14 Year Old Step-Daughter

I really don't understand the negativity to food tracking/logging for teens. I'll definitely agree that a strict and aggressive weightloss regimen would be inappropriate. However, she is definitely of an age to understand the math of it, and the only way for her to know what things actually count for it, is to see that, to be able to eat something, and log it and see how she feels, then compare it to something else eaten and logged. That Hostess cupcake two pack doesn't seem nearly so tempting once you have eaten it, are hungry 30 minutes later, and then see that that is 320 calories compared to say 2 cups full of strawberries for 90 calories which are just as delicious and long term much more highly satisfying. And if she has had a poor diet all her life, she probably has no idea of what the actual values of the things that she is eating are, that the muffin she is eating may be really two or three servings, that the value sized meal she is eating may be more than an entire days calories. She doesn't likely know what real portion sizing are. And the best way to do that simply is to measure and track it. Doesn't even need to be weight loss. Start at maintenance levels so she can see where she should be. And letting her do her own logging, spreadsheets, whatever (doesn't have to be here) puts the control in her hands without making her feel like you are scrutinizing everything she eats.

It doesn't need to be an idea of calorie cutting. It more can be an idea of "If then" as in "if I eat_____ then I feel_____." Or "if this is what is appropriate for them then___fits into this way."

#1) Empower her to learn what her food choices mean by signing her up on myfitnesspal.

#2) If you need more help, bring her to weight watchers.

no. no. no.

I would HIGHLY advise AGAINST these recommendations.


She's a kid. Help her make healthy food choices. Don't have her count calories. Give her good, wholesome food. Encourage outside activity and fun exercise.

Start with portion control. Show her what a portion of veggies look like, a portion of meat, etc. Emphasize that more veggies should be eaten at a meal for example than pasta or rice. Teach her to cook if she's interested.

Workout with her! If you are going for a walk, invite her along. If she has a Wii play the active games together (wii active, dancing games, etc). Go on bike rides, rollerblading, run the hills with her, etc.

If she isn't doing it alone it may be better for her and she will hopefully be more willing to stick to. Have her set a goal for herself. Nothing huge. Make sure she knows you are there to talk to and help her when needed. Encourage her! As another poster pointed out, tell her "great job" if she went for a walk, or run.

Explain to her how restaurants prepare their foods (fried, butter sauces, oils, etc) and explain how package food is prepared (sodium, sugars, preservatives, etc).

Show her healthy options when you go out to eat.

Tell her there are ways to make restaurant foods at home that are much healthier than when eating out and taste just as good.

Dad needs to be in it too... he can't go out and bring home take out. He needs to be on board and he needs to help her as well. If she is serious about it than he can't always be bringing home take out, inviting the family out to eat, bringing home chips, cookies etc.

Dad needs to be in it too... he can't go out and bring home take out. He needs to be on board and he needs to help her as well. If she is serious about it than he can't always be bringing home take out, inviting the family out to eat, bringing home chips, cookies etc.

Also this ^^^ dad has no right to make any comments about his daughter's weight when he's contributing to the problem.

Tie the conversation to sports and performance rather than weight and being "thin". Success in sports will enhance her self esteem (legitimately) and raise her popularity with her school mates. Its win-win.

Last night my 17 yo daughter wanted fast food and offered to get me some too. I asked her to look up calories for me so i could figure what I could have. She was amazed how many calories and how much sodium there was in different things. It was an accident for me but can you have her "help" you plan (and learn that way)?

Since she is an athlete, use that as your avenue to helping her by explaining how proper and adequate nutritional intake will help her perform better and recover with softball and volleyball. As a growing, active teen, she needs to focus on that first and foremost, not about scale weight. Nutrition to help fuel and recover and exercise, such as body weight exercises, to help preserve lean body mass which is crucial for injury prevention in athletes.

Do not let her do too much on her own. You and her father should take most of the responsibility in terms of calorie counting, portion control and so forth. I would, however, discuss what her favorite foods are so you can select the best choices which would lead to compliance. And don't be too strict in terms of food restrictions - she should still be able to eat pretty much everything provided that she stays within a certain calorie goal to accommodate her daily energy needs. Again, she is a developing, active girl whose energy needs are quite high. You can also begin educating her on basic principles such as the Energy Balance Equation, TDEE, what macronutritents do for the body, etc.

If you wish to reduce her calories during sports season, only implement a small deficit, maybe 300-400 calories below what would be needed for her to maintain her weight so it does not negatively impact her recovery and training. So if she needs 2000 calories to maintain, then 1600-1700 would be a good estimate. Creating and maintaining (chronically) too large an energy deficit before her bone mass density has peaked can result in permanent loss which may not be recovered even with various therapies such as calcium supplementation and estrogen therapy.

Ask if she wants you to help and/or how you can help her. She is your kid, but she's also 14 -- she's becoming more and more independent and it's going to be important that she's allowed to be in charge of what help she gets. If you see her doing something wrong (eating too little, exercise bulimia, etc) you certainly need to intervene ... but otherwise let her dictate how you help her and how much.

You can always lead her, too. Ask her if she wants you to do specific things. "Do you want me to workout with you/do you want to work out with me?"; "Do you want to help cook dinner?"; "Do you want to go grocery shopping with me?". That way you're asking, but also giving ideas so you don't just get that infamous teen shrug off.

ETA: Echoing geekyjock -- I would not have her do calorie counting on her own. She's 14, after all. If she wants to count calories, you or her dad should take charge. But I would recommend steering clear of that and just helping her focus on food choices and portions instead.

Give her autonomy to make good choices - sounds like she's doing it.
Suggest tools she can use and let her chose which ones to use and how
COMPLIMENT her on her good choices
Let her do it

I write a blog of Psychology Today that focuses on parent-teen relations. You might find this one helpful:

https://my.psychologytoday.com/blog/thinking-about-kids/201110/teens-respond-pleasure-not-pain-parent-accordingly

It basically argues that kids are much more responsive to rewards than to future negatives. So compliments and 'you're going to do greats' are more effective than 'you'll be unhealthy' or 'you won't look good' or 'you'll never take it off later'.