a little personal, but I need an honest opinion

imagymrat
imagymrat Posts: 862 Member
edited September 20 in Chit-Chat
<My immediate family is too angry to be able to answer this honestly, with reason and with an open mind. So here goes, I have 6 children whom may ex husband is supposed to paying support for, two children are already too old to recieve support since they are now working full time and over 18. My question is, my ex husband is in arrears for 37,000.00 he was to pay 1066.00 a month for 6 kids. Now here's the sticky part, he's justifiably taking me back to court to have his support obligations meet our new situation with our two boys being too old. Problem: He hasn't paid support in over 3 years and really has no plans to, he's on gov assistance to purposefully avoid support payments. His lawyer has offered me 24 certified cheques for 500.00 and a bank draft for 5,000.00 towards the arrears. I just need to sign the paperwork, he will then take me to court to debate payments once again, because in 24months my other son will be 18, so he may still require to support him depending on wether he goes on to college or not. The cheques are good to go, it's more money then i've ever seen from him, I want to take the offer, since I know that I cannot afford a lawyer and the payments will be reduced anyhow.(since two kids are coming off and he now makes 0.00 dollars a month through employment) I'm a single mom and it's tough that extra 500.00 which is guaranteed is huge for me. My family wants him to pay more, I think I should just settle, they think i'm hurting the kids by settling, I don't agree..any thoughts???
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Replies

  • LongMom
    LongMom Posts: 408 Member
    I'd take the money!!! It's a guaranteed something instead of a possible nothing!
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
    He hasn't paid anything in 3yrs.....take the $$
    what a crappy situation...shame on him
  • HOPEful27
    HOPEful27 Posts: 56
    I would take the money. Isn't it a shame that he can't pay child support, but can afford a lawyer!!
  • shalma
    shalma Posts: 80
    I'm kinda in your shoes. My ex hasn't paid a penny in over 2 years, state has taken his drivers license, etc. He has faced contempt charges and skirts by everytime. I have no faith in the system. $37000 in arrears sounds like a lot, but you haven't actually received anything, so technically you still have $0. You have to figure if $5k is better than nothing. Obviously he has no plan on paying arrears, or for that matter, future payments either after the 24 months.
  • MattySparky
    MattySparky Posts: 771
    It's a three dollar bullet dear!


    LOL, seriously though, I think the only thing hurting your kids is dragging this out longer and driving a bigger wedge into their lives. Now this guy sounds like a real slimeball trying to avoid paying for his own children so I would say stick it to him naturally, but with all things considered is it affecting the kids?
  • michelleleigh1067
    michelleleigh1067 Posts: 4
    I would take the money. Thats $17K and would go a long way to help out. And since he has gone as far as hiring a lawyer to get this cleared up, maybe he is trying to get his obligations taken care of.
  • acakeforawife
    acakeforawife Posts: 207
    I know nothing about the legal side of this, so this is just me speaking from my gut, but I would settle. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, as they say. Your first obligation is really to your kids, and to gamble on the amount of money they might see is not responsible, in my opinion. It's a sh*tty situation either way, and I totally get why your family wants you to try to force more out of him, but taking the settlement seems to be a way to at least guarantee your kids see at least something.

    Good luck with whatever you decide!!
  • sonnacchio
    sonnacchio Posts: 57 Member
    I say take the money and apply it only to what he is in arrears. I don't know if you can do that, but I'd be sure to put in writing somehow that you are accepting the money as payment toward past debt. That way, you are not agreeing to a reduced rate at all and he hasn't got additional leverage to use in court.
  • mommyhof3
    mommyhof3 Posts: 551 Member
    Take the money but don't let him back out of the money owed. Was it $37000? Anyways, there are things they can do about him not paying like take his licence away, any money owed to him by government gets taken and given to you etc etc. At least in Canada that is how it works. Dad's like that should be ashamed of themselves :mad:
  • Laceylala
    Laceylala Posts: 3,094 Member
    At the end of the day, he's deliberately not working so he doesn't have to pay child support. What makes your family think that in 2 years for example he's going to see the light and want to pay then and get a job that will suck up most of his income paying that support? There are no garantee's that he will ever pay and he's clearly shown his unwillingness to do so. I mean, the judge could put him in jail for not paying but that still doesn't you mean you'd get anything monetarily out of him in the future.

    I'd take the money.
  • jlewis2896
    jlewis2896 Posts: 763 Member
    I'd vote take the money -- then you don't have to stress every time he doesn't send you a payment. You know his track record, and the less you expect from him the less you will be disappointed.

    Sorry you and your kids have to go through this!!
  • imagymrat
    imagymrat Posts: 862 Member
    I would take the money. Isn't it a shame that he can't pay child support, but can afford a lawyer!!

