Why do people do this ?

BamsieEkhaya
BamsieEkhaya Posts: 657 Member
in Motivation and Support
stepdad : Do you want some soup ?

Me (trying to revise) : No thanks, I've had my salad

Stepdad : just a little bit

Me : No I'm pretty full

Stepdad : Just a little taster

Me : No thanks, I've had my dinner

Stepdad: You can have some of mine then

all this coming from the ONE person who CONSTANTLY tells me I eat too much, I'm too fat, I need to eat less (I eat 3 meals a day, sometimes two, pretty good with my cals - expect when the baileys comes out), I used to be so pretty (bleurghh I'm not 5 anymore and my bf thinks I'm pretty :tongue: ) ...WHY THE HELL IS HE TRYING TO FORCE FEED ME only to then call me fat and an over eater ! I've eaten, I'm full and I don't want your damn soup !
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Replies

  • GymChick8
    GymChick8 Posts: 37
    My husband does this to me all the time. And he's supposedly some super fit body builder. I've learnt to stand my ground and just say no. Can be hard, but you'll feel better if you do. And besides salads can be nicer than soup anyway ;-)


    Mel
  • TheMsJen
    TheMsJen Posts: 6 Member
    My husband watched me fill a plate with healthy stuff and eat every last bit. 10 minutes later he set a biscuit with a fried egg in front of me. He wanted one so he made one for me too to be nice. It's hard to eat differently around people who aren't changing their habits.
  • acpatts
    acpatts Posts: 6 Member
    Sometimes they don't realize they are not helping. Most of my family members are overweight. As am I, but I am still smaller than a lot of them. So even though I am overweight they think I am too small and in an effort to "help" they try to feed me. Add to the fact a lot of the older members of the family refuse to see me as an adult who can make her own decisions and you get even more attempts to feed me. You have to stand your ground, even get a little rude. But eventually they will get the point. Just keep trying. You have to stand up and let them know the force feeding, and the rude comments about your weight, are not acceptable. I had to stop speaking to my grandmother for a couple of months for her to get the point. It was hard but it worked. She finally got it that I am an adult and I don't have to sit and listen to her bad mouth me and if she wants me in her life then she needs to change. And whenever she slides backwards into her old "your too fat" ways I call her on it.
  • NaomiJFoster
    NaomiJFoster Posts: 1,450 Member
    Before my mother-in-law passed away, this was our usual conversation...And this wasn't even when I was trying to watch calories or sugars or anything yet, I just happened to like water.

    Do you want a soda?
    Nah, I'll just grab a glass of water, thanks.
    But...we have soda!
    Ha ha I know, but I'm good with water.
    How about some juice?
    Just water, thanks.
    Orange juice?
    I do like orange juice, but right now, I just want a glass of water.
    How about some pineapple juice?
    No really, I just want some water.
    Grapefruit juice?
    Water?
    Milk?
    Water?
    We have lots of different kinds of soda...Coke, 7-Up, Root Beer....
    Please? Can't I just have water????
    Oh, I get it. You'd rather have a glass of wine, right?
    Well, at this point, I think wine is the only thing that will get me through this conversation!!!!
  • NaomiJFoster
    NaomiJFoster Posts: 1,450 Member
    My husband is not nearly as health conscious or as diet conscious as I'm trying to be. He'll occassionally run out and get fast food for his dinner. And sometimes, because he's trying to be thoughtful, he'll bring back something for me too. And then it's hard! Do I slam him for his act of kindness and tell him that it's unwanted? Do I throw away the food? Do I suck it up and eat it (and enjoy it) and deal with the calories the next day? I usually do the last option. And I've talked to him about asking me first.
  • nhobbit
    nhobbit Posts: 14 Member
    "No" is a complete sentence. Do not give any reason that they can try to tear down, wear down, or attack. And it's not rude either.
  • wellbert
    wellbert Posts: 3,924 Member
    Move out.
  • Booksandbeaches
    Booksandbeaches Posts: 1,791 Member
    Did he make the soup? Maybe he was trying to get a compliment from you for his tasty soup.
  • YearsWorthOfFAT
    YearsWorthOfFAT Posts: 210
    same here.. always like: "you're so fat, stop eating, we're throwing the food OUT, we just want you to be healthy" yet they set up a 350 cal breakfast up, while that doesn't even fit in my stomach?
  • ohnuts14
    ohnuts14 Posts: 197
    LOL! I'm beginning to think every family does this. I have a lot of friends with the same complaint. My family does this too. They love to buy me junk food and crap and practically shove it down my throat, and then commentate on how fat I am and how I need to lose weight. I could go into the psychology behind it, but I think this comment would be three pages long. It doesn't really matter either way. Just know this is something family does, try not to let it get to you and stay strong! In a weird way it's out of love. By the way, you look ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS.
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
    I think being firm is all you can do. You might even say something like "Dad, you're always telling me I eat too much and need to lose weight. Why, when I'm trying to do just that do you seem to be sabotaging me? I love you and I really don't want your soup." It should stop him in his tracks and make him think about his motivations.
  • vickiemumof3
    vickiemumof3 Posts: 8
    I had this with my step dad when i was growing up and then with my ex. I would try so hard to lose weight and usually because they didnt like how i was. Then they would have a bbq or get a takeaway which i could never resist. Now i have a partner who may not eat the way i do but wont put infront of me what he is eating. This time im losing weight for me and not others which i think makes a huge difference.I do feel for you. Its not easy when people dont support you. Good luck trying though. Hope you can keep saying no and feel good about it. xx
  • vickiemumof3
    vickiemumof3 Posts: 8
    I agree with this. Very good way of dealing with it. Its not horrible but diplomatic. x
  • Doodlewhopper
    Doodlewhopper Posts: 1,018 Member
    I will answer once, "no thanks", & then maybe a firm "NO" the second time, then I will no longer respond or, change the subject.

