bully boss? is this normal?

jbug5j
jbug5j Posts: 277 Member
in Chit-Chat
question. how long should an employee go with their boss casually threatening their job before they say something? for example: "well be careful because i CAN fire you" or "(to a customer)that's okay, i can always just fire her" or "even if you had vacation time/sick time if you called in you would still be fired(fired being said in a sing song voice)"

Replies

  • coliema
    coliema Posts: 7,646 Member
    The first time my boss ever said that to me, I'd walk out. But, that's just me.
  • MaryJane_8810002
    MaryJane_8810002 Posts: 2,082 Member
    question. how long should an employee go with their boss casually threatening their job before they say something? for example: "well be careful because i CAN fire you" or "(to a customer)that's okay, i can always just fire her" or "even if you had vacation time/sick time if you called in you would still be fired(fired being said in a sing song voice)"

    I would probably keep note of it for a wrongful termination lawsuit, but that is me.
  • BaileyBoo13524
    BaileyBoo13524 Posts: 593 Member
    I dealt with a bully for a boss for 3 years before I finally quit. Get out of there!
  • blessedmommy5
    blessedmommy5 Posts: 4
    This certainly classifies as workplace bullying and working in a hostile environment. I would take some time to meet with your Human Resource department and document all communication. You should be documenting your communication at all times and make certain that you are performing your duties 100%. So sorry to hear this is happening to you and anyone else that has experienced this type of behavior as you described. :smile:
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
    Poor managerial skills to say the least.
    Go to HR, you're justified in your complaint.
  • jbug5j
    jbug5j Posts: 277 Member
    Poor managerial skills to say the least.
    Go to HR, you're justified in your complaint.

    i work at a Caseys gas station. i know that a lot of people would say leave and find a better job but sadly, where i live, Caseys is one of the better jobs :/ im full time and about to start getting vacation/sick time. that being said... my fiancee said normally one is fired after going to HR with a problem :( so im kind of scared to go to a higher up and report it.

    we just got this new manager last december so its only been a few months... im trying really hard to stick it out but this is one of the big things that concerns me. she has acted this way, and worse, to a few other employees as well
  • Daniloveshockey94
    Daniloveshockey94 Posts: 348 Member
    I would talk to HR and see if they can do anything!
  • MidwestAngel
    MidwestAngel Posts: 1,897 Member
    oh-no-you-didnt_zpscdea4d9d.gif
  • andyisandy
    andyisandy Posts: 433 Member
    document document document! it will protect your *kitten* in case of being fired
  • Manda86
    Manda86 Posts: 1,859 Member
    tumblr_ls034r0jku1qethke.gif
  • bethygirlie
    bethygirlie Posts: 311 Member
    Go with a bunch of people to HR. They can't fire everyone!!
  • ashlinmarie
    ashlinmarie Posts: 1,263 Member
    Definitely document it! I went 2 months constantly thinking I was going to be fired before my boss started liking me. He still was a bully though. It was an awful 9 months, but I had no HR....he owned the place and it was a small bakery/cafe/restaurant!
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
    Poor managerial skills to say the least.
    Go to HR, you're justified in your complaint.

    i work at a Caseys gas station. i know that a lot of people would say leave and find a better job but sadly, where i live, Caseys is one of the better jobs :/ im full time and about to start getting vacation/sick time. that being said... my fiancee said normally one is fired after going to HR with a problem :( so im kind of scared to go to a higher up and report it.

    we just got this new manager last december so its only been a few months... im trying really hard to stick it out but this is one of the big things that concerns me. she has acted this way, and worse, to a few other employees as well



    I've had a few bully bosses and it's been my experience that once you directly confront them and show them that you're not afraid of them, they back off.
    Ask for specific feedback about your job performance.
    Just last year, I had a boss riding my butt and picking apart my work (she does it to everyone) and I had been a nurse for 24 years.
    I took her critique and threw it back in her face (nicely, professionally) showing her how I was doing everything exactly how she wanted.
    She backed off and eventually came to appreciate my experience and say good things about me to management.
  • jbug5j
    jbug5j Posts: 277 Member
    oh-no-you-didnt_zpscdea4d9d.gif

    hahaha!
  • blessedmommy5
    blessedmommy5 Posts: 4
    Have you expressed to your supervisor that you are not comfortable with the comments? Have others witnessed he/she commenting to you in this manner? Are you the only individual that has had issues with this supervisor? I would see no reason why you should fear speaking to someone above that could assist you with resolving this issue. Any supervisor that threatens your job by saying they will fire you is NEVER within procedures regardless of where you work. I recommend you seek assistance as I mentioned above. If you are not comfortable with that you may be placed in a position to seek employment elsewhere...especially if you allow the threats to continue.

    Wishing you the best!
  • jbug5j
    jbug5j Posts: 277 Member
    Have you expressed to your supervisor that you are not comfortable with the comments? Have others witnessed he/she commenting to you in this manner? Are you the only individual that has had issues with this supervisor? I would see no reason why you should fear speaking to someone above that could assist you with resolving this issue. Any supervisor that threatens your job by saying they will fire you is NEVER within procedures regardless of where you work. I recommend you seek assistance as I mentioned above. If you are not comfortable with that you may be placed in a position to seek employment elsewhere...especially if you allow the threats to continue.

