How to not take this as an insult...

"I didn't get the thin genes. I got the 'get-off-my-*kitten*-and-fit-the-skinny-jeans-genes'"

Your brother most likely was joking because he is jealous of your accomplishments. However, it won't be until he can get the motivation to just do it to lose the weight also. As you probably know.

I am sure it was his way to compliment you. :flowerforyou:

You have done fantastic.

If your brother truly weighs that much, I'm sure he knows that you know he's not eating lettuce for every meal. Maybe he wants your help but doesn't know how to ask for it. Why not tell him about how hard you work and that your health isn't just about luck?

That's very sad that your brother weighs almost 500 pounds and doesn't care enough about his life and his family to want to do something about it. When I see someone in the morbidly obese category shoving Big Macs it makes me want to cry and vomit, not necessarily in that order.

Does he not realize that he could drop dead at any given moment? Does he have kids? I hope not, I wouldn't want them to grow up without their father.

You didn't get the "skinny genes". You got the BRAINS of the family, and he got the "lazy genes".
Good for you for being the thinnest in your family!

Agreed, tell him exactly what you just told us. Just because he is 500 pounds doesn't mean you have to sugar coat it (LOL OK, that is funny)...He is isnt being realistic and its ok to call him on it.

Simply state that "my feeling were hurt when you said......." I have been working very had to control my weight. Would you like to work out with me? I think that would be fun.
Never start with "you" start with I,My . Then you are not placing blame and he should be less defensive.
Let us know how this works.
By the "weigh" I got the skinny gene too only because I work my A;;;; of every day.
Gail

Great advice.
"I statements" really work. "I feel....." instead of "You ....."
Tell him that statement hurt your feelings and has been bothering you.
Emphasize how much work this has taken, and let him know you'd be glad to help him along the same journey.
Tell him there may not be any "skinny genes" in your family but it's fun to wear "skinny jeans"!

Well, if I'm reading your ticker right, you've lost almost 150 lbs??? So how anyone can pass that off as just 'good genes' is beyond me. But in all honesty, it sounds like this is much more about your brother than it is about you -- he isn't ready to take on his own journey, and he's built himself a safe place where he doesn't need to. And your success intrudes on that place -- because if you can do it, why can't he? But he's not ready to go there yet.

The most I would suggest is just being honest with him the way you were here, say it bothers you that it seems like he is discrediting all the hard work you've put in ... tell him a little about what your life is like now and the changes you've made. But I wouldn't attach him over it. I'm sure there was a time in all of our lives where we made our own share of excuses and it's not bad to show a little compassion.

That is a tough one to handle. You just hope that some day he will look at you and want to be more like you. Are you two close? Do you think approaching him and talking to him about it might upset him or help him? It is all in what you really want to do about it.

My story with my mother is I want her to live a long and healthy life. I try to talk to her about it all the time, but it goes in one ear and out the other. It is so frustrating. She has seen my transformation and is very happy for me and I so want the same thing for her. I completely understand where you are coming from.

Maybe if you sit down with him and explain why you are the only one in your family without diabetes and ask if he wants help to beat it as well. I wish I had more encouraging words for you.

On another note, congrats on your new and beautiful lifestyle. Keep up the AWESOME work. :bigsmile:

By him laughing at you, thats him crying out for help and a little jealousy . You should try talking to him and make him understand that he is killing himself. I have the same problems with my sisiters and they also make a lot of excuses and joke about me. heck they will sit right in front of me and eat an ice cream they think they are hurting me but in reality they are hurting themselves. Its a difficult situation but they really need the help your brother might get on your nerves and insult you till he is done but dont give on him. He will eventually come to his senses.

