Major anxieties regarding failure... what to do?
reminahl
Posts: 5
A lot of times in my life when I've tried--no matter how hard--I've failed. Failed miserably too. It's really hard to keep a positive outlook on things when all you've ever done is fail at everything. I don't want my weight loss to fall into the category of 'failed' though. The only thing in the way is this anxiety. I'm so afraid of not being able to succeed that I can't even bring myself to try.
How do you rewire your brain to believe you can succeed when all you think about is failing? I could really use some serious advice regarding this. How do you keep positive? Please.
How do you rewire your brain to believe you can succeed when all you think about is failing? I could really use some serious advice regarding this. How do you keep positive? Please.
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Replies
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Google "motivational fitness quotes" - go to the images tab. There's all kinds of inspirational crap there to help you feel good.
Essentially, if you fall down nine times, you have to get up ten times.
And of course, you're lapping everyone sitting on the couch.
Start thinking positive thoughts, and eventually you'll start believing them.0 -
It is a minute-by-minute process in your example.
Replace every "I can't" with "Of course I can"
Changing negative thoughts to postivie ones is the key to a happy life, maybe a little counseling would be helpful.0 -
I'll take the pressure off you.
You're going to fail.
You're going to fail dozens if not hundreds of times. In big ways and small. You'll spend too many days eating too little and then too much. You'll try to exercise with bad form. You'll have rotten, no good days where all you want to do is bury your face in ice cream. You'll do too much cardio or not enough cardio. You'll refuse to lift. You'll start lifting but they'll be light weights. You'll lift heavy and have an irrational fear of getting bulky. You'll run in the wrong shoes.
And so long as you never give up, every one of those failures will lead to your success.0 -
I'll take the pressure off you.
You're going to fail.
You're going to fail dozens if not hundreds of times. In big ways and small. You'll spend too many days eating too little and then too much. You'll try to exercise with bad form. You'll have rotten, no good days where all you want to do is bury your face in ice cream. You'll do too much cardio or not enough cardio. You'll refuse to lift. You'll start lifting but they'll be light weights. You'll lift heavy and have an irrational fear of getting bulky. You'll run in the wrong shoes.
And so long as you never give up, every one of those failures will lead to your success.
/thread0 -
How did I not marry Brett?
Sorry 1Concrete
/0 -
In my opinion, the only good way is to deconstruct your thoughts and deal with your fears in a new light. I bet it's not as bad as you're saying. Look for good books on Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Good luck!0
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I'll take the pressure off you.
You're going to fail.
You're going to fail dozens if not hundreds of times. In big ways and small. You'll spend too many days eating too little and then too much. You'll try to exercise with bad form. You'll have rotten, no good days where all you want to do is bury your face in ice cream. You'll do too much cardio or not enough cardio. You'll refuse to lift. You'll start lifting but they'll be light weights. You'll lift heavy and have an irrational fear of getting bulky. You'll run in the wrong shoes.
And so long as you never give up, every one of those failures will lead to your success.
Very well said.0 -
Don't worry about failing or succeeding, just stay focused on doing the very best you can and don't sweat anything else.0
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How did I not marry Brett?
You could maybe start with a friend request? Romance a guy a little would ya? Geez...0 -
I'll take the pressure off you.
You're going to fail.
You're going to fail dozens if not hundreds of times. In big ways and small. You'll spend too many days eating too little and then too much. You'll try to exercise with bad form. You'll have rotten, no good days where all you want to do is bury your face in ice cream. You'll do too much cardio or not enough cardio. You'll refuse to lift. You'll start lifting but they'll be light weights. You'll lift heavy and have an irrational fear of getting bulky. You'll run in the wrong shoes.
And so long as you never give up, every one of those failures will lead to your success.
Very well said.
Agreed. Failure is a part of life...but believing in yourself and building your self-esteem, these are things you can do. It takes time, patience, and WORK, but you can change your mindset.0 -
I'll concur. You're going to fail. It's part of life. If we were all perfect, we'd all be well on our way to sainthood, there'd be no one starving or homeless etc etc etc...
To be human is to err.