    Wishing you the best!

    i have heard of her saying similar things to other employees, and someone just yesterday witnessed the "sick day" comment. im a naturally shy and "soft" person and it is hard for me to flat out face someone with a problem i have. it sucks and i am working on it. im scared because i dont want her to lash out and leave me speachless, or because im not used to defending myself it will come out VERY wrong and make the situation worse. im trying to motivate myself into saying something next time she makes a comment like that.
  • MzBug
    MzBug Posts: 2,173 Member
    I have been through the same thing, only my boss directly told me during an annual review that as soon as he had "reason" he would be terminating me. Do yourself a huge favor....get the comments on video or audio tape! Written documentation did not help me keep my job, but it did get me a wrongful termination judgement. Between another co worker that was also terminated and I, we had enough to go to the company VP and get the entire 3 state district buisness office (DVP, DHR, DLP, 6 LP reps and 4 district managers) terminated. It didn't help either of us get jobs again, but it sure felt good to get the entire goon squad fired.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,978 Member
    If you work in an "at will" state, they can fire you for just about anything.


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  • dinosnopro
    dinosnopro Posts: 2,177 Member
    Poor managerial skills to say the least.
    Go to HR, you're justified in your complaint.

    i work at a Caseys gas station. i know that a lot of people would say leave and find a better job but sadly, where i live, Caseys is one of the better jobs :/ im full time and about to start getting vacation/sick time. that being said... my fiancee said normally one is fired after going to HR with a problem :( so im kind of scared to go to a higher up and report it.

    we just got this new manager last december so its only been a few months... im trying really hard to stick it out but this is one of the big things that concerns me. she has acted this way, and worse, to a few other employees as well


    If she is a shift manager, talk to store manager. If she is the store manager go to corporate.
  • jenj1313
    jenj1313 Posts: 898 Member
    I agree w/ the comment re: getting evidence on video / audio. Just documenting "your perceptions" is not enough.

    If you want to keep the job and try not to confront her, that's fine... find a way to rise above it... have you tried turning it around in a joking way: maybe when she says that (esp to a customer), smile, shrug and say... "awwww, I know she loves me :-)", or "she says that about all her best employees"...

    If joking won't work, play a mind game with yourself to get through it... think up a sensory cue that makes you smile (something that has verbal, visual, tactile, smell, auditory) and run it through your head whenever she says things like that. Sounds silly, but it can actually put you in a better mood.

    Good luck! Your situation sounds bad, but w the economy the way it is, I understand that you may feel that you may feel you have no choice. Work hard, rise above, and maybe you'll be her boss someday ;-)

    Jen
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    I personally never liked bully in the playground when I was a kid and won't tolerate them when I'm a grown up. Try to record these things or at the very least, record what time he says them. DO what is RIGHT (take your days off etc.). Is he the owner or is there somebody above him? Next time he says you can be fired just say "and you can be sued" (sing it if you like).

    Start looking for another job. No job is worth the stress. Stress takes a huuuuge toll over you.

    Good luck
  • simplydelish2
    simplydelish2 Posts: 726 Member
    Is it just you who the boss is targeting? Or do they treat everyone the same way? If they treat everyone the same - you need to all complain to HR. If it's just you that is being targeted, that's a far more slippery slope. Even documentation can turn into a "he said, she said".

    Decide what's most important and act accordingly. Sometimes even a horrible job is better than no job at all.

    Good luck!
  • Roboartist
    Roboartist Posts: 99
    I worked with a boss like that, definitely agree with documenting and going to HR. The boss in my situation was never like that to me but I witnessed on several occasions her treatment of coworkers like that. I went to HR and apparently so did another person who witnessed the behavior but was not at the receiving end either. If you have trusted coworkers you could confide in definitely get them on your side.

    It made for a very uncomfortable work place and she was eventually dismissed with that behavior being one of the nails in the coffin. I wish you the best of luck.
  • jj1973
    jj1973 Posts: 131 Member
    Here's what I would do the next time she said something...

    In a non confrontational tone - and in private if possible,

    "You keep mentioning firing me, and I would hate for that to happen. Are there some things that I need to improve on?"

    Sounds like your boss may be passive aggressive - which means he/she likes to hint at what you should do differently instead of telling you directly. Sometimes you just have to manage up - If you don't want to lose your job, take the initiative and start a constructive dialogue. Even if it doesn't work out, you might get some feedback that could help you down the line. - even if it is at a different job.
  • jbug5j
    jbug5j Posts: 277 Member
    this is all good advice. thank you everyone :) i just hope that when whatever time comes i can "man up" and speak my feelings, in an adult non-confrontational way
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
    It took me a long time to learn how to stick up for myself and confront in a constructive manner.

    I got fired from a job I was at for 12 years. Every single one of my performance reviews was excellent.

    Then new management came in and "cleaned house". I was one of the casualties because I made too much $$/hour.

    That did it for me. I'm no longer afraid of being fired. I'm smart. I'm a darn good nurse. I know what I'm doing and I shouldn't be afraid to speak up.

    Neither should you :)
  • jbug5j
    jbug5j Posts: 277 Member
    It took me a long time to learn how to stick up for myself and confront in a constructive manner.

    I got fired from a job I was at for 12 years. Every single one of my performance reviews was excellent.

    Then new management came in and "cleaned house". I was one of the casualties because I made too much $$/hour.

    That did it for me. I'm no longer afraid of being fired. I'm smart. I'm a darn good nurse. I know what I'm doing and I shouldn't be afraid to speak up.

    Neither should you :)

    :):flowerforyou:
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    I Never had a boss that treated me like that. EVER! I don't know what I would do if that happened, quit I think. I've quit jobs for less, actually.
  • blessedmommy5
    blessedmommy5 Posts: 4
    I agree.

    Also, be careful with the recording advice and check your state's law regarding whether or not consent must be provided prior to recording. Believe in protecting yourself and find strength to have a conversation. It may be hard but you have to begin documenting your the issues that have taken place. Seek solid recommendations from your HR department especially if others have witnessed or experienced what you have. This chat will only provide advice you need to speak to your direct HR reps. for whom you work.

    Sending prayers up for you!

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