Rather than telling him to stop being lazy and telling him he is greedy etc (because that will achieve nothing except offending him back) I think you are in a perfect position to mentor your brother into weight loss and improved health. You are the example for him to follow. Motivate him and show him that he can have a better life; explain its about small and continued lifestyle changes. Once he starts to lose weight it should be the motivation he needs to continue. I'm a firm believer in learning through action and example. I don't think just saying you're fat/big because you eat too much and dont move will do anything. I say this as someone who used to be morbidly obese. As much as it is in his control to change things, he will feel like its not. He will need a lot of support and understanding to reclaim his body back. As his brother I would want to do everything I can to help him to achieve that.

(Anyway, fat genes just leave you predisposed to put on weight (so you put it on more easily than someone without a fat gene) they are not the actual cause of obesity in and of itself so his comments are not valid on that basis)

If you don't mind me asking, how much did you weight before you got to where you are now. If you weighed as much as he does now, then he knows it's not genetics. That's just his excuse.
If it were me, (and this is just the way I am, I can only take so much). I wouldn't say anything until he brings it up again and then I'd let him have it. He sounds to me like he's lazy and just wants people to feel sorry for him. If he is around you a lot, then he has seen how hard you have worked on losing the weight and the will power you need to stay focused. Maybe he can learn something from that.

Some people make fun of others when they are insecure. Ask him if he wants your help. Tell him that it will be for the best. No need to be negative with him about the situation.

Trust me Communication is the Key!

Good luck.

I want to vent this a little bit. I'm now the 'thinnest' person in my entire family. On Easter while visiting, my brother remarked jokingly "well you got the thin genes in the family." He weighs almost 500lbs, can barely walk, has diabetes, and eats pretty much everything you shouldn't eat - and lots of it. Whenever he talks about losing weight, he chalks it up to genetics; he refuses to see that he DOES have a choice.

His comment has been eating away at me. I laughed it off then, but I've been busting my @$$ for more than 3 years now to get where I am. Its not genetics. Its hard freaking work and determination. And I'm trying to find a way to constructively tell him that. Its really starting to bother me.

Ideas?

This could have been said out of dissapointment with himself, jealousy, anger at himself, any number of things. First off, I would not take it personal what so ever. Family is always going to be the hardest on you and may not show excitment the way you feel you deserve.

Your brother could say it is genetis because this makes him accept his weight and where he is. I'm sure mentally he knows that he is the source of the problem. And with your great achievement and weight loss, he very well could say this out loud truly because he is embarrased. Instead of getting offended and mad at him, I think you need to realize that everyones' brain works differently and maybe he thinks that getting healthy is not an option for him. Even though that is not true, that could be very well how he feels.

I think you should mentor him and talk to him and help him. Do not force it, it has to be a change he makes on his own, but by you supporting him and being there for him might change his way of thinking and help him realize tha the can make the change too.

But do not expect him to praise you and congratulate you. It may not be possible or easy for him to do.

You've done an awesome job.

You said your the thinnest of your family. So where are you getting the thin genes from?

You made your mind up and made changes to help your health. We all know we can't force someone to change, unless they WANT to change.

I think everyone that's been obese thinks it's very overwhelming to lose weight. Think of us that are 50-100lbs overweight, and think how some of us felt before we started. Your brother is alot heavier and probably feels that there's nothing he can do, and since he can barely walk probably feels that he can't exercise, and probably not sure where to even start to lose weight.

Like others said. Commiunicate. If you two are close to each other.
Have a private conversation with each other (nobody else around to mingle), and tell him how you feel.
Explain to him your hard time getting to where you are, give him confidence that HE CAN DO IT and that you also want him around for another 50 years.

Tell him how you felt BEFORE you started losing weight, and you can remind him of your before picture.
Explain to him that it's hard at first, but gets easier, ie Can only walk for 5-10 mins, next week 15-20 mins etc.

I think one of the best gifts you can give him, is to help him out take those first few baby steps. Help him with right food choices, put some kind of exercise routine for him that he's able to do.

Good luck!

Edit: Just saw your other response.
Not being able to stick with it. I think we all get that feeling. It's the CHOICE we make whether we quit, or we stick with it.
Perhaps show him other success stories. Other people who have lost 100+lbs.