Just venting out anger or frustration :(

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luly727
luly727 Posts: 202 Member
in Motivation and Support
Sorry, I am just really down today...its so hard to watch what u eat and stay motivated and lose weight to look and feel good :( I have no freakin support AT ALL from my husband. I swear today he is like just riding on my last nerve !!! I wont say this out loud, so please forgive me for ranting on here...
I am doing this for me, but still feel very alone...he eats what I cook and usually complains, too bland, not enough salt, or he takes a bite and doesnt finish it , usually gives me a gross out face, :( makes me feel bad that he is having to deal with this too..so he gets up and fixes his own stuff ( all fattening stuff) .

Never get a word of support or encouragement from him..i asked if he notices anything as far as 8 lbs gone, he says NO. I asked if he would support me getting maybe a breast reduction after I lose weight if I need it, he replies, we'll see, u have never stuck to anything before, so we will talk about it IF u lose weight :( BUT I feel he should compliment me, give me support every once in a while since my "Fat Belly" disgusts him as he has told me several times to the point that intimacy is MAYBE every 5-6 months :( Its really blowing my self esteem to He**. But he wont show any support..Ughhhh . All i get is him plopped in front of TV from the minute he gets home and then bedtime..not alot of conversation so I cant vent or chit chat or anything..all i get is 1 word answers..but in public or around HIS family, he is talkative and always willing to help ANYBODY even a bum on the street..but not a dang thing towards his wife :( I asked him today if he would help with a gym membership , i found one in the next town over..got no answer..
Makes me so mad..

Sry for venting and posting personal stuff here, but I needed to say it or write it at least..

Replies

  • beccasetsfire
    beccasetsfire Posts: 135
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    I'm sorry you're having such a rough time :-\
  • jewelinvic
    jewelinvic Posts: 332
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    I'm sorry he's giving you a hard time about your lifestyle changes. My husband complained to me about all of the "radical" changes I was making in our life. I started walking and exercising and eating better. I don't nag at him to join me or when he eats something that I am not having.

    I know that it's tough right now, and I am really sorry. I wish I could offer more. Be strong and focused and remember that you are doing all of this for yourself, for your health and well being.

    Take good care of yourself,
    jewel :flowerforyou:
  • bbear
    bbear Posts: 96 Member
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    Just want to say hang in there. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you to do it without his support. Think about how strong you had to be to lose those first 8 lbs; you've got what it takes to do this! Don't quit now...MFP will be your support. Best wishes.
  • Newfunlander
    Newfunlander Posts: 65 Member
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    Well, prove him wrong ! You can do this in spite of his negative reaction. Let him be the motivation to meet your goals . Feel good and look amazing for yourself ! I am sure that his attitude will change when you start losing the weight and getting your confidence back.
  • MariSama44
    MariSama44 Posts: 340 Member
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    Sounds like your hubby's a dud. Dont let that bother you, you're amazing for working to make yourself a better person and a healthy person and even though he cant see that, that doesnt mean you should feel bad or rely on him for support.

    If he's grossed out at the healthy food you prepare, just make ONE SERVING. for yourself. Tell him if he's going to complain about your new lifestyle, he'll just have to start making his own food. If you cant cut down cooking to one serving, start boxing up your leftovers to have later as a meal. That's what I do.

    If he's going to sit there and tell you you're unattractive, which is the most disgusting and asinine thing I've EVER heard, and you should NOT have to put up with this, then dismiss it. Ignore him. Dont even speak to him about it, and if the point comes up, try criticizing him back. When I'm upset with someone I love and I dont feel like fighting them, I just act completely neutural. Give him the cold shoulder, and use the extra time and energy to work on YOU.

    You are number one, take care of number one first. If someone else doesnt like it, as far as I'm concerned, they can hit the road. You're a beautiful person and always remember that, dont let anyone else make you feel or think different, even your husband. I

    If you need support and cant get it all the time at home (like me, I live alone, but atleast my family is supportive when I visit) I suggest you hang out on the forums and join a check in thread/team and chat it up with them when you're feeling blue. This site has been the best resource for a good support network in all of my journeys to loose weight, and now I finaly realize that I'm worth the change, I can do it and damn anyone who wants to tell me no or call me ugly or think I can't.

