Why does my sister act this way?
likearadiowave
Posts: 445 Member
Every time my sister visits here (most recently for the holidays), I have to hear her complain how she hates it here, how this city is disgusting and how it's people are disgusting and how this place is a **** hole, but apparently since I live here too, maybe I am too? seriously, why do you bother even coming home if you're so much better than everyone else?
She's 3 years younger than me too, but don't see how that matters. We don't even live in a "poor" area, we're middle class, but she lives in NY, so maybe she just thinks she's better than us, I don't know. (Not sure why.)
On top of that, she makes racist comments that she merely considers "non-PC". Um no, It's called racism. Such as, watching tv and going, in reference to a commercial "Oh! puff Daddy is with Italian people! he can't do that, he's black!" um, what the frig .... what does it matter what color his skin is?
Or, when driving through the middle of what looked to be a "poor" neighborhood, "is this the poor section? there are a lot of hoodlums around." My dad is usually the same way, too.
I know everyone judges, and I do too, but I think there's a fine line between simply being judgmental and being racist. My sister isn't a bad or hateful person, but her comments irk me sometimes.
I am sad to say that I am ashamed to be related to these people sometimes ...
She's 3 years younger than me too, but don't see how that matters. We don't even live in a "poor" area, we're middle class, but she lives in NY, so maybe she just thinks she's better than us, I don't know. (Not sure why.)
On top of that, she makes racist comments that she merely considers "non-PC". Um no, It's called racism. Such as, watching tv and going, in reference to a commercial "Oh! puff Daddy is with Italian people! he can't do that, he's black!" um, what the frig .... what does it matter what color his skin is?
Or, when driving through the middle of what looked to be a "poor" neighborhood, "is this the poor section? there are a lot of hoodlums around." My dad is usually the same way, too.
I know everyone judges, and I do too, but I think there's a fine line between simply being judgmental and being racist. My sister isn't a bad or hateful person, but her comments irk me sometimes.
I am sad to say that I am ashamed to be related to these people sometimes ...
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Replies
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Oh gosh I hate those. If she does not want to be there then tell her that she does not have to come. I know she is family but sometimes you just have to be blunt. She can take her butt to Rockefeller Center or Park Avenue South since your neighborhood is not up to her standards. I am from New York City and I have never done that to any neighborhood down here.0
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Oh gosh I hate those. If she does not want to be there then tell her that she does not have to come. I know she is family but sometimes you just have to be blunt. She can take her butt to Rockefeller Center or Park Avenue South since your neighborhood is not up to her standards. I am from New York City and I have never done that to any neighborhood down here.
She makes me feel bad because she's constantly saying how much she hates the people here, and it's like ... well, I live here too, so does she think the same about me?
It's insulting.
Kind of need some advice.0 -
Okay. Kind of need some advice here.0
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My sister says the same thing about where I live, frankly I couldn't give a rats *kitten* what she thinks.0
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Have you talked to her about the fact that the way she talks offends you?0
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Have you talked to her about the fact that the way she talks offends you?
No, she's one of those overly defensive people. If i'm honest with her, she gets highly defensive and turns it on me.0 -
Have you ever actually asked her that question? Seems to me that it can be asked and I'm betting it'll stop her in her tracks. Give it a try.Oh gosh I hate those. If she does not want to be there then tell her that she does not have to come. I know she is family but sometimes you just have to be blunt. She can take her butt to Rockefeller Center or Park Avenue South since your neighborhood is not up to her standards. I am from New York City and I have never done that to any neighborhood down here.
She makes me feel bad because she's constantly saying how much she hates the people here, and it's like ... well, I live here too, so does she think the same about me?
It's insulting.
Kind of need some advice.
Sometimes people don't realize how horribly they are behaving. It's like they don't have the filter that most of us use when interacting with others. She also probably has friends who belittle anywhere but NYC (because the whole city is just so freaking awesome ::eye roll::) so thinks it's "cool" if she does it, too. She probably doesn't realize how she sounds.0 -
I can't figure out how you've built a bridge between her dislike for your city and its people to her possible dislike for you. More to the story? I tend to think when people are talking like that that they mean most people, and definitely not me. Good news is that at least you're not constantly subjected to hearing it. Hope you feel better soon.0
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Hey, I live in Bristol too!!
Take her to New Haven (I used to live there) and she how long she lasts making those comments before someone punches her.
I kid. (mostly lol)
See if anyone else in your family feels the same way you do and have a family meeting about how it makes you guys feel when she acts like that0 -
I can't figure out how you've built a bridge between her dislike for your city and its people to her possible dislike for you. More to the story? I tend to think when people are talking like that that they mean most people, and definitely not me. Good news is that at least you're not constantly subjected to hearing it. Hope you feel better soon.
Well, it would seem obvious that since I live here, and since she thinks everyone here is "nasty" and "low class" (in her opinion) that logically that would lead me to question what she actually thinks about me ...
I would hope she doesn't mean me, but then again she shouldn't be overgeneralizing a bunch of people she doesn't know, anyway. It's her attitude that bothers me.0 -
Hey, I live in Bristol too!!
Take her to New Haven (I used to live there) and she how long she lasts making those comments before someone punches her.
