Is your significant other scared of your weight loss??

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  • ashleyk103
    ashleyk103 Posts: 7 Member
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    Definitely not - he's the most supportive of my weight loss goals. I'm hoping once I start losing weight, he'll start getting on the bandwagon with me, but I know he supports me either way. When we met, I was much skinnier than I am now.
  • canadianbugga
    canadianbugga Posts: 101 Member
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    This is probably TMI...I'm not sure my DH is purposely sabotaging me but he is not supportive. It's like my choosing to take care of myself and try to live a healthier life is some how inconvenient for him. It's inconvenient that I want to go exercise when he gets home from work even though he just sits there and does nothing really from the time he goes to bed. I will invite him to come with me for a walk or just take a ball or frisbee to the park and he never wants to. He wont do anything physical, like he drives to the corner store less than 2 blocks away. I'm the one who has to take care of the kids, make supper, clean up and spend time with him and he doesn't make "me time" easy to obtain. He will invite people over for drinks and I will feel socially obligated to drink with them. He will be like "just have some fun once in awhile!" and make me feel bad. He will ask me to make something for dinner, or bake cupcakes or cookies that are not healthy and then be like, "Oh I guess we cant have anything good because of your diet thing." Even though I never once said he had to eat the same thing I am, and I am NOT on a diet at all. I'm just making better choices for me and my kids. He thinks a healthy diet and exercise doesn't apply to him because he is naturally thin. When I say we need to allow more money for food so I can have enough veggies, protein to keep on track (and I coupon for essentials and look for the best deals every week, and rarely spend any money on myself) he gets mad and tells me to go get a graveyard job because he is not giving up his beer, coffee, smokes, scratch and wins, snack foods, mcd's.. whatever to accommodate me and my "frivolous" healthy lifestyle plans. I ask him to help me set up the xbox kinect so I can play your shape, or if he can show me how to work the dvd player so I can do a video work out which he has made all our entertainment electronics programmed somehow that is so mickey mouse and he never has time, it's a big inconvenience because he has other things running or he gets mad at me "it's easy!". or "what for? exercise again?" It's frustrating.

    I don't know if he would dump me if I was thin, but I do know he is more attracted to bigger women. I'm not sure if it's a physical attraction or if he feels perhaps they are easier because they might have less self esteem. Or maybe he has low self esteem and he thinks if I am smaller and more attractive I won't be interested in him anymore. We already have so little in common the only things we do together are eat and watch tv and if I am not doing that as much...ya know? Honestly I can say my intention is not to leave him when I loose the weight, I like having my family and I just want to feel better and be more comfortable in my own skin. He's always on my case about "having more fun" but when I feel fat, tired, and blah it's the last thing I want to do. But if he's going to be a jerk because of it he can kiss my future buns of steel.
  • snowshoermom
    snowshoermom Posts: 63 Member
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    yes. My husband notices when i try to eat good and take care of myself. Last night at supper i ate one serving and he kept asking me if i wanted some more. He always come back from the store with ice cream whenever i try to be good. The last couple times i ignored the ice cream and it really bothered him.. LOL ,.. i love him but i know he has low self esteem and even if i were to lose a whole bunch of weight i will still love him... he just doesnt get it.
  • 0target0
    0target0 Posts: 13
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    Quite the opposite for me....I'm scared of him leaving if I lose weight. Being a girl, a lot of the weight I lose tends to come off of my chest, and I don't have a ton there to begin with. I'm really really scared that losing a moderately significant amount of weight will make me much less attractive in his eyes. I know that's probably just my own insecurities, but it bothers me. :P
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    Quite the opposite for me....I'm scared of him leaving if I lose weight. Being a girl, a lot of the weight I lose tends to come off of my chest, and I don't have a ton there to begin with. I'm really really scared that losing a moderately significant amount of weight will make me much less attractive in his eyes. I know that's probably just my own insecurities, but it bothers me. :P
    It is.

    Squat and make yourself a fine bootay, and any time you want his attention, wiggle that in front of him.

