How????

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nobadkitty
nobadkitty Posts: 95
in Motivation and Support
How do I support my friend whom I think may have an eating disorder?

Background: He spent years training for boxing and got injured, talks about how he, at 5'9", was able to get down to 130 lbs., and he's so proud. Doesn't eat hardly any sugar, eats extremely clean but he does not eat enough. He keeps talking about how "little" one needs to eat to live. When he sees guys who are ripped, he calls them "fat." I'm worried. :(

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  • bdamaster60
    bdamaster60 Posts: 595 Member
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    Yeah i'd be worried as well if that were any of my friends. Seek professional help.
  • nobadkitty
    nobadkitty Posts: 95
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    He definitely needs to but I doubt he would seek professional help. I don't know what else I could do.
  • Huzke
    Huzke Posts: 97 Member
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    I have an eating disorder, I struggle to bring myself to eat as much as I should be on most days. I'm getting better but one never really gets over an eating disorder. Friends that were in similar situations as I was and have had better success than I have had while eating much more than I usually do were the only real influences that started to change the way I thought about food. Years of struggling with obesity and not getting any control over it until I started eating way too few calories really gave me anxiety when it came to how much I ate. I know I've used the line about how few calories you actually need many times as well. I don't think I've ever thought anyone that was ripped was fat though, that's pretty concerning.

    Don't push him, that won't help. He needs to change his mind on his own terms. What motivates him? Maybe if he can see how eating more aligns with some goals he has he'll come around? But, like I said, one never really gets over an eating disorder. It's always in the back of your mind even when you're doing everything right.
  • symonspatrick
    symonspatrick Posts: 213 Member
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    It sounds like he is heavier than 130 now and even if he is 130 now that would put him at a healthy bmi. We all have different ideas of what a healthy weight is. The observation about people not needing to eat a lot of food is understandable. When we eat calorie dense food it doesn't take a lot. I wonder if he feels defensive, sometimes people feel pressured by others to lose weight or gain weight and that can make them feel judged or put down. A person can have good health whether skinny or fat. If he is not healthy that is a different matter altogether.
  • lynnie07
    lynnie07 Posts: 52
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    Tell him he looks sick and not skinny. If you make them realize that looking sick is not healthy, it might make him look at himself differently. They want to hear how skinny they are so change to words that really describe the way they look. I do hope that you are able to help him before he does get really sick. You're a good friend!
  • nobadkitty
    nobadkitty Posts: 95
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    Thanks everybody, I won't push him, and I'll try to be supportive. The fact that he is probably at a healthy weight now does still concern me because of how he sees other people (men especially),plus he has had a few personal upheavals recently. That's only adding stress. I truly believe it's anxiety-related and I think he's got pressures on him from family that are aiding his ideas. That plus he will go from really bad lifestyle choices to being extreme in his ways. This is especially hard because I had a nephew who just passed away from a combination eating disorder and binge drinking. I am at a loss but thanks for your help.
  • Huzke
    Huzke Posts: 97 Member
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    It sounds like he's doing this because he feels a lack of control in other areas of his life. He can control his diet and his workouts so he's latched onto that. He'll have to realize that he is the only one who is actually in control of his entire life before he can start to heal. That's what did it for me and even still I have days I struggle. It's a long process. The best thing you can do is encourage him, point out other great things in his life, don't talk to him about his diet or exercise at all. He needs to see the other successes in his life that he can be grateful for before he can begin to loosen his grip on his diet.
  • nobadkitty
    nobadkitty Posts: 95
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    It sounds like he's doing this because he feels a lack of control in other areas of his life. He can control his diet and his workouts so he's latched onto that. He'll have to realize that he is the only one who is actually in control of his entire life before he can start to heal. That's what did it for me and even still I have days I struggle. It's a long process. The best thing you can do is encourage him, point out other great things in his life, don't talk to him about his diet or exercise at all. He needs to see the other successes in his life that he can be grateful for before he can begin to loosen his grip on his diet.
    I am very grateful for your perspective on this, and am going to do just what you said because I totally agree with you here. Thanks for being kind enough to share...MUCH appreciated.

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