    If a buddy or a brother, I will come back with, "Maybe you misunderstood, I said EFF NO!" LOL
  • vickiemumof3
    vickiemumof3 Posts: 8
    I think being firm is all you can do. You might even say something like "Dad, you're always telling me I eat too much and need to lose weight. Why, when I'm trying to do just that do you seem to be sabotaging me? I love you and I really don't want your soup." It should stop him in his tracks and make him think about his motivations.

    I agree, its not being horrible but diplomatic. I like it. x
  • acknan
    acknan Posts: 261 Member
    "No" is a complete sentence. Do not give any reason that they can try to tear down, wear down, or attack. And it's not rude either.

    Amen. And it goes beyond food! Misery loves company and when someone ISN'T eating/drinking/choosing right, they want to make sure they aren't alone.

    I can't help but get a little sarcastic when people don't respect my answer, "Do you not understand what I'm saying? Do you not know that water is a beverage? Do you not understand that I have eaten and don't want anything else? Let's talk about your sudden loss of the meaning of basic English words rather than my lack of appetite or desire to down a sugary beverage!"
  • soulfulsally
    soulfulsally Posts: 326
    Something I've noticed with the pushy people in my life is that they grew up in strict households where they had to be super obedient to their parents, clergy, teachers, and whatnot. Now that they're adults, they probably feel like they've earned the right to expect obedience from others, right down to people eating what they tell them to.
  • plateaued
    plateaued Posts: 199 Member
    The answer is in your question . . . last sentence. Codependency.
  • vickiemumof3
    vickiemumof3 Posts: 8
    Something I've noticed with the pushy people in my life is that they grew up in strict households where they had to be super obedient to their parents, clergy, teachers, and whatnot. Now that they're adults, they probably feel like they've earned the right to expect obedience from others, right down to people eating what they tell them to.

    Yes i completley agree. I was brought in a mod household and thats how it was. x
  • vickiemumof3
    vickiemumof3 Posts: 8
    "No" is a complete sentence. Do not give any reason that they can try to tear down, wear down, or attack. And it's not rude either.

    Amen. And it goes beyond food! Misery loves company and when someone ISN'T eating/drinking/choosing right, they want to make sure they aren't alone.

    I can't help but get a little sarcastic when people don't respect my answer, "Do you not understand what I'm saying? Do you not know that water is a beverage? Do you not understand that I have eaten and don't want anything else? Let's talk about your sudden loss of the meaning of basic English words rather than my lack of appetite or desire to down a sugary beverage!"

