Dating while overweight

roro73
roro73 Posts: 153 Member
in Motivation and Support
So I'm wondering if there are alot of people that put off dating until they feel they are in better shape? I had told myself that I was going to wait until I dropped at least most of the weight before I started dating again, but I've been single for so long and have really been longing to find a mate. Not that I need a man, I'm completely happy on my own, but God meant for us to be married so I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting that in my life and at 39 I feel like it's time.

So...I put a profile up and was almost overbearingly detailed in what I was looking for and completely honest about being the chubsters that I am. I actually got quite a few responses...I've been very selective though. Well...I have a date tonight and I'm super nervous. Even though we met online, it's such a small world that he used to be a customer of where I work so I was able to ask our sales guy about him and he gave him a thumbs up. Ok, here's my dilema, I've never dated somebody while this overweight. I feel so self conscious it's not even funny.

Any advice? Did you wait until you lost weight or did you just go for it and get out into the dating scene?
«1

Replies

  • one15ts
    one15ts Posts: 91
    sorry i don't have any advice. here's my experience: i dated while overweight. most of the time, i didn't get a second date. people were never rude to me, but i'd just never hear from them again afterwards. now that i've lost some weight, i get a lot of attention even when i'm quiet with headphones on, reading, studying, etc.... people are always trying to talk to me. but having dated when i was overweight pretty much left me jaded unfortunately.
  • HOLLEE85
    HOLLEE85 Posts: 89
    Good luck on your date....Hope everything goes well for you
  • crobl
    crobl Posts: 380
    Who cares? No one deserves you at your best if they can't love you at your worst!
    (Not saying this is your worst...just a saying)
  • JUDDDing
    JUDDDing Posts: 1,367 Member
    No idea - I was married before I got fat.

    But, relax and enjoy your date.

    It's supposed to be fun - not a job interview.
  • Bobtheangrytomato
    Bobtheangrytomato Posts: 251 Member
    Some people are attracted to skinny people, some to overweight, and some to those in the middle. It really just depends on the person. If you were honest I think it will go well :)
  • whitetiger011680
    whitetiger011680 Posts: 218 Member
    No idea - I was married before I got fat.

    But, relax and enjoy your date.

    It's supposed to be fun - not a job interview.

    This^^^ Have a good time. :smile:
  • Wauwa01
    Wauwa01 Posts: 19
    Who cares if you are overweight,, you are doing something about it and it looks like you have a really lovely face from your picture. If someone doesn't look into your heart and see someone that truly makes them feel hooked....they are not for you. Looks and body size aren't everything.

    I hope you enjoy the date and that it is a really positive experience.

    Just remember that someone who finishes with you because they think you are overweight is just shallow and not worthy of you xxx
  • Fr3shStrt
    Fr3shStrt Posts: 349 Member
    Don't over think it (I really need to follow my own advice BTW). You were honest about how you look and he wants to see you so I don't think it will be an issue. I've only ever dated while I was overweight - I've never been skinny or even average. Some guys like a little extra something to hold on to. So have fun and let things work out naturally. And have fun... did I mention that.
  • gottagettagrip
    gottagettagrip Posts: 19
    Go for it. I hesitantly agreed to a blind "fix-up" 2 1/2 years ago. My hesitation was mainly because I had put on about 30 lbs and felt self conscious, but I went anyway. When I first saw him I literally thought to myself..."surely THAT is not for me!" He was a hottie and I just knew that he wouldn't be interested in me. I guess since I figured I had nothing to lose, I relaxed and was just myself and had a good time.

    We are engaged now...

