Non Supportive Friends
mluanne33
Posts: 70 Member
Am I doing something wrong or do others have this problem?? Ever since I have joined MFP I have requested new friends for support and motivation and received many replies. I always leave comments encouraging or praising my friends menu or exercise of the day. In the beginning some of the new friends respond and then after a few days I get nothing !! No comments or support on my day. Isn't being a friend a two way street?? After a week or so with no comments from my so called friends I delete them. This has been going on even since I joined. Is it just me ???? I do not insult or leave cruel remarks either...I try to be as supportive as I would like in return, so I can not understand what I am doing wrong.... 
Any thoughts or ideas??????
Any thoughts or ideas??????
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Replies
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It's ok. When i first started, i felt the exact same way. Which is why i quit using MFP... SO, I promise its not you!
Ideas: Request New Friends, Like me 0 -
You just need better friends. Friend me.0
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Hmmmmmmm. I don't know, I comment to people without expecting anything in return and I get lots of comments every day. Sometimes weeks go by between someone commenting to me and vice versa due to folks being busy, but I try to comment to all my friends at least once a week. I think expecting folks to comment to you daily is a bit much though.
Maybe spice up your feed a bit. Post interesting things. I tend to comment when folks seem...interactive? Like they don't just post exercise and food logs, but also little snippets of their day or a funny joke, or a quote, or a youtube clip to a song they exercise to. Stuff like that.0 -
That sucks this should defninitely be a motivating community! feel free to add me!0
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I know Im bad with things like that, and Im not looking for feedback...so for my first year here, I denied ALL friend requests.... Ive started accepting a few but I still dont talk much since I feel the message boards is enough talking for me.....0
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Build up a friends list you can count on!!! Some people dont stay motivated to log in everyday..if they dont log in for so long i usually delete them. Some people are so busy that when they log their food they dont have time to comment on everyone (i.e. not building up to a large friends list helps this matter)
Also even when people dont always comment on my achievements just seeing their posts keeps me motivated. If they are still committed and going strong SO CAN I!0 -
I've felt the same way, but decided it's probably because I only have 6 friends lol feel free to add me! That goes for anyone else who sees this post too! 0
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You seem needy.
The occasional well meant and well timed bit of encouragement or congratulations is far more rewarding than a constant (and expected) barrage of empty support.
Perhaps you could focus on supporting your friends in your own way instead of judging whether they support you enough in your own way.0 -
It really depends on the friends. I personally don't give everyone an "atta-girl" for finishing their diary or logging a workout; if I have something specific to say about their diet or exercise, or have feedback to a comment they make, I feel that's much more valuable than a daily WTG response. It depends on the friends--some people need more positive reinforcement than others. Sounds like quite a few people on this thread are wiling to comply. Good luck! :flowerforyou:0
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i had that too the first time i used mfp. and it would show some 'friends' commenting on other people's pages daily but nothing on mine. i like to talk about things other than just my daily calories too...0
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You just need better friends. Friend me.
LOL This!!!
Anyone can friend me - I'm awesome! 0 -
Honestly, I think it's based on your personality. Not you, specifically, but just personalities in general. When I started here, I didn't add anyone. I just did it for me, that's why I was here. I've had a handful of people request to add me as a friend, and I try my best to offer messages here and there.
I've added others that have funny or informative posts on the forum, but if they don't give me a huge thumbs up when I close out my day or work out... it isn't the end of my world.
ETA: it does kinda come across as needy. Make yourself your own priority, you don't necessarily NEED the cheering of anonymous internet avatars to be successful.0 -
You just need better friends. Friend me.
^^ ditto0 -
I also believe that a good friends list takes time to develop. I keep mine lean and mean!! LOL
I delete people who haven't logged in in over a week or people that have a crappy attitude.
I just took a peek at my friends list.. of the almost 150 friends I have, all but about 8 or 9 have logged in TODAY!0 -
I had a great set, for 6 months, but then had to take a break. Now I am back, and can hopefully finish what I started. I try to support as much as I can, but with 5 kids and spending most of my time at the school volunteering I often just get on to log my food and then I'm off. If I sit here too long then NOTHING would get done. Feel free to add me.0
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All it takes is one positive friend to change your whole perspective on fitness pals. I'm going to friend you (and everyone else on here) so I can send you some encouragement and positive vibes. I must say, my friends list is AWESOME, but I think it's because I ignore the negative and promote the positive. Hang in there, this site can be awesome once you find yourself supported by and supporting the right people. 0
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I totally agree with you! I'm here for me & do understand that we all would like the support of others & that's why we friend one another for more support! Some days will always be better than others. Some days I can't reply to everyone posts but smile when I see that we are all active & getting our healthy & work outs on! 0
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I think it is definitely a 2 way street which includes understanding when friends don't comment on every post. I try to be supportive and motivating but sometimes life gets too busy to comment on everything and I sometimes go days without posting much. This doesn't mean I'm not always thinking of my friends and wishing them the best and that I won't be back. I always come back and the quiet doesn't last long. If any of my friends expect me to comment back 100% of the time and don't understand that I do what I can do and try my best, all I can do is say sorry and maybe we aren't a good match.0
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I found that as well when I first started. I just decided I would start commenting more and adding friends and commenting in threads. I saw that the more I did this, the more "friends" I had on here and the more comments I got. Add me if you'd like. I'll be honest and tell you I wont comment on EVERYTHING you post, but I do comment every now and then...ecspecially on weight loss and a great work out! If you need help with your diaries..you could ask in your status or ask questions in your status. Not everyone is going to automatically say things on your diaries though..
