Shallow or personal preference....?
Options
Replies
-
I think it's good to know yourself well enough to know what you prefer, but I think it's wise to keep an open mind when meeting new people. I once fell in love with a guy that was so far outside my preferences, just based on how he made me feel. He smiled all the time, and made me laugh like a school girl. His eyes twinkled when he smiled and his kiss was time stopping. That relationship didn't work out for other reasons, but I'm glad I gave it a chance and had the experience.
Maybe that guy wasn't right for you in other ways? If he was, you might not have noticed the other stuff as much.
I think the term shallow is more of a reflection on a person's worldly perspective. Do you notice a person's heart and character before you decide if they're possibly attractive to you, or if you'd be their friend? or do you zero in on the exterior before they open their mouth?
I think "preferences" live in the subtle shades of grey and "shallow" is more absolute. My preferences aren't the final decision maker. If they were, then I'd be shallow.0 -
I think it's good to know yourself well enough to know what you prefer, but I think it's wise to keep an open mind when meeting new people. I once fell in love with a guy that was so far outside my preferences, just based on how he made me feel. He smiled all the time, and made me laugh like a school girl. His eyes twinkled when he smiled and his kiss was time stopping. That relationship didn't work out for other reasons, but I'm glad I gave it a chance and had the experience.
Maybe that guy wasn't right for you in other ways? If he was, you might not have noticed the other stuff as much.
I think the term shallow is more of a reflection on a person's worldly perspective. Do you notice a person's heart and character before you decide if they're possibly attractive to you, or if you'd be their friend? or do you zero in on the exterior before they open their mouth?
I think "preferences" live in the subtle shades of grey and "shallow" is more absolute. My preferences aren't the final decision maker. If they were, then I'd be shallow.
I agree.
0 -
I would say shallowness has to do with only looking at material things a person possesses, (money, cars). Where as personal preference is just what you know you are attracted to in terms of looks alone. So just because you don't give someone a chance because they don't fit your ideal "mold" is being close minded more than anything. You eventually learn to get to know people better based on their personality0
-
Not being attracted is not shallow.
Being attracted but still refusing to date because of society is shallow.0 -
I think shallowness takes away any option with 100% certainty. I will NEVER date someone who is _______. Preference is just that. I'd prefer to date someone who is ______ but I wouldn't exlude someone who is ______.
So i said would never be with someone who weighed a certain amount. I ended up dating someone who weighed that amount but it turned out to be a bad idea. Not simply because of his weight, but because about his approach to his weight (which i never brought up by the way) . But i also found out that that body frame does not attract me to a person...so NOW i will say i will NEVER date someone who is X amount of weight...
does that put me in the shallow pool?
Yes. You're discluding an entire group of people based on ONE thing with 100% certainty, and it's of the superficial nature. By definition you are indeed shallow.
I have friends of all races and some will not date someone else simply because they are white, or, black....but they are friends, they know them well...they just wont DATE that person...is this also shallow?0 -
In my opinion not dating someone because of looks is a preference. If you simply aren't attracted to them there's usually nothing that will change that. Weight can be part of that. I don't date guys who don't workout because it's important to me and most non-exercise people don't understand what it means to me. Shallow would be dating someone based on his wallet, car or house.0
-
I find the race 'preference' thing more insulting than the weight one. Now I am healthier I want to be with someone who is also trying to be healthy so we can live a long healthy life together. The same goes for wanting to date non-smokers.
Racial 'preference' is often covert racism. I have dated, white, black, south asian, oriental and never encountered 'cultural differences' that have been detrimental to a relationship. In fact I have found these 'cultural differences' have strengthened the relationship and enabled me to learn something and take me out of my comfort zone.
My only shallow preference is for tall people because I'm 6ft5/195cm.0 -
I just noticed that your only 23 years old. Once you've grown up a bit more you'll change your likes and dislikes and realize that its not all about appearances. The most fit fabulous looking man can be a total douche and then there are the heavy or just slightly chunky guys who would treat you like a queen. Once you've matured and realized this you'll widen your pool.
I understand what you mean... but why date someone who treats me like a queen when i can not treat HIM like a king because his extra 20lbs or something turns me off...why date him, if the thought of even seeing him naked turns me off. I would be be doing him a disfavour.... People can tell when their partner is not physically attracted to them and it is not a good feeling. Why FORCE something that is not there?0 -
It's not shallow. You can't control who you're attracted to.0
-
I've dated men of various sizes. I've found that if his personality is attractive to me, the extra 20 pounds (or even a little underweight in one case) have not been factors in physical attraction. I have a type I'm drawn to if I had to define it, but in the real world, that has not held true to the men I've bern involved with.I just noticed that your only 23 years old. Once you've grown up a bit more you'll change your likes and dislikes and realize that its not all about appearances. The most fit fabulous looking man can be a total douche and then there are the heavy or just slightly chunky guys who would treat you like a queen. Once you've matured and realized this you'll widen your pool.
