When Anorexics Try to Add You
supplemama
Posts: 1,956 Member
The original content of this post has been removed and this topic has been locked.
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Replies
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While I agree that it concerns me and saddens me to see these profiles, what if that girl was to see this post and whatever comments you may get on it? Think of how it will make her feel. While it probably wouldn't have accomplished what you wanted, messaging her directly would probably be the better way to go.
As for "why someone would intentionally do this?". Eating disorders are a disease, most people need professional help to overcome them. It is a life long struggle for many people.0 -
NOPE!
Folks like that need professional help to heal or a funeral planner if they do not.
I have no use for that.
Adios!0 -
I am 27 now, and even though I am 250 I feel more 'comfortable' with who I am and how I look than I did when I was 18. I remember being 18 and feeling 'fat' at 160. I remember looking in the mirror and feeling horrible and ugly, feeling depressed because I was a size 12. (LOL). Man..things have changed. I know at that age , I looked at anorexia forums, called "pro-Ana" but I loved food too much to be able to give it up. I did stop eating for a while and lost weight, but gained it all back. Thinking back, it was RIDICULOUS and unhealthy, probably messed up my metabolism. I was trying to lose weight to LOOK good for other people. I'm a mom of two kids, a college student, and engaged. I'm trying to lose weight to have a good heart, flexible and pliable lungs and be in shape! Priorities change. It's sad that whoever that girl is got down to less than 90 pounds. My brother's wife is like that. She is tall and less than 90 pounds and I used to have her on my facebook , but she would (everyday) post pictures of her on the scale, and take a picture of her weight. It would read 81.2 one day, then 82.1 another day, and she would cry about how fat she was. In fact, I used to have a friend who was trying to impress a guy and we were trying to find something nice for her to wear. She tried on her size 0 jeans...and couldn't fit into them. And started to cry because she had to wear her size 2 jeans. LOL. I had to 'comfort' her by reminding her that I wore a size 18 (at the time). It's sad I had to comfort someone by putting myself down! I was young and naive, and too focused on what others thought of me...(as many 18 year olds are).
Hopefully she finds someone in her life who encourages her to be HEALTHY , and maybe someday she will find out that healthy does not mean THIN. In fact, being anorexic and thin is just as horrible or worse than being overweight and obese. What a life..0 -
Yeah, OP, the kind thing to do would be to delete (edit) your post while you still can.
This type of thing can be emotionally painful for those who are suffering in or trying to recovery from an eating disorder.0 -
Not being rude, but I do agree with the other two posters. This can be triggering for many people suffering from an eating disorder or have suffered from one. I advise deleting this. On another note: instead of declining her perhaps you could have talked to her.
Think about it! Is NOT like they are intentionally putting their self in harms way. Many people suffering from EDs are very emotionally scarred and have underlying issues (such as Body Dysmorphic Disorder) that causes their disease.0 -
If She is struggling, and if she does need help - what she needs is support and compassionate direction not people saying they have no use for her. Or berating her...I hope she finds the support and help she needs...and I hope this post is deleted before she sees it.0
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Do you feel better now that you've called them out?0
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HEY THERE, I DON'T KNOW YOU BUT I'M SO GLAD YOU POSTED THIS THREAD. YOU CARE ENOUGH TO REPORT THE PROFILE AND AS A PARENT I GET YOUR REASONING. THIS PERSON NEEDS HELP DESPERATLY NOT SUPPORT FOR THE ANNA/ MIA LIFESTYLE. SEEING THIS THREAD MAY CAUSE THIS PERSON PAIN BUT THERE IS ALREADY PAIN WHERE OE IS WORKING OT STARVE TO DEATH. HOPEFULLY THIS WILL CAUSE SOMETHING TO CLICK IN TH EPSHYCHE OF THE POOR SOUL AND LEAD TO SEEKING HELP.
MSW I'M NOT YELLING AT YOU ITS JUST THAT I AM HARD OF SEEING ;-)0 -
I'm sorry i don't see where Supplemomma said anything wrong so i don't see why she would need to delete her post the only thing i see maybe is she could have added her as a friend & maybe try to talk to her cause maybe she don't have anyone but at sametime i don't think she should even do that because the girl needs professional help she wouldn't listen to anyone on here we all want to lose weight we are here for eachother but you can't help someone like that she needs more than we can give her..just my opinion0
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OMG some child starving herself to death tried to add me. I say child because she's only 18. Current weight is only 87 pounds!!!! Goal weight 80 pounds!!! What in the actual eff! And she has a pic up, she is rail thin and bony, this is not a very short person! Of course I declined, and reported the profile using the contact form on the site. I feel awful. I have a child that's 18, (my kids are 23, 18, and 15) and I would be so terrified and heartbroken if they wanted to destroy themselves. My goodness. What on earth could be so wrong with your life that you would intentionally do this to yourself??