    Edit: I speak from experience.
  • hstewartlee0221
    hstewartlee0221 Posts: 11
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    Hey Chelsea...:) yes this is a possibility...my husband can be the worst at times...he loves to eat, cook and create food...although he does not gain like I do:)..I think you have to ask yourself the real reasons you wish to loose weight and if they are geared around health and confidence then you need to look at why anyone would distract from the best healthy confident you. My suggestion is that if you are looking to motivate some health back into the relationship is to tweak some of the outings you do and try new stuff which is more active. Hope maybe this is useful...but I think you should ignore whatever is said to you and do what is best for your health. whether you end up married or not you still need to be the healthiest you can be...especially if you wish to be a mom and active in your later years. You are not talking diet...you are talking a lifestyle change...best wishes!
  • BellaFe
    BellaFe Posts: 323
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    My husband is amazing and supports me in whatever I want to do.
  • hstewartlee0221
    hstewartlee0221 Posts: 11
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    Hey just read your thread...please stay on track ...you seem like a lovely girl...sorry you contend with so much as a young mother....I think you need to look at some of these things as warning signs of control..all I want to say is that you need to stay healthy minded and bodied for your children/ child 1st...and I might recommend that you stash a small $ amount away regardless what he gives you how he gives you and don't ever touch it...5$-10$ a week adds up quick. they cal that the great grandma coffee can funds:)...anyways stay on track and stay positive.
  • chelseabrown61
    chelseabrown61 Posts: 20
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    Thank you to all who have posted and replied back to me! You all have been very helpful! I did end up just speaking with him directly asking him to tell me why he was so fearful of my weight loss (this was like pulling teeth). He now understands that I am losing for personal reasons, not to start over with my life, but to extend it. He is now on board with the weight loss, and he has even committed himself to start with eating healthy dinners with me, and trying a few new veggies, (he typically hates all veggies, expect potatoes). I think we are now at a good place. He then told me if you really start losing a bunch of weight i'm going to have to hop on the band wagon, and not get left behind. My focus right now is of course me...but also changing things he eats..(and I may not even tell him different food substitutions till after he says he likes it). You all were amazing and gave amazing advice when I went to address some of these issues with him!!

    -Chelsea :-)
  • chelseabrown61
    chelseabrown61 Posts: 20
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    This is probably TMI...I'm not sure my DH is purposely sabotaging me but he is not supportive. It's like my choosing to take care of myself and try to live a healthier life is some how inconvenient for him. It's inconvenient that I want to go exercise when he gets home from work even though he just sits there and does nothing really from the time he goes to bed. I will invite him to come with me for a walk or just take a ball or frisbee to the park and he never wants to. He wont do anything physical, like he drives to the corner store less than 2 blocks away. I'm the one who has to take care of the kids, make supper, clean up and spend time with him and he doesn't make "me time" easy to obtain. He will invite people over for drinks and I will feel socially obligated to drink with them. He will be like "just have some fun once in awhile!" and make me feel bad. He will ask me to make something for dinner, or bake cupcakes or cookies that are not healthy and then be like, "Oh I guess we cant have anything good because of your diet thing." Even though I never once said he had to eat the same thing I am, and I am NOT on a diet at all. I'm just making better choices for me and my kids. He thinks a healthy diet and exercise doesn't apply to him because he is naturally thin. When I say we need to allow more money for food so I can have enough veggies, protein to keep on track (and I coupon for essentials and look for the best deals every week, and rarely spend any money on myself) he gets mad and tells me to go get a graveyard job because he is not giving up his beer, coffee, smokes, scratch and wins, snack foods, mcd's.. whatever to accommodate me and my "frivolous" healthy lifestyle plans. I ask him to help me set up the xbox kinect so I can play your shape, or if he can show me how to work the dvd player so I can do a video work out which he has made all our entertainment electronics programmed somehow that is so mickey mouse and he never has time, it's a big inconvenience because he has other things running or he gets mad at me "it's easy!". or "what for? exercise again?" It's frustrating.

    I don't know if he would dump me if I was thin, but I do know he is more attracted to bigger women. I'm not sure if it's a physical attraction or if he feels perhaps they are easier because they might have less self esteem. Or maybe he has low self esteem and he thinks if I am smaller and more attractive I won't be interested in him anymore. We already have so little in common the only things we do together are eat and watch tv and if I am not doing that as much...ya know? Honestly I can say my intention is not to leave him when I loose the weight, I like having my family and I just want to feel better and be more comfortable in my own skin. He's always on my case about "having more fun" but when I feel fat, tired, and blah it's the last thing I want to do. But if he's going to be a jerk because of it he can kiss my future buns of steel.

    OMG you just described my life. My boyfriend acts like it's an inconvenience as well if I lose weight, or when we go out to eat and I get something lower in calories, he seems offended!! Now I feel not so alone!
  • hellraisedfire
    hellraisedfire Posts: 403 Member
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    I don't think people break up solely on the fact that they lost weight, it's the journey they go on while losing the weight and the realization that perhaps they are stronger/accomplished something without the support of their significant other.

    I'm glad you talked to him :) I hope he realized that by you having this conversation WITH him that you want to stay! start cooking healthy things together that you both like. cooking is one of the most intimate/fun things my boyfriend and I do together. it's a lot of fun finding stuff you both like. :)
  • Hirgy03
    Hirgy03 Posts: 332 Member
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    Thank you to all who have posted and replied back to me! You all have been very helpful! I did end up just speaking with him directly asking him to tell me why he was so fearful of my weight loss (this was like pulling teeth). He now understands that I am losing for personal reasons, not to start over with my life, but to extend it. He is now on board with the weight loss, and he has even committed himself to start with eating healthy dinners with me, and trying a few new veggies, (he typically hates all veggies, expect potatoes). I think we are now at a good place. He then told me if you really start losing a bunch of weight i'm going to have to hop on the band wagon, and not get left behind. My focus right now is of course me...but also changing things he eats..(and I may not even tell him different food substitutions till after he says he likes it). You all were amazing and gave amazing advice when I went to address some of these issues with him!!

    -Chelsea :-)

    Chelsea: That is AWESOME!!! Like many "issues" in relationships, sounds like maybe it was just a problem with lack of communication, or maybe in presentation or lack thereof.....on BOTH sides of the fence. I have found over the years that even when we do things for the right reasons, if we don't present them to our significant others in a way that is non-threatening, or non-judgmental or that doesn't make it sound like we are trying to change THEM, that they (being in a personal relationship with us) often-times feel that we are trying to change the "we" and not just the "me".

    Here's to hoping that he climbs on board for the ride........ and for the weight loss and lifestyle change as well! bwahahahaha
  • mommy7
    mommy7 Posts: 153
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    I'm dealing with issues here too and it sucks.

    He really isn't supportive anymore. He doesn't care for my goals. I really don't get compliments from him very often. He has said he's scared of losing me, but he was recently prowling around looking for other women and talking to them.
  • veggieshark
    veggieshark Posts: 153 Member
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    Oh dear, that's sickly sweet. I have actually heard of many cases where one half of the couple loses a significant amount of weight and then the two split. It's always sad. But if it's by no means your intention, just reassure him! As others have said, communication is key. Maybe make sure you haven't stopped being an affectionate lover? Get cuddly with him and make him feel like you'd never leave him regularly! Though if you really are concerned for his health, learn to cook, and start cooking dinner like 5 times a week. Get some vegetables, hummus--yummystuff in him, because he doesn't seem too healthy.

    The only time a s/o ever wanted to stop me from losing weight was when I had an eating disorder and they were just scared of me losing my life and personality. So yeah that one's understandable.
  • Laurend224
    Laurend224 Posts: 1,748 Member
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    Nah, he's not going anywhere. We met when I weighed 140, seen me pregnant at 252 when I was as wide as I was tall and is supportive of me now.
  • Hirgy03
    Hirgy03 Posts: 332 Member
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    ...... He has said he's scared of losing me, but he was recently prowling around looking for other women and talking to them.

    ....Of course I don't know your particular situation, but for what its worth..... a lot of guys do this and don't think there is any harm in it at all. Its just an 'excitement' thing, kind of a "reassurance they can still flirt, get women in general excited, whatever"..... not saying its right, I think its just that the two sexes view it differently. Don't assume that he is wanting to cheat, or that he's looking to cheat. Now, I know that "cheating" is also a subjective term between the sexes. However, if you talk to him about why he does it, there is a chance that he was simply doing something that he didn't view as a threat in any way to the relationship.

    Communication solves most issues like these. I hope that is all that it is (yes, I was doing the same thing at one point, but it had nothing at all to do with me 'looking' or wanting to 'find a playmate' kinda thing.....just clicked on an internet add one night and found myself in a heap of trouble. We can be insensitive jerks and pigs, but a lot of times we absolutely are not seeing it the way you women see it.

    Just my slime-ball, piggy two cents' worth ;)
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
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    SO's act like idiots when they're afraid. Men or women. Humans fear loss. Fear is the seat of anger, jealousy, controlling behavior, withdrawal. If your SO thinks you're going to leave them once you lose the weight, they're going to react to that thought regardless of its accuracy. If your man/lady is suddenly acting like a toddler, have a real sit-down and let them know how loved and important they are. Or write a letter about how you feel about them. Ask them how you can help them feel more comfortable. A loved person is a loving person.
  • Bobby__Clerici
    Bobby__Clerici Posts: 741 Member
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    Great comments...my wife has been very supportive, and it may be that she's always been in great shape herself - even after 5 kids.
    I would hate it if she were to feel that my fitness goals meant she suddenly has competition.
    OUCH :noway:
  • bearcher
    bearcher Posts: 2
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    Kelley! Don't let that get to you! Guys workout differently then women. We also have to change things due to our body frames. You are doing an amazing job even if he doesn't say anything. I know he is injured, so he is probably sad that he's not the one in your shoes. When Jamie was injured I tried to get him to do other workouts that he could do without injuring his shoulder further and I think it made him realize how different our fitness goals were (where we want to focus on). Keep up the good work and never lose your motivation to better your body. DO it for yourself. Oh and BUTT DOWN!!

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