    It really is a shame, makes me sick, I have to self represent because there is no way I can afford a lawyer. He's had his drivers license revoked, passport revoked and the gov took his tax return the first year we broke up, that was the only money I ever saw, and hasn't filed his taxes since. He doesn't see his kids, ever, by his choice, not mine, I would love a kid free weekend, i'm not stopping him! lol...bu I think I should take it as well....like another poster said, he owes alot, but I could be chasing him forever..doesn't seem worth it. Everytime I get a summons for court, I get so sick to my stomach, I can't sleep, it's a real stressful thing for me, so it affects me kids for sure. Thanks guys, I think I can put down the bag of gummy bears that i'm chowing on..my stress food of choice :laugh: and sign the papers.
  • BassBoneBabe
    BassBoneBabe Posts: 226 Member
    Unfortunately, I know nothing of the child support law in Canada. In the US, the arrears are there forever and you can keep trying to get the money out of him (even the children can try to get the arrears, if say, you were deceased), or they will put the dead beat parents in jail.

    If I'm reading it right, he is offering you 17,000 to have the arrears removed? Then he would start with a clean slate and just owe child support from then on...?

    Ultimately up to you. I would research the law. I would also say, even though it takes money out of your pocket, that it is best to get counsel through a lawyer. I have known of many people who were winning in child cases. They decided they didn't need a lawyer any more because the judge was always on their side in the past, and had terrible repercussions.

    Good luck to you and I'm sorry that this is happening. I wish people would take responsibility for their off-spring, without having to go through all this legal stuff.
  • click
    click Posts: 36 Member
    I'd take it, you seem to have a good grasp on the pros and cons and on the fact that he probably won't have income enough to cover much more than that otherwise; if you think he's hiding cash that's another story
    but even still if he owes you back $, even if you sign the paperwork and take the $, ifyou had need to go after him for the rest of what he should have paid based on the original settlement, you can probably get around it with a lawyer of your own after the fact.
  • emilyfh
    emilyfh Posts: 291 Member
    check the yellow pages or internet for free legal in your area. If you believe he will continue not to work, is he lazy? Does he have a college degree with possibley good income soon? I would take the money if he's lazy with no possible change soon, better than nothing and sometimes it takes for ever to get child support, and sometimes the government will take alot of the child support money.
  • themethod
    themethod Posts: 257
    I would take the money, but before signing any paperwork, please find an attorney who will look it over for you before you accept the offer. You're in Canada, right? Not sure how it works there, but with all of the social programs, I'm sure there has got to be some sort of legal service that is offered to assist mothers at little or no cost. Agree to take the money, but get a legal opinion on the paperwork first so you don't end up signing away your right to future collections. True, you'll only be getting $17K of the $37K he owes you, but that is far better than what you have now. Good luck!
  • Wolfena
    Wolfena Posts: 1,570 Member
    More than likely his support will not be reduced even though the other kids are older now... he'll just start paying more for the younger ones and you'll be owed the same amount. Child support is usually based on both parents income, regardless of how many children there are.

    Get what those kids deserve. If you need those checks, take them for what he owes in the past- but don't let those payments be for what he currently will owe.

    There are federal laws in place if you're in the US - they can freeze his bank accounts or assets, sell them and give you the money, take his driver's license away, they can even put him in jail. It won't even matter if he's not paid up by the time your youngest has moved out, that money will STILL come out of his paychecks until it's all paid off.... even if it takes him until the day he dies.
  • Demierop
    Demierop Posts: 1
    You can take the money and probably still be able to get him into to court to get the rest. In most states you can't really "settle" child support because it's for the children, and is not alimony. Contact a lawyer specifically to find out if child support, can be settled out of court and then take the money because in most cases you can continue to pursue him for the arrears.
  • borisda
    borisda Posts: 122 Member
    Non of us no all the in's and out's so any advice should only be considered and not just taken . But saying that I think I would settle . Good luck with it and I hope it gets sorted out soon and for the right outcome x
  • huneysuckle
    huneysuckle Posts: 16
    had an ex that paid all his back pay really upset me because i told him to go have it reduced and he would not his son did not even live with the mom he lived with friends so after 3 years of paying 4 both children she still got a lawyer and got $6000.00 plus in back pay figure that one out..... i was really upset because he paid every month and somehow still ended up paying
    back pay to her some good lawyer huh ????? how much was u getting now ???? probably take the money u can get since
    you have already raised the kids and do something nice 4 yourself...... good luck
  • mama22girlz
    mama22girlz Posts: 291
    yeah I would take the $$$ might be all that you ever get. It is really sad. maybe you can get a lawyer pro bono? how the heck does he afford a lawyer if he doesn't have a job?

    what about legal Aid? not exactly sure how they work but aren't they free?


