Calling all parents of sedentary kids!
BPayton27
Posts: 626 Member
I need some help.
My son, Spencer, is 7 years old. I've always been concerned that he'll grow up to have the body and metabolism of his mother. His father is 6'7" and has NEVER had a weight problem. I, on the other hand, am 5'7" and have always been chubby or outright overweight/obese. I am finally at a healthy weight, but it takes continued hard work and focus. This is not something that comes easily to my body.
Spencer is a sedentary kid outside of school. He's in 2nd grade, a "brain," and the tallest/youngest out of his classmates. He also wears glasses. I don't want kids having yet another reason to target him with their insults. I know that is unavoidable, but thinking that he could go through what I did in school breaks my heart. He would much rather read a book, do some online research, or play a game than go outside and get muddy. That's how he's been since he was old enough to talk and walk.
My question is how to you get an unwilling or reluctant kid to exercise? He has seen his mom transform in a year's time. He sees me go to the gym 5-6 times a week or is home when I am downstairs working out. He is not inspired or the least bit interested when I ask him if he wants to take a walk or dance with me (I'd happily put in Just Dance or a Kinect game over a workout dvd if he'd participate). It's like I've asked him to walk on water. We recently moved from a home with an acre yard to a condo neighborhood with no room to really play.
Eating is also a problem. He eats crap like his dad. I know this is partially my fault. I buy it. If I don't buy it, his dad will throw a fit or we'll end up going out to eat. His dad doesn't think he'll get heavy, but I know better. He is shaped exactly like me. I am very insistent on getting him to eat more vegetables and fruit and less starch. His dad grew up eating no veggies, thus doesn't eat them as an adult. I literally make 2 dinners at night: theirs and mine. I am ashamed of myself when I make his school lunch. It's nothing I would eat so I shouldn't be allowing him to.
Do I just put my foot down and forge on risking an unhappy household for who knows how long, or is there a better way to go about this? My mom told me I was fat every single day. She signed me up for a gym when I was 9 and never took me. She also used food as the answer for everything. Depressed? Eat. Happy? Eat. Bored? Eat. Mad? Eat some more. She used food to make us happy and it is exactly what I am doing as a parent.
Anyone out there dealing with this? Maybe make small, slow changes so it's harder for him to notice?
My son, Spencer, is 7 years old. I've always been concerned that he'll grow up to have the body and metabolism of his mother. His father is 6'7" and has NEVER had a weight problem. I, on the other hand, am 5'7" and have always been chubby or outright overweight/obese. I am finally at a healthy weight, but it takes continued hard work and focus. This is not something that comes easily to my body.
Spencer is a sedentary kid outside of school. He's in 2nd grade, a "brain," and the tallest/youngest out of his classmates. He also wears glasses. I don't want kids having yet another reason to target him with their insults. I know that is unavoidable, but thinking that he could go through what I did in school breaks my heart. He would much rather read a book, do some online research, or play a game than go outside and get muddy. That's how he's been since he was old enough to talk and walk.
My question is how to you get an unwilling or reluctant kid to exercise? He has seen his mom transform in a year's time. He sees me go to the gym 5-6 times a week or is home when I am downstairs working out. He is not inspired or the least bit interested when I ask him if he wants to take a walk or dance with me (I'd happily put in Just Dance or a Kinect game over a workout dvd if he'd participate). It's like I've asked him to walk on water. We recently moved from a home with an acre yard to a condo neighborhood with no room to really play.
Eating is also a problem. He eats crap like his dad. I know this is partially my fault. I buy it. If I don't buy it, his dad will throw a fit or we'll end up going out to eat. His dad doesn't think he'll get heavy, but I know better. He is shaped exactly like me. I am very insistent on getting him to eat more vegetables and fruit and less starch. His dad grew up eating no veggies, thus doesn't eat them as an adult. I literally make 2 dinners at night: theirs and mine. I am ashamed of myself when I make his school lunch. It's nothing I would eat so I shouldn't be allowing him to.
Do I just put my foot down and forge on risking an unhappy household for who knows how long, or is there a better way to go about this? My mom told me I was fat every single day. She signed me up for a gym when I was 9 and never took me. She also used food as the answer for everything. Depressed? Eat. Happy? Eat. Bored? Eat. Mad? Eat some more. She used food to make us happy and it is exactly what I am doing as a parent.
Anyone out there dealing with this? Maybe make small, slow changes so it's harder for him to notice?
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Replies
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For starters, is he currently overweight? Just by the pic in your avatar, I'd say no, but my son doesn't really look overweight either and he is.
Next, you say your mother called you fat all the time. REMEMBER THAT when dealing with your son. Stress being healthy. Don't ever mention your concern he'll be overweight. He's only 7.
Should you put your foot down? Absolutely. You and your husband both are responsible for feeding your children nutritious food. If you give him crap, that's what he'll eat and that's the ONLY thing he'll eat. If your husband doesn't like it, tough. I assume that he doesn't cook anyway so it's up to you LOL.
Finally, on the exercise, why are you giving him a choice? He's 7. With my kids, we walk at the park (and when we're done walking, they get to play at the playset), or bike together, and sometimes even run together. You're the parent so you decide what he gets to do and not do. When at home, it's harder so do things outside of the home. Hey, I'm going to the park for a walk, put your shoes on. Don't ask if he wants to go, make it a given that he's going. Swimming lessons are also great for this. An individual sport that every child should learn for safety, and great exercise. My kids also play golf and baseball/softball. Golf is a nice one for kids, though not a cheap sport.
Good luck!0 -
this is a tough situation. I make Kaylee play just dance with me from time to time. she goes to dance class. other than that right now she's stuck on her DS. I'm lucky to a point that she loves fruit and salad. my cousin tells her kids if they play a video game on their DS they have to be walking on the treadmill. I'm not sure that's the answer either though. maybe find a way to make yummy treats healthier?0
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For starters, is he currently overweight? Just by the pic in your avatar, I'd say no, but my son doesn't really look overweight either and he is.
Next, you say your mother called you fat all the time. REMEMBER THAT when dealing with your son. Stress being healthy. Don't ever mention your concern he'll be overweight. He's only 7.
Should you put your foot down? Absolutely. You and your husband both are responsible for feeding your children nutritious food. If you give him crap, that's what he'll eat and that's the ONLY thing he'll eat. If your husband doesn't like it, tough. I assume that he doesn't cook anyway so it's up to you LOL.
Finally, on the exercise, why are you giving him a choice? He's 7. With my kids, we walk at the park (and when we're done walking, they get to play at the playset), or bike together, and sometimes even run together. You're the parent so you decide what he gets to do and not do. When at home, it's harder so do things outside of the home. Hey, I'm going to the park for a walk, put your shoes on. Don't ask if he wants to go, make it a given that he's going. Swimming lessons are also great for this. An individual sport that every child should learn for safety, and great exercise. My kids also play golf and baseball/softball. Golf is a nice one for kids, though not a cheap sport.
Good luck!
Thank you for your input. I don't know why I am giving him a choice, honestly. I need to just tell him and deal with the complaining differently (by ignoring it!). He is not currently overweight, but he has ALWAYS been in the higher percentile and is close. His doctor made a comment last visit that his weight climbed higher than his height over the past year and I've been worried about it ever since. I STRESS that we need to be healthy and stay away from the "F" word. That is a very bad word in our home.
This is going to have to start with me cutting out the options.0 -
Ditto what has been said regarding eating. Regarding fitness, find something he enjoys--even if you get him to try a couple things. If you force him to do stuff he hates, it's going to be miserable for all. Be supportive and encouraging and help him find something he enjoys. My oldest son is no problem here, my youngest is only 4 but he's showing all signs of being lazy so we just try to find ways to get him motivated. Right now, he thrives on competition so we'll race in the yard or we'll take his bike and see how fast he can get from point a to point b....If we just say, let's go walk, it's a fight so we have to make it more interesting/fun for him. So try different things and see what sticks! The key is to do things together and lead by example--your husband included.0
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I'm not a parent, but if you're looking for some exercise that he might enjoy, I'd recommend you look up Geocaching (http://www.geocaching.com) -- kids love it because it's like a treasure hunt! You can really get them walking/hiking with this and it doesn't feel like work. It's one of my favourite hobbies!0
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Beth
You are very much like me, except you have done a lot better then I have this yr!
Codys father/grandfather are up around 6'5-6'6, and I am a measily 5'4
Cody is almost taller then me and he is 10.
I do not give him the option when it comes to sports
I tell him he has to play 2 sports a yr to stay in shape for the very reason that I do not want him to be a bump on the couch.
Cody would much rather play a video game then go play with some random kids
We also moved into a condo this yr and he doesnt know a lot of people here yet either.
I do not give Cody a choice if I want to go do something, I say suck it up and we are going, and if you are going to complain, Ill take away all the stuff you really enjoy so you actually have something to complain about.
Codys doctor also told me that he gain about 50 lbs in the last 2 yrs, which freaked me out.
He walks around in his boxers all the time at the house and I see him starting to get a little pudge on his belly.
I am very self conscious not to say anything to him because I do not want to depress him like some kids get.
I just tell him if you want to enjoy your stuff, you are going to enjoy something with me, such as the biggest loser of the games we have on the xbox kinnect.
I agree with do not give him a choice, he may complain but he will appreciate you for it later when he doesnt become over weight as we have always been.
Also, as for him eating, if he is hungry at lunch time, he is going to eat what you pack.
Pack 1 thing he really enjoys and then pack what you think he should eat for the rest.0 -
my youngest is solidly built...she has these massively strong legs....which in time will turn to mush if she just sits around. i dont give her a choice..she goes to the gym when we do...once the weather warms up a bit more here..I will take her for walks with the dogs...just to get her out there..
But i also regulate what she eats..i make her eat a healthy breakfast and for lunch..its home cooked stuff..and dinner..well thats homecooked as well.
I do allow soda..but only during the weekends..and as far as snacks..they are there..but if she is given a choice..she will go healthy..Its all about setting the example..0 -
Nickalodean (how ever its spelled) has a wii fit game for kids, using the cartoons like spongebob, he might like that. And you son is totally adorable, its so sad kids are so mean somtimes0
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I'm not a parent, but if you're looking for some exercise that he might enjoy, I'd recommend you look up Geocaching (http://www.geocaching.com) -- kids love it because it's like a treasure hunt! You can really get them walking/hiking with this and it doesn't feel like work. It's one of my favourite hobbies!
Funny, I'm not a parent either, but I have a friend with 3 kids and they love geocaching--I have never done it, but it sounds like something kids would like!0 -
Have him earn his video game and computer time. IF he want's 30 minutes of video games both of you walk for 30 minutes or do push ups or something. Make his time something he earns and when the time is up he has to earn more time or he is cut off....0
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I think you're valid in worried about him being sedentary whether he's overweight or not. My only suggestion would be getting out with him. throwing the ball, kicking a ball, trampoline if you have it. Then hopefully he'll catch on and see it's fun and wanna go out. I swear as a kid, you couldn't keep me out of the yard, and luckily my son is the same way. But I know that a lot of kids these days just don't enjoy it like our generation did. Good luck!!0
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I'm not a parent, but if you're looking for some exercise that he might enjoy, I'd recommend you look up Geocaching (http://www.geocaching.com) -- kids love it because it's like a treasure hunt! You can really get them walking/hiking with this and it doesn't feel like work. It's one of my favourite hobbies!
Funny, I'm not a parent either, but I have a friend with 3 kids and they love geocaching--I have never done it, but it sounds like something kids would like!
ooh yeah, that's a great idea.0 -
I can't say I have the same situation. My child is intensely motivated to go out and do things, always has since day 1. She started trying to stand up at just over 3 months old and days after her first birthday she was already starting to run. She plays soccer and wants to do ballet, plays the piano and isn't huge into games as it doesn't captivate her.
But that's what the reason for her and maybe for your son is.... captivation, what makes him so interested in what he already does and how can you use that as a motivation to be more active?
Or you can do what my mother did at about 10 yrs old, kick me out at about 1 or 2pm on a non-school day and lock the door and tell me to come back if I was hungry or tired. That worked for me, rode my bike everywhere and did everything since I didn't have the ability to sit indoors.
Also he does look fine and unless the doctor is showing some concern (being overweight for his growth chart/current build) then I wouldn't worry too much. Kids need the food for energy, they are growing and learning and that takes a lot of energy and that can only be replenshed by eating and sleeping regularly. So if you are feeling concern then call the doctor and get him assessed and figure it out from there. If there is something to worry about then your husband will now have a valid and valuable reason to listen to your concerns but if your son is fine then it will put you at ease.0 -
You go to the gym, that's not fun to a child. What's wrong with organized sports? One might not work for him, but another may so you may have to try a few. When you're young it's not called exercise, it's called play or after school activites. Too me, getting a kid a video game that is active is fine and good, but it's a video game and all it teaches you is the video game. Organized activities teach you life skills and social skills and you get active, and they get you outside. He's not going to be the best, especially at first, but you try a lot of activities and one will stick. Crap I swam, played soccer, softball, did tap, ballet and acrobats, gymnastics, basketball, girl scouts, I'm sure I'm missing a few.
Limit screen time
Also, he's 7, if you haven't yet it's time to push a balanced diet and teach him the importance of making wise decisions and what a snack or treat means.0 -
My child is overweight, and if I let him, VERY sedentary. I discovered that he loves football, so 6 months out of the year, 4 days a week, he plays/practices football. During the off season I have convinced him that if he wants to be a starting linebacker, he needs to do "off season" training, so I take him to the gym. He does the exact same program I am just with less weights. He hasn't gotten any slimmer, but he's definitely gotten stronger. He also has more confidence. I am hard on him, but i'm fair. I compliments him and i correct him. Pick a sport that the two of you can do together, and make it a bonding moment. even if it's just walking.0
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I can't say enough good things about the YMCA. Its kid friendly and has physical activities designed just for kids. I take my 11 year old with me. It's not about her weight but about her health. Healthy people need physical activity. Anything else might trigger problems with self-esteem or problems with food.
Same for hubby. This is about our health and the ability to make it into our golden years as active, healthy people.
Ladies (and those Gentlemen on the site) I did a wake up call for my family. I'm not a short order cook. There is one meal prepared in the house. We eat vegetables because they are good and good for you. The empty calories are and should be limited.
For those who listen to country music, "I ain't your mama'.0 -
Introduced our now-11-year-old to geocaching 3 years ago and she loved it a lot
She also tends to be a sedentary kid and would rather play a video game or draw or listen to music than be outside. A few years ago though she was interested in a karate class and now she keeps in pretty good shape by going to karate class 3-4 times a week. It's very self-focused, individual and non-competitive (or, it can be... not all teachers are the same I'm sure) and it's one of her favorite things to do.
As for the school lunches, I feel you. It's hard especially when you find out later they've thrown all the healthy stuff in the garbage and just eaten the meat and bread or something. We actually stopped sending sack lunch and had her eat hot lunch -- they're not perfect but they are nutritionally balanced at least and the school makes an effort to include whole grains, lean proteins & fruits & veggies. Don't know if that's an option for you.0 -
LOVE the geocaching idea.
There should also be kid's team sports or fitness programs nearby you. YMCA usually has good youth programs also that might be worth looking into.0 -
I'm not a parent, but I am a teacher. I don't know that you want to address this from an "I'm afraid he'll get fat" standpoint. Rather, it probably needs to be a "Hey! Let's get ACTIVE!" standpoint. Whether it's Wii games, walking in the park, swimming, tennis, or just running around playing tag, you may have to try a bunch of different activities until you find one that really excites him. But you don't want it to wind up being a chore, or he'll never want to do it. It's got to be FUN!0
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BUMP to read & particpate later0
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Karate lessons are great for exercise and building confidence. Might be a good option for your son.0
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I was sedentary as a kid even though my mom tried to encourage me to take dance lessons like she did. I just wasn't interested. I like to read and never was good at sports. I was always slim though until a few years ago so I never worried about weight or eating right. I think you shouldn't make him "workout" if he doesn't want to, but I would definitely change his diet. He needs healthy foods (fruits/veggies/etc) to grow and be healthy and to learn how to eat well for when he becomes an adult. Your husband needs to suck it up and learn how to be a man and give his son the good food he needs. I would never put up with a husband like that, I would make one thing for dinner and that's it. I would make sure I am taking care of my families nutritional needs.0
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My kid has been as much of a couch potato as her old man was. We loved nothing more than sitting around watching tv all day.
But as I made this change for myself.. she started to pick it up.
She would do funny things, like run in circles in her room and call it exercise.
Then I took her rock climbing with me and she loved it.
I would show her the mud races I was participating in. Now we're both going to do a Foam Race together.
And as of yesterday.. my tv loving daughter made the swim team. I'm so proud I'm kind of choked up just typing this.
Do this for yourself. Lead by example. The kids will follow.0 -
My 10 year old stepson is a little overweight for his age, mostly because his dad lets him eat whatever, and play video games all day, and is so paranoid/anti-social that he won't let him play outside very much.
Our half of the year, he's outside constantly, and enjoys it. Everytime he's home, he loses weight, goes through a growth spurt (I blame it on making him eat veggies), and is happier until he leaves.
We don't make him work out, we don't take him for a run, we make him go outside and play. He gets 1-2 hours of computer time every day, the rest of the time he's either playing with his little brother, or outside running around with friends.0 -
I may be a complete *kitten* for saying this, but I just don't understand the whole "I make 2 dinners" and "I pack him a lunch I would never imagine eating." My son is 3 and eats what I give him, if he doesn't want all or some of what is on his plate he'll see it again as part of the next meal and there are no treats. If he comes to me and says "I'm hungry" I give him whatever it was he refused to eat the last time. I can't remember the last time he refused to eat something (other then mashed potatoes, it's a long story but we don't push them). If my husband wants something other than what I'm eating he can figure out that on his own, he's a grown *kitten* man with the capability to find other food. For me this isn't a matter of weight, it's a matter of health and learning how to eat in a balanced way from a young age. Not saying that my son doesn't get chocolate or chips or ice cream or cookies ever, but he gets those after he's eaten his fair share of fruits, veggies, and protein. And not to say we don't have splurge days, damn I love a tater tot, just that those are the off meals and not the every meals.0
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Oh, and stop making two dinners. Make enough for you, your husband, and your son that is healthy and filling. If your husband throws a fit, tell him to make himself dinner, but you and your son are going to eat what you made.0
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I really appreciate all the replies. Please keep the ideas coming.
A few things...
He has played sports since he was old enough. He has a "trophy" for every year from 2008-now. He's played t-ball and soccer, but also participated in Karate. He is not the most athletic kid and is kind of awkward on the field. He is aware that he isn't the fastest and that bothers him, even though we've not said a word. His friends have started making comments that tag isn't as fun when he is "it" because he isn't fast. Hearing this bothered me and clearly him, otherwise he wouldn't have mentioned it.