I kid. (mostly lol)
See if anyone else in your family feels the same way you do and have a family meeting about how it makes you guys feel when she acts like that
Oh, we were in new haven. In the center of the city where we saw the tree for christmas. It was near there when she asked my dad if "this was the poor section of town" because there were a lot of "hoodlums" (her words) around.0 -
Stop inviting her over. Sounds like she's obnoxious to be around.0
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OK, ignore her and rise above that fray.Okay. Kind of need some advice here.
Be better and just allow your sister to rant, then be bigger and take no offense.
Those who can do this are never rattled by such people.
You can't change others, but you can change you.
So, change..:smokin:0 -
Stop inviting her over. Sounds like she's obnoxious to be around.
We don't invite her ... she decides to come over and spend holidays here .... lol.0 -
Stop inviting her over. Sounds like she's obnoxious to be around.
This. Then if she wonders why, tell her the truth, that you don't like the comments she makes about your home, and they make her not welcome there anymore. If she cares, she'll stop. If she doesn't, you'll be well shot of her.0 -
Stop inviting her over. Sounds like she's obnoxious to be around.
We don't invite her ... she decides to come over and spend holidays here .... lol.
Tell her to leave or not to show up then. I'm not sure what else you can do really. It sounds like confronting her will do no good, so standing up to her is your only real option.0 -
Frankly..tell her to get stuffed. She's acting like someone you don't need in your life, sister or no. Would you put up with that from a stranger?0
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i think it's sad if that's the only thing she talks about around family. doesn't she have anything else going on in her life?0
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Well, let's see- you can't confront her, you don't invite her but she comes anyway, so my advice is to ignore it.0
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you said your dads the same way. thats were she learned it. i catch my mom when she start going that way and correct her. she not racist she was just brought up differently but still no excuse for rudness0
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Just tell her to STFU and that if she doesn't like it at home, then to quit coming home. If she starts to get all mouthy, just stick your hand up and be all - you're being annoying. Stop. Seriously. Annoying. This is what I'm talking about. Annnnooooyyyiiiinnnngggg. Just keep doing it over and over. She'll finally get the hint. She doesn't shut up because no one tells her to shut up.0
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The way I see it, you have a handful of options here. 1. Talk to her about her comments, even if it is difficult. 2. Try not to take it personally, accept that everyone is different, and she probably has nothing against you personally. 3. Avoid her.
That's all I really got. We all have people in our lives that just irritate us. Sometimes we just have to be the bigger person. Maybe she, even though she is older than you, is way more immature and just needs to grow up a little (or a lot).0 -
You can't change or control other people. All you can control is YOUR response. So ignore it and rise above. I have no idea on your whole family dynamic, but she may be getting some kind of emotional satisfaction out of behaving the way she does, and it may come from your current response to her. So don't give her a response. Ignore and change the subject.0
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How can you ask a question about YOUR sister on a forum full of strangers? We don't know her,so we obviously don't know Why she behaves in that manner. Try talking to her and uh.... ask.0
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sounds like you need to tell your sister to sit back and enjoy a good hot cup of STFU..
have you ever done that? maybe it's time you say it to her because complaining about her on an internet forum isnt going to help.
IME if you giv someone a good and honest cup of STFU they think twice before they say crazy stuff again :laugh:0 -
I can't figure out how you've built a bridge between her dislike for your city and its people to her possible dislike for you. More to the story? I tend to think when people are talking like that that they mean most people, and definitely not me. Good news is that at least you're not constantly subjected to hearing it. Hope you feel better soon.
Well, it would seem obvious that since I live here, and since she thinks everyone here is "nasty" and "low class" (in her opinion) that logically that would lead me to question what she actually thinks about me ...
I would hope she doesn't mean me, but then again she shouldn't be overgeneralizing a bunch of people she doesn't know, anyway. It's her attitude that bothers me.
I don't think it's obvious because I see the fact that she's your sister as bigger than her negative feelings about your city. That's why I mention if there's more to the story. Yes, she's definitely being rude. But like sometimes when we're close to people, we read way further into what they're saying because we have so much history. If she's a negative person and this sort of talk is expected, I just wouldn't take it personally. When she starts up I'd say, "Yup, just like last time," or "Nope, sorry, it hasn't changed since your last visit."0 -
How can you ask a question about YOUR sister on a forum full of strangers? We don't know her,so we obviously don't know Why she behaves in that manner. Try talking to her and uh.... ask.
Yea. That's true, but ...
I'm basically a non-confrontational person and asking her would be difficult ... because you know, confrontation and all. Sounds silly, but yea.0 -
How can you ask a question about YOUR sister on a forum full of strangers? We don't know her,so we obviously don't know Why she behaves in that manner. Try talking to her and uh.... ask.
Yea. That's true, but ...
I'm basically a non-confrontational person and asking her would be difficult ... because you know, confrontation and all. Sounds silly, but yea.
If you're not willing to confront her, then don't complain that she's doing this to you. You're allowing yourself to be treated like this by letting her run over you.0 -
B itch slap her?0
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How can you ask a question about YOUR sister on a forum full of strangers? We don't know her,so we obviously don't know Why she behaves in that manner. Try talking to her and uh.... ask.
Yea. That's true, but ...
I'm basically a non-confrontational person and asking her would be difficult ... because you know, confrontation and all. Sounds silly, but yea.
If you're not willing to confront her, then don't complain that she's doing this to you. You're allowing yourself to be treated like this by letting her run over you.
Yea. I guess I need to become better at confrontation. Either way, thank you for the advice.0
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