    Remember though, YOU'RE WORTH IT TOO. Dont give up, and try to work things out, but dont ever compromise for others. NEVER. No matter what.
  • blankcanvas
    blankcanvas Posts: 177
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    Maybe he's just afraid of how hot you'll be when you reach your goal:) instead of letting it get you down and sabotage your motivation, turn it around and do it in spite of him! I'll bet you're a really nice person and have always put others first. One day it was a wake up call for me when I noticed that all my friends who were skinny put their own needs before their kids or spouses. . Yet all my friends who were giving, caring, do anything-can't say no-people are overweight! You're the same age as I, so now it's time to think like the skinny *****es out there:) if hubby doesn't like your food choices, let him get up and make his own..we don't live in the 50s anymore! Good luck.
  • k_wills
    k_wills Posts: 82 Member
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    Lose the weight then leave him!
  • miqisha
    miqisha Posts: 1,534 Member
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    Congrats on your 8lbs lost. I am sorry you feel so alone, I know being on MFP is awesome, but without the support of a loved one can be rough.

    DO this for you and you only, and prove him wrong....

    Make that body sexy and make his head spin.

    Kepp going strong:smile:
  • melville88
    melville88 Posts: 137
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    No offence but he sounds like a right pain to live with! Listen though, whatever he says, whatever negative attitude he gives you- use it to make you stronger- don't give in to comfort eating etc (I know its easy to say and so hard to do, but don't ruin what you've already achieved). I reckon you should become what shape you want to be then totally own your sexuality; make him understand that he did badly by not supporting you- on every occasion that someone says you look thinner in front of him- say how tough you found it but you did it all by yourself etc. If you want to be really vindictive; then when you're at your target weight, and obviously he'll be like phwoar she's gorgeous- just refuse to have sex cos ur not finding him attractive. Hey, I might sound like an uber-b*tch, but if he has made you feel so self-conscious, alone and unsupported when he is supposed to love every inch of you just the way you are, then he deserves it!
    One of the hardest things I find about dietting is what other people eat around you and think about you. But if you're doing this for other people and not for yourself, you won't get anywhere- seriously- even if it is for someone you really love. You have to be in the right place mentally and emotionally; find other people who will support you if you need support- but otherwise, motivate yourself. Always imagine how you want to be and focus on that. xxx
  • angela75022
    angela75022 Posts: 100 Member
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    So sorry... and there is nothing wrong with ranting and venting here, you have to get it out somehow... before it turns into a piece of cake or a bowl of ice cream. It makes it harder to not have any support at home, but all of us here are struggling and we are here for each other.

    As far as "bland food"... a great thing to have is a full spice rack and several varieties of Mrs Dash... for my kids, sometimes I cook their food in a separate dish, so they can have the things I can't have, or so they can have extra spices. It takes a little more time, but the extra effort is appreciated.

    If you need more support than you get from us MFP... if you go to church, talk to your preacher... see if there are any support groups that he knows about.. if you have friends that are trying to lose weight, start your own support/workout group, and take turns meeting at each others houses... a gym is great, if you're comfortable with it (most of us aren't) and if you can afford it (personally I can't, and I get a discount).

    You can do, as long as you're dong it for YOU... no one else... and we are here you. Rant, rave, vent all you want.

    ~Angi
  • FabiolaEnvy♥
    FabiolaEnvy♥ Posts: 730
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    wow im soooo sorry to hear that... that really sucks... have you ever thought that he just not that into you? i know that sounds sooo rude and bold... but... a guy that wont support a wife but will support other is a deff no no.. i mean HELLO!!! he married you that mean he wanted to be with you. right? he doesnt have any sympathy or anything which is plain out WRONG!!! either you just stick with your diet and prove it to yourself and him. dont say anything to him. and LACK of conversation there gotta be something wrong. and its wrong to point out a person body like that. i mean... what if he was the one that had your body and you werent supporting him...