i wouldn't just decline without sending her a mail and telling her why you declined her. she may have self-esteem issues, so no need to exacerbate that. let her know that you're not equipped to help somebody suffering from an ED and it's not personal that you declined. then urge her to get professional help. alot of these young girls don't understand what they are doing to themselves and many of them think they need to be ultra skinny to have friends or boyfriends and their self-image and self-esteem is wrapped up in the number they see on the scale. they need proper nutrition information, and this site can help them with that, but first they have to start getting a handle on their ED. that takes professional help.0 -
HEY THERE, I DON'T KNOW YOU BUT I'M SO GLAD YOU POSTED THIS THREAD. YOU CARE ENOUGH TO REPORT THE PROFILE AND AS A PARENT I GET YOUR REASONING. THIS PERSON NEEDS HELP DESPERATLY NOT SUPPORT FOR THE ANNA/ MIA LIFESTYLE. SEEING THIS THREAD MAY CAUSE THIS PERSON PAIN BUT THERE IS ALREADY PAIN WHERE OE IS WORKING OT STARVE TO DEATH. HOPEFULLY THIS WILL CAUSE SOMETHING TO CLICK IN TH EPSHYCHE OF THE POOR SOUL AND LEAD TO SEEKING HELP.
MSW I'M NOT YELLING AT YOU ITS JUST THAT I AM HARD OF SEEING ;-)
By why would you want to cause more pain for someone that is already in pain. That doesn't make any sense. How do you know that she was PRO-ANNA? In her mind she probably thinks she needs to lose 7 more lbs.0 -
I have been there and done that and my food diary is private...so I add them, only if they are recovering or are at a place where they are dealing with the ED...
It is all in the mind and it is a horrible disorder. I have taken 21 years to be completely symptom free...past three years have been clear though : )0 -
I would've just kept that to yourself, we are all quite aware that there are people suffering with eating disorders on here and while we may not agree with how they eat/act they need support and positive feed back just like everyone else.0
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I'm sorry i don't see where Supplemomma said anything wrong so i don't see why she would need to delete her post the only thing i see maybe is she could have added her as a friend & maybe try to talk to her cause maybe she don't have anyone but at sametime i don't think she should even do that because the girl needs professional help she wouldn't listen to anyone on here we all want to lose weight we are here for eachother but you can't help someone like that she needs more than we can give her..just my opinion
Yes, she probably needs professional help, not a bunch of strangers calling her out on a message board. I don't think the OP said anything particularly nasty or had the intention to be mean, but I still think someone seeing this post about themselves is more harmful than helpful.0 -
Not being rude, but I do agree with the other two posters. This can be triggering for many people suffering from an eating disorder or have suffered from one. I advise deleting this. On another note: instead of declining her perhaps you could have talked to her.
Think about it! Is not like they are NOT intentionally putting their self in harms way. Many people suffering from EDs are very emotionally scarred and have underlying issues (such as Body Dysmorphic Disorder) that causes their disease.
THIS0 -
Terrible thread. People suffering from eating disorders do need help, and definitely don't need public shaming. It's certainly your choice whether you choose to add them to your network here, but this post is uncalled for.0
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I would've just kept that to yourself, we are all quite aware that there are people suffering with eating disorders on here and while we may not agree with how they eat/act they need support and positive feed back just like everyone else.
This ..0 -
I'm sorry i don't see where Supplemomma said anything wrong so i don't see why she would need to delete her post the only thing i see maybe is she could have added her as a friend & maybe try to talk to her cause maybe she don't have anyone but at sametime i don't think she should even do that because the girl needs professional help she wouldn't listen to anyone on here we all want to lose weight we are here for eachother but you can't help someone like that she needs more than we can give her..just my opinion
It is VERY triggering to people suffering from EDs.0 -
I'm sorry i don't see where Supplemomma said anything wrong so i don't see why she would need to delete her post the only thing i see maybe is she could have added her as a friend & maybe try to talk to her cause maybe she don't have anyone but at sametime i don't think she should even do that because the girl needs professional help she wouldn't listen to anyone on here we all want to lose weight we are here for eachother but you can't help someone like that she needs more than we can give her..just my opinion
It is VERY triggering to people suffering from EDs.
This is true0 -
What on earth could be so wrong with your life that you would intentionally do this to yourself??
