Is your significant other scared of your weight loss??

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  • goonas
    goonas Posts: 205
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    Does he want to marry you and spend the rest of his life with you? If the answer is yes, then why is he not trying to pro-long his life by losing his excess weight and living until you die old together, rather than from a heart attack in a quicker time?

    If he doesn't want you to leave in the future, shouldn't he spend more time with you? if he wants to spend more time with you - shouldn't he see that the exercise together and reach goals together is the way to go? Spend time together and generally live longer together.

    The more time you are apart (i.e. you exercising at the gym etc) and him at home - he will naturally think you could be up to something and leaving him for a fitter person - so in response to that it could come across that he doesn't really care about spending the time with you? and if he doesn't care about spending the time together, what does that say about the whole situation.

    These views could be considered by many as looking too deep, and I don't know you or your other half, but can only give an opinion from the outset that is not meant to be offensive so please don't take it that way.
  • Init_to_winit
    Init_to_winit Posts: 258 Member
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    I think everyone is different and everyone's relationship is different. You know your feelings for him so only you know the true answer. My husband and I were together when I was skinny and have stayed together while I've gained the weight. I know we'll still be together after I lose the weight too.
  • FluttershySweetie
    FluttershySweetie Posts: 216 Member
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    Sometimes a person stays in a relationship because they have no self esteem and believe in their minds that nobody else will like them for who they are so they stay. Once weight gets lost, you look better, you feel better, the esteem goes up.... and the significant other feels threatened by that... weight loss while in a relationship affects both parties as much as you don`t want it to.

    He probably feels insecure and that once you reach your goal weight and your more active that you will have different goals in life and like different activities... you have to either reasure him that no, you are the same person... or reflect on what your goals and your lifestyle are in life and if they are changing are you gonna be able to keep up your old and your new lifestyle at the same time.

    I know it sounds deep but I have been through it (our relationship got really rocky and we almost broke up... lasted 4 months) then we were able to work through it and we are still together and we have a stronger relationship for it. good luck :)
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    I don't think it's so wonderful that he doesn't want you to lose weight. It sounds like he might be jealous. My husband is very proud of my accomplishments. He is looking forward to the day when I have the body I had when we first got married.
  • Shikonneko
    Shikonneko Posts: 187 Member
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    My boyfriend of 10 years is ... sort of similar. He's not upset about my weight loss as much as my overall efforts to be a happier, better me. He's gone off to live alone for a few months saying he's "trying to figure himself out" because of it. Some people, generally unhappy people, are resentful of positive changes people make because they're scared or jealous. They see it and they don't know how to process or follow it and it breaks them a little. If you're lucky the person will take any advice or encouragement you give 'em... but I know I'm not so lucky. Do what you need to do for you though... Love will conquer, or it won't.
  • Webbygail
    Webbygail Posts: 116
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    My boyfriend is average weight, I'm 200 LBs over. He always tells me he wants me to be healthy, but he's afraid if I lose the weight I'll leave him. He's also a huge junk food eater, half our groceries end up being soda or candy or whatever other sugar-filled stuff he wants at that time =/ Makes it a little harder to achieve my daily calorie goals, but I do my best to tweak meals and avoid the junk.
  • minihaha80
    minihaha80 Posts: 117
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    My hubby loves to bring home the junkiest junk food available at our local grocery stores and remains ambiguous to a fault about my desire of getting back in shape. He'd never be negative about it because he knows thats a deal breaker for me ( if he cant support me, the least he can do is just be quiet). Im not overweight now, but when i was he WAS supportive of me losing weight and getting healthy. I feel now that im at a point where its more about asthetics than health he is wondering why i feel the need to go that extra mile. Hes not overweight, actually, hes just above being considered underweight so he doesn't understand. And hes a man, so he doesn't get how good it feels to feel confident in ones own skin, and truthfully turn a few heads when you enter a room. With that said i know he loves me no matter what and because i know this truly deeply in my heart i only have eyes for him.
  • MelissR75
    MelissR75 Posts: 760 Member
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    no. in fact he's one of the most supportive when it comes to my fitness.
    Mine is the same way, plus he reaps the benefits of a slimmer more athletic me :wink:
  • mswize
    mswize Posts: 113 Member
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    What a great question. In my experience it can be a positive motivator for a significant other, or a de-motivator. It just depends on the person. I think some insecurity is to be expected, but unfortunately on going insecurities can ruin a relationship.
  • _crafty_
    _crafty_ Posts: 1,682 Member
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    no. in fact he's one of the most supportive when it comes to my fitness.
    Mine is the same way, plus he reaps the benefits of a slimmer more athletic me :wink:

    exactly
  • aakokopelli7
    aakokopelli7 Posts: 196 Member
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    Ask yourself this questions. Are you prepared to live the rest of your life with a person who does not care about their own personal health and weight? Weight loss in just one of the parties will cause problems whether it be jealousy, or trust issues. Either he needs to get right with himself and start on a program like you or keep his mouth shut while you achieve your goals. If you loose weight, and start feeling good about yourself and start wanting to get out and enjoy life, he will make you feel guilty about it. When it comes to serious weight loss, and relationships they generally don't mix if only one person is doing it.
  • CynthiaCollin
    CynthiaCollin Posts: 406 Member
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    Losing weight and adapting to a healthy lifestyle requires a lot of change—change that your partner may not be ready for.
    If you feel like your relationship may be under strain because of your weight-loss efforts, it's important to try to understand where your partner's or your feelings are coming from.

