only be concerned if your SO came back to you and was also mad that you brought something.
  • IndyMario
    IndyMario Posts: 236
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    I got kicked out of my mom's house last Christmas, because I defended my at the time fiance.
    I had to go spend my x-mas eve at a friend's house, and sleep there.
    My mother was not right. Period.
  • IamBlackMamba
    IamBlackMamba Posts: 229
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    Of course, if it was the SOs mother, that would be another issue all together. :smile:

    I love his mother, she is an absolute doll. I agree with you on this. Thank you.
  • IamBlackMamba
    IamBlackMamba Posts: 229
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    If he was screaming, why didn't you hear the commotion before you walked into the room?

    Fair point, it was a big house with lost of people and music playing throughout the house. That's why I got up to see what was going on.
  • CrystalZ2012
    CrystalZ2012 Posts: 20 Member
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    I'd ask him what happened and what set his dad off. If his dad was drunk, than it probably would have been a waste of breath for your SO to say anything back.
  • anifani4
    anifani4 Posts: 457 Member
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    Dealing with a person who drinks too much and gets loud, angry, combative is no way to end a nice Christmas Day. I'm sorry you had to experience that. I think you have to trust your SO that he knows the best strategy to deal with his drunk father. Know that his tirade was not personal even though it felt that way. You will never decifer the motivation for a drunk person's attack whether it's on a person or a pie. Forget it. Maybe have a quiet conversation with your SO about the incident and talk about ways to deal with family events in the future....one I'd suggest is leaving before Daddy gets drunk.
  • taso42
    taso42 Posts: 8,980 Member
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    What were the calories and macros of this alleged pie? Can you provide the recipe? Was there any topping, like whipped cream or cool whip? Was the crust home made or store bought?

    Also, and this is very important, did the pie contain any diary products?
  • Brewster1215
    Brewster1215 Posts: 247 Member
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    Um...


    Erm...


    Who gets angry about pie???

    /agree
  • rgohm
    rgohm Posts: 294 Member
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    What is the point of arguing with a drunk? I don't think he would have ever won that argument. If the father was sober at the time I would expect your s/o to stick up for you.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,676 Member
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    Extended family members need to be very careful to not be obnoxious!!!
    Like, I want people to be glad to see me coming, not dread me.

    So to answer your question directly, your SO was taken off guard, no doubt!
    Give him a break for this, but...
    you should discuss the issue of how to react when you get attacked by someone else, especially since family members should never do this (attack you).
    I would want my hubby to say something like politely say, "I don't agree with you. I appreciate what my wife did,I approve of what she did. But in the future be more clear about what you want. "
    This is a good opportunity for you to discuss when/where/with whom you will spend your holidays.
    Family should be supportive and exciting to be with, however, often is it just not healthy like it should be. So put a boundaries to keep interactions healthy...that's my suggestion. Just interact as much as you can, and keep the interactions limited as necessary so you can stay productive. This is advice from a married woman!
  • rgohm
    rgohm Posts: 294 Member
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    What were the calories and macros of this alleged pie? Can you provide the recipe? Was there any topping, like whipped cream or cool whip? Was the crust home made or store bought?

    Also, and this is very important, did the pie contain any diary products?


    ^LOL
  • IamBlackMamba
    IamBlackMamba Posts: 229
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    Dealing with a person who drinks too much and gets loud, angry, combative is no way to end a nice Christmas Day. I'm sorry you had to experience that. I think you have to trust your SO that he knows the best strategy to deal with his drunk father. Know that his tirade was not personal even though it felt that way. You will never decifer the motivation for a drunk person's attack whether it's on a person or a pie. Forget it. Maybe have a quiet conversation with your SO about the incident and talk about ways to deal with family events in the future....one I'd suggest is leaving before Daddy gets drunk.

    Thank you anifani...very astute of you. Though that would mean never going to his parents. I have said I will not spend Easter with them though...I don't need to go through that again.

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