Opinion about relationships

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Replies

  • Lineae
    Lineae Posts: 5
    I am A...until I get fed up and then turn into B...lol ***** on a rampage for a little while!
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    they're both equally bad.. emotionally instable is emotionally instable
  • changejen2013
    changejen2013 Posts: 87
    Coming from a domestic violence counselor...both are forms of abuse. Abuse is never ok even if its psychological abuse like in the first example. (which by the way I'd prefer quiet over loud as loud effects children more if they are around than passive agressive behaviors)
  • alexitez
    alexitez Posts: 4 Member
    A is worse! but i am probably saying that becuase i am a total B
  • paul7799
    paul7799 Posts: 98 Member
    A or B make me want to turn into a Monk.

    A makes me feel like I am punished and (B) if someone crosses the line in how they treat me, meaning she tries to get me to do what she wants out of fear or feeling like she is disgusted with me, it never lasts too long. I'm kind of stubborn and useless to women anyway.
  • coolraul07
    coolraul07 Posts: 1,606 Member
    B is worse. If someone feels that they can scream at me over something that can be discussed calmly and rationally then I will absolutely stop talking to them until they can behave and treat me properly. It's a matter of having self respect.
    ^A BILLION times this!!! Even though 'C' is a better choice (Golden Rule: treat as you'd want to be treated), I think 'A' is the lesser of 2 evils.
    At least 'A' can go simmer and then talk with a cooler head.
    At least 'A' is a lot less likely to say something that can't be taken back (you can't unring the bell) and make a bad situation WAY worse.
    At least 'A' is less likely to cause 'civilian casualties' (kids, pets, visitors, etc.)
    At least 'A' is less likely to get the police called in.
  • chubbygirl253
    chubbygirl253 Posts: 1,309 Member
    A is worse but I won't put up with either. We can talk and come to a compromise but I won't deal with the silent treatment, walking on eggshells, tantrums, tirades, or explosive anger. I would honestly rather be alone. I went through a really awful marriage of my own plus I later shared a house with my sister and her husband who have a loveless and angry marriage. My marriage was A and theirs is B, either way I know I can't live like that again. Staying in my room with my sister's toddler and turning up the tv to drown out his parents screaming obscenities at one another may have been worse for a child but it wasn't a picnic for me either.
    When I first started dating my fiance I told him I had already taken all the $h¡t off men that I'm gonna take in this lifetime. Sorry, all maxed out on bs. Lucky for me, he just happens to share my allergy to drama and is wonderful at communicating. And he doesn't have an angry bone in his body.
  • Antheajw
    Antheajw Posts: 10 Member
    My whole family (including me) are B's. We scream and yell at each other then 30 mins later we are generally all good.

    My partner is an A, I find it really difficult to deal with it because I tend to feel like there is something he isn't telling me. We are working on getting to middle ground though!!!

    At least with a B you know nothing is being held back so it gets it all out so you can work on it from there!
  • NatashaShen
    NatashaShen Posts: 295 Member
    My mom was a B. A very very bad one... so I grew up becoming an A. Don't worry, I'm working on it.... I do try to keep lines of communication open now. But I'm single at the moment :frown:
  • coachblt
    coachblt Posts: 1,090
    I prefer someone who is an A-type. That way...I can get some peace and quiet eventually.

    I'm a shut down type person. Yelling, for me, means I have reached my breaking point and control of myself, which is not a good feeling. I'd rather think things through than say hurtful words during a heated argument.
  • oneworkoutatatime
    oneworkoutatatime Posts: 312
    A
  • RyanWilson1993
    RyanWilson1993 Posts: 409 Member
    I have moments where I'm an A because there are sometimes I think the argument is completely stupid and I'll ignore them till they want to start a new conversation with me. I can also be a B though if I know I'm right and they're wrong
  • SeaRunner26
    SeaRunner26 Posts: 5,143 Member
    Why must you always make me choose between impossible options? You always make things as hard as posssible. That's it, I'm leaving to cool down. I don't feel like talking anymore.
  • irvinedbs
    irvinedbs Posts: 30
    Tricky, tricky, tricky....

    Personally, I'm not good if someone shuts me out and goes into silent mode. I end up going mad trying to work out what's wrong? / what have I've done? Round and round my brain goes.

    I would prefer a good shouting match, get it all out in the open. Sometimes you do get hurt in the cross fire, but that's what the making up is all about...:bigsmile:
  • sljohn84
    sljohn84 Posts: 107 Member
    Neither is good and my husband and I are both, im the one to stop talking and he goes off the deep end and yells...something we are working on.
  • Crisitunity
    Crisitunity Posts: 98 Member
    B is worse. If someone feels that they can scream at me over something that can be discussed calmly and rationally then I will absolutely stop talking to them until they can behave and treat me properly. It's a matter of having self respect.
    ^A BILLION times this!!! Even though 'C' is a better choice (Golden Rule: treat as you'd want to be treated), I think 'A' is the lesser of 2 evils.
    At least 'A' can go simmer and then talk with a cooler head.
    At least 'A' is a lot less likely to say something that can't be taken back (you can't unring the bell) and make a bad situation WAY worse.
    At least 'A' is less likely to cause 'civilian casualties' (kids, pets, visitors, etc.)
    At least 'A' is less likely to get the police called in.

    Thank goodness! I know it's just an online message board, but it feels really good to see one enthusiastic response to this in a sea of "A" answers.

    Honestly, I think a lot of "B"s would look at what I wrote initially and dismiss it because they simply feel they know better than to listen and communicate with others who have opinions that differ from theirs. Also, yes, I can sort of see the irony in what I wrote there, hahaha.
  • BamsieEkhaya
    BamsieEkhaya Posts: 657 Member
    A is SLIGHTLY worse ...I'm slightly A b/c I'd say *kitten* it it's not worth my anger so I'd shut up and get about it till you get on your knees and beg (joking about the last bit!!) plus my life is too short to be screaming and prefer to calm down and discuss it in an orderly fashion...No body come to me screaming and shouting it doesn't end too well !
  • ReinasWrath
    ReinasWrath Posts: 1,173 Member
    b might serve up more headaches but at least with them you will know the root of the problem and thus have an easier time solving said problem.
  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
    Yell at least I might actually hear what I've done wrong .
  • sweetie_pi88
    sweetie_pi88 Posts: 27 Member
    Definitely A. While I don't believe being brutally honest is the best way to communicate, it's more effective than being passive aggressive and not discussing things through.
  • spitfire1962
    spitfire1962 Posts: 347 Member
    Actually neither A nor B sound very good to me.
  • mollysonnotice
    mollysonnotice Posts: 140
    Im more of a B person myself. If someone is passive agressive towards me, I blow it. I hate that and I would probably leave right then and there because that is one thing that truly pisses me off haha. Yell and scream all you like. I'm deaf. Doesn't bother me. ;)
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    I prefer B. Both the BF and exhusband were "shut down" types. I'm loud and a fast-talker. It increases during arguments. I find them cathartic and am comforted by the fact that a good shouting match means we are not ignoring the subject.

    It must also be noted that I am an attention *kitten* who cannot stand to be ignored for five minutes.
  • syrklc
    syrklc Posts: 172 Member
    I have a hard time dealing with B types, too much stress for me. :noway:

    i am more of an A person - although i can be pushed to category B on occasion :blushing:
  • Tatiyanya
    Tatiyanya Posts: 255 Member
    I;m B type.
    Was raised in familly that resolved problems by throwing pots at the floor and unleashing Slavic Inferno (tm).
    Having mild form of bipolar doesnt help. Having like best boyfriend ever that is C "calm rational and german" helps whole lot . He just waits out my shouts and tantrums and waits for the moment when i feel like complete idiot for leting my emotion swat out brain from equation.

    I'm passive agressive on my way that leads to emotional tsunami.

    If I had to choose I'd still go with B . Argument as long it doesnt turn to violence cleans up atmosphere faster than someone who just shuts you out and holds a grudge for days.
  • FirstCoastLisa
    FirstCoastLisa Posts: 56
    I have trouble with both types so I would not do well with either. Passive-aggressive behavior is frustrating, manipulative and when they withhold affection and communication it's the worst. I have no patience for it. Confrontational-aggressive behavior is bullying and abusive and I do not tolerate it well either. Luckily, my husband and I are neither one of those extremes. He is from the super passive-aggressive family and I am from a super obnoxious in-your-face confrontational family. We have a little bit of those qualities that peek out from time to time, but we keep ourselves in check fairly well most of the time. :heart:

    Ditto here neither. Was married to a man who was an A and a B both are toxic and will destroy any good stuff there is between two people. If you are an A or a B get help and deal with your issues. If you are on the receiving end of an A or a B type personality don't waste years trying to change them or waiting for them to change; it rarely happens.

    Been there, done that, now happily divorced and crazy is no longer a part of my life!
  • RobfromLakewood
    RobfromLakewood Posts: 684
    I've been both A and B at times in life, but crazy thankful to have my wife. It isn't that we don't annoy each other, but very rarely do we forget we're on the same side, so we hash out conflicts 99.999% pretty peacefully. When one gets the other too upset, we just tell the other we need a break (bike ride, read, watch a movie) calm down and look at the problem when cooler heads prevail.

    It's such a mature way to handle it, it could never come from me, so thanks sweetheart, you're the best.
  • mochalishious
    mochalishious Posts: 97 Member
    My husband is A or B depending on how he wants to handle the situation and it is very frustrating. I am more calm and want to talk things out. If I get frustrated enough I just shut down and let him say what he wants and keep my thoughts to myself. I rather do that than go back & forth with him sometimes

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