Don't Ever Give Up :)

I want to start out by saying that no matter what, every single one of you is beautiful regardless of your weight or how you look. If you are comfortable the way you are and you are happy with how you look, I'm so proud of you. I am in absolutely NO way trying to encourage you or tell you to change who you are. However, this is for all of you girls and boys out there that are sick of looking in the mirror every day and being disgusted with how you look, but being too afraid to do anything about it.

Hey, my name is Caitlin. I'm currently 19 years old and I want to share this relatively quick "life story" with all of you. There was a point in my life, specifically during my grade 10 year of high school through February of my grade 12 year, during which I fluctuated between my heaviest of 290 pounds and 260 pounds, when I would honestly look in the mirror every single day and cry. Cry because I was disgusted with myself. Cry because I thought I would always be like this. I couldn't imagine being anything but fat. Luckily, I was blessed enough to live in a place where I was never bullied for it, which I know is hard to imagine for most people. Not once in my life was I ever bullied for it. But I knew that people probably talked about it behind my back or at the very least that the bullying would come out full swing once I got to university. People often say that fat people disgust them because it's all their fault and that they can change it whenever they'd like to. I wish that they could be put into our position. Honestly, I was scared to try because I was scared to fail. I knew how much hard work it was going to take and how long it was going to take and it just depressed me further. On top of that, what if it didn't work at all? I would be like this for the rest of my life. Now don't get me wrong, I know there are billions of conditions in our world that are worse than being obese, but to me at that point, I felt trapped. I felt like no one would ever love me. I didn't participate in any events or go to any parties all throughout high school because my self confidence was at absolute 0 or below, if that's even possible. I always felt like people were staring and that my weight was like the elephant in the room that everybody noticed, but no one wanted to mention. Yeah, it was that bad. It was affecting my life in every way that it possibly could. Healthwise, socially, emotionally. There were days when I didn't even want to leave the house because of it. There were days when I just didn't leave the house because of it.

It was actually January 1st, 2012 that I mustered up the courage and decided that it was finally time to change. A new year, a new beginning as they all say, but for me, I was going to make that statement ring true. Starting at 260 pounds, I cut all fast food and pop other than diet out of my diet completely and began going for walks everyday ranging from 45 minutes to an hour. I had a phys. ed class for the second half of my grade 12 year, so that helped a lot. I tried to implement as healthy of foods as I could into my daily diet, such as salads, boneless/skinless chicken, etc. I became very health conscious in regard to following calories and fat specifically very closely. Basically, I turned my entire life around for the better. I cannot describe to you how amazing it feels to step on those scales and every single week see the numbers go down lower and lower and lower. I never thought that I would see myself anywhere close to just 200 pounds let alone under 200 pounds. Never in a million years. When the day came that I stepped on that scale at the numbers popped up as 198 I can honestly say that I have never felt a greater sense of accomplishment. Today, I weigh in at exactly 178.5 pounds. Now I know to a lot of people that would still be considered ridiculously fat. I'll be the first one to say that yes, I am still overweight and I have no intention of stopping until I am at a healthy weight. But I can tell you that now, instead of looking in the mirror at myself and crying in disgust, I look in the mirror and cry with joy because of how far I've come. Sure, there are still days when I feel down and I feel like I should have tried harder and I shouldn't have snacked here or had this extra cookie for dinner, but then I look at a picture like this, and I realize that it's okay. I've come this far and I know I can make it the rest of the way. It's still a struggle every single day when my friends go to McDonalds and I have to politely decline their invitation or when I'm at a party where everyone is chowing down on chips and dip, but as cliche as it sounds, skinny sure as hell does taste better than that BigMac of bag of chips.

Now, for some tips. I know it's going to be hard. Possibly the hardest thing you've ever had to do. But I believe in you. I did it and I KNOW you can too. Don't push yourself too hard though. Find a pace that's good for you and stick to it. One big tip - don't cut snacking out completely. Allow yourself a little 'cheat' once or twice a week. You want that extra dessert on Friday night - have it. If you allow yourself to cheat every now and then there is less of a chance that you'll end up binging one day. Do exercises that you enjoy rather than forcing yourself to do ones that others say worked for them. I enjoyed going for walks immensely, so I looked forward to my walk each day rather than having to force myself to do it. Also, don't feel bad if you miss a day here and there. Make it up later or just simply forget about it.

I guess that's really all I have to say. Good luck to all of you out there starting on this rough but totally rewarding journey. I KNOW that you can do it. Even if no one else believes in you, I do