On The Brink Of Tears

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  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
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    I mean this in the nicest way possible: It's you, not him.
    QFT
  • firststepper
    firststepper Posts: 6
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    sorry you're having a tough time with this,
    but seriously - and i do mean this in the best way possible - you really need to work on controlling your emotions rather than letting them control you. that never ends well.

    you are crying over a stranger you've never met who was essentially just words on a screen. guys can smell those type of emotional issues from a mile away and the good ones, the ones that you'd want to build a relationship with, would not put up with that stuff.

    my advice is to do whatever you need to do to get yourself together emotionally FIRST and then start thinking about dating.

    also i'm :laugh: at the typical responses of people rationalizing this by saying this guy wasnt worth it anyway. sorry but telling women stuff like that misses the point that they will forever run into "guys who aren't worth their time' until they fix their emotional baggage.

    I want to cosign every word of this post and add a guy's perspective. Sometimes a person is very busy. I know i am. I get short on texts, short on the phone, and don't have time to chat over coffee. Busy isn't a code word for not wanting to chat with some girl; it just means I'm busy.

    That said, when i meet a woman that doesn't understand that busy just means busy and gets emotional before we even have something going on, it's check out time. I'm going to suggest you dial it back, way back, with the next guy you meet. Not for his sake but for your own.

    I have to agree with ^^ - I had to learn (over 15 years) that my husband communicates differently than I do. Men ARE different than women. I'm not saying he wasn't blowing you off.....he may have been. But he might NOT have been, either. We girls can be a titch demanding about "communication". Sometimes our men ARE just tired, busy, or don't feel like talking. But good luck to you!!!
  • lovejulez03
    lovejulez03 Posts: 139 Member
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    Ok... well I've tried online dating before and still have a profile up. I know quite a few people who have met their spouses online and stayed together. That was just a side note, since you are only talking to this guy.

    With that said... I have AWFUL experiences with men. Never had a single good relationship and its because I have to work on me and stop choosing the wrong guys. Why am I saying this for everyone to see? Because (and dont take this as me being a know it all) when I have a gut feeling it is usually right. As LONG as you have your emotions in check and are thinking logically, your gut is right a lot of the time.

    Two options.
    1: He actually IS busy. If he's responding to you at all then I'd guess he simply is buys.
    - Side note on this: If a man is really interested in you he will MAKE time. Nobody is busy every second of the day. I'm a single mom and even when I went to school full time and worked part time and took care of myson, cooked, cleaned, etc, I STILL had time to at least text.

    2: He is talking to someone else who grabbed his interested. I say this because I've done it. But i am honest about it. That doesn't mean he has a girlfriend or whatever, but this may be the case.

    Again..I dont know everything but I have come across almost every situation with real life dating and online dating. Unfortunately lol

    I wish you luck and just remember to keep your emotions in check. It's ok to cry. It's ok to feel frustrated. But it's taken me a LONG time and 27 years to realize that if a guy doesn't want to talk to me anymore then theres no reason to beat a dead horse. you want someone to WANT you. You want someone to PURSUE you. Men and women alike. Good luck hun!!
  • kit1986
    kit1986 Posts: 23
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    I'm really getting more and more perspective with every response I receive so thank you everyone.

    After seeing the situation in a different light (or should I say many different lights) I can quite happily admit that I may have jumped the gun. As I mentioned in my first post I do tend to jump straight to the worst case scenario in order to prepare myself for the backlash that may be entailed (this is based on past events). I know that this is something that I very much need to work on.

    I didn't mean to make it sound like I was blaming the guy in question - my post was more a rant of internal dialogue that I needed to get out than anything else. I can see the perspectives of the posters that mentioned that he may have actually been busy and I agree with that whole heartedly, he may have been but I was basing my response to what had happened in the past when he said he was busy (he would elaborate by telling me what he was up to). What threw me was the fact that we had for weeks chatted almost everyday and then BAM nothing and even as I write it it sounds quite silly but I wasn't expecting it at all.

    I let my negative emotions get the better of me more than I should and I find that if something changes or if a way that I've gotten accustomed to suddenly shifts that I automatically think that I've done something wrong and that I go into for lack of a better term 'fix mode' where I do what I can to amend whatever is wrong even if I don't know what or if something is wrong.

    Believe it or not I do understand the concept of being busy, and I don't classify myself as being clingy. 9 times out of 10 I would always wait for him to start the conversation first that way I would know if he wanted to chat. There were only a few times that I started the conversation myself.

    I know that I need to work on a lot of things and if I take anything from this situation it is that it has helped me to understand that there is more than one perspective of any given situation and the way one person perceives something may be the complete opposite to the another such perspective.