If you're truly concerned that anxiety will limit the effectiveness of your ability to change your lifestyle (and that's what this all is, not a diet, but a change in lifestyle) ... see a doctor. There's no shame in that, and if you feel like you can accomplish more with the aid of a doctor, even better.0 -
I consider some failures to be badges of honor. Yep, I've fallen off a treadmill, I've gotten trapped under a bar at the gym, I went face first in to the pavement while running in front of the corner-bank's drive through exit (where a captive audience was there watching), I dropped a barbell while squatting, I've worn pants to the gym that collect sweat in such a way that you look like you peed your pants, I've gotten trapped in a summer sudden rainstorm 2 miles away from home in a white tech shirt and white bra, I've had weak moments and blown my calories out of the water- if you can imagine it, and it's embarrassing, I've done it. But, success is what happens when you face those things, and you shake them off and keep going. There's NO shame in failure while you're trying, only in giving up.
Whatever happens today, just keep going. You will eventually find yourself a success with a million little failures you overcame en route.0 -
I consider some failures to be badges of honor. Yep, I've fallen off a treadmill, I've gotten trapped under a bar at the gym, I went face first in to the pavement while running in front of the corner-bank's drive through exit (where a captive audience was there watching), I dropped a barbell while squatting, I've worn pants to the gym that collect sweat in such a way that you look like you peed your pants, I've gotten trapped in a summer sudden rainstorm 2 miles away from home in a white tech shirt and white bra, I've had weak moments and blown my calories out of the water- if you can imagine it, and it's embarrassing, I've done it. But, success is what happens when you face those things, and you shake them off and keep going. There's NO shame in failure while you're trying, only in giving up.
Whatever happens today, just keep going. You will eventually find yourself a success with a million little failures you overcame en route.
Okay, fine. NOW /thread.0 -
We sound quiet similar
I'm scared of failure to the point where I think I may have stopped trying for a LONG time (this is with everything, school, life, friends)
the first thing I also do is whats the worst that could happen ?
what are my options is the worst does happen ?
How do I cope with the worst possible thing happen ?
so for example my exams
worst that could happen is I COMPLETELY fail (for me thats anything under 3Cs is fail)
what happens next ? I'd have to either go clearing, or fast track the year again..okay that's like taking a gap year
how do I cope ? I have the numbers to all the necessary organisations already ! I speak to all the necessary people
weight loss
whats the worst that could happen - you put on weight
what are your options - give up ? or pick yourself up and try again ?
how do you cope - Join a gym (yes it'll cost money, but thats an incentive NOT to miss at training session) and train hard and remember how it felt to feel that failure.
(also therapy is REALLY helpful!)0 -
Brett nailed it I have nothing to say.0
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What is something you have suceeded in at life?
What was your attitude towards that thing/challenge?
What makes your attitude towards weight loss different?
Also
What specifically do you think is going to be the hardest about losing weight?
Prepare in advance.
If you are afraid of late night binges
a) no binge food in the house
b) don't skip meals
If you are afraid of giving in to the takeaway place you usually eat at when your tired
a) take a new route home
b) always keep a frozen "healthy" meal in the freezer
Perhaps if you work out the specific things you will fail at, you can have a plan of attack0 -
If you don't lose weight as quickly as you would like, don't consider it a failure. If you're eating healthy foods, then you're still succeeding at becoming healthier even if the number on the scale doesn't change. If you're exercising, you're getting your body into better shape, regardless of the weight loss. You have to be proud of the little changes.
Also, try to avoid setting yourself up for disappointment. Think of how long it took you to get to the weight you are now. Give yourself at least that long to lose it. This is going to be a lifelong process, so if you have a bad day or a bad week, what difference will that really make in the end?
Good luck with your journey!0 -
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
xxx0 -
If you haven't failed it means you haven't tried. Eventually things find their balance and you find your peace of mind with wherever you are at. In the grand scheme of things you will always have some parts of something that work - statistically it is impossible to fail 100% at anything. Keep your chin up!0
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A very wise (and somewhat pervy) professor told me once: Fart and get it over with. Fart = try/fail/move on/eventually succeed
And he was right.
Also, what Brett said.0 -
brett said it GREAT. but i have this up where i see it EVERY day:
*edited b/c MFP doesn't like how i name subfolders.0 -
How did I not marry Brett?
You could maybe start with a friend request? Romance a guy a little would ya? Geez...
I was born in New Castle.
But, no matter, you areen't taking any new friends, so - CB.
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I'm exactly the same as you - with everything in my life. I'm convinced I'll fail so i never put my all into it.
but I admit that what I do. And i'm really trying not to.
You can't honestly say you've tried your hardest and still failed that's just not possible. But no one is perfect. So maybe you have the one day when you feel like you've had a bad day - does that mean all your other hard work doesn't count? No.
Every day is a new day, Just wipe the slate clean and start again.