I understand what you mean... but why date someone who treats me like a queen when i can not treat HIM like a king because his extra 20lbs or something turns me off...why date him, if the thought of even seeing him naked turns me off. I would be be doing him a disfavour.... People can tell when their partner is not physically attracted to them and it is not a good feeling. Why FORCE something that is not there?0 -
I just noticed that your only 23 years old. Once you've grown up a bit more you'll change your likes and dislikes and realize that its not all about appearances. The most fit fabulous looking man can be a total douche and then there are the heavy or just slightly chunky guys who would treat you like a queen. Once you've matured and realized this you'll widen your pool.
^ Exactly.0 -
I just noticed that your only 23 years old. Once you've grown up a bit more you'll change your likes and dislikes and realize that its not all about appearances. The most fit fabulous looking man can be a total douche and then there are the heavy or just slightly chunky guys who would treat you like a queen. Once you've matured and realized this you'll widen your pool.
I understand what you mean... but why date someone who treats me like a queen when i can not treat HIM like a king because his extra 20lbs or something turns me off...why date him, if the thought of even seeing him naked turns me off. I would be be doing him a disfavour.... People can tell when their partner is not physically attracted to them and it is not a good feeling. Why FORCE something that is not there?
This is exactly why you are shallow. You can't get past his physical appearance to even give him any chance.0 -
I've dated men of various sizes. I've found that if his personality is attractive to me, the extra 20 pounds (or even a little underweight in one case) have not been factors in physical attraction. I have a type I'm drawn to if I had to define it, but in the real world, that has not held true to the men I've bern involved with.I just noticed that your only 23 years old. Once you've grown up a bit more you'll change your likes and dislikes and realize that its not all about appearances. The most fit fabulous looking man can be a total douche and then there are the heavy or just slightly chunky guys who would treat you like a queen. Once you've matured and realized this you'll widen your pool.
I understand what you mean... but why date someone who treats me like a queen when i can not treat HIM like a king because his extra 20lbs or something turns me off...why date him, if the thought of even seeing him naked turns me off. I would be be doing him a disfavour.... People can tell when their partner is not physically attracted to them and it is not a good feeling. Why FORCE something that is not there?
But the personality out weighs the physical....that makes it different. I just know i don't want a man to force something with me....0 -
I think shallowness takes away any option with 100% certainty. I will NEVER date someone who is _______. Preference is just that. I'd prefer to date someone who is ______ but I wouldn't exlude someone who is ______.
So i said would never be with someone who weighed a certain amount. I ended up dating someone who weighed that amount but it turned out to be a bad idea. Not simply because of his weight, but because about his approach to his weight (which i never brought up by the way) . But i also found out that that body frame does not attract me to a person...so NOW i will say i will NEVER date someone who is X amount of weight...
does that put me in the shallow pool?
Yes. You're discluding an entire group of people based on ONE thing with 100% certainty, and it's of the superficial nature. By definition you are indeed shallow.
I have friends of all races and some will not date someone else simply because they are white, or, black....but they are friends, they know them well...they just wont DATE that person...is this also shallow?
Yes. It's racist and shallow.0 -
I just noticed that your only 23 years old. Once you've grown up a bit more you'll change your likes and dislikes and realize that its not all about appearances. The most fit fabulous looking man can be a total douche and then there are the heavy or just slightly chunky guys who would treat you like a queen. Once you've matured and realized this you'll widen your pool.
I understand what you mean... but why date someone who treats me like a queen when i can not treat HIM like a king because his extra 20lbs or something turns me off...why date him, if the thought of even seeing him naked turns me off. I would be be doing him a disfavour.... People can tell when their partner is not physically attracted to them and it is not a good feeling. Why FORCE something that is not there?
This is exactly why you are shallow. You can't get past his physical appearance to even give him any chance.
This was an example....not something that i have done or been through honestly. I was trying to say, shallow or not, why force an attraction with someone if it is not there. If a man does not want to date me despite KNOWING me because i am black, short, or because my boobs are not big enough, i want him to just leave.0 -
I think shallowness takes away any option with 100% certainty. I will NEVER date someone who is _______. Preference is just that. I'd prefer to date someone who is ______ but I wouldn't exlude someone who is ______.
