Jealous friends?

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2

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  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,867 Member
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    Hi Christy,

    I think maybe talk to them - they maybe don't realise how theyr'e acting - and if that fails perhaps just keep your distance. I woiuld say their jealous, and their own insecurities are coming in to play. You have a right to have lovely supportive people in your life so don't let them get you down.

    xo

    This^^^...I was having a bit of the same problem at one point and even my best bro was kind of being this way. I asked him, "so what's up with everyone trying to harsh my buzz here?" He basically told me that he and all my friends were realy proud of me and happy for me...but he also told me it gets really annoying when most of my conversation with them revolves around my diet, exercise, losing weight, etc.

    I don't know if that's the same problem, but my wife second the motion and told me I talk about it way too much. Since then, I've curbed my enthusiasm somewhat when I'm out with them all and we've started having normal interactions again (even I noticed how much I went on about it)...and I'm on the forum a lot more so that I can continue to go on and on about it.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
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    Thanks everyone. I DO have many friends and family that are extremely supportive of me and I treasure them. As well as all the friends I've made here :) These two in particular are childhood life long friends and it's a hard pill to swallow. We are in our mid 40's for crying out loud, this isn't high school lol. I think maybe the next time I have an issue I'll confront them. I've always been the one to back down and laugh at my own expense. Time to get a backbone right?

    I had a childhood friend who got progressively crazier as she got older. A good friend of mine had a childhood friend who started acting out passive aggressively when my friend had children because she wanted a family and was jealous.

    Your friends might be pissy because you're no longer the fat friend. Or you're losing weight and they can't.

    Sometimes your life changes and you have to let people go.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
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    yup, I have had friends like this. all we did was party, eat, and drink a lot together. I no longer hang out with them. not that they aren't cool people, just my life has taken a different turn. I wish to surround myself with people who would rather go hiking, skiing, play Frisbee golf, or anything else active than just get trashed.


    I had friends like this too. Eventually as i got older I grew up and moved into a corporate career. They never stopped drinking and smoking pot. Eventually i got tired of hearing about how they kept getting evicted because they kept spending the rent money on weed.
    Sometimes you just outgrow people. :smile:
  • sarahmonsta
    sarahmonsta Posts: 185 Member
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    I have a couple of "friends" (and I use that term loosely) that seem to want to sabotage me or have a negative comment on everything I do or say concerning my appearance, eating habits, gym habits, the way I breathe...lol..kidding on the breathing but it's ridiculous! I'm not quite sure how to handle them as I don't want to come off as arrogant but at the same time I'm proud of who I am now and what I've achieved. I'm curious if anyone has this problem and how do you handle it?

    I also have a few friends like this, idk why they do it but it makes me feel bad about myself so I have been slowly distancing myself from them.
  • NCchar130
    NCchar130 Posts: 955 Member
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    If they are like my friends-turned-frenemies, I think they are just jealous. Also, when someone secretly isn't happy with themselves and someone else (who used to be like them) makes a change and succeeds, it says that they could do it too. It's a lot easier to sit back and say "I can't" but here you've gone and done it and shown them it's possible. That seems to be a hard pill to swallow for a lot of people.

    I had to take a step back from these relationships. I have other friends who are nothing but supportive, whatever their size. I make a point not to talk about it unless asked because I know weight is always a delicate subject among women. But my weight loss is very noticeable now and there's nothing I can do about that :bigsmile: So I've distanced myself from those women as much as possible.
  • Bobby__Clerici
    Bobby__Clerici Posts: 741 Member
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    Make their misery your joy!
    And sever the connection.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    How often do you talk about it? It could be that they are a bit sick of hearing you discuss your fitness, what you are eating, and your physical appearance. Try to put yourself in their shoes. When people are constantly going on about something (anything!) it can become annoying.
  • healthyformeanMona
    healthyformeanMona Posts: 143 Member
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    I kind of keep my distance from negative people, but every now and then, one sneaks in. And it is usually someone I enjoy being around some times. So it is hard for me, just to say, dump them. But I have, after weighing pros and cons of the friendship. It's easier to pop your balloon than to blow up their own. If you want to continue the friendships in any capacity, you might have to draw a boundary around yourself when they start their popping.
  • Reeny1_8
    Reeny1_8 Posts: 277
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    Thanks everyone. I DO have many friends and family that are extremely supportive of me and I treasure them. As well as all the friends I've made here :) These two in particular are childhood life long friends and it's a hard pill to swallow. We are in our mid 40's for crying out loud, this isn't high school lol. I think maybe the next time I have an issue I'll confront them. I've always been the one to back down and laugh at my own expense. Time to get a backbone right?



    Your in your mid 40's??? Wow!! You look amazing! I would have guessed early to mid 30's!!
  • christy3565
    christy3565 Posts: 349
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    How often do you talk about it? It could be that they are a bit sick of hearing you discuss your fitness, what you are eating, and your physical appearance. Try to put yourself in their shoes. When people are constantly going on about something (anything!) it can become annoying.