    all im saying is that you gotta keep strong for you and yourself. cause you know what you want. and if he doesnt think you cant stick with it... then by all mean. prove him wrong but dont rub it in his face. just simply do what you do. without having to worry about what he think, says, or shows. you are a strong woman and who knows you might end up motivation him to wanting you more when you lose the weight. i hope things works out for the best for you
  • tairui2009
    tairui2009 Posts: 37 Member
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    Like you, I was in a relationship where I felt completely alone... it can be humiliating, devastating, and suffocating. You don't need his approval for the positive changes you are making in your life. You don't need for him to be happy, for you to be happy ~ do you?
    Never let another person define the way you see yourself.. your progress.. and your happiness. Life is *way* too short ~ once a moment is lost, it's gone forever... so live in each moment, and be the happiest and most fulfilled you can be...

    Nothing matters, but what YOU think... don't let anyone bring you down.. raise yourself UP instead!
  • kwardklinck
    kwardklinck Posts: 1,601
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    Hmm. I'm sorry that your husband is being a jerk about the whole thing. I think you should just cook for you and let him fend for himself. I don't think you should even buy the unhealthy stuff he likes. If he wants to eat it, he should shop and cook for himself. Also, just get the gym membership if you think you'll use it. If the budget is tight, you can do other stuff to get fit. Check out Couch to 5 K and http://www.hundredpushups.com/. Those are ways to get your cardio and your strength training for free. Don't talk to him about your weight loss, just do it. If he's abusive to you, leave him. I'm sorry you're going through a hard time but this journey is hard enough without someone being so unsupportive.
  • KarenECunningham
    KarenECunningham Posts: 419 Member
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    This is a great place to get the support you need and it is so much better to vent then eat a______________(you fill in the blank). I think sometimes the person closest to us may not always be the support we need in our life. You are worth doing this for YOU and your health. I was reading about this very thing today in my workbook from the plan I am following. It addressed how sometimes our partners or other family members may not give us the support we need to lose weight and get healthy because they are afraid of the change taking place or they miss the habit of overeating with us. I don't know if this is a typical behavior he is displaying and you are noticing it more now that you really need his support or if he is reacting to the changes. No matter what the reason continue on what you are doing and looking for ways to feel good about yourself. Yay for you and your amazing weight loss. :flowerforyou:
  • patti695
    patti695 Posts: 5
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    Sorry that you are having such a tough time. It sucks when the ones we love the most dont care about the things that are important to us. Stay strong, you are abeautiful, stong and couragous woman for even trying to better yourself.
  • stringsNlinks
    stringsNlinks Posts: 293 Member
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    Like you, I was in a relationship where I felt completely alone... it can be humiliating, devastating, and suffocating. You don't need his approval for the positive changes you are making in your life. You don't need for him to be happy, for you to be happy ~ do you?
    Never let another person define the way you see yourself.. your progress.. and your happiness. Life is *way* too short ~ once a moment is lost, it's gone forever... so live in each moment, and be the happiest and most fulfilled you can be...

    Nothing matters, but what YOU think... don't let anyone bring you down.. raise yourself UP instead!
  • stringsNlinks
    stringsNlinks Posts: 293 Member
    Options
    Like you, I was in a relationship where I felt completely alone... it can be humiliating, devastating, and suffocating. You don't need his approval for the positive changes you are making in your life. You don't need for him to be happy, for you to be happy ~ do you?
    Never let another person define the way you see yourself.. your progress.. and your happiness. Life is *way* too short ~ once a moment is lost, it's gone forever... so live in each moment, and be the happiest and most fulfilled you can be...

    Nothing matters, but what YOU think... don't let anyone bring you down.. raise yourself UP instead!

    I like what he/she said: NEVER let another person define YOU blah blah blah....
    I had a controlling/abusive situation for many years and it did the opposite for me ...at 5'8" I was down to 97lbs. Looking back it was eating disorder. Focus on health - mind, body, spirit and SELF! You will be amazed at how healthy you will become and how much better you are able to "give" of yourself to your loved ones when you are healthy
  • luly727
    luly727 Posts: 202 Member
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    Thank you all for the words, encouragement and support....

    I AM going to stick to it for me :) and then he can kiss my entire Sexy A** LOL

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