Does anyone else have a spouse that sabotages you?

It does happen... I think its rooted in a lot of things. Sounds to me like he might be a bit worried that your newfound self confidence may lead you astray. Which, of course if you think of it sensibly is ridiculous. You're committed to eachother! But, sometimes people get scared.

My partner is VERY supportive, but she has said the same/similar things to me Just keep doing what you're doing!

First off, I saw your pics and CONGRATULATIONS!!! You look GREAT!! Awesome job on your weight loss! :flowerforyou:

As far as your husband is concerned, I wonder if maybe he's a little jealous of your success and maybe (subconscienously) feels threatened by it because (if that's him in the pic wih you in the white shirt) he feels you left him behind in your weight loss success. And I mean threatened in the sense that maybe he thinks you would leave him because you're now skinny and he's not. So you definitely need to talk to him and reassure him that's not the case and let him know you would love his support. Give him time and be patient and he may eventually come around and decide to be like you and lose weight. As far as his brother, I would just ignore him knowing that you did it for you and not anyone else. Again congrats on an awesome job and just hang in there!

Therapy.

Seriously.

You are obviously making huge improvements and positive changes in your life. Your husband obviously wants to communicate something to you and doesn't know how to effectively.

I am not married the person that sabotages me is my mom. I don't understand she wants me to lose weight but she fixes all this unhealthy things and tries to make me feel bad about not taking seconds.

Here's a guy's perspective:

if I don't feel good about myself, and if I saw my spouse getting more and more attractive, it would make me feel guilty about myself, insecure about her thinking I'm unattractive/unhealthy, and jealous when others look at her. Nobody likes change, and while it's AWESOME to have a sexy spouse, it's not cool to think that I'M going to have to change to keep up with her. He's gotta know that he's not healthy (or as healthy as you), and that can be really threatening to a guy, because it feels like a lot of pain/suffering/pleasure denial to be healthy.

And here's a true confession: my wife is working out with me, and making great progress, and I'm sometimes tempted to sabatoge her progress a little. I feel a bit competitive, and I think she's working out only because I am, and it feels a bit patronizing. I'm not working out to get her praise, and I don't really want her working out just for me. I want to work out because I feel better, and I want her to work out to be healthy and to feel good about herself. And there's that twinge inside that knows that she's a lot more attractive when she's thin, and she won't need me as much when she's confident and healthy and attractive.

As for the food, I just won't eat anything I know isn't healthy. Even today, my wife made me grilled cheese and tomato soup, and I politely thanked her but told her I wouldn't eat it--too much salt, too many carbs. Just keep buying healthy food, and stay full on apples, plums, greek yogurt, etc.

You are amazing, you look beautiful, and you should feel proud every day that you're doing what's best for you, and your kids, and even your husband. Rock on!

My husband and I do everything differently--which is probably why we have been successfully married for 30 years!
- I follow this site, obsessively write down all foods, weigh and measure myself, and was briefing Hubby on all aspects of my weight-loss journey until he told me to stop talking about it. He said I could brief him about every three days. I have lost 20 lbs (10 before I got to this site).
- He goes and builds a patio (digging in the ground, leveling it, moving the gravel in with shovels), shovels snow for weeks on end this past winter, and so forth. He bowls 4-5 days a week with different teams or our family/friends. He eats whatever he wants, including candy from this large Goose in the middle of our diningroom table. He would never tell me how much he weighs, but his pants are fitting better!
- He (sweet man) also ensures that I get my fat-free milk, V8 juices, any fruits and vegetables and other foods I want (he's the food-shopper in our family).
While we do things very differently, we are both happy with our separate methods. Hope that example helps. BJB

Thanks guys truth is he has gained most of his wt in the year Ive lost mine. When I try to lovingly bring it up he says "this is your life style not mine." Funny thing is two years ago he tried to get me to excersise with him and I wouldnt. Some days it makes me sad, others mad. Today it just stung a little thanks for being so supportive. Love y'all!