    I rarely if ever talk to these particular two because of their attitude. If I'm with them and someone else compliments me I downplay it and change the subject. I'm not one to go around talking about my journey to anyone really. If I'm asked, I'll talk about it. But other than that no I really don't say much
  • christy3565
    christy3565 Posts: 349
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    Thanks everyone. I DO have many friends and family that are extremely supportive of me and I treasure them. As well as all the friends I've made here :) These two in particular are childhood life long friends and it's a hard pill to swallow. We are in our mid 40's for crying out loud, this isn't high school lol. I think maybe the next time I have an issue I'll confront them. I've always been the one to back down and laugh at my own expense. Time to get a backbone right?



    Your in your mid 40's??? Wow!! You look amazing! I would have guessed early to mid 30's!!

    Reeny I could kiss you right now lol
  • Will_Thrust_For_Candy
    Will_Thrust_For_Candy Posts: 6,109 Member
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    I have also considered that maybe some people in my life get tired of hearing me talk about my newly found passion.....but then I think why the heck should I stop talking about it? I don't ask them to stop talking about how often their baby poops or what kind of vomit they experienced that afternoon or their endless scrapbooking tales? That's just all part of being a friend.....but maybe I'm just being selfish lol
  • Ashleyyyb93
    Ashleyyyb93 Posts: 71
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    If you ask me....they aren't friends at all. I have been in the same boat...my "friend" would constantly put me down and could never say a good word about me or what I did. I think she loved the fact that she was making me feel bad.

    I don't know why people are like that....find yourself some friends who appreciate you!! x x x
  • lwagnitz
    lwagnitz Posts: 1,321 Member
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    Thanks everyone. I DO have many friends and family that are extremely supportive of me and I treasure them. As well as all the friends I've made here :) These two in particular are childhood life long friends and it's a hard pill to swallow. We are in our mid 40's for crying out loud, this isn't high school lol. I think maybe the next time I have an issue I'll confront them. I've always been the one to back down and laugh at my own expense. Time to get a backbone right?



    Your in your mid 40's??? Wow!! You look amazing! I would have guessed early to mid 30's!!

    Reeny I could kiss you right now lol

    I second that. I thought you were like 28-30
  • J_sparkle
    J_sparkle Posts: 19 Member
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    I have this problem....only the jealous person is my Mom. I am an only child but it seems she can never just BE happy for me. It's always about her. Like, I haven't been kicking my A_ _ for a year (I've lost over 50# so far). I just don't bring up my wt loss, or exercise, or what size I wear or that I need new clothes, etc. It's frustrating but I can't sever the relationship w/ my mom over this.

    A 'friend' I wouldn't hesitate. What kind of friend isn't happy for you?

    J
  • txbelle01
    txbelle01 Posts: 35 Member
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    I am experiencing this now at work. It is a hard pill to swallow at times. I am very proud of myself for almost losing 50lbs. (I have 30lbs to go-YEAH) I began to notice a change in my appearance at the 25-30lbs mark. Then people started to notice at the 40lbs where my whole physique really changed. At first it was what are you doing! You look Great! Then there were those that did not say anything at all. I was like really, I look different and I can tell when I look in the mirror and I see myself like I was in the old day, 16-18yrs old. Seriously you can say job well done. Then it hit me. Self reflection is an ugly thing. I then realized that my success was their downfall. It's not a competition at all, but they choose to make it one b/c they lack the motivation to change their lifesyle and their choices. I for one know what it is like to be thin and to be deemed obese. It's not a fun feeling. It's depressing being fat and out of shape, the main reason is the health risks. I have learned one thing in this journey of mine. If your happy then that's all that matters. Chances are that you are a compassionate person, and have a healthier diposition to yourself and they are just threatened that the attention will be on you and that's something that they want for themselves. Being healthy isn't easy. It takes a lot of courage and strength. Everyone has the possibility to change, to accomplish anything. But only the strong prevail! Sounds like your a strong, positive woman! Congrats and keep looking forward and if they are your true friends, eventually they come around, or you leave them in the midst. p.s. I thought u were in ur late twenties! :)
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    if they were related then there would be a different solution.....

    but you dont HAVE to be around these people and they arent your friends, so tell them they are voted off the friend island. go directly to somewhere else. don't pass go. don't collect $200.

    life is too short to surround yourself with people who dont wish you well
  • joelthecannon
    joelthecannon Posts: 23
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    I know how you feel. The best way to handle it, is keep staying positive about your weight loss. It is their issue and insecurity not yours.
  • goody2shews
    goody2shews Posts: 129 Member
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    OHH YES...

    There is a book called The Dream Giver, Bruce Wilkenson I believe.

    One point in this very cute book is some people define who they are or aren't by who you are or are not. They may define their success by your failures. When you have a break through or dream they have to " whack a mole " it to keep you in your place.
  • Ghkffb56
    Ghkffb56 Posts: 263 Member
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    Screw em.. Take all the Progress pics you want post, how good you feel after you workout, how good you feel to eat healthy. and How happy you feel that you took over your life and are in control of it.. If they are "friends" they will stay around.... if not.. oh well happens.. we all grow apart.

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