On The Brink Of Tears

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2

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  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    sorry you're having a tough time with this,
    but seriously - and i do mean this in the best way possible - you really need to work on controlling your emotions rather than letting them control you. that never ends well.

    you are crying over a stranger you've never met who was essentially just words on a screen. guys can smell those type of emotional issues from a mile away and the good ones, the ones that you'd want to build a relationship with, would not put up with that stuff.

    my advice is to do whatever you need to do to get yourself together emotionally FIRST and then start thinking about dating.

    also i'm :laugh: at the typical responses of people rationalizing this by saying this guy wasnt worth it anyway. sorry but telling women stuff like that misses the point that they will forever run into "guys who aren't worth their time' until they fix their emotional baggage.

    I want to cosign every word of this post and add a guy's perspective. Sometimes a person is very busy. I know i am. I get short on texts, short on the phone, and don't have time to chat over coffee. Busy isn't a code word for not wanting to chat with some girl; it just means I'm busy.

    That said, when i meet a woman that doesn't understand that busy just means busy and gets emotional before we even have something going on, it's check out time. I'm going to suggest you dial it back, way back, with the next guy you meet. Not for his sake but for your own.
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
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    You're going to have to toughen up if you're on online dating sites. I suggest you join the group 'Single Peeps!' here... lots of experiences listed. It's the norm for people to act extra strangely on those sorts of sites. Everyone is either a shark or a minnow. Best just to treat it as a fun experience and just enjoy talking to people. You will have a lot less stress and give off a lot less neediness that way... Everyone is a little anxious on those sites anyway -- or they're sharks waiting to take advantage of people. Or they're just playing games.
  • Serrulata
    Serrulata Posts: 10
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    Aside from online flirting it doesn't sound too like you guys are too far along in a relationship. So I say F**K him. He isn't worth your time and he seems like a real *kitten*. You don't deserve to put up with his s**t. Start flirting with some one else, and when he comes back around to you blow him off.
  • JoanWill
    JoanWill Posts: 217
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    I am sorry for how you feel.

    Geez, I haven't posted in forums for months and here I am. But really, I met my husband online. Just randomly met him, not a dating site or a chat room for people looking for something. Just randomly through this IM thing back in the 90's.

    I may not be an expert about online relationships but I do remember my husband for 10 yrs now never treated me that way. Because our relationship was so unique and we were half a world apart, we made extra effort to communicate.

    That guy is not worth your tear. And yeah, take him off your friend list too. Chin up! You are beautiful.
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
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    sorry you're having a tough time with this,
    but seriously - and i do mean this in the best way possible - you really need to work on controlling your emotions rather than letting them control you. that never ends well.

    you are crying over a stranger you've never met who was essentially just words on a screen. guys can smell those type of emotional issues from a mile away and the good ones, the ones that you'd want to build a relationship with, would not put up with that stuff.

    my advice is to do whatever you need to do to get yourself together emotionally FIRST and then start thinking about dating.

    also i'm :laugh: at the typical responses of people rationalizing this by saying this guy wasnt worth it anyway. sorry but telling women stuff like that misses the point that they will forever run into "guys who aren't worth their time' until they fix their emotional baggage.

    I want to cosign every word of this post and add a guy's perspective. Sometimes a person is very busy. I know i am. I get short on texts, short on the phone, and don't have time to chat over coffee. Busy isn't a code word for not wanting to chat with some girl; it just means I'm busy.

    That said, when i meet a woman that doesn't understand that busy just means busy and gets emotional before we even have something going on, it's check out time. I'm going to suggest you dial it back, way back, with the next guy you meet. Not for his sake but for your own.
    ^This all the way.

    I couldn't get past the "VERY BUSY?!!?!? CMON!!" part. Sometimes, I'm busy, and I don't. have. time. to. talk.

    And all the people saying he's not worth it...pfft, puhlease. The guy did nothing wrong.
  • icandowhateveriputmymindto
    icandowhateveriputmymindto Posts: 602 Member
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    I am NOT blaming you for any of this, but this is exactly why you don't post sexy pictures on these types of sites and make sure the people who message you actually like you for YOU. If they start out with "Hey sexy." or anything along those words, you should get the idea that they are not in it for you they are in it to waste some time. My best advice is to make your profile more about your interests etc. If a guy is flirty without even getting to know you (I don't know if this applies to your situation or not) then that's also a Stop sign for anyone looking for a serious relationship. True relationships take time and if you click everything else will be natural. Anyway, there are plenty of other great guys out there who are still looking for you, get out there and find them!
  • IsleEsme
    IsleEsme Posts: 175 Member
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    I can't tell you that you shoudln't worry about( I'm a guy myself), but even though I am merely an 18 year old kid, I can state that there a quite a number of guys who are just jerks.

    My advice: don't take it out on yourself. It's okay to feel sad once in a while, but I don't think it's your fault. If he doesn't feel like talking to you, there are always other people who are less anti-social :).

    Keep doing what you're doing ;)

    Young man you are going places. I'd like to shake your parents hands and thank them for raising such a fine individual. Your awesome. Please tell your parents I said "well done!"
  • AMS44067
    AMS44067 Posts: 49
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    Are you seriously wasting your time even thinking of this guy? Do you even know if he was real? Come on, girl. I went through online dating a long time ago, before these creeps came out of their caves. I lived in Germany when I met a guy online in America, and I am now married to him for 13 years. But that was then. Online dating has changed a lot. And no online stranger is worth a single tear. Toughen up and concentrate on yourself. If it is meant for you to find Mr. Right, then you will find him, or he finds you. Women who are desperately searching have like a mark on their forehead. Loosen up, enjoy life and let it happen.
  • 1smemae94
    1smemae94 Posts: 365 Member
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    Hey hun, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're having a crummy day :/ Maybe he really was busy at that point in time though. Honestly I would just get straight to the point and ask him if he's interested. That way you know one way or another and you can find someone better worth your time and energy if need be. Keep your head up, you're a beautiful amazing person.
  • SoViLicious
    SoViLicious Posts: 2,633 Member
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    Please relax and stop bugging out over some guy on the internet.. Don't let another person have that much control over your emotions.
  • sam308lbs
    sam308lbs Posts: 1,939 Member
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    I am not saying this is what happened but i'll give you a guys perspective .I had a similar kind of experience with a girl myself.When we started talking,she seemed great.She was funny,flirty and we usually had a great time whenever we chatted.But after a week or so,she started opening up and its then that i realized she had serious self esteem issues.She started getting really dependent on me in just week..She would get upset if i couldnt come online every 2 hours!! ( i mean seriously!).And she would leave 3-4 lovey dovey messages on my page daily. In the first week,she would laugh at my jokes funny but in the coming weeks , she got way too sensitive and i would have to watch what i said around her.And most of the time i ended up comforting her and reassuring her that she was great! So all in all,no matter how hard i tried she was driving me nuts and i wanted to be with the person who was there in the first week.
    Again i am sure this is not you, just what i experienced and which might help you see the big picture :)
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    sorry you're having a tough time with this,
    but seriously - and i do mean this in the best way possible - you really need to work on controlling your emotions rather than letting them control you. that never ends well.

    you are crying over a stranger you've never met who was essentially just words on a screen. guys can smell those type of emotional issues from a mile away and the good ones, the ones that you'd want to build a relationship with, would not put up with that stuff.

    my advice is to do whatever you need to do to get yourself together emotionally FIRST and then start thinking about dating.

    also i'm :laugh: at the typical responses of people rationalizing this by saying this guy wasnt worth it anyway. sorry but telling women stuff like that misses the point that they will forever run into "guys who aren't worth their time' until they fix their emotional baggage.

    I want to cosign every word of this post and add a guy's perspective. Sometimes a person is very busy. I know i am. I get short on texts, short on the phone, and don't have time to chat over coffee. Busy isn't a code word for not wanting to chat with some girl; it just means I'm busy.

    That said, when i meet a woman that doesn't understand that busy just means busy and gets emotional before we even have something going on, it's check out time. I'm going to suggest you dial it back, way back, with the next guy you meet. Not for his sake but for your own.
    ^This all the way.

    I couldn't get past the "VERY BUSY?!!?!? CMON!!" part. Sometimes, I'm busy, and I don't. have. time. to. talk.

    And all the people saying he's not worth it...pfft, puhlease. The guy did nothing wrong.

    Agreed. Some people are truly busy. And I've met guys who are clingy and that's really off-putting. Maybe the guy got uncomfortable at the sudden - hey hey hey hey hey...and is trying to slowly back off without hurting her feelings or is scared to just tell her he's no longer interested.

    We don't know the whole story or the conversations that really went on.

    OP - definitely work on getting yourself to a better mental and emotional state. Focus on bettering yourself and being comfortable/confident with you.
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
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    I don't think it's fair to be hard on this guy. Was he rude to you? No. Did he give you a reason for why he wasn't talking so much? Yes.
  • d8402l
    d8402l Posts: 23 Member
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    I met my husband online, so sometimes the online thing works out. Sometimes it doesn't. To me (and this is only based off my one experiences) it sounds like he may have been flirty with girls online while he had a girl at home. I knew someone who did this and it nearly wrecked his marriage, but once he got caught by his wife his conversations with the girls he'd been flirting with were really similar to the ones you've gotten.

    I don't know if that's the case here or not, but regardless, a guy like that isn't worth your time. You WILL find a guy who loves you for you.

    It's ok to cry, but remember to move on. Don't linger in the past.
  • islandgirldl76
    islandgirldl76 Posts: 47 Member
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    Been there done that don't beat yourself up. I will tell you I have done online dating on and off for 12 years. Just like real life dating you will find tons of people that even if you get past the initial email introduction stage. That it fizzles off within days of talking or text. I am kinda in the same boat now, but I am the one that is not up his butt he is crazy texting me.

