Why do people do this ?

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2

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  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,104 Member
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    Sounds like he just enjoys talking to you....or talking, in general.
  • etoiles_argentees
    etoiles_argentees Posts: 2,827 Member
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    Just say no.
  • mem50
    mem50 Posts: 1,384 Member
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    I've had this from so many people. Thank Goodness those things never happen with my hubby. He knows what I am doing and Why I'm doing it.

    I can only think that when I am with others that they want me to eat more so that it can allow them to eat more without looking like pigs. Like at work just last week. Christmas Party. I ate. Half a baked chicken breast, all skin removed, a spoonfull of cheesy potatoes (Lord only knows I wanted more...YUMMM), small piece of ham, one roll and a little ceasar salad....which I did not finish, did not taste good. People just looked at my plate and said is that ALL? No desert?, quick get up there before it's all gone! etc.,etc.

    Some grew up in households that ate....alot. Mind your elder attitudes. Different reasons.

    Me? I have learned when to say no, and no means NO.
  • NaomiJFoster
    NaomiJFoster Posts: 1,450 Member
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    "No" is a complete sentence. Do not give any reason that they can try to tear down, wear down, or attack. And it's not rude either.

    Amen. And it goes beyond food! Misery loves company and when someone ISN'T eating/drinking/choosing right, they want to make sure they aren't alone.

    I can't help but get a little sarcastic when people don't respect my answer, "Do you not understand what I'm saying? Do you not know that water is a beverage? Do you not understand that I have eaten and don't want anything else? Let's talk about your sudden loss of the meaning of basic English words rather than my lack of appetite or desire to down a sugary beverage!"


    My MIL did NOT believe that water was a beverage, lol. That was the line that I forgot to put in my story. Every single time, "But nobody drinks just water." "Nobody likes water." "Water isn't a drink."
  • bridgelene
    bridgelene Posts: 358 Member
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    I was raised in large part by my grandparents. Being a member of the clean plate club was NOT optional.

    Even now, my grandma still tries to get me to shove my face, even though she has a lot to say about my size.

    Oh well. "No thank you. I'm good." is something I've learned to say....and if she keeps going to long, I just ignore her.
  • Rays_Wife
    Rays_Wife Posts: 1,173 Member
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    same here.. always like: "you're so fat, stop eating, we're throwing the food OUT, we just want you to be healthy" yet they set up a 350 cal breakfast up, while that doesn't even fit in my stomach?

    Wait.....a 350 cal breakfast is too big? Whaaaa? :laugh: LOLLOL Wow......
  • BamsieEkhaya
    BamsieEkhaya Posts: 657 Member
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    after standing my ground and ignoring him, he came in with his soup (tbh it was healthy...broccoli and stilton) but I HATE broccoli and despise stilton...He shoved a spoonful in my face and it all ended up dripping on MY phone...I nearly went crazy

    yeah I was brought up in a strict household (stepdad strict, mum usually M.I.A and "fun") and I know he was brought up in a strict household, but because I've been living in a boarding school half the year for 5years and I'm suddenly independent, don't think his used to having someone in the house, let alone someone who happens to be independent and prepping to move out straight after exams.

    I'm not usually home for it to bother me (but this is my first holiday this year home)
  • BamsieEkhaya
    BamsieEkhaya Posts: 657 Member
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    Move out.
    Did he make the soup? Maybe he was trying to get a compliment from you for his tasty soup.

    I am moving out, but not until I've finished my exams in June, then travelling all summer so I don't have to stay at home and can just head straight into uni, the other back up plan if all else fails is continue travel then move in with my 21y/o.

    Yeah he made it but I'd already complimented it when he was making it and made me try it then as well !
  • nguk123
    nguk123 Posts: 223
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    I didn't read in the dialogue where you explained to him that eating any significant portion of the soup would conflict with your weightloss plan which you are committed to, and that though you appreciate his generous offer of the soup (which you told him tastes good), you have to pass on it this time.

    Let's be blunt. You were hinting to him that you didnt want to eat it , but without telling him definitively that you werent going to be eating it, and without telling him why. Hinting means he can misunderstand you and that would not be his fault. Over time with better communication from you, I would hope would lead to more supportive behavior from him.

    This is without knowing either of you of course, and I could be terribly horribly wrong.
  • BadAzzBea
    BadAzzBea Posts: 461
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    Did you figure out the 4th part I shave?
    :bigsmile:
  • Retiredmom72
    Retiredmom72 Posts: 538 Member
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    It is like offering you comfort but then the comments about weight slip into the conversation.

