Not happy....

admmommy
admmommy Posts: 143 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have been working out consistently for the past week and a half. My husband wants to also lose weight so he wanted to work out with me. I was happy to workout with him. Anything to make us healthier so we can be a good example for our kids. We have been working out at night after the kids go to bed. Last night he did not work out, I did. Tonight he said that he would work out and he decides that he does not want to work out anymore. So I ended up losing out on my workout for the day. I want him to be healthy but I cannot force him to workout. He says he cannot work out at night and can only do it early in the morning before he goes to work at 5 am. I am unable to do that because of being up at night with a baby. I wish there was a way that I could get him motivated. Anyone else have similar situations? What did you do?
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Replies

  • laserturkey
    laserturkey Posts: 1,680 Member
    You are going to have to do what is best for YOU. He will either come along, or not. Eventually, he may see your progress and get more motivated to join you. If you give up, though, then that will be the end of that for both of you, I guess. Don't let his current inability to make this change keep you from making changes you need to make yourself healthy.
  • julesdeere
    julesdeere Posts: 12 Member
    You might just have to work out separately for a while. It is hard with a baby, so good for you. If he's not ready, you can encourage and try to make it fun, but nothing you do will MAKE him ready. Don't let that stop you :)
  • moonsforeyes
    moonsforeyes Posts: 228
    I know he is your husband, but you have to do what is right for YOU! Maybe if he sees how great working out and eating right is turning out for you, it will motivate him. But you can't really make someone want to. If you want it, workout and reap the benefits!
  • emilyc85
    emilyc85 Posts: 450 Member
    I would say to do your own thing. If he wants to work out with you then yay, if not you will do just fine on your own. :) My husband doesn't work out with me, he will go find other things to do to avoid it. It is fine with me either way :) If he will work out in the mornings, great, if not, oh well.

    Good luck to you in your situation and with your goals! Keep at it :)
  • coyoteo
    coyoteo Posts: 532 Member
    Why can't he work out in the morning and you work out at night?
  • admmommy
    admmommy Posts: 143 Member
    Thanks for the support everyone! I never lost motivation to work out, I know it is hard, but I have witnessed what working out and healthy eating does for me. I lost 100lbs after my 4 year old was born. I know I can do it and I will do it again. I guess I will keep chugging along and hope he will start doing his own thing when he is ready.
  • admmommy
    admmommy Posts: 143 Member
    Why can't he work out in the morning and you work out at night?

    He says that he cannot do it by himself. He needs someone to push him. These are excuses that we have all heard and probably told ourselves at one time or another.
  • acogg
    acogg Posts: 1,870 Member
    Inspire by setting an example.
  • terijoestoes
    terijoestoes Posts: 205 Member
    Been at this journey a long time so my advice is never work out or diet with the male of the species. It is very discouraging. They either do way better or flake out. Do this for yourself the rest will come. Could I also suggest not exercising late at night. For some it totally rev's you up and makes it hard to sleep. If you can get the kids down for a nap at the same time try doing it then. There are some great videos for exercising with baby too. Remember this is YOUR journey.
  • sweetsarahv
    sweetsarahv Posts: 180 Member
    You are going to have to do what is best for YOU. He will either come along, or not.

    So true...this has to be your journey about YOU. Support him if he's really all in, and don't get mad if he's not, but do NOT wait on him!
  • losingweightfindingme
    losingweightfindingme Posts: 109 Member
    This reminds me of something my mom always used to say to me when she was attempting to get me to work out. "Change needs to start within". Your husband needs to be his own cheerleader and his own motivator. You can go to the gym all you want together but unless his heart is in it, he won't reap the rewards. I suggest you keep working out, but everyone work out at the time they find best for them. Hang in there and keep going with it for yourself. Perhaps after seeing your successes he will want to change things up and tag along with you on a workout!
  • jelr
    jelr Posts: 98 Member
    I had this same problem the in past, several months at the end of last year to be exact, which lead to me maybe doing 2-3 days a week of exercise and falling off track with programs just crushing my motivation. My husband would want to do it right up until it was go time then he'd ask if we could just make it our rest day that night and then rinse and repeat. Or I would have to feel like a nag to get him to do it and then we'd both be cranky at each other over it.

    I don't know why but his unwillingness to want to do it always made me just feel stupid. It's irrational but I just felt like an idiot and awkward working out by myself. Especially with him sitting right there at his desk since we use our bedroom because it was after kids went to bed as well. Plus I felt guilty if I spent that time when he was home on something like that because he's military works long hours, and deploys ALOT so I wanted it to be an "US" activity.

    At the end of the year I decided oh well if he wasn't interested fine. I want to workout and I need to do it for me. Quit worrying about what he was doing and have been fitting it in with my own schedule instead, and now I don't have to wait til the end of the night. Nor do I have the nagging to do that was just creating an issue between us. I feel better, he's left to make his own choices, perhaps if I succeed then he may want to join me so we have just one more thing to do together awesome, if not oh well but I won't feel bad about not spending time with him if my workouts are during our time together when he is off work anymore.
  • docHumphreys
    docHumphreys Posts: 92
    That is tough. It is very hard to get you mate to match your motivation. You need to take care of your health first. If you show him how much more energy you have and how much better you feel, he will eventually come around. I used to try to get my wife involved with my exercise and that never motivated her. Now, when I start a W/O it won't be long before she will start too. It isn't great, but it's a start. Once he has done enough work outs and finds that he is feeling better, he will want to. Good luck and hang in there. You have to be the strong one for you both.
  • admmommy
    admmommy Posts: 143 Member
    You are all awesome! I have come with terms that he will not be joining me, at least not yet. I agree that this journey has to be for me and I need to own it. Day by day, and each workout that I complete I have a better handle on my journey. I will get to my goal weight, I will be on the outside who I am on the inside!
  • april1445
    april1445 Posts: 334
    I'm going through a similar thing with my husband right now, and I realized that I wanted him to work out because I want to feel less guilt for working out myself (i.e. the time, the room the equipment takes up, the expense). I thought if it was something we did together, I could say it was for "us", but I guess for now, it's just for "me". Oh well. His loss.
  • april1445
    april1445 Posts: 334
    Exactly. If I had actually read this (by jelr) post, I wouldn't have replied myself. Sorry to repeat...
  • andyisandy
    andyisandy Posts: 433 Member
    Why can't he work out in the morning and you work out at night?
    . sorry didnt see your reply
  • Anthonydaman
    Anthonydaman Posts: 854 Member
    The only person you can fix is you...
  • bearkisses
    bearkisses Posts: 1,252 Member
    i have an idea...work out separately?
  • bearkisses
    bearkisses Posts: 1,252 Member
    Why can't he work out in the morning and you work out at night?
    . sorry didnt see your reply

    this
  • kdkyzer
    kdkyzer Posts: 137 Member
    I understand. My hubby has a type of cancer. MANY studies indicate that just 30 minutes of cardio a day will significantly slow the growth of that cancer. During a good week, he works out 3 days. Most weeks it's just once. I used to work out in the evening so we could work out together...but he'd say he didn't want to exercise and guilt me into skipping my workout too. I started working out in the morning now, and my workout is done for the day. No excuses. If he wants me to work out with him when I get home from work, I'm happy to do another session.

    As others have suggested, you need to do what's right for you. He can either join you or not. But you can't force him...I've learned that...even when it may save his life!
  • isomaxx
    isomaxx Posts: 7
    Imagine if he made a topic "not happy!" My wife refuses to get her butt out of bed early and insists we work out at night, how unfair!! Anyhow you can't force him to do anything, just work your tail off!
  • ChristyRunStarr
    ChristyRunStarr Posts: 1,600 Member
    Why can't he work out in the morning and you work out at night?

    He says that he cannot do it by himself. He needs someone to push him. These are excuses that we have all heard and probably told ourselves at one time or another.

    Well, to put it honestly, that's HIS issue not yours. You have the motivation so you work out at night when you can and perhaps at some point he'll find his motivation
  • thrld
    thrld Posts: 610 Member
    Why can't he work out in the morning and you work out at night?

    He says that he cannot do it by himself. He needs someone to push him. These are excuses that we have all heard and probably told ourselves at one time or another.
    Get him to post his stuff on MFP. Then when you log in in the afternoon, you can comment on his early morning workout. If he gets the positive reinforcement, he is more likely to keep it up. But you keep it up -- because ultimately you can't make anyone do anything, but you can set a good example.
  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
    Do it on your own! Sometimes my husband and I go to the gym together, sometimes we go separately. My at-home workouts, he NEVER does them with me as he has zero interest in walking (Leslie Sansone DVDs) or hula hooping. Oh well I'm still going to do them!

    It doesn't sound like your husband is unmotivated to work out...only that his preferred time conflicts with yours. Is there a reason you have to work out together?

    *edited to add: ok I see he feels he needs you to push him.
  • UnoDrea3732
    UnoDrea3732 Posts: 342 Member
    I feel ya! My Husband says that he will workout with me but when it was nice out I asked if he wanted to walk up to the store to return a movie (given its only a 5 minute drive but I wanted to save on gas) and he said no. Another example a good friend of mine always wants to workout with me because she "need motivation" but everytime I did work out with her she would take the shorter way during a walk, stand me up, cancel or have too many things to do. Just to let you know I was the one having to take care of a 3 year old and drag her along with us. It pissed me off because she only had to worry about herself and I had to get another human being ready AND she couldn't even do that.

    From what I have learned, you can only count on you. Do not count on others to dictate if you workout or not. He will workout on his own terms just like you will have to. It does suck having a spouse that doesn't share the same drive for working out but hell...that's what MFP is for! :happy:
  • 22colin
    22colin Posts: 31
    I think you need to take care of yourself & workout - if it's only possible/convenient to do it at night, then do it then.
    He'll either get so embarrassed by doing nothing; or so worried (because you start looking healthier/hotter); that he'll join in with you, or start doing his workouts in the morning. Frankly, it sounds to me like he's using this situation as an excuse to not workout & you don't want to be doing the same.
  • determinedbutlazy
    determinedbutlazy Posts: 1,941 Member
    Leave him encouraging post it's around the area he will work out in the morning, "good morning sweetheart, make sure you KILL it today!" Etc? If you're doing the same programme, leave notes on how many reps of each exercise you managed so he can try and "beat" you?
    Monetary motivation is a good one too, if you both put a dollar in a jar for every day you work out, you can put it towards something nice for both of you when the jar gets filled up? A nice date night out, maybe some sexy undies for you (and your fabulous new worked out body!), or a new workout programme like Insanity etc for both of you?
    Compliments go a long way too, people seem to think only women like to be complimented on their fitness efforts, but tell him how sexy he's getting and how much you love that he's working out and that will encourage him. Gotta be careful with language used though, don't call him skinny or slim, stick with sexy, lean and strong.

    I think even exercising separately you can still motivate each other. My best motivation is one of my MFP friends, and we've only ever MET in real life once!
  • weird_me2
    weird_me2 Posts: 716 Member
    I have been working out consistently for the past week and a half. My husband wants to also lose weight so he wanted to work out with me. I was happy to workout with him. Anything to make us healthier so we can be a good example for our kids. We have been working out at night after the kids go to bed. Last night he did not work out, I did. Tonight he said that he would work out and he decides that he does not want to work out anymore. So I ended up losing out on my workout for the day. I want him to be healthy but I cannot force him to workout. He says he cannot work out at night and can only do it early in the morning before he goes to work at 5 am. I am unable to do that because of being up at night with a baby. I wish there was a way that I could get him motivated. Anyone else have similar situations? What did you do?

    Not really a whole lot you can do to motivate him. Is there a reason you have to miss out on your workout because he didn't want to? You really do have to do this on your own and hopefully the change will come for him when he is ready. I would like my DH to start working out and he talks about it periodically, but when I talk about my accomplishments, he's supportive but not really all that interested. I figure that if he doesn't get his butt in gear he'll get motivated when I can bench press more than him!
  • North44
    North44 Posts: 359 Member
    I would love for my husband to exercise. He needs do lose 100 pounds probably. I worry about his health and I have good cause. It's not happening right now, it just isn't. Hopefully that will change at some point. You are not alone in your situation.

    As so many have said already, don't let it stop you!

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