    Thank you again for your responses.
  • anniebelle26
    anniebelle26 Posts: 43 Member
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    His wife must have found out what he was doing.
  • kit1986
    kit1986 Posts: 23
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    I mean this in the nicest way possible: It's you, not him.

    Thank you...the truth hurts but sometimes you just gotta hear it :)

    I know that I have a lot to amend in my life; hearing it through this post has really helped me realise that

    Kate
  • KeepGoingKylene
    KeepGoingKylene Posts: 432 Member
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    Who knows what his reasoning is or what he's thinking. He could actually be busy or it could be anything. Guys think different then us so it always makes it difficult! I went through a similar thing with a guy online, as well as some crazy weird situations with dating online. Made me upset a lot and thinking like you. I kept at it and finally found the good one. He's out there, you just have to get through the bad ones to find the good one. I guess my advice would be don't over think, that's probably the worst for your emotions, definately coming from experience...
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    I am not saying this is what happened but i'll give you a guys perspective .I had a similar kind of experience with a girl myself.When we started talking,she seemed great.She was funny,flirty and we usually had a great time whenever we chatted.But after a week or so,she started opening up and its then that i realized she had serious self esteem issues.She started getting really dependent on me in just week..She would get upset if i couldnt come online every 2 hours!! ( i mean seriously!).And she would leave 3-4 lovey dovey messages on my page daily. In the first week,she would laugh at my jokes funny but in the coming weeks , she got way too sensitive and i would have to watch what i said around her.And most of the time i ended up comforting her and reassuring her that she was great! So all in all,no matter how hard i tried she was driving me nuts and i wanted to be with the person who was there in the first week.
    Again i am sure this is not you, just what i experienced and which might help you see the big picture :)

    I hate to say it, but yeah - I've been that girl. I drove this one poor man to absolute insanity once. I will never get over how embarrassing that was once I came to my senses.
  • kikilita
    kikilita Posts: 91 Member
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    Hey, I cry all the time for no reason. It got super bad when I was in a depression. But even no longer feeling depressed I still tend to feel really down especially right before my menstrual cycle and will cry and cry for no reason or stupid reasons.

    Also, it's really hard and rocky at first with guys in just about any relationship it seems. It's always best to just not let them know you are at all bothered. Remember, women have power in this world. Just send him one or two texts and then let him respond back. I'll usually apply the three day rule to myself. If I haven't heard from them in three days, I'll shoot a text saying hi (usually, they beat me to it by then). If they respond, great, if not, oh well. I only send that one. And, yes, it IS TORTURE those three days but it's worth it.

    Also, set multiple dates up on the site and don't be shy about it. I set five dates up all at once and the guys knew. Guys like knowing others find you attractive!

    Also, on the online thing, I try to meet the person within a week because I don't wanna be wasting my time otherwise. Always, ALWAYS make sure you make it look like you have other options whether you actually believe you do or not (and I believe you do!). Venting on a site is good, too. I use Twitter to whine about guys all the time, LOL! If I'm getting the itch to be like, "Why didn't you text me back?!" I tweet about it instead (they are NOT on my twitter!)! And having a really good, AWESOME female friend to confide in is great, also. You'll get there, no worries! Just take this down as a lesson learned and how to improve next time! :)
  • fallenoaks
    fallenoaks Posts: 19
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    As the person above me just said, don't chat with them for weeks before meeting. You tend to build a person up a lot in your head, and then get disappointed when reality doesn't match up. I had the best luck when I met guys for coffee after only 2-3 emails. Much less expectations that way.
    Met my husband on match.com after meeting 10 or so guys over 18 months or so. Keep trying, he is out there.
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
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    There is someone for everyone out there but you must be there for yourself first.
  • sam308lbs
    sam308lbs Posts: 1,939 Member
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    I am not saying this is what happened but i'll give you a guys perspective .I had a similar kind of experience with a girl myself.When we started talking,she seemed great.She was funny,flirty and we usually had a great time whenever we chatted.But after a week or so,she started opening up and its then that i realized she had serious self esteem issues.She started getting really dependent on me in just week..She would get upset if i couldnt come online every 2 hours!! ( i mean seriously!).And she would leave 3-4 lovey dovey messages on my page daily. In the first week,she would laugh at my jokes funny but in the coming weeks , she got way too sensitive and i would have to watch what i said around her.And most of the time i ended up comforting her and reassuring her that she was great! So all in all,no matter how hard i tried she was driving me nuts and i wanted to be with the person who was there in the first week.
    Again i am sure this is not you, just what i experienced and which might help you see the big picture :)

    I hate to say it, but yeah - I've been that girl. I drove this one poor man to absolute insanity once. I will never get over how embarrassing that was once I came to my senses.
    i have been on the opposite end of it too and thats when i changed.Building as many walls around you as possible may not be the healthy way out but it works for me

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