Do I continue pushing sports when I am well aware it affects his self-esteem? We tried Karate. He enjoyed it until his teacher humiliated him for not being physically able to do a stretch. He didn't understand what he was asking, and instead of him helping or showing him proper form he screamed at him over and over until I had to intervene. He kind of shut down in a panic. Sorry, I'm not going to allow my then 6 year old to be brought to tears because an adult is not doing their job as a teacher. It has very much scared him away from classes like that.
We are a member of a huge gym that doubles as a swim club. He goes to "kid's quest" while I workout. There's inflatables and giant climbing things. Sometimes he'll play and sometimes he won't. It really depends on his mood. We also swim a lot during the winter. He does get activity on occasion but if I allow him his stuff at home that's where he'd much rather be.
I will definitely look into the geocaching!! I realize now that I shouldn't call it exercise and just emphasis activity. We don't say the word fat around here - just healthy.0 -
I may be a complete *kitten* for saying this, but I just don't understand the whole "I make 2 dinners" and "I pack him a lunch I would never imagine eating." My son is 3 and eats what I give him, if he doesn't want all or some of what is on his plate he'll see it again as part of the next meal and there are no treats. If he comes to me and says "I'm hungry" I give him whatever it was he refused to eat the last time. I can't remember the last time he refused to eat something (other then mashed potatoes, it's a long story but we don't push them). If my husband wants something other than what I'm eating he can figure out that on his own, he's a grown *kitten* man with the capability to find other food. For me this isn't a matter of weight, it's a matter of health and learning how to eat in a balanced way from a young age. Not saying that my son doesn't get chocolate or chips or ice cream or cookies ever, but he gets those after he's eaten his fair share of fruits, veggies, and protein. And not to say we don't have splurge days, damn I love a tater tot, just that those are the off meals and not the every meals.
It's very difficult to break habits we learned as children through OUR parents. I am now well aware that I am trying to please with food and need to stop. I am too leinent.0 -
For starters, is he currently overweight? Just by the pic in your avatar, I'd say no, but my son doesn't really look overweight either and he is.
Next, you say your mother called you fat all the time. REMEMBER THAT when dealing with your son. Stress being healthy. Don't ever mention your concern he'll be overweight. He's only 7.
Should you put your foot down? Absolutely. You and your husband both are responsible for feeding your children nutritious food. If you give him crap, that's what he'll eat and that's the ONLY thing he'll eat. If your husband doesn't like it, tough. I assume that he doesn't cook anyway so it's up to you LOL.
Finally, on the exercise, why are you giving him a choice? He's 7. With my kids, we walk at the park (and when we're done walking, they get to play at the playset), or bike together, and sometimes even run together. You're the parent so you decide what he gets to do and not do. When at home, it's harder so do things outside of the home. Hey, I'm going to the park for a walk, put your shoes on. Don't ask if he wants to go, make it a given that he's going. Swimming lessons are also great for this. An individual sport that every child should learn for safety, and great exercise. My kids also play golf and baseball/softball. Golf is a nice one for kids, though not a cheap sport.
Good luck!
Thank you for your input. I don't know why I am giving him a choice, honestly. I need to just tell him and deal with the complaining differently (by ignoring it!). He is not currently overweight, but he has ALWAYS been in the higher percentile and is close. His doctor made a comment last visit that his weight climbed higher than his height over the past year and I've been worried about it ever since. I STRESS that we need to be healthy and stay away from the "F" word. That is a very bad word in our home.
This is going to have to start with me cutting out the options.
Trust me, I know how hard it is. My son is 9 and knows he's overweight. I didn't want to put that on him (I feel like that should be my worry, not his) but the Dr. said it. And 9 is probably getting old enough for some honesty.0 -
Try getting out a little more definitely, we take our little ones geocaching when the weather is good and they love it. 5 mile walk, with treasure to find, amazing for them, pack a picnic. It depends on the sort of locations you live near, we are fortunate to be five minute drive away from national parks.
I was going to suggest karate but not if the sensei is going to be like that, downright mean!0
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