It's a mental illness, so it's a bit more complicated than that.0 -
i actually think this thread is useful.
alot of people don't know how to deal with friend requests like these. reading this thread will serve a purpose by giving them a way to respond that is both helpful to the person with the ED, while also not causing any self-esteem issues to the person with the ED.
if we can get this thread to be about the GENERAL case of such requests, instead of about this specific individual, then this thread serves a purpose.0 -
You could have been the help she needed.0
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I developed anorexia at age 11, and then bulimia at 21. Your posting is pretty triggering. It isn't that someone WANTS to live that way - eating disorders are a serious illness that nobody asks for. It literally almost killed me, and believe me I never WANTED to live that way. And just so you are aware, my life WAS so terrible that I developed an eating disorder. Life really can be that bad. I won't go into it here, but I just wanted you to be aware that your message was very triggering for me (I am still in recovery and use MFP to make sure I'm getting ENOUGH nutrition), and I'm sure it will be triggering for anyone else struggling with an ED. I've been to treatment twice now, and still there is no cure. Just wanted you to be aware.0
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How would you handle it if one of your kids had an issue with something and reached out to someone and that person not only dismissed them but reported them and then publicly posted their business? Just awful0
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This is the rudest thing I've read on this site in a long time.
Eating Disorders are an illness, she is sick. Would you ever make a post that says "When chemo therapy people try to add me?" NO.
If you could only know the pain and depression that comes with an ED.0 -
Please get educated. It's not "intentional." Eating disorders are mental illnesses, and in fact, Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any other mental disorder.
**jmx - didn't see your post until after i posted mine! thank you! glad there are some individuals who understand!**0 -
i actually think this thread is useful.
alot of people don't know how to deal with friend requests like these. reading this thread will serve a purpose by giving them a way to respond that is both helpful to the person with the ED, while also not causing any self-esteem issues to the person with the ED.
if we can get this thread to be about the GENERAL case of such requests, instead of about this specific individual, then this thread serves a purpose.
OK I will play nicely. When I get these requests, I send a polite note saying that judging from their profiles, their goals are not in alignment with mine, and I can't be supportive to those people who are, in my opinion, intentionally hurting themselves, but that I would be happy to support them in their recovery, if at some point they choose to take that path, and they can feel free to request me again and I will accept when that time hopefully comes.
(apologies for epic run-on sentence)0 -
i actually think this thread is useful.
alot of people don't know how to deal with friend requests like these. reading this thread will serve a purpose by giving them a way to respond that is both helpful to the person with the ED, while also not causing any self-esteem issues to the person with the ED.
if we can get this thread to be about the GENERAL case of such requests, instead of about this specific individual, then this thread serves a purpose.
OK I will play nicely. When I get these requests, I send a polite note saying that judging from their profiles, their goals are not in alignment with mine, and I can't be supportive to those people who are, in my opinion, intentionally hurting themselves, but that I would be happy to support them in their recovery, if at some point they choose to take that path, and they can feel free to request me again and I will accept when that time hopefully comes.
(apologies for epic run-on sentence)
this sounds reasonable to me.
one thing that i think is important is to NEVER just decline the request without comment. i'd write the girl by PM explaining that i'd be happy to help if i could, but that i'm not equipped with the knowledge to assist somebody with an ED and that only professionals can help. and i'd also give her lots of encouragement in that PM. in this way, she would know that declining the request was in no way a reflection on who she is as a person. it was simply that i literally wouldn't know how to help somebody suffering from an ED.0 -
I developed anorexia at age 11, and then bulimia at 21. Your posting is pretty triggering. It isn't that someone WANTS to live that way - eating disorders are a serious illness that nobody asks for. It literally almost killed me, and believe me I never WANTED to live that way. And just so you are aware, my life WAS so terrible that I developed an eating disorder. Life really can be that bad. I won't go into it here, but I just wanted you to be aware that your message was very triggering for me (I am still in recovery and use MFP to make sure I'm getting ENOUGH nutrition), and I'm sure it will be triggering for anyone else struggling with an ED. I've been to treatment twice now, and still there is no cure. Just wanted you to be aware.
I knew it would trigger someone!0 -
i actually think this thread is useful.
alot of people don't know how to deal with friend requests like these. reading this thread will serve a purpose by giving them a way to respond that is both helpful to the person with the ED, while also not causing any self-esteem issues to the person with the ED.
if we can get this thread to be about the GENERAL case of such requests, instead of about this specific individual, then this thread serves a purpose.
I disagree. If you would like to start a new thread about educating people, it would be fine by me and I do think it would be useful. However, no matter how you might try to turn it around, this post started as a rather triggering and uneducated attack on people with severe EDs. I think it should be deleted by the OP before it is deleted by the mods, as I've already reported it.0
This discussion has been closed.
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