At the end of each day try writing down (in pencil) everything bad you did that day. Then before you go to sleep. Rub it out and write over it in pen everything your going to do better tomorrow.0 -
i want you to know that i failed my *kitten* off at the gym today. so i leave you with this.
http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2012/02/01/5-steps-after-failing/
http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/10/17/fail-more/
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If you're going to succeed, you need to abandon the "all or nothing" approach.
Say, for instance, you went out with your friends for lunch and they all wanted to have McDonalds. Even if you weren't planning to have a Big Mac and fries, you might give in to temptation and have one because your friends are and you don't want to feel left out.
Having scoffed the Big Mac and fries, there are now two ways you could view this:
A - "I had a McDonald's and I feel really bad. I've failed today so I might as well have pizza for tea and some chocolate while watching TV" (all or nothing approach)
or
B - "I had a McDonald's today and I really enjoyed it. I'm going to have a bowl of low-cal soup for my dinner and stick to my calorie goals for the rest of the week"
If you choose A, then you are more likely to fail long-term as you are allowing one unexpected "slip" to throw you off the rails.
If you choose B, then you're more likely to succeed as you are actually adopting a more "normal" approach to eating. Even skinny people eat junk food from time to time. They just don't then have a massive binge because they feel bad about it. You might see a slim girl eating a bar of chocolate, but the likelihood is that she doesn't eat five bars a day, or she works out a lot.
There is only you, ultimately, that can retrain your thoughts. It's took me a long time to address this hurdle so I know how hard it is. Now the easiest way that I explain my change in thought processes to people is that "I eat like a human being, not a pig at a trough!".
You CAN do this and you WILL do this. You just need to banish the negative thinking and cut yourself some slack from time to time.
Good luck
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I'll take the pressure off you.
You're going to fail.
You're going to fail dozens if not hundreds of times. In big ways and small. You'll spend too many days eating too little and then too much. You'll try to exercise with bad form. You'll have rotten, no good days where all you want to do is bury your face in ice cream. You'll do too much cardio or not enough cardio. You'll refuse to lift. You'll start lifting but they'll be light weights. You'll lift heavy and have an irrational fear of getting bulky. You'll run in the wrong shoes.
And so long as you never give up, every one of those failures will lead to your success.0 -
Please understand that every single successful person failed miserably at some point.
Walt Disney - Told he had no imagination! Walt Effing Disney!
Prince - Booed and heckled when he first went onstage, in his hometown no less!
Marie Curie - No one in the science world took notice when she first published world-changing information about radiation. Can you imagine?? Her sense of doubt, of failure, of disappointment? She kept going though!
The Wright Brothers - Do you really think the first time they put an airplane together it flew?? or the second, or the third? or the fourth? NO not even close. It took them many many tries, and many many years, to make a successful flying machine. So great was the burden of all their failures, one of the brothers, Wilbur, told the other that someday people would fly but not in their lifetimes. Still, he found the inner strength to keep on trying!
Albert Einstein - Failed the entrance exams of many subjects when he tried to get into college!
Milton Hershey - Had 2 failed candy businesses under his belt when he became determined to make and sell the perfect candy bar. It took many years and it is said to be at least 1,000 failures before he perfected the recipe for Hershey Kisses/Hershey bar!
and so on and so on and son on. EVERYONE FAILS. It's part of being human. What separates successful people from failures is that successful people pick themselves up and keep it moving. They learn from their mistakes and try again. Whether your goal is huge or your goal is small, your goal is IMPORTANT and you owe it to yourself to try.
It's all any of us can do. Keep trying.0 -
There's freedom in failing.
It releases you from the fear of it happening. It happened. Now you can sink your teeth into getting what you really want.
You're gonna fail all the time and it's good. You can't evolve if its not difficult. You wont get stronger if you're perfect. You wont improve if you're already efficient.
I fail and its humiliating. But i'll be damned if it doesn't make victory that much sweeter.0 -
I just wanted to thank all of you for your comments, and especially want to thank Brett. These are the exact things that I needed to hear! Thank you.
I'm gonna give it my best and see what happens!0 -
I'll take the pressure off you.
You're going to fail.
You're going to fail dozens if not hundreds of times. In big ways and small. You'll spend too many days eating too little and then too much. You'll try to exercise with bad form. You'll have rotten, no good days where all you want to do is bury your face in ice cream. You'll do too much cardio or not enough cardio. You'll refuse to lift. You'll start lifting but they'll be light weights. You'll lift heavy and have an irrational fear of getting bulky. You'll run in the wrong shoes.
And so long as you never give up, every one of those failures will lead to your success.
Love it0
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