Feel free to add me0 -
Personally, I don't expect my friends to comment every day. I'm glad to have them but they can't lose this weight for me. Only I can do that. Don't be offended if they stop commenting for a while.0
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Hang in there and add some new friends.
You will formulate that group of friends that will help you be successful in your goals.
You or anyone else can add me as a friend. :bigsmile:0 -
Hmmmmmmm. I don't know, I comment to people without expecting anything in return and I get lots of comments every day. Sometimes weeks go by between someone commenting to me and vice versa due to folks being busy, but I try to comment to all my friends at least once a week. I think expecting folks to comment to you daily is a bit much though.
Maybe spice up your feed a bit. Post interesting things. I tend to comment when folks seem...interactive? Like they don't just post exercise and food logs, but also little snippets of their day or a funny joke, or a quote, or a youtube clip to a song they exercise to. Stuff like that.
I agree completely.... My day is always busy but I respond/comment here and there specially to things that catch my eye... I don't expect nothing in return I know life is hectic some only have time to log their workouts... Just give it your best for your own benefit...0 -
Am I doing something wrong or do others have this problem?? Ever since I have joined MFP I have requested new friends for support and motivation and received many replies. I always leave comments encouraging or praising my friends menu or exercise of the day. In the beginning some of the new friends respond and then after a few days I get nothing !! No comments or support on my day. Isn't being a friend a two way street?? After a week or so with no comments from my so called friends I delete them. This has been going on even since I joined. Is it just me ???? I do not insult or leave cruel remarks either...I try to be as supportive as I would like in return, so I can not understand what I am doing wrong....
Any thoughts or ideas??????
EXACTLY.
I'm the kind of person who tries to comment on most of my friends' posts, I always reply to PM about tips and anything else, and I try to post some encouraging words now and then, and I accept every new friend request because who I am to say 'no' to sb who needs support? But when sb adds me (often without any message in the friend request) and I introduce myself and try to be supportive and I have absolutely NO feedback whatsoever, I'm like "what? but why did you add me in the first place??"
The key is to do some cleaning in your friends' list on a regular basis and keep only people you 'know" (with whom you talk through posts and PM) and you'll then build a good network of great/supportive people
Anyway, feel free to add me (if you're not going to ignore me afterwards
).
xx,
Ginny, 24.0 -
I agree with people above that it does have to do with personality. I like to make positive comments and support others, but you can't let it get you down if they are not always responding back. Good luck!0
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I'm good about being responsive to my friends if they ask me something particular or need some specific advice about something, etc. I'm not good with the obligatory "good jobs" and "adda boy" stuff when people log their exercise or complete their diary or whatever. It says so on my profile though, so nobody should be taken by surprise by that. I personally don't get a lot out of that when people comment on my exercise burn or whatever. I usually just joke around if anything on my news feed...a friend sends me a PM, that's a different matter entirely.0
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I'll be your friend:flowerforyou: we all need support0
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To play devil's advocate, it may be a matter of rushed schedules. Get to the next meeting, file the reports, head over to another section to put out fires, meet with the boss about a new project...oh yeah - respond on an MFP thread. It makes sense, really. I have no doubt that people join MFP with every intention of being active in the program. I also have no doubt that it's nothing personal when they don't respond.
Having said that, I'll have to be sure to block time on my calendar to check in with MFP daily until hitting my goals.
Cheers,
Joe0 -
Hmmmmmmm. I don't know, I comment to people without expecting anything in return and I get lots of comments every day. Sometimes weeks go by between someone commenting to me and vice versa due to folks being busy, but I try to comment to all my friends at least once a week. I think expecting folks to comment to you daily is a bit much though.
I agree. I try to comment when I can, but sometimes it can be weeks before I do because I'm so busy and barely have time to log on and mark my own progress, much less check on everyone else. Don't take it personally just because someone didn't give you a kudos. You don't know what they are going through or what their journey is and while they could mean to be supportive 24/7, they ultimately need to take care of their own needs first before they can give you what you want.
Plus it's an online community and while it says Friends, I think of everyone as Acquaintances (well, except for my friends who have signed up on here) and I expect nothing from them. Instead I get pleasantly surprised when I get comments from them on my achievements and it spurs me to see how they are doing and comment back when I can.0 -
EXACTLY.
I'm the kind of person who tries to comment on most of my friends' posts, I always reply to PM about tips and anything else, and I try to post some encouraging words now and then, and I accept every new friend request because who I am to say 'no' to sb who needs support? But when sb adds me (often without any message in the friend request) and I introduce myself and try to be supportive and I have absolutely NO feedback whatsoever, I'm like "what? but why did you add me in the first place??"
The key is to do some cleaning in your friends' list on a regular basis and keep only people you 'know" (with whom you talk through posts and PM) and you'll then build a good network of great/supportive people
Anyway, feel free to add me (if you're not going to ignore me afterwards).
xx,
Ginny, 24.
This is what I do. And friends trimming isn't always because you don't like the person - sometimes you just find that the two of you aren't interacting as much. That's okay. I've let loose a few very wonderful people because it just turns out we don't have much in common - they are still great people and I know that if something goes horribly wrong and we need to talk to each other, we still can.
But yeah, friend-making is a process, not a goal. You meet people, you develop relationships, you find out what kinds of friends work for you and what doesn't.0 -
I wish I had friends who would support me. Don't know where to find them. You can friend me!0
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