    Fantastic. lol. Love the last bit about not understanding english. Must remember that. xx
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,458 Member
    Sounds like he just enjoys talking to you....or talking, in general.
  • etoiles_argentees
    etoiles_argentees Posts: 2,827 Member
    Just say no.
  • mem50
    mem50 Posts: 1,384 Member
    I've had this from so many people. Thank Goodness those things never happen with my hubby. He knows what I am doing and Why I'm doing it.

    I can only think that when I am with others that they want me to eat more so that it can allow them to eat more without looking like pigs. Like at work just last week. Christmas Party. I ate. Half a baked chicken breast, all skin removed, a spoonfull of cheesy potatoes (Lord only knows I wanted more...YUMMM), small piece of ham, one roll and a little ceasar salad....which I did not finish, did not taste good. People just looked at my plate and said is that ALL? No desert?, quick get up there before it's all gone! etc.,etc.

    Some grew up in households that ate....alot. Mind your elder attitudes. Different reasons.

    Me? I have learned when to say no, and no means NO.
  • NaomiJFoster
    NaomiJFoster Posts: 1,450 Member
    "No" is a complete sentence. Do not give any reason that they can try to tear down, wear down, or attack. And it's not rude either.

    Amen. And it goes beyond food! Misery loves company and when someone ISN'T eating/drinking/choosing right, they want to make sure they aren't alone.

    I can't help but get a little sarcastic when people don't respect my answer, "Do you not understand what I'm saying? Do you not know that water is a beverage? Do you not understand that I have eaten and don't want anything else? Let's talk about your sudden loss of the meaning of basic English words rather than my lack of appetite or desire to down a sugary beverage!"


    My MIL did NOT believe that water was a beverage, lol. That was the line that I forgot to put in my story. Every single time, "But nobody drinks just water." "Nobody likes water." "Water isn't a drink."
  • bridgelene
    bridgelene Posts: 358 Member
    I was raised in large part by my grandparents. Being a member of the clean plate club was NOT optional.

    Even now, my grandma still tries to get me to shove my face, even though she has a lot to say about my size.

    Oh well. "No thank you. I'm good." is something I've learned to say....and if she keeps going to long, I just ignore her.
  • Rays_Wife
    Rays_Wife Posts: 1,173 Member
    same here.. always like: "you're so fat, stop eating, we're throwing the food OUT, we just want you to be healthy" yet they set up a 350 cal breakfast up, while that doesn't even fit in my stomach?

    Wait.....a 350 cal breakfast is too big? Whaaaa? :laugh: LOLLOL Wow......
  • BamsieEkhaya
    BamsieEkhaya Posts: 657 Member
    after standing my ground and ignoring him, he came in with his soup (tbh it was healthy...broccoli and stilton) but I HATE broccoli and despise stilton...He shoved a spoonful in my face and it all ended up dripping on MY phone...I nearly went crazy

    yeah I was brought up in a strict household (stepdad strict, mum usually M.I.A and "fun") and I know he was brought up in a strict household, but because I've been living in a boarding school half the year for 5years and I'm suddenly independent, don't think his used to having someone in the house, let alone someone who happens to be independent and prepping to move out straight after exams.

    I'm not usually home for it to bother me (but this is my first holiday this year home)
  • BamsieEkhaya
    BamsieEkhaya Posts: 657 Member
    Move out.
    Did he make the soup? Maybe he was trying to get a compliment from you for his tasty soup.

    I am moving out, but not until I've finished my exams in June, then travelling all summer so I don't have to stay at home and can just head straight into uni, the other back up plan if all else fails is continue travel then move in with my 21y/o.

    Yeah he made it but I'd already complimented it when he was making it and made me try it then as well !
  • nguk123
    nguk123 Posts: 223
    I didn't read in the dialogue where you explained to him that eating any significant portion of the soup would conflict with your weightloss plan which you are committed to, and that though you appreciate his generous offer of the soup (which you told him tastes good), you have to pass on it this time.

    Let's be blunt. You were hinting to him that you didnt want to eat it , but without telling him definitively that you werent going to be eating it, and without telling him why. Hinting means he can misunderstand you and that would not be his fault. Over time with better communication from you, I would hope would lead to more supportive behavior from him.

    This is without knowing either of you of course, and I could be terribly horribly wrong.
  • BadAzzBea
    BadAzzBea Posts: 461
    Did you figure out the 4th part I shave?
    :bigsmile:

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