You hit the breaking point and KNOW that you need to change

Hi all,

Here is my story and when I hit my breaking point. I apologize if it is too long!

I have been overweight for the vast majority of my life and have failed in getting to my goal weight of 140 for the past 13 years. I'm currently 27 years old, 5'5 and 185 lbs. The last time that I can remember being thin was when I was about 4 or 5, after that I began to progressively gain weight throughout my childhood and teen years. I hit a point in the 8th grade where I got fed up and wanted to look hot for an upcoming graduation dance. Through weight watchers and exercise I widdled myself from 185 to 170 and I felt and looked pretty good, though still nowhere near being thin. Then high school came and my diet and exercise went out the window. I didn't weigh myself often in high school but I gradually gained weight and was a size 18 by my senior year, weighing in around 210. Then came college, where I hit a high of 220. From that point is when I started dieting, then going of my diet, then dieting, and off again. Somehow, at least trying to diet got me down to around 190, which seems to be my resting weight for the past few years. A couple years ago, through a 1400 calorie diet and lots of cardio and moderate weight training, I got myself down to 172 and was looking and feeling pretty good again - though still not thin again! Then again, I stopped dieting and exercise and back up to 190+.

So here is the thing, I have been doing this yo-yo thing for 13 years, and I have proven that I can lose the weight, but I need to make this a lifetime thing and I must make a commitment. I need to watch what I eat the majority of the time (I allow myself to endulge in 1 unrestricted meal per week and usually during the Holidays - I love food, and I cannot cut out the things that I love, but I can however make sure that I eating these things sparingly!)

I hit my breaking point in November, after looking at some Thanksgiving pictures, weighing in around 192. I realized a few things:
1. I have never been thin! I have huge self-esteem issues and rarely date due to this. My self-esteem issues are a direct result of my weight. I am actually a very pretty woman (not to sound conceited), but I can't see past the fat, so I don't expect others to.
2. Other medical problems I have are beginning to spiral out of control due to my weight. One condition that I have, the symptoms will nearly disappear if I lose weight.

BOTTOM LINE: I WANT CONTROL OF MY BODY AND MY LIFE BACK!! My life will be better if I lose weight. I will be happier if I lose weight. I will be healther if I lose weight. I must make a lifetime commitment to eating right and exercising.