    Remind your father that you are cutting back. If you complimented him while he was cooking, maybe he did want another compliment. Continue to say No and ask that he save you some for tomorrow.

    If your plans are to go to the uni in the fall, have you applied? Work on your plans, especially if you will need financial support.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    My boyfriend will do this sometimes. And he will wheedle and even put it in front of me. "Just a taste, just a bite" he says. And he does this RIGHT AFTER I've had a full meal. It baffles me.

    Anymore, I just say "No" a couple of times and if that doesn't work I just outright get snippy.
  • nguk123
    nguk123 Posts: 223
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    My boyfriend will do this sometimes. And he will wheedle and even put it in front of me. "Just a taste, just a bite" he says. And he does this RIGHT AFTER I've had a full meal. It baffles me.

    Anymore, I just say "No" a couple of times and if that doesn't work I just outright get snippy.

    Have you asked him why he performs this behaviour?
  • elsalily
    elsalily Posts: 47 Member
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    stepdad : Do you want some soup ?

    Me (trying to revise) : No thanks, I've had my salad

    Stepdad : just a little bit

    Me : No I'm pretty full

    Stepdad : Just a little taster

    Me : No thanks, I've had my dinner

    Stepdad: You can have some of mine then

    all this coming from the ONE person who CONSTANTLY tells me I eat too much, I'm too fat, I need to eat less (I eat 3 meals a day, sometimes two, pretty good with my cals - expect when the baileys comes out), I used to be so pretty (bleurghh I'm not 5 anymore and my bf thinks I'm pretty :tongue: ) ...WHY THE HELL IS HE TRYING TO FORCE FEED ME only to then call me fat and an over eater ! I've eaten, I'm full and I don't want your damn soup !

    I know exactly what you mean.... my dad is like that, it's unbearable especially since my weight gain was medication related... oh well, sometimes there really is nothing more to say I guess. Have a great new year's eve :)
  • brandtsw
    brandtsw Posts: 51
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    I know what you mean....I don't know the right answer but all I do know is you just have to sometimes be very blunt and say no over and over....sorry wish I had better advice....
  • LesleyGillan
    LesleyGillan Posts: 164
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    I know what you mean....I don't know the right answer but all I do know is you just have to sometimes be very blunt and say no over and over....sorry wish I had better advice....

    I wish I had better advice too, but at least if you can get through those type of situations without giving in you know that you DID IT YOURSELF!!!!!!!!
  • Doodlewhopper
    Doodlewhopper Posts: 1,018 Member
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    In the case of the OP it very well could have been a power struggle.

    Food has emotional ties. I cant think of my Cajun grandmother without thinking of her food. During my early morning runs I sometimes catch the scent of breakfast & I flash back to days on the river in our houseboat & remember my dad cooking fresh eggs, country bacon & whatever fish we caught...oh yeah, half cooked greasy potatoes! Damn that was great times.

    The momma bird nourishes the baby bird... Breaking bread together often infers love, intimacy or friendship. Maybe someone is trying to nourish a relationship, maybe it is paternal & maybe that person needs any reason to talk & uses the food until a new subject shows up.

    Urging someone to eat has different motivations, & maybe we need to stop and determine just where the offer is grounded before responding.
  • indiaalexis
    indiaalexis Posts: 13 Member
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    This is very hard. I think people sub consciously try and sabatoge our weight loss. When we change they have to change in relationship to us. Just keep saying no and hopefully he will stop offering.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    My boyfriend will do this sometimes. And he will wheedle and even put it in front of me. "Just a taste, just a bite" he says. And he does this RIGHT AFTER I've had a full meal. It baffles me.

    Anymore, I just say "No" a couple of times and if that doesn't work I just outright get snippy.

    Have you asked him why he performs this behaviour?

    I have not. That's a good question and I think I will do so!
  • chava_aliza
    chava_aliza Posts: 3 Member
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    This is very hard. I think people sub consciously try and sabatoge our weight loss. When we change they have to change in relationship to us. Just keep saying no and hopefully he will stop offering.

    I wouldn't necessarily jump to that conclusion right away, although some people may be guilty of it. It could be a number of things that have nothing to do with sabotage. I think something I have noticed when it comes to those who do things like this is the hesitancy to accept and embrace change, as well as what has already been mentioned concerning the relationship with food and family and whatnot. I know my family would never try to sabotage me when it come to my goals but it can sometimes take a conscious and determined effort to remind them to back off, and they haven't always been perfect about it but they have tried. There are bound to be slip ups occasionally. It doesn't seem like this situation is one of them but it very well could be.

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