    And my weight has been up and down since and he has never said a word...it actually ended up being a blessing that I met him at that time because now I know he really loves me for me. :)
  • samblanken
    samblanken Posts: 369 Member
    Have a good time! :love: :flowerforyou:
  • Rhonnie
    Rhonnie Posts: 506 Member
    Don't put so much pressure on yourself or the date! Just go be yourself and it will go well, or not so well, or somewhere in between - that is kinda the point. :) I think you have to be open to meeting someone at any stage of your life because you don't know what you might have missed waiting for the perfect time.
  • jenns1964
    jenns1964 Posts: 384 Member
    I met my 2nd husband 4 years ago when I weighed 228 after not dating at all for 3 years. He loves me no matter what i weigh. He says I'm built for comfort not speed!
  • sarahmonsta
    sarahmonsta Posts: 185 Member
    I went on more dates when I weighed more then I do now haha. I am so focused on myself at the moment that I just haven't found the time. Also it's weird since I have lost weight I am bigger on personality rather then a guys looks, when before it was the other way around...Anywho I wish you the best of luck in your dating!
  • drkuhl2017
    drkuhl2017 Posts: 181 Member
    In my opinion, if the person can't love you now, why do they deserve you later on? I'm engaged and I'm still severely obese, we started dating when I was severely obese as well. Now he is at the very bottom of a healthy weight range for his height. He actually wants to gain some weight. The point is that we all have things we want to change about ourselves. But like other have said, confidence is everything! Confidence is probably the most attractive thing that a person could have.

    Good luck on your date!
  • salsasally
    salsasally Posts: 38 Member
    I understand your feeling worried.. BUT, you need to get over it. If your weight is a problem for you then most likely it will become a problem for your date. I'm fat, my boyfriend is skinny (and quite hot) but I'm hilarious, fun and smart and we are a great match. Focus on your positives!
  • pocodonn
    pocodonn Posts: 27
    Go for it. I hesitantly agreed to a blind "fix-up" 2 1/2 years ago. My hesitation was mainly because I had put on about 30 lbs and felt self conscious, but I went anyway. When I first saw him I literally thought to myself..."surely THAT is not for me!" He was a hottie and I just knew that he wouldn't be interested in me. I guess since I figured I had nothing to lose, I relaxed and was just myself and had a good time.

    We are engaged now...

    And my weight has been up and down since and he has never said a word...it actually ended up being a blessing that I met him at that time because now I know he really loves me for me. :)


    THIS!!
  • emilyc85
    emilyc85 Posts: 450 Member
    Breath, and have fun! My husband and I met, and married, while we were at our heaviest. We are both on our weight loss journey together and doing great!

    The right person will like you no matter :) Enjoy the evening!
  • Swany2
    Swany2 Posts: 37 Member
    I lost weight when i went through my divorc,e so when I met my new partner (also online) i was at my lowest weight.

    2 years on with my partner,we are now living together and engaged to be married. I have also put back on all what i lost and more.

    Put it this way, not everything is about appearance, its actually personality, the kind of person you are and if you hit if off.

    Don't lose weight for others, do it for yourself.

    Good luck on your date and your jouney xx
  • animelose2012
    animelose2012 Posts: 63
    i have dated lots of guys overweight. then i found the best one! the one guy that was bigger than me! he has been with me though my skinniest and my fattest. we have been dating for over 2 years now. just have fun with your date.
  • Gallowmere1984
    Gallowmere1984 Posts: 6,626 Member
    Ehhh, my wife and I got together when we were both hardcore fatties. We've been on this voyage to wreck iron and get our bodies in shape together. It's worked out extremely well for the both of us.
  • Athena98501
    Athena98501 Posts: 716 Member
    So I'm wondering if there are alot of people that put off dating until they feel they are in better shape? I had told myself that I was going to wait until I dropped at least most of the weight before I started dating again, but I've been single for so long and have really been longing to find a mate. Not that I need a man, I'm completely happy on my own, but God meant for us to be married so I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting that in my life and at 39 I feel like it's time.

    So...I put a profile up and was almost overbearingly detailed in what I was looking for and completely honest about being the chubsters that I am. I actually got quite a few responses...I've been very selective though. Well...I have a date tonight and I'm super nervous. Even though we met online, it's such a small world that he used to be a customer of where I work so I was able to ask our sales guy about him and he gave him a thumbs up. Ok, here's my dilema, I've never dated somebody while this overweight. I feel so self conscious it's not even funny.

    Any advice? Did you wait until you lost weight or did you just go for it and get out into the dating scene?

    I had little to no interest in dating when I fell in love with my husband. We met online almost 4 years ago, but it was not deliberate (not a dating site). At the time, I weighed what I do now (67 pounds more than my goal), and though I was insecure about it at the time, now I'm very glad. He is younger, thin, and fit, and he fell in love with me just as I am. He's happy I'm getting healthier, but he loves me for me. I couldn't know that if I were thin when I met him.

    I'm all for putting yourself out there. Always take the oft recommended precautions for your safety, but absolutely go for it. Best of luck, Dear. :flowerforyou:
  • jennyrebekka
    jennyrebekka Posts: 626 Member
    Be very careful......because, even in this post, you come across as having little to no confidence or self-esteem. Guys (especially the jerks) can sniff that out in a SPLIT-SECOND. The advice I would give you is to work on THAT issue before you start dating......so you don't end up getting taken advantage of.
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    I found that I attracted slightly fewer creeps overweight, so that is a plus!

    Personally, I try to time my dating to when the good men are around, but I have only been successful at that occasionally.

    Now I have a good man around all the time.
  • nataliescalories
    nataliescalories Posts: 292 Member
    All of the advice you're getting is great. Feel sexy! He has to be able to love you and want you without ridiculous limitations. I was 275 (I'm 5'7) when I met my husband. He's really handsome Ivy league, working on his doctorate. I think 99% of women wouldn't believe we were in the same league. That's just crap, because I'm awesome too (heck, and I'm in the same doctoral program).

    We were friends at first because I actually liked this other guy. Then we started dating. He was never a "chubby chaser" or anything like that... Anyway, after a few months of dating I wasn't completely sure where he stood and I said "Listen, this is the damn cow you buy! Clearly you don't get that, so I'm going to this conference and after that I'm moving on." And he said "Oh my god no! I love you!" That was it...married a year later. You have to believe you deserve the very very very best. You do! During my dissertation defense I went up to my current 340lbs. It sucks, but my husband still can't keep his hands off of me. He is training for 5ks with me. He tracks calories with me and does meal planning with me. He's my best friend and he wouldn't be if he didn't love the hell out of me.

    Through thick and thin, right? I'd just go stare in the mirror buck naked until you want to jump on yourself. Once you get there--everyone else is just going to sense it and want a piece of you too! ;) You really do tell people what to think of you.
  • sweetsarahv
    sweetsarahv Posts: 180 Member
    Be very careful......because, even in this post, you come across as having little to no confidence or self-esteem. Guys (especially the jerks) can sniff that out in a SPLIT-SECOND. The advice I would give you is to work on THAT issue before you start dating......so you don't end up getting taken advantage of.

    THIS ^^^^ is your answer! I did online dating for a while and was so tired of getting rejected! I'm waiting now until I'm more confident in myself as a whole! Don't wait because you are fat. But if you don't love yourself, you can't expect someone else to love you!
  • louiselebeau
    louiselebeau Posts: 220 Member
    Rock it no matter what! Changing the packaging does not change the contents of the box!
  • wendybird5
    wendybird5 Posts: 577 Member
    I dated while overweight and actually had a lot more luck than now. A couple guys who had been interested in me a year ago, lost interest when I lost the weight. Now I just get a lot of guys looking for hook-ups. As well. I still have hope. :)
  • wendybird5
    wendybird5 Posts: 577 Member
    I dated while overweight and actually had a lot more luck than now. A couple guys who had been interested in me a year ago, lost interest when I lost the weight. Now I just get a lot of guys looking for hook-ups. As well. I still have hope. :)
  • vanguardfitness
    vanguardfitness Posts: 720 Member
    Yes I date both fat and non fat. Although it's annoyingly time consuming and kind of gets in my way - I still need to get laid. But workouts are more important :P
  • nelsonhrae
    nelsonhrae Posts: 37
    I met my boyfriend and soon to be fiance when I was a little under my heaviest. I had only lost weight because I had to walk more but that was only 5 lbs or so and he was an MMA fighter. It is only in the last 2 years that I have lost some weight and even then it has been a slow battle. But the look in his eyes is no different now then when there was more cushion for the pushin'. Remember that looks fade but personality and brains are forever.

Categories