I need Advice

Alcoria
Alcoria Posts: 167 Member
in Chit-Chat
has anyone had a spouse where their ex invited only them to their house for a party or just to see the house without inviting you too even tho they know you and your spouse are together or married? my husbands ex sent him a txt on his cell phone inviting only him to her new years party and he txts back "will try" he doesnt bother asking if his wife can go too or anything just that he will try to show up. what would your thoughts be and why? i just need advice if i bring it up to him we will end up fighting and im trying to avoid that. also hes already left before to go see her in the middle of the night to see the house without inviting me to go too and just walked out to go be with her. (nothing happened between them) but i freaked and kept calling every 2 mins its an ex for a reason you dont leave your wife and kids in the middle of the night to go see her house cuz she didnt want to talk on the phone. ugggg i just need some advice!

Replies

  • childermass
    childermass Posts: 115 Member
    oooh, hot potato- should I answer???
    ok
    note ONLY MY OPINION
    A) calling him every two minutes will only make him pissed at you and not want to go home
    B) if he IS seeing someone that makes you feel uncomfortable then that is disrespectful and you need to talk to him about respect
    C) are you sure you weren't invited along to the party too? If you are married then isn't that a given? Or did she write _no wife!!?

    being anxious about this situation isn't going to help you. i know it hurts but maybe you need to play like you don't care so much and talk rationally to him about what he is doing?
  • Alcoria
    Alcoria Posts: 167 Member
    oooh, hot potato- should I answer???
    ok
    note ONLY MY OPINION
    A) calling him every two minutes will only make him pissed at you and not want to go home
    B) if he IS seeing someone that makes you feel uncomfortable then that is disrespectful and you need to talk to him about respect
    C) are you sure you weren't invited along to the party too? If you are married then isn't that a given? Or did she write _no wife!!?

    being anxious about this situation isn't going to help you. i know it hurts but maybe you need to play like you don't care so much and talk rationally to him about what he is doing?

    thank you for your opinion :)

    she txted "im having a new years party i want you to come" she didnt mention me at all and never does any time she wants to see my husband

    my husband is the kind of guy that when i ask a simple question thats not ment to be a fight hes automatically pissed like i did something wrong and the worst part is he doesnt even tell me hes talking with her on his cell he hides it from me he knows im jealous as it is and when he replies i will try to come freaks me even more since he wont ask if i can go too im his wife i should be priority not her
  • kmkgurl
    kmkgurl Posts: 321 Member
    wow i just have to say i would be mad and it sounds really sketchy to me. Im sure he knows it makes you uncomforatable and he shouldnt do it and just my opinion but ex's are ex's for a reason which typically means they should no longer be in ur life. like i said before just my own personal opinion
  • childermass
    childermass Posts: 115 Member
    Well, you DO know the problem lies with your husband, not her?
    If he was thinking about your feelings he wouldn't take off to her no matter what she says / texts.
    If that was my husband...no wait...he wouldn't BE my husband if he was at all like that.

    sorry, but you will have to talk to him - and tell him to be honest. You may have to be prepared for some answers you don't want, but that is FAR better in the long run. trust me. been there, have the t-shirt.
    good luck :s
  • LMick1986
    LMick1986 Posts: 431
    I personally feel you two need to have a "respect" conversation. In one of my past relationships, he had girls texting him all the time will totally inappropriate stuff (in my books, anyways). What hurt my feelings about it though was, not HER texting him, but how he responded. Your guy needs to be the one to stand up and make it known to others that he respects you as a wife and the mother of his children...and that it's not appropriate for him to be going to a girl's house in the middle of the night (whether or not anything happened). Maybe his response to the party should have been "WE will try." He needs to understand that you two are a unit and he needs to get others to understand that also.
  • pudadough
    pudadough Posts: 1,271 Member
    Hmm.

    I would say that as his wife, you can go to something he's invited to. Especially something like the ex's party. You're a package deal in that scenario, know what I mean? She may have honestly just forgotten to extend the invitation to you. If he has a problem with you going, then I would suggest telling him calmly how it is making you feel and what your concerns are. But yeah, if it were me, I'd go to the party with him or politely request that he not go at all. If he's defensive about you going, that's sketchy, in my opinion.
  • Alcoria
    Alcoria Posts: 167 Member
    wow i just have to say i would be mad and it sounds really sketchy to me. Im sure he knows it makes you uncomforatable and he shouldnt do it and just my opinion but ex's are ex's for a reason which typically means they should no longer be in ur life. like i said before just my own personal opinion

    im exactly the same way ex's are ex's for a reason you shouldnt be leaving your wife and kids at 8pm at night to go check out her house and not get back til 1am i tried explaining that he could be spending time with me that our kids wanted him here so they can go to bed its 10x harder to get them to sleep if he isnt here he replied "i dont care what you think im going to help out my friend" things went pretty ugly from there with the yelling and this was just a couple months ago now shes inviting him over again and he doesnt even bother seeing if i can go too just to make sure im invited too.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    I really think you should be asking him about all this.

    Honestly, we don't know the whole situation from both sides of the coin here, and there is nothing we can really tell you because in the end, only he knows what the deal is.

    Don't call him every 2 minutes, he's probably not answering you because he's annoyed that you don't trust him.

    Just have some tea, calm, and when he gets home...keep an open mind, a calm attitude and talk to him about this.



    edited to correct typos

    And to add, another moment of honesty here....don't go asking a public forum for advice on this. You are probably going to get a whole bunch of answers that will just set you in a combative mind frame. You really need to talk to him first before coming on a forum for public opinions/support because when you start involving other people into your relationship...that's when you stop really listening because you will have all these theories, etc in your mind when you confront him about this instead of trying to calmly get his side as well as explain your side of things.
  • kmkgurl
    kmkgurl Posts: 321 Member
    i just want to add dont let him walk all over you and use you. You deserve better if thats the case and to me he needs to grow some balls and pull out the giant stick out of his *kitten* because getting defensive everytime you try to talk to him is a bad sign because it just in my opinion shows that he is hiding something. If he treats you like that you need to do the same thing back to him and let him see how it feels. You dont want to tell him how you feel because your scared you guys are gonna fight well to me it sounds like your gonna fight anyway so i guess go big or go home because he needs to know how you feel and he needs to be there for you and deal with it like and adult and you need to tell him that.
  • thoseblueeyes
    thoseblueeyes Posts: 812 Member
    i just want to add dont let him walk all over you and use you. You deserve better if thats the case and to me he needs to grow some balls and pull out the giant stick out of his *kitten* because getting defensive everytime you try to talk to him is a bad sign because it just in my opinion shows that he is hiding something. If he treats you like that you need to do the same thing back to him and let him see how it feels. You dont want to tell him how you feel because your scared you guys are gonna fight well to me it sounds like your gonna fight anyway so i guess go big or go home because he needs to know how you feel and he needs to be there for you and deal with it like and adult and you need to tell him that.

    She is right.... she hit it right on the head of the nail...
  • DamnImASexyBitch
    DamnImASexyBitch Posts: 740 Member
    Are you sure you werent invited? If she knows that you guys are married I think it would be implyed that you get to go too. Like hey stop by if you're available would be the both of you as a collective unit. Did she says ONLY YOU NOT YOUR WIFE?

    Though I think your husband has some issues by being at her beckon call and leaving you and your kids to go see her in the past. Your problem isn't this other girl, but him.
  • xXxHBICxXx
    xXxHBICxXx Posts: 370 Member
    I'm confused by all this to be very honest. I would not be comfortable with my husband being around any of his ex's and he wouldn't be comfortable with me being around mine. That just makes the both of us uncomfortable so we wouldn't be hanging out with anyone from our past. Does he know that you feel this way about him seeing her and just not care? Am I the only one that thinks this is weird? lol

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