    Legal Aid Ontario: 1-800-668-8258 or www.legalaid.on.ca.
  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
    I would take the money, but before signing any paperwork, please find an attorney who will look it over for you before you accept the offer. You're in Canada, right? Not sure how it works there, but with all of the social programs, I'm sure there has got to be some sort of legal service that is offered to assist mothers at little or no cost. Agree to take the money, but get a legal opinion on the paperwork first so you don't end up signing away your right to future collections. True, you'll only be getting $17K of the $37K he owes you, but that is far better than what you have now. Good luck!

    I agree completely.
  • Vallandingham
    Vallandingham Posts: 2,177
    If you can afford to stand on principle and do without the money being offered, then follow your family's advice. Fight it out in court.

    If the money will help and it sounds as if it will, take it. It doesn't sound as if you will get it any other way.

    It's really easy for family and friends to give advice, when they don't have to live with the consequences.
  • pressica
    pressica Posts: 361
    I feel for you! It is hard to try to do those things alone. I beg you to seek legal advice before you sign anything. I found a website that gives different resources in Toronto for free legal advice. http://www.ontariodivorces.com/findlegalhelp.html

    I would check with the Family Law Information Centres before making a decision this huge. It is easy to get tunnel vision while dealing with legal issues, and this may seem like a good thing. Maybe it is. But I think you will feel better after knowing all of your options. Sometimes these issues can be resolved through mediation and not court. Although things are mucky right now, your kids may thank you someday for fighting for what is rightfully theirs.

    The truth is, your family and MFP cannot make this decision. If your family is so eager for you to fight for more money, are they just as eager to help you out financially during that waiting period? If so, go for it. Proceed with caution. Sounds like his lawyer is trying to trap you on account of your dire need. He wants you to accept a little over 10% of what your ex owes your children. That is robbery. Good luck!!
  • thumper44
    thumper44 Posts: 1,464 Member
    Something's weird To me It's like if I can give you 1/2 the money, then forget about the rest?

    He's not working (legally) and he's collecting social assistance?
    He's not paying support, but he's living somewhere paying rent, food for himself.
    Nobody knows what he does during the day.

    where did he get or is going to get the |$17000 from?
    His lawyer is just going to give away $17,000?
    and how is he able to afford a lawyer?

    Go get the $37,000 that he's owed to your kids. Obviously you've done ok without him giving you money for last 3 years.
    Something smells funny!
    Take it to court. Get the $17,000 and still have $20,000 owing.
  • XFitMojoMom
    XFitMojoMom Posts: 3,255 Member
    I agree with your family, it's not enough, but it's what is REAL, right now! So I'd take the real, and put a provision in the paperwork that he will need to pay you for your other children retroactively.
  • electricgypsy
    electricgypsy Posts: 32 Member
    in the uk our undergraduate law schools offer clinics which are free. do have anything like that over there? get them to check it over before you agree then.
  • shellybressler
    shellybressler Posts: 13 Member
    In California if you go to the district attorney/child support division he will owe you that money until he pays it and they will continue to add interest on it until it is paid in full (and he would lose his drivers license)... I do not know how it works in Ontario but it is worth looking into before you sign away 32k...
  • youngs
    youngs Posts: 250 Member
    I would first find out how he can afford a lawyer and question why he can not pay support but can pay a lawyer..then my second question would be where did the money that they are now offering come from..It just did not appear out of the air..Can you not put a lean agaist everything he owns..meaning that if he sell anything then you get the money and if he was to die any money would go to you also..I am not sure how your state runs but I would check on it...Just seems like he came up with money to fast to make a settlement...beware there maybe more hidding around.. and another thing it sounds like he is wanting you to settle so when they take you back to court he does not look so bad and that will also give him the option to get his driver lic back so in the long road that is making him the winner cause he will not be showing no past due child support.. Sounds to me like you really need to check everything out before you sign the papers then make up your mind..I would not jump on it till everything is checked out good first.
  • kelscross
    kelscross Posts: 11
    I think another poster had the same thoughts...where did he get the 17K plus the attorney fee yet cant pay his monthly obligation. That is amazing me. I'm in the same position, my ex owes 12k in back support so not nearly as much. It sounds easy in the US but it's not, they have taken his driver's license...big deal...he still drives. He was sentenced to 10 days in jail, bought his way out with one payment and hasn't paid two years since. As a matter of fact when I called regarding the nonpayment AFTER his jail sentence I was told all he has to do is pay SOMETHING not even a full payment once every six months and he will never get cited for contempt. He knows how to play the system that the system set up to be played. Hold his taxes?? big deal when you are self employed and don't get a return. So no it's not easy.

    But again, I'd wonder where he got the 17k from. And yes in the US you can make deals on the arrears, my attorney just brought it up to me the other day. The only thing that would worry me is those checks are post dated, how do you know when you go to cash them they will be good? I wouldn't DEAL at ALL unless the 17k was in cash period. I could write checks from here to the day I die doesn't mean the money would be in the bank.
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