You've done an awesome job. Those pictures show all the hard work you've done.
I think you hit the nail on the head in your last message. You've been successful at losing weight, while he made an attempt and failed, and is now putting the weight back on.

Jealousy rears it's head often and yes some men are stupidly insecure.
His response "it's your lifestyle is a BS answer" it can be a healthy lifestyle together, and it seems he wanted it previously 2 years ago.

Since he made an attempt previously and it didn't work out, try to bring back the points that you could remember why he wanted to lose weight. Have a serious talk with him, don't let him be joking around. Tell him you want to be healthy and you don't want to have that stuff in the house.

Maybe try to help him figure out where he went wrong before.
Was it the exercise?
Was it counting calories? or was he starving himself.

I know I'm eating A LOT more than I ever did before.

First off, I saw your pics and CONGRATULATIONS!!! You look GREAT!! Awesome job on your weight loss! :flowerforyou:

As far as your husband is concerned, I wonder if maybe he's a little jealous of your success and maybe (subconscienously) feels threatened by it because (if that's him in the pic wih you in the white shirt) he feels you left him behind in your weight loss success. And I mean threatened in the sense that maybe he thinks you would leave him because you're now skinny and he's not. So you definitely need to talk to him and reassure him that's not the case and let him know you would love his support. Give him time and be patient and he may eventually come around and decide to be like you and lose weight. As far as his brother, I would just ignore him knowing that you did it for you and not anyone else. Again congrats on an awesome job and just hang in there!

I agree 100%!

Have a place for your healthy food and a place for his snack food. That helps me pass on the junk my guy always buys. Keep telling him how much you love him, guys are like children they need to know they are loved. And ask him to do fun things with you that will get him active. Like a hike to a beautiful spot you can have a picnic. Volleyball on the beach. Get frisky in the pool and chase each other around in the water (a good calorie burn :bigsmile: ).
Just a little time and he will come around I think, mine is slowly improving. :flowerforyou:
You should be really proud of yourself. You are a being a healthy role model for your kids and now you will live a longer happier life for it!

Thanks everyone for your honesty. I'm trying to get my mate to stop hiding his snacks. There not the ones I like anyway. LOL .He's trying to be supportive but can't figure out how.....

I would love nothing more than if my husband wanted to work out and eat better right along with me — because I care about his health and well-being — but he doesn't want to, at least not right now. Nagging him or complaining that he isn't being supportive isn't going to do either of us any good. I want this for me, but I can't expect the rest of the world to want it too just because it would be easier for me, and I have to be able to deal with temptations, whether they're at home, at restaurants, at relatives' and friends' houses, etc.

I just saw your pics and I know exactly what the problem is. Your husband is a bigger guy. Now he feels you two are not on the same level. He doesnt want to do the work to loose his lbs and feels ashamed that you are a lot thinner than he is. I think he is resenting you to be honest. Now he feels bc you look better you are going to want someone who looks too.

I have been on this road to weightloss so many times, losing "being married weight", baby #1 weight and baby #2 weight...now just dont' know weight part of number 2. didn't lose it all and got sick and started gaining.
My husband knows the routine and we eat pretty healthy but his addictions to food are hard on me. and it's not all his fault because i buy him the stuff. Sometimes when I take a bite he'll get on me about it. I constantly ask him to workout with me but he has no desire and then randomly he does but loses it in a week. Before we got married and after for a little while he would go to the gym with me but he does a lot of physical labor for work and is tired when he gets home. That's another reason he can eat and stays pretty thin.
He does take his lunch and eats healthy but when out he doesn't make good choices.
I would love to see him workout with me and really get the body that he had when we got married but he's not interested.
Another thing....he does tell me I look fine but I should just tone up a bit....I need to lose the fat. thanks for the words of enouragement I guess. I just wish he would join me on my runs or at the gym.