    Word of advice, crying could be hormonal (I have been there, breakdown in the middle of watching the simpsons). But also when you are at your lowest everything is harder too I know how you feel.

    Easier said than done but take a year off from worrying about men. No online dating nothing. Work on yourself and get you to where you have your mojo back. You will know when you start getting looks from guys at the grocery store or at the mall. Work out, get to a weight you feel comfortable with and get that job you wanted, take classes and focus on them. Whatever your goals are throw yourself into them. Once you feel better about yourself you will 1. be in a better mindset to roll with it and keep this whole dating mess in perspective 2. You will attract a different type of person because YOU will have changed. 3. Your confidence won't depend on whether a guy chooses to pay attention to you or not. It comes within and THAT is sexy to a man.

    Hang in there I am coming out of an abusive relationship of 3 yrs myself. It takes time but only you can pull it together and one step at a time move forward. Focus on you and surrounding yourself by good people, church, volunteer activity etc.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    I'm new to dating....first time in 10 plus years....it's scary....and it's overwhelming and it can do really interesting (read fvcked up) things to your perception, your feelings, your self awareness...

    but it's eye opening....

    I agree with what mesha said....100%.

    don't invest, don't think too much of it....it's a guy....that you have never met...and quite frankly at this stage he has the right to change his mind and it shouldn't mean anything to you. It really shouldn't.

    What i am doing is that I'm concentrating on having a good conversation with a person that I MAY possibly evolve into a date with. If it DOES go to a date, then I'm going out for one night, to do something fun with a person that MAY become a good friend...cause really, that's the point no? Finding a good friend and if we are lucky that friend will be something more.

    I've had a few disasters as my FL is very intimately acquainted with....and you know what, that's ok because they were just dates, with just dudes, that I just talked to.....on the internet and then maybe dinner or a coffee....

    take a step back....you are investing WAY too much into this at this stage...just look at it as an opportunity to meet people...of which you MAY find someone worth spending more intimate time with....

    no investment not at this stage....

    and stop the emotionality....I know it's hard...trust me I am a "HSP" - highly sensitive person....and I've learned that i have to just not invest until I'm sure I really really want to spend time with that person for them...because they make me laugh, or they have like interests....

    and don't get tunnel vision...at this stage where it's just talk, don't be afraid to open yourself to opportunity, talk to more than one...don't invest your time and all your effort into just one....not because you are playing the field, NO. But because of the four you do talk to for example, you just may make one solid connection and three great friends...

    don't close yourself off....explore, have fun, don't get so tied up...and if you aren't having fun...

    then why do it.

    (((hugs)))
  • andread67
    andread67 Posts: 28 Member
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    Hi, I have not been in your situation..BUT I am emotional at times-part of being female-some of us are wired that way I guess. Trying to make changes in your diet, etc can be stressful and frustrating. The chemical reactions our bodies have sometimes can send us crying without warning. But..the other thing is obviously this guy does not want to be bothered right now, so let him do his thing. There are many, many others out there and you will have more chances at love/relationship. You do want it to be with the right person who will value you. Take it one day at a time, either he will come around or not, and if not you are better off. The other thing you mentioned is that you are aware your body may have an impact on relationships, so just a suggestion..put everything emotionally into that..anger, fear, sadness, etc..then take those feelings and use them for your advantage...put everything into making you a better, stronger, healthier you and once you are doing that, you may have some peace about everything. Now, when you get home, have yourself a really good cry.. it's good for the soul..and remember tomorrow is another day and a new chance to start over! ((Hugs)):smile:
  • Mhaney
    Mhaney Posts: 467 Member
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    I don't date. Solves this problem in no time flat.
  • enorth77
    enorth77 Posts: 9
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    i have been online dating for a long time now and believe me there are a lot more frogs than princes there for sure. you seem to have a very emotional life and perhaps you are suffering from depression? have you seen your doctor about your swinging moods? as a lady who is 240lbs and 5'7 and 62yrs old , i think i can relate as i am single too. when you get down and nothing is going right and you get online and some guy gives you some attention ...all of a sudden there is a ray or happiness and hope shining into your dark world. you grab on for dear life and he becomes your lifeline...now you don't have to think about all the bad stuff and you project how wonderful things will be when you and him get together..he is your soulmate your friend and lover , everything will be ok because now somebody wants you,,,does this sound right? well girl it's a fantasy. even if he is a great guy, nobody can make you happy.....you have to make you happy. and that means trying to love yourself first. if you can't love you then they won't either because you will always feel unsure of yourself and him.. try to find things in your life to make yourself happier and start to believe in yourself as a good and "loveable" lady. hard i know but please try and look for the good things about yourself and love will find you...and you won't feel so needy and devastated by the lack of interest from someone you haven't even met. get out with real people who you know and surround yourself with positive people and don't expect cyber relationships to gauge your own self worth...you deserve more!!!good luck and stay positive.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    I mean this in the nicest way possible: It's you, not him.

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