    If your partner makes negative statements about you changing.- he/she is probably afraid of losing you. Try creating new rountines or rituals with your partner like a date night.... reassure them that you love them for who they are.If the behavior becomes overwhelmingly negative, do not be afraid to talk to your partner about how those comments make you feel.

    If your partner makes you feel guilty it is probably beacuse your partner loves you and wants to spend time with you and feels leftt out when you spend time exercising or at the gym. It is also hard for people to accept change.

    If your partner tries to sabotage you. He or she may be afraid that if you lose weight, you'll get more attention from the opposite sex and possibly leave the relationship for someone else....jealousy and fear can make peeople do wacky things
    Remind your partner that you're still the same loving person you were before.

    At the end of the day, your significant other should be one of the biggest and most supportive allies you have in getting healthy. However, you can't expect others to change over night. Getting healthy and losing weight is an incredibly personal journey, and it can't be started by telling someone what to do; it has to start with the person wanting to change. So be as nice and supportive to your partner as you'd like them to be to you.
  • workout_junkee
    workout_junkee Posts: 473 Member
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    Nope, not at all. He is encouraging and the first to suggest new clothes when mine are too big.
  • LauraDotts
    LauraDotts Posts: 732 Member
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    Unfortunately it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Weight loss itself isn't necessarily the cause of a relationship breakup but the behavior generated by the fear of a breakup can. Jealousy, control, sabotaging, lack of support, constant negative comments are all relationship killers.

    Fortunately, my hubby is very supportive and encouraging. I am blessed.
  • zerryz
    zerryz Posts: 168 Member
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    Weight loss definitely affects any relationship. Not sure that it will create issues but rather will reveal existing ones. And if there are any, it may just break these relationships. I am losing some friends due to that, but also making new awesome ones. Good luck!
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
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    Scared of it? No, sounds like this has just brought to light his insecurities.

    When you are hot as hell, proud of your body, wanting to wear clothes that make you feel amazing, he is going to be upset because he'll see it not as you celebrating yourself, but as you being different from him.

    He might feel even less worthy in your presence, which could produce a situation where you're constantly trying to calm his insecurities to the point where you finally get fed up with them and leave (not because you're thinner, but because his insecurities are too suffocating for your new confidence).

    If I had an SO who was not encouraging me to be the best me I could be, I would not have to think long and hard about whether I wanted that in my life. I hope things work out for you.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    Yeah, Im pretty sure my husband is going to leave me. he really really loved me only for my boobs and now they are gone. I went from a 38DD to a 34 B-C. it was the only thing really keeping us together and now that Ive hit my goal weight, he is really upset. I keep seeing him checking out all these overweight women with bigger boobs than me. but that's ok cause Im gonna go find someone with a way bigger ****.
  • aarar
    aarar Posts: 684 Member
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    I don't think he's scared of my weight loss. We're doing this together - we both had a little over 100lbs each to lose and in the last 3 1/2 months have both lost a little over 40lbs each so far. If anything this has brought us closer together.
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
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    On another note, what does finishing college have to do with marriage?

    I had the same exact thought when I read the OP's post.
  • Hirgy03
    Hirgy03 Posts: 332 Member
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    I don't think she is "scared" of my weight loss, but she has brought up some concerns.

    1.) She says she has never been the jealous type, but that as I'm losing weight she feels jealousy creeping in that I'll be more wont to run around, and women will be more attracted to me.
    a. What she doesn't realize is that at least in my case (and I wouldn't be surprised if it is more common than one would think), the better shape I get in, the less I'm prone to look for some kind of re-inforcement that I've got "it". I don't know if that makes sense, but I'm not the cheating type. However, I've noticed that when I get really out of shape (have been bouncing for years), but when I'm back in "good shape", I find myself to be much more content as a whole with how my life is. When I'm the shape of a bowling ball, I do tend to find myself wandering to suggestive sites on the internet, etc.

    2.) She has expressed concerns that I may take the whole weight loss thing to far and try to turn into a "thin guy", in other words "no muscle, just skin and bones". Well, two things, I don't know if I could ever get to that point, since I have a pretty big frame in general. 2, No way in hell I'd want that. I'm too much of a stereotype I guess, in that I like the broad upper body and arms I'm not ashamed to wear a tank top with in the summer.

    3.) Finally, I think she is using it as a motivation for herself right now. We decided to start losing weight at about the same time. For whatever reason (and its no biggie to me, she's a hottie whether she is 10 lbs or a 1000 lbs to me), she really struggled getting started. She has never been into sports, so maybe that had something to do with it as she tends to get frustrated quickly and then just drop it as a whole. I'm not gonna be the guy to keep harping on her, its not my role. Anyway, all of a sudden, about 3-4 weeks ago I'd guess, she really started getting motivated. She's been doing one of the Jillian DVD's, and hitting the gym. Not only that, but she's really trying to be careful about what she eats, which in turn is making it much easier on me.

    So, while at first I think it scared her, and while I still think she has concerns with the whole jealousy thing she has going, I think she has finally turned the corner. Hopefully next year at this time, we'll both be scared of each other's gaining the weight back, and in that way keep each other living in a healthy and outgoing lifestyle

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