Dating while overweight

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  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
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    I think you're making your weight a bigger issue than it needs to be.

    If he didn't find you attractive he probably wouldn't have responded in the first place.

    Sorry if someone already mentioned this.

    I didn't read all the other comments.
  • mogletdeluxe
    mogletdeluxe Posts: 623 Member
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    I moved back to my hometown a few years ago, heartbroken after the breakdown of a relationship. Said unhappines + being in a bad relationship = eating my feelings for years. So, I was a fatty. And didn't I know it.

    My well-meaning friends suggested online dating to 'get myself out there' and boost my ego a little. I disagreed with their theory of building self-confidence through male approval, but I digress.

    I signed up to match.com and went on a handful of dates. I was painfully aware of the fact that the photos I had chosen for my profile were flattering (although looking back, you can see I was certainly larger than average in them). I also phrased my profile carefully - no reference to working out, lots of references to loving restaurants. I think I'd have respected myself more if I just wore a t-shirt saying FAT!

    But, for all my neuroses...you know what? The only one who seemed concerned about my weight was me. I didn't do badly at all. All my hang-ups were very much my own, and if anyone had any issues they didn't say.

    I did have SOME bad experiences, but these weren't on mainstream dating sites. And frankly, my answer will remain the same whatever the site - dust yourself off and get on with it. You won't be to everyone's taste regardless of size.

    I say go for it - you have nothing to lose.
  • maryjay52
    maryjay52 Posts: 557 Member
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    i hated myself as a fatty because i wasnt fat growing up ..dated all the time back in the day. now that ive lost weight i am back to feeling better about myself and yes i sure do date..only problem is no one my age ever asks me out . usually men in their 30s .. thats ok because i am NOT ever getting married again! just going to enjoy life to the fullest and die a smiling woman
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
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    I think you may find that your standards will evolve over time, and where as now you seem as if you have little confidence (not a slight, just an observation), as you lose weight you will most likely gain a bucket load and someone who you choose to date now may turn into someone who you feel you can do better than and resent.

    I say this from experience of dating girls when I was a skinny little no confidence weed that I look back on and think I must have been drunk the whole relationship. Also I would put up with more negative behaviour which I wouldn't accept any more.

    That's not to say you shouldn't bother going out on dates, but more I would say don't be afraid to accept that your tastes may well change, and you may want to 'upgrade' in the future.
  • lilaboo34
    lilaboo34 Posts: 6
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    I actually met my current BF whilst in the middle of my diet, not only does he love me for me, he also says i should only diet for me, not him. He is also a body builder and I thought he would never look at me twice, never mind pretty much be moved into mine :)

    I never meant to meet someone, I had been single a long time and was going to wait until I had more confidence, I had lost around 6 stone when I met him. Now we work out together, eat healthy and have a great time. He knows I have body hang ups, as does everyone, thing is i was open about them. Just relax, have fun, if it goes to more then great, if it doesnt then put it this way you have a night out to look forward too.
  • tegantheaverage
    tegantheaverage Posts: 142 Member
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    I'd just go stare in the mirror buck naked until you want to jump on yourself. Once you get there--everyone else is just going to sense it and want a piece of you too! ;)

    Best advice ever?
  • mogletdeluxe
    mogletdeluxe Posts: 623 Member
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    I think you may find that your standards will evolve over time, and where as now you seem as if you have little confidence (not a slight, just an observation), as you lose weight you will most likely gain a bucket load and someone who you choose to date now may turn into someone who you feel you can do better than and resent.

    I say this from experience of dating girls when I was a skinny little no confidence weed that I look back on and think I must have been drunk the whole relationship. Also I would put up with more negative behaviour which I wouldn't accept any more.

    That's not to say you shouldn't bother going out on dates, but more I would say don't be afraid to accept that your tastes may well change, and you may want to 'upgrade' in the future.

    Oooooh. Also, this. I know it doesn't apply to anyone but when my self-esteem was around my ankles, the behaviour I would tolerate was frankly ridiculous. Now? Betchslapping anyone into next week should they try such a stunt.

    Be mindful of those changing standards and patterns in behaviour. They can take you by surprise!
  • jakidb
    jakidb Posts: 1,010 Member
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    Happily dating; if they dont want you as you are, they don't deserve you when you hit goal :)
  • iamkarent
    iamkarent Posts: 145 Member
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    I agree with others....if someone wouldn't like me heavy....then I can find better anyways.

    But lets face it...looks do help turn someone's eye at first.....so some may never take that chance to get to know you....but there are plenty that will....

    My biggest tips for online dating are being completely honest and keep your pictures current. There are many that post pictures of themselves at a more favorable weight...and when the guy walks in...it is obvious...and just sets a bad tone from the start because they wonder what else was "fake" I went on several dates where the guy made comments that he was pleasantly surprised that I looked better than my photos...that they had been on a few dates where the pics had to be VERY old and about 40 lbs lighter. Those are the same women who have the stories about how guys were rude about it, or such.

    Present yourself honestly like you state, and give it a try!

    Getting married to my match.com guy next weekend :) and I am far from my goal....don't wait to start living!
  • byronsbaby
    byronsbaby Posts: 1
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    Amen girl! Talk the truth!
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
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    I have to disagree with the boat load of 'if he doesn't like you overweight...'comments.

    That is complete bull - if you want to change yourself to look better, you can't call people shallow when they find you more attractive.

    I could not be with someone who I did not find physically attractive, no matter how much of a great personality they had.
  • Mpol2
    Mpol2 Posts: 442 Member
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    First of all, good for you for having courage and going out. Keep that up... It will happen. I have had a lifelong weight issue, up and down like many of us here. To this day I still have a dress I have never worn, bought almost 15 years ago for when "I lose that last 10 pounds". Let weight loss success come as it comes, but dat now. Don't wait to fit in the dress.


    Second of all, good for you for deciding that somebody who does not attract you and is kinda self-absorbed is not good enough. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be cherished and you DO NOT have to settle.

    My husband and I are both weight challenged... We gain and lose together. We are trying to stay fitter more consistently, but I know without doubt that big or small he loves me for me. Let yourself be loved for who you are, not what a scale says.
  • AwesomeMoJo
    AwesomeMoJo Posts: 1,145 Member
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    Girl..rock your sexy. Remember there are a LOT of men who enjoy a woman with a little meat on their bodies. If you were honest about yourself on your profile and he is wanting to go out with you..then STOP WORRYING about it...

    Go out, just enjoy it.....he wants to take you out.....

    My advice:

    Have no expectations
    Leave your reservations about yourself at home...he knows what you look like and who you are...
    Be sure to be yourself...do not pretend to be what you think he wants
    Just have fun!!!!!

    You are taking steps to take care of yourself. Go out and enjoy....

    Let us know tomorrow how it went...good or bad. The first date is always the hardest. Remember he is probably just as nervous as you are...:bigsmile:
  • dawson55510
    dawson55510 Posts: 197 Member
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    Just on the opposite end of the scale

    I met my wife when i was 17 and 17st, when i was 22 i was 22st she left me when i was 29 and in the best shape of my life imo
  • dawson55510
    dawson55510 Posts: 197 Member
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    So basically imo weight doesnt matter
  • Manate18
    Manate18 Posts: 2
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    I just think that if you go and you get on well together and see each other again that you know he's an open minded guy. Hope the dates goes well for you.
  • skcardiog
    skcardiog Posts: 316 Member
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    Just be yourself - nothing more sexy then a confident women.
  • drkuhl2017
    drkuhl2017 Posts: 181 Member
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    I met my fiance online :) Online dating isn't for everyone, but there are some great people out there.

    Maybe the online dating isn't the way to go. Where did you guys meet your bf/gf/wives/husbands?
  • lythy77
    lythy77 Posts: 33 Member
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    go for it.. they should accept you for you... its not all about looks. at least its not for me.
  • BrittKnee_Rae
    BrittKnee_Rae Posts: 111 Member
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    I say get all dolled up, this will make you feel sexy. Confidence is attractive, your gorgeous!!! But if you don't think so no one else will!! Just HAVE FUN and relax. The way you are feeling is very common, but you cant just put your life on hold bc you feel fat.

    Im actually experiencing something similar (related to the dating topic) but completely opposite!! When I was 200+ I was alot more confident then I am now.. I know, so weird!! I was big and beautiful and there was no denying that! Now I still think im gorgeous, but my issue is I feel like im a false advertisement! haha serious with clothes on I look thin, I look hot! ha but in reality my body is used... before I looked fat with or without clothes, so its not like it was a surprise ya know!! but now its different! Im afraid to get attached in the beginning, to let someone get close to me in fear that il get rejected when things get more serious.. It would be weird of me to show up on the first date nude, right? just to get that part, out the way! like "hey BTW my bodys hideous! does that bother you? no? okay good lets go to dinner!!" if only it were that easy!!! Il just have to get used to my new found body and learn to love it! At least im healthy now!!

    But good luck on your date tonight!! and remember just HAVE FUN :)

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