So i said would never be with someone who weighed a certain amount. I ended up dating someone who weighed that amount but it turned out to be a bad idea. Not simply because of his weight, but because about his approach to his weight (which i never brought up by the way) . But i also found out that that body frame does not attract me to a person...so NOW i will say i will NEVER date someone who is X amount of weight...
does that put me in the shallow pool?
Yes. You're discluding an entire group of people based on ONE thing with 100% certainty, and it's of the superficial nature. By definition you are indeed shallow.
I have friends of all races and some will not date someone else simply because they are white, or, black....but they are friends, they know them well...they just wont DATE that person...is this also shallow?
Yes. It's racist and shallow.
How is that racist though? My black friend does not like black men...she dated a few and it just didn't do it for her. she doesn't curse black men or not befriend them, she just doesn't want to be in a romantic relationship with them.0 -
I don't find it shallow not to want to date someone if they are extremely over weight. At a certain point you aren't attracted to someone.0
-
Racism isn't just black vs white. It can be white on white, black on black, ect.I think shallowness takes away any option with 100% certainty. I will NEVER date someone who is _______. Preference is just that. I'd prefer to date someone who is ______ but I wouldn't exlude someone who is ______.
So i said would never be with someone who weighed a certain amount. I ended up dating someone who weighed that amount but it turned out to be a bad idea. Not simply because of his weight, but because about his approach to his weight (which i never brought up by the way) . But i also found out that that body frame does not attract me to a person...so NOW i will say i will NEVER date someone who is X amount of weight...
does that put me in the shallow pool?
Yes. You're discluding an entire group of people based on ONE thing with 100% certainty, and it's of the superficial nature. By definition you are indeed shallow.
I have friends of all races and some will not date someone else simply because they are white, or, black....but they are friends, they know them well...they just wont DATE that person...is this also shallow?
Yes. It's racist and shallow.
How is that racist though? My black friend does not like black men...she dated a few and it just didn't do it for her. she doesn't curse black men or not befriend them, she just doesn't want to be in a romantic relationship with them.
You're not getting it. Anytime you say I don't want to date someone because of {insert any instance here} with 100% certainty you are being shallow. You are closing the door on a possibly fantastic relationship because you're close minded. You're 23, and hopefully someday you will grow up.
I don't find fault in someone TRYING or CONSIDERING and saying you know what I just don't have that attraction factor for you. I'm not saying someone HAS to reciprocate feelings just to be nice. I'm saying you should be open to ANYTHING and not have such narrow, superficial perimeters.0 -
Racism isn't just black vs white. It can be white on white, black on black, ect.I think shallowness takes away any option with 100% certainty. I will NEVER date someone who is _______. Preference is just that. I'd prefer to date someone who is ______ but I wouldn't exlude someone who is ______.
So i said would never be with someone who weighed a certain amount. I ended up dating someone who weighed that amount but it turned out to be a bad idea. Not simply because of his weight, but because about his approach to his weight (which i never brought up by the way) . But i also found out that that body frame does not attract me to a person...so NOW i will say i will NEVER date someone who is X amount of weight...
does that put me in the shallow pool?
Yes. You're discluding an entire group of people based on ONE thing with 100% certainty, and it's of the superficial nature. By definition you are indeed shallow.
I have friends of all races and some will not date someone else simply because they are white, or, black....but they are friends, they know them well...they just wont DATE that person...is this also shallow?
Yes. It's racist and shallow.
How is that racist though? My black friend does not like black men...she dated a few and it just didn't do it for her. she doesn't curse black men or not befriend them, she just doesn't want to be in a romantic relationship with them.
You're not getting it. Anytime you say I don't want to date someone because of {insert any instance here} with 100% certainty you are being shallow. You are closing the door on a possibly fantastic relationship because you're close minded. You're 23, and hopefully someday you will grow up.
I'm not saying someone HAS to reciprocate feelings just to be nice. I'm saying you should be open to ANYTHING and not have such narrow, superficial perimeters.
I understand what YOU mean now.....even though PERSONALLY, saying no to someone because of what ever reason with 100% certainly is being closed minded rather than shallow. Whether someone else thinks i am shallow or not, i will not force someone else on me just like i dnt want someone to force me on them....
"I don't find fault in someone TRYING or CONSIDERING and saying you know what I just don't have that attraction factor for you. " --- some say even this is being shallow....
it seems that whether someone is shallow or not is more of an opinion rather than a solid fact.0 -
I hate shallow people.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 393 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 934 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions