How do you find the support you need?
misslibbyh
Posts: 90 Member
I know it takes a lot of motivation to do this everyday especially when everyone around you is eating fast food and cookies. I have my good days and my bad days. I am having a hard time finding a happy medium and have little or no support. How do you find the support you need? Do you ask for it? Who do you ask and how? I feel stupid patting myself on the back on the good days. =/ I've been my worst enemy for so many years... treated myself poorly and told myself the most hurtful and terrible things. A part of me really just hates myself and doesn't think much of the positive self talk crap. It's like having someone who has abused you for years suddenly be nice to you. Just weird... Hard to trust i guess. This probably sounds crazy. Anybody get where I'm coming from on this? I could use more friends on here so please friend me if you don't think I'm too nutty. 
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I think you need to really determine what kind of support you need or want. I'd start by addressing the self-hate. If you don't believe your own support to yourself, will you believe it coming from someone else? You really need to find a way to love (or at least not hate) yourself. The biggest "push" will come from within you on bad days and days when you want to throw in the towel. You have to believe that you are worth it and that you can do this-and it's hard to do either of those things if you don't even like yourself.
I motivate myself, and for the first 6-7 months, I was friendless. I now get peripheral support from my mfp friends. I enjoy reading about their antics and sharing trials and tribulations along the way. We all share common struggles, and most of my friends are also runners-so on days when it's negative a billion degrees, I get a "push" to go for a run just by seeing my mfp friends post theirs. I don't actively ask for anything-I simply interact with them and they with me and that's all I need. I honestly don't know if that would be enough for you.0 -
I think you need to really determine what kind of support you need or want. I'd start by addressing the self-hate. If you don't believe your own support to yourself, will you believe it coming from someone else? You really need to find a way to love (or at least not hate) yourself. The biggest "push" will come from within you on bad days and days when you want to throw in the towel. You have to believe that you are worth it and that you can do this-and it's hard to do either of those things if you don't even like yourself.
I motivate myself, and for the first 6-7 months, I was friendless. I now get peripheral support from my mfp friends. I enjoy reading about their antics and sharing trials and tribulations along the way. We all share common struggles, and most of my friends are also runners-so on days when it's negative a billion degrees, I get a "push" to go for a run just by seeing my mfp friends post theirs. I don't actively ask for anything-I simply interact with them and they with me and that's all I need. I honestly don't know if that would be enough for you.
lol... I don't really hate myself... But there is a part of me that does... or at least hates the way I've treated myself. Maybe i'm being too honest about that part but If I didn't know I was worth the effort i wouldn't be doing this. Believe me there are plenty of things I need to work on and i am aware. I've just been kicking my own butt for so long I've grown tired of it.
I don't have many friends here or elsewhere who are interested in doing the work it takes to improve their health to interact with is the point of my post.
Interacting with others wouldn't be enough for me though? What is that supposed to mean? You clearly have assumed that I am some hopeless mental case. Maybe someone who can better relate will respond to my post. :grumble:0 -
The only support I need is myself.....I am only accountable to myself, so I do it or don't. I can't stop those around me eating or living like they want. I CAN control my actions however...0
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I am in the camp of "I motivate myself". I have learned that I cannot rely on those around me because they would rather belittle my efforts than really support me. I am responsible for going to the gym and loving the body I have been given. I am responsible for the food choices I make. So I will be the one that motivates myself.0
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I used to rely on support from others, such as having others lose weight "with" me, etc., but I have come to the realization that I am ultimately in this battle alone. People will disappoint you and to become reliant on them to keep you motivated (not saying you would) is not safe, because then when they crap out after week 3, you are likely to go with them. I honestly don't know where to go for support except for MFP because this seems to be the only place where people are serious about it. It helps if your family and friends at least know what you are doing so that they can encourage you during trying times. I have friends that have done that for me from time to time even though they aren't doing it with me.0
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I think you need to really determine what kind of support you need or want. I'd start by addressing the self-hate. If you don't believe your own support to yourself, will you believe it coming from someone else? You really need to find a way to love (or at least not hate) yourself. The biggest "push" will come from within you on bad days and days when you want to throw in the towel. You have to believe that you are worth it and that you can do this-and it's hard to do either of those things if you don't even like yourself.
I motivate myself, and for the first 6-7 months, I was friendless. I now get peripheral support from my mfp friends. I enjoy reading about their antics and sharing trials and tribulations along the way. We all share common struggles, and most of my friends are also runners-so on days when it's negative a billion degrees, I get a "push" to go for a run just by seeing my mfp friends post theirs. I don't actively ask for anything-I simply interact with them and they with me and that's all I need. I honestly don't know if that would be enough for you.
lol... I don't really hate myself... But there is a part of me that does... or at least hates the way I've treated myself. Maybe i'm being too honest about that part but If I didn't know I was worth the effort i wouldn't be doing this. Believe me there are plenty of things I need to work on and i am aware. I've just been kicking my own butt for so long I've grown tired of it.
I don't have many friends here or elsewhere who are interested in doing the work it takes to improve their health to interact with is the point of my post.
Interacting with others wouldn't be enough for me though? What is that supposed to mean? You clearly have assumed that I am some hopeless mental case. Maybe someone who can better relate will respond to my post. :grumble:
You seem like an honest person who needs something but doesn't know exactly what. I doubt the poster assumed anything and certainly not that you are a "mental case" ...whatever that means to you. However, I think you have a major conflict in your own head about who you are. Even a part of you hating is not acceptable. Since you are in college I suggest you avail yourself of the conseling services and see if you can get to the bottom of this problem and correct it.
To find compatible friends on MFP I've spent a fair amount of hours reading on the forums, looking at profiles, and finding people to request as friends.....people I felt a connection with, or I liked their positive attitude, or in the same age range as me.0 -
I think you need to really determine what kind of support you need or want. I'd start by addressing the self-hate. If you don't believe your own support to yourself, will you believe it coming from someone else? You really need to find a way to love (or at least not hate) yourself. The biggest "push" will come from within you on bad days and days when you want to throw in the towel. You have to believe that you are worth it and that you can do this-and it's hard to do either of those things if you don't even like yourself.
I motivate myself, and for the first 6-7 months, I was friendless. I now get peripheral support from my mfp friends. I enjoy reading about their antics and sharing trials and tribulations along the way. We all share common struggles, and most of my friends are also runners-so on days when it's negative a billion degrees, I get a "push" to go for a run just by seeing my mfp friends post theirs. I don't actively ask for anything-I simply interact with them and they with me and that's all I need. I honestly don't know if that would be enough for you.
lol... I don't really hate myself... But there is a part of me that does... or at least hates the way I've treated myself. Maybe i'm being too honest about that part but If I didn't know I was worth the effort i wouldn't be doing this. Believe me there are plenty of things I need to work on and i am aware. I've just been kicking my own butt for so long I've grown tired of it.
I don't have many friends here or elsewhere who are interested in doing the work it takes to improve their health to interact with is the point of my post.
Interacting with others wouldn't be enough for me though? What is that supposed to mean? You clearly have assumed that I am some hopeless mental case. Maybe someone who can better relate will respond to my post. :grumble:
Didn't assume you were a hopeless mental case or anything of the sort. Your initial post was extremely heavy on the self-loathing (like 95% of it). I mistakenly assumed that to be an accurate self-assessment, in which case it would be unlikely that much of any external support could overcome the doubt & loathing you place on yourself. As you've seen from other posters, 99.9% of this is from within. I've lost 75 lbs, 65 of which was lost friendless. "Good" friends, as anifani4 mentioned are ones with which you share common approaches, common interests, common sense of humor/attitudes, etc. I've never denied a friend request, but there are certainly many I connect with more than others.0 -
The only support I need is myself.....I am only accountable to myself, so I do it or don't. I can't stop those around me eating or living like they want. I CAN control my actions however...
BOOM! NUFF SAID!0 -
People can't handle my level of honesty and assume I need therapy or something. (((sigh))) That's it i'm going to go eat ice cream. lol... Just kidding. My bad... I really don't think I worded my post very well.
Nobody understands me.... :sad: ha ha... Just kidding again.
I really just wanted to know how do ye'all manage... ya know... Changing your whole lifestyle... It's like food rehab. So lonely.
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For me it's not about staying motivated so much as it is about prepping ahead of time and choosing healthy foods I LOVE. I plan 80% of my meals out on Sundays (even the going out to eat is coordinated with my workout schedule usually). I cut everything up on Sundays, cook stews, soups, casseroles, etc that I can just grab and go, and pack a bunch of healthy snacks I can look forward to. Then when I feel like "I WANT a cookie" it's because I actually want it and not just because it's there and I'm too harried and hungry to think of a better alternative.0
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For me it's not about staying motivated so much as it is about prepping ahead of time and choosing healthy foods I LOVE. I plan 80% of my meals out on Sundays (even the going out to eat is coordinated with my workout schedule usually). I cut everything up on Sundays, cook stews, soups, casseroles, etc that I can just grab and go, and pack a bunch of healthy snacks I can look forward to. Then when I feel like "I WANT a cookie" it's because I actually want it and not just because it's there and I'm too harried and hungry to think of a better alternative.
That's a great idea! Thanks!0 -
I pretty much get the motivation I need from myself. I know the reasons I want to become healthier and that is all I really need for motivation. I try to not ask for motivation from friends and family because it makes me angry when they call me on my pitfalls. So, I don't think it is fair to ask for one and not the other.
What I DO need from others is accountability. But, I have learned in the past that it cannot be accountable to those that I am very close to. In fact, I do better when it comes from a stranger. When I have that I am successful in taking it off. Unfortunately the "strangers" are usually ones I pay for through the gym, exercise class, etc. When I can no longer pay for it, the accountability is gone and so is my success at keeping it off. Hopefully I have found what I need now. The weight management class that I am taking at the hospital now is something that I can continue to go to as long as I want and as often as I want. I paid my initial money and that covers me from now on.
So, now I have my intrinsic motivation and my accountability. Hopefully my success will be long-lasting. :-)0 -
I think for one thing, it is important to know that you're worth it. The food you eat can either be the safest and most powerful form of medicine, or the slowest form of poison. We are only given one life to live, so take what you have been born with and be grateful! Don't beat yourself up for not thinking you're perfect, there's no such thing.
In terms of support, I have a boyfriend that supports me being happy and doing what's best for me. My parents are also supportive. BUT, that doesn't mean that they still don't tempt me!!! Tell people about your healthy lifestyle transition and how good you feel and maybe that might help them see how happier you are. Don't focus on the negatives "well, if we go out to eat I can't have the fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy...", say things like "well, I used to enjoy that, but I really want some grilled chicken and veggies because they make me feel better."
I don't know if that helped or not. You can get yourself thinking more positively and motivated, but it's hard when others just don't see the light about it yet and how better you feel by staying on track and eating the right fuel for your engine!0 -
I went through the self loathing, but when weight is an issue, it happens. Almost all my family and friends can and do, eat what they want, it sucks. I have found, once you get over the initial shock of changing your lifestyle it will suck less. In my case, I forgave and started being proud of myself as I lost weight, especially since I changed my lifestyle. My advice is embrace it, it can be fun trying new healthy foods. The like minded people on MFP are very supportive and are going through the same thing. It helps knowing you aren’t the only one going through it, and it feels like it at times, especially around holidays. Plus, there’s lots of info on here, that helps you. If you need motivation, I'm on here daily, if you or anyone want to add me. Stay strong.0
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I went through the self loathing, but when weight is an issue, it happens. Almost all my family and friends can and do, eat what they want, it sucks. I have found, once you get over the initial shock of changing your lifestyle it will suck less. In my case, I forgave and started being proud of myself as I lost weight, especially since I changed my lifestyle. My advice is embrace it, it can be fun trying new healthy foods. The like minded people on MFP are very supportive and are going through the same thing. It helps knowing you aren’t the only one going through it, and it feels like it at times, especially around holidays. Plus, there’s lots of info on here, that helps you. If you need motivation, I'm on here daily, if you or anyone want to add me. Stay strong.
Right! I know I can't be the only one who is pissed off at myself for letting myself get like this. I'm still not on great terms with myself. I also know that I will get over it. I've made it to a 27 lb loss so it's not like I'm drowning in self loathing cause I do have that to offer in my internal vocabulary... I've worked hard to get this far and am proud of it. It's just really lonely sometimes. I can't afford a gym membership so I'm on my own. It's like quitting drugs or something but in that case you leave all the temptation behind. This is even harder! Thanks for the supportive words and yeah... the holidays are something else.:drinker: lol0 -
Good points ginastone and sugarlemonpie. Thank you!0
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This is YOUR personal journey and maybe all the negative-self-talk will decrease as you look for joy in other things. Look at this as an opportunity to find yourself. So the negative thing obviously doesn't feel good, right? Stop focusing on it . Just start looking for things that bring you joy every day that are not food related. There are things in life that make us so happy from the inside out. If you don't know what they are, then make it your job to find out. Once you add moments of joy to your existence, you can think about that and add to it with other positive things. I suggest you do it alone too. Finding what makes you happy is a very spiritual and personal thing and the first step in knowing who you are and what you are about. You want to give your best self to you and to those around you. You are worth it.0
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The only support I need is myself.....I am only accountable to myself, so I do it or don't. I can't stop those around me eating or living like they want. I CAN control my actions however...
exactly, and until i realized this i failed at weight loss again and again. when i gave up looking for support and held myself accountable i lost and kept it off and continue to lose. in fact many around me tell me i have lost too much or i dont need too lose more. i feel i do, my dr agrees i can safely do so and i want to.
i get my motivation from slowly noticing changes. changes in the way clothes fit, changes in how others treat me (it sucks, but its real) , changes in how i feel both physically and mentally and of course in my appearance. when i have a hard day or spell i remember how much better i feel these days, how much stronger and healthy i feel. i think about what i want to look like and where i have come from. i get stubborn and refuse to let myself slip back.
find something that motivates you, really motivates you to start and set small reasonable goals, its not going to be an overnight trip. its been 4 years for me so far with probably another year to goal and the maintenace from there.
good luck, you can do it :drinker:0 -
The only support I need is myself.....I am only accountable to myself, so I do it or don't. I can't stop those around me eating or living like they want. I CAN control my actions however...
exactly, and until i realized this i failed at weight loss again and again. when i gave up looking for support and held myself accountable i lost and kept it off and continue to lose. in fact many around me tell me i have lost too much or i dont need too lose more. i feel i do, my dr agrees i can safely do so and i want to.
i get my motivation from slowly noticing changes. changes in the way clothes fit, changes in how others treat me (it sucks, but its real) , changes in how i feel both physically and mentally and of course in my appearance. when i have a hard day or spell i remember how much better i feel these days, how much stronger and healthy i feel. i think about what i want to look like and where i have come from. i get stubborn and refuse to let myself slip back.
find something that motivates you, really motivates you to start and set small reasonable goals, its not going to be an overnight trip. its been 4 years for me so far with probably another year to goal and the maintenance from there.
good luck, you can do it :drinker:
Thank you! It is VERY real how people treat you differently when you are thinner. You get more respect. I am not to the point where I am noticing that happen for me yet but that would be one of the biggest motivators for me to stick with it. It's the bad attitude i get with myself some days that sabotages this. I just keep logging my calories even when I screw up and I keep looking for new ways to get active without injuring myself. Congratulations on your accomplishments! I want to be where you are at some day.
I don't know if I could do this without MFP. Thank you everyone for your advice. :flowerforyou:0 -
its one thing that i actually never thought of when i was heavier and only noticed when i had dropped a fair bit. Friends and family are mostly the same aside from the either way to go on your loss or the you have lost too much. Public, people at work, people in the stores its hugely noticeable.
You can do it, the support of the community is nice for sure but its you doing it
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I rely on myself. I've tried a variety of workout schedules and finally after the third try I found something that I can stick to. Being on MFP and reading friends posts has helped, but in the end its not about what they do, its about what you do. So support yourself.
Like I saw another poster on this thread say, I do my grocery shopping on Sundays for my meals. I pack my lunches and in my box I have fruits and veggies, a sandwich, and usually a couple of eggs. I usually have everything premade (except the sandwich), so its easy to eat healthy. If I remember, I have Werthers I throw in my luch box, but I don't do it everyday.0 -
When you get down to the most basic level, you have to support yourself or it won't work. Supporting yourself may mean seeking out an exercise buddy or find encouragement other places, but you can't expect someone else to be a consistent motivator. You have to monitor your own motivation and seek help when you need it. If you falter, don't blame someone else for not supporting you. Just figure out what you need and go for it. I like to read fitness magazine. I get obsessed with them and with being on MFP, but that is what keeps me going.
Figure out what you need, and do it.0 -
I keep myself going. No one else is going to make me get up and workout or cook my meals. I have a toddler who looks up to me. I want her to make the right choices in her life and not stuff her mouth with junk food all the time. I'm half way to my first big goal so thats whats pushing me to go hard 5-6days a week. I don't have family near me to cheer me on. My boyfriend supports me SOME, but likes to tempt me with food and say that one bite isn't going to hurt me, but he doesn't know that sometimes 1 bite isn't enough for me. He does thought negative comments to me, but its only the truth that I need to hear from time to time to remind me why I started this journey. I wish he worked out beside me but thats his choice.
You just have to remember, only YOU can make this happen.0 -
For me it's not about staying motivated so much as it is about prepping ahead of time and choosing healthy foods I LOVE. I plan 80% of my meals out on Sundays (even the going out to eat is coordinated with my workout schedule usually). I cut everything up on Sundays, cook stews, soups, casseroles, etc that I can just grