Gym at hotel with pool and children in changing rooms?
Replies
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It's kind of mind boggling what some other people think is o.k. Since I can't control other people, only myself, I would have removed myself from a scene I found uncomfortable.0
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She should have been in one of the private stalls but I get why she doesn't want to send her son into the men's locker room yet. Far too risky for a boy that age. Sad to say that in this day and age but its the world we live in.0
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I am most uncomfortable, not so much about the situation you have brought to the forum, but that as soon as one poster mentions that he has to sometimes enter a female area of the centre to help his daughter get chaged, you come out with this:
quote: "You go into the women's changing room? Oooh saucy! Tell us more!"
This thread says more about adults than it does children in my view.
A suggestion if it happens again - just approach the mother gently and suggest the boy is maybe a little too old to be in the womens' changing rooms, rather than making complaints before sorting the matter out - like adults. Perhaps its just that she and her children are just a little more comfortable with their bodies than other people and don't realise there is a problem.0 -
I have two sons aged 1 and 3.5 I would not be comfortable with them changing in the men's changing rooms alone aged 8 or even ten, maybe 12 and above but if the lady was uncomfortable with her son changing in the males she should have taken him with another male that could be present in the room with him. I personally think he's too old to be changing in the females.0
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They are slowly addressing this issue in Australia.
Over here we have separate toilets/ change cubicles for the disabled located between the gents and the ladies. These are being rebadged as 'family' or 'multiuse' change rooms. The disabled have priority use but it can be used by anyone when there is no-one waiting. Solves a lot of changing and toileting issues for families.0 -
Sometime between the ages of 7 and 9 it becomes inappropriate. At 10 it is wildly inappropriate. The boy is clearly at the stage where he is very interested in women. The mother needs to get a clue.0
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I'm surprised that a couple people think 10 is too young for a boy to go into a changing room alone. Seriously? If your 10 year old can't manage to go into a bathroom or changing room by himself there is something wrong lol. I understand that there are perverts out there but perverts are EVERYWHERE, not just in changing rooms. A small child is understandable but a 10 year old is already at the beginning stages of puberty and much too old to be in a women's changing room. I am not ashamed of the human body but I still don't want a 10 year old staring at me naked lol.0
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I'm surprised that a couple people think 10 is too young for a boy to go into a changing room alone. Seriously? If your 10 year old can't manage to go into a bathroom or changing room by himself there is something wrong lol. I understand that there are perverts out there but perverts are EVERYWHERE, not just in changing rooms. A small child is understandable but a 10 year old is already at the beginning stages of puberty and much too old to be in a women's changing room.
It's not the fact that there is perverts everywhere but the child is in a very vulnerable position at aged ten alone in a swimming pool changing room, I would never allow my children to go in there unless a male I trusted was present, how can a ten year old defend himself against a fully grown man? It's a risk i wouldn't take.0 -
The majority of people posting on this thread are women and have never been in a men's locker room. It is one of the creepiest places ever. Especially as a 10 year old. Hell I hate going in them and I'm 30. As for the people thinking that he is sitting there getting aroused by you at age 10 is rediculous he is not going home and taking care of himself to the thought of you naked. He is atmost curious. She was just trying to protect her child. I would have done the same thing if there wasnt a private space in her position.0
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The majority of people posting on this thread are women and have never been in a men's locker room. It is one of the creepiest places ever. Especially as a 10 year old. Hell I hate going in them and I'm 30. As for the people thinking that he is sitting there getting aroused by you at age 10 is rediculous he is not going home and taking care of himself to the thought of you naked. He is atmost curious. She was just trying to protect her child. I would have done the same thing if there wasnt a private space in her position.
Agree 100%0 -
That is what we have "family" changing rooms for here. We have the mens and womens but there are two small separate rooms at my gym/pool that are with camode and shower, large enough for 4 people or so to go in together and change as a family. The rooms are off the general locker area but it offers privacy to all the guests and the families that have those in-between aged children.
Minimally however, the mother needed to address things such as looking at the women ahead of time. It was just not proper for him to be staring that way. Clearly if he was taking notice, it is probably not something he is accustomed to or he wouldn't stare... UNLESS the family never speaks of such things as the human body.
At Any rate, the boy should not have been in there and if there were a requirement he be she should have used the room and taught him common courtesy rules...0 -
You were dead on about other countries and their level of tolerance. In most other countries that wouldn't have been weird at all. Since I come from a background where my family is multi-ethnic I'm used to this type of behavior and it doesn't really phase me. If you were in another country, I'd tell you that you should go into the private stall. Even in this country, I'd tell you that you had the opportunity to use the private stall.
At the same time however, rules are place for the protection of both the adults and the children. I would definitely make a comment to the hotel management and let them know that you pay to exercise there on a regular basis and that your rights as a regular guest in their facilities should be noticed. A family there for only a few nights cannot hurt the hotel as much as an angry regular guest who stops their membership to the gym and tells all their friends.0 -
The majority of people posting on this thread are women and have never been in a men's locker room. It is one of the creepiest places ever. Especially as a 10 year old. Hell I hate going in them and I'm 30. As for the people thinking that he is sitting there getting aroused by you at age 10 is rediculous he is not going home and taking care of himself to the thought of you naked. He is atmost curious. She was just trying to protect her child. I would have done the same thing if there wasnt a private space in her position.
Agreed. But the original poster said that there were private rooms available. So the woman should have been respectful of other people in the changing area. Since it's a hotel, she could always have had her son sit with the front desk until she was done changing and getting her daughter ready.
However, I still think, as it was probably obvious in my separate post, that as a society we're too hung up on "our junk". Other countries have nude beaches. And when they say nude, they mean it. I have a long way to go to get my body where I want it. But I've seen plenty of other naked and near-naked people when visiting my family abroad and when I lived abroad that have A LOT more work to do than I do. If someone wants to look at me, I'll take it as a compliment.0 -
I'm surprised that a couple people think 10 is too young for a boy to go into a changing room alone. Seriously? If your 10 year old can't manage to go into a bathroom or changing room by himself there is something wrong lol. I understand that there are perverts out there but perverts are EVERYWHERE, not just in changing rooms. A small child is understandable but a 10 year old is already at the beginning stages of puberty and much too old to be in a women's changing room.
It's not the fact that there is perverts everywhere but the child is in a very vulnerable position at aged ten alone in a swimming pool changing room, I would never allow my children to go in there unless a male I trusted was present, how can a ten year old defend himself against a fully grown man? It's a risk i wouldn't take.
I can understand why some parents are afraid to let their kids be alone these days but that doesn't change the fact that it's not appropriate for them to be in the women's changing room at that age.0 -
I would have been uncomfortable too.
The pool I use by my house says kids 6 and over have to be in the appropriate change rooms. Rightfully so, as my 7 year old is not able to be in a changeroom alone, I ask to use the 'family/special needs' room. You need a code it isn't freely accessable. noone has questioned me.
I would never let my 10 year old in a ladies changeroom and personally, (correct me if I am wrong) but a 10 year old can probably get himself changed in the men's room with no harm or foul.
ETA: read other responses and I agree, maybe alone in a men's change room isn't appropriate in this day and age. Sometimes I get creeped out letting my son into a public men's washroom with me at the door. But she could have been in one of the private stalls.0 -
The majority of people posting on this thread are women and have never been in a men's locker room. It is one of the creepiest places ever. Especially as a 10 year old. Hell I hate going in them and I'm 30. As for the people thinking that he is sitting there getting aroused by you at age 10 is rediculous he is not going home and taking care of himself to the thought of you naked. He is atmost curious. She was just trying to protect her child. I would have done the same thing if there wasnt a private space in her position.
Really? I have nephews and they started spending a little too much time in the bathroom (if you k now what I mean) around 5th/6th grade which would be age 10-12. Seriously, how long ago has it been since you were in middle school? lol Boys are definitely talking about girls, boobs, naked women, having girlfriends, etc by 6th grade (11 years old). One episode of Degrassi will tell you that much lol. If you don't feel safe with your 10 year old boy in the changing room alone, thats understandable, but you still shouldn't take him into the women's ESPECIALLY if there are private changing rooms available.0 -
The majority of people posting on this thread are women and have never been in a men's locker room. It is one of the creepiest places ever. Especially as a 10 year old. Hell I hate going in them and I'm 30. As for the people thinking that he is sitting there getting aroused by you at age 10 is rediculous he is not going home and taking care of himself to the thought of you naked. He is atmost curious. She was just trying to protect her child. I would have done the same thing if there wasnt a private space in her position.
Agreed. But the original poster said that there were private rooms available. So the woman should have been respectful of other people in the changing area. Since it's a hotel, she could always have had her son sit with the front desk until she was done changing and getting her daughter ready.
However, I still think, as it was probably obvious in my separate post, that as a society we're too hung up on "our junk". Other countries have nude beaches. And when they say nude, they mean it. I have a long way to go to get my body where I want it. But I've seen plenty of other naked and near-naked people when visiting my family abroad and when I lived abroad that have A LOT more work to do than I do. If someone wants to look at me, I'll take it as a compliment.
Let me clarify a few points:
She would've walked by the private changing rooms on the way to the main changing room.
The private changing rooms are signposted (maybe not large enough) that opposite sex children over the age of 8 are not allowed. There are two such signs.
I didn't say anything but I did dress more modestly than I normally would have ( i just get it on and off and don't bother wrapping myself in a towel but at teh same time I'm not there rubbing lotion into my *kitten* either!)
Her children were unruly from the swimming pool setting and she couldn't control them. Subconsciously, I was concerned that she would not react well to being told mid way through the showering/changing process to move.
Other women were also uncomfortable and eye contact was made between us acknowledging the awkwardness, not one which the mother noticed as she chased her screaming 4yo around the room to brush her hair (personally, I'd have left it and done it at home)...
Good points and I think I will talk to the gym manager about this issue and suggest hotel guest and gym members are reminded at check in (we must check in and if the kids are tehre, tehy have to be paid for/signed in) re: the changing room age issue.
Thanks for all the feedback!0 -
Thank you I can't believe some of these responses telling her to just deal with it and it is up to the mother....people shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable when it is something any parent with a brain wouldn't do. I went to the YMCA with my kids and if my daughter was there she went through the ladies locker room and I asked the staff to walk her through a few times to get her comfortable with it and also we came prepared so she didn't have to spend a lot of time in the locker room. People need to get a brain!!Ten is the beginning of puberty. That was incredibly inappropriate for that mother to do that.0 -
I'm surprised that a couple people think 10 is too young for a boy to go into a changing room alone. Seriously? If your 10 year old can't manage to go into a bathroom or changing room by himself there is something wrong lol. I understand that there are perverts out there but perverts are EVERYWHERE, not just in changing rooms. A small child is understandable but a 10 year old is already at the beginning stages of puberty and much too old to be in a women's changing room.
It's not the fact that there is perverts everywhere but the child is in a very vulnerable position at aged ten alone in a swimming pool changing room, I would never allow my children to go in there unless a male I trusted was present, how can a ten year old defend himself against a fully grown man? It's a risk i wouldn't take.
I can understand why some parents are afraid to let their kids be alone these days but that doesn't change the fact that it's not appropriate for them to be in the women's changing room at that age.
I agree he was too old to be in the female changing room but if there was no other option available e.g a disabled toilet I would have him change in a cubicle within the female changing room.0 -
Bmiller211 You are talking about a female there which is totally different, are you saying you would be comfortable allowing your ten year old boy change alone in a male locker room? I certainly wouldn't, also I don't think many people have said that it is acceptable for him to be changing in the female locker room.0
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A couple questions for the OP:
1. Would the private rooms have contained the girl?
2. Were the private rooms large enough for the mom and two kids?
3. I'm confused about the posting on the private rooms. Did it say kids over 8 weren't allowed in a way that she may have taken as meaning they weren't allowed in there?
4. Why didn't you go into one of the private rooms? While I agree it was inappropriate for him to be in the locker room, I would have used a private room for my comfort and to not add to the issue for him.0 -
I am a lot older than you and yes my son was going into the locker room alone at that age...what do you think every man in there is a perv??? There are always many men in the locker room and besides my son was taught how to deal with it!! I feel you are looking for reasons to baby children!!Bmiller211 You are talking about a female there which is totally different, are you saying you would be comfortable allowing your ten year old boy change alone in a male locker room? I certainly wouldn't, also I don't think many people have said that it is acceptable for him to be changing in the female locker room.0 -
When I was in college all the bathrooms in the entire place were co-ed. It was no big deal. And the dressing rooms for the dancers were also co-ed. Still now, I am a dancer, and the men and women share the dressing rooms. We divide up by how we rank in the dance piece (if there are 2 dressing rooms because sometimes there is only one). The main dancers share a dressing room, and the rest of the dance cast shares a dressing room. Or if there is not a hierarchy, then we divide up by dance group, each dance group staying with their own cast. We are not divided up by gender. Sometimes children (my children included) perform with us as well and they also share the dressing room with us.0
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The majority of people posting on this thread are women and have never been in a men's locker room. It is one of the creepiest places ever.
My husband feels the same way.
This thread has been an interesting read for me because it is one of my great fears when I take my kids to a place with changing rooms or a place with age limits. When my son was five he looked seven, and I used to get snotty looks from other moms during preschool gym time until I made sure to casually mention "I can't believe he is starting kindergarten in the fall". Suddenly all those bowed up "I'm gonna report you looks" would disappear. I did that to avoid the complaining about having a kid that was "too old" for the activity because I get it--my kid is insanely tall for his age. Same goes for the change rooms at the pool. I get looks, but now that he is six and looks eight there is still no way in h*ll I'm sending my six year old into a locker room full of men. The problem is, I'm not exactly sure casually striking up a conversation with the naked chick next to me would work the same as in other situations. I think the suggestion of having management remind patrons/guests upon check-in about age regulations is the best starting point. That way, there is no excuse for missing a sign, and the parent can't say s/he didn't know.0 -
My responses added after questionsA couple questions for the OP:
1. Would the private rooms have contained the girl? Yes, they are big and would hold a parent and maybe three kids? There are I think four of these rooms and a few single stalls, about the size of a regular public toilet cubicle. The others are about the size of three public cubicles and have doors that lock.
2. Were the private rooms large enough for the mom and two kids?
Answered above.
3. I'm confused about the posting on the private rooms. Did it say kids over 8 weren't allowed in a way that she may have taken as meaning they weren't allowed in there?
No, they are posted on the way in twice (proper signs, not pieces of paper) and on the door where the private rooms are, it says in Large Letters "PRIVATE CHANGING ROOMS" then you turn the corner and there is a large room with benches and a lot of lockers, maybe 150 lockers?
4. Why didn't you go into one of the private rooms? While I agree it was inappropriate for him to be in the locker room, I would have used a private room for my comfort and to not add to the issue for him.
I was halfway through changing when the family entered the changing room from the pool. I was in a hurry after my workout to put on my bathing costume and go and meet my own kids and hubby in the lobby to bring my daughter into the women's changing room while my hubby took my son to the men's. (Husband doesn't swim, he only came to help with the changing)....It is a pain to move all the stuff in the middle of changing...0 -
I'm a changing room nudist myself, so I can imagine how you felt. Ten is too old for a boy to be in a women's change room.
I do have some sympathy for the mother, though. If she didn't have an adult male to take her son into the change room I can see how she might have been concerned. I might be a little cautious about sending a child into a men's changing room without supervision.
I'm not sure what the answer is. Maybe gyms need small change rooms for one or two people in this situation.
Her gym had the private spaces though, and the Mom just didn't use it.
Her gym had private spaces though, and the OP just didn't use it.0 -
The majority of people posting on this thread are women and have never been in a men's locker room. It is one of the creepiest places ever.
This. I find it odd that the some of the women on this thread think a 10 year old boy is a possible perv at that age but have no qualms about the fully grown male strangers they want to surround him with while he's naked and unsupervised.
Leaving out the Stranger Danger angle, swimming room changing areas are different from sending your kid into a restroom by themselves. They can be on different sides of the facility. You have no way to hear them if they call your name while you're in the other room. They are huge and have at least two doors; one that lead to the streets and one that leads to the pool. The boy has to walk in one for, shower and change, and then navigate the other door. I'm a grown man and I get turned around in some changing rooms.0 -
I agree, sending a younger male child into the men's room isn't on.
My son, who is 7, is quite shy and to be honest, I'd be worried if I sent him to the male changing room he'd take off his swim trunks put on his clothes and leave the trunks on the floor. He can change himself, obviously, however, doing so in a room where he doens't know where anything is would be the problem.
Might just take a picture of the sign.
Off to the gym and I'll have a word w/ the manager. 0 -
I understand about the people with tall children. My daughter is 8 and since the age of 7 people have thought she was 10 because she is so tall. She is almost as tall as I am, so seeing her next to me just makes her seem that much taller. And if I take my daughter into a changing room, she probably looks at the women also (and if she were a boy people might misinterpret that). It's just kid curiosity, and that is normal.0
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Obviously kid safety is the most important thing. I personally would be rattled changing or showering with woman's son there as long as he was behaved and not a minute older than 10, although I would prefer they use the family room if available. I take my 5 yo in the family room, although I went with my dad when I was kid until I was about 9, but that was the 80's, a different era.
I am curious what other women would think of their husbands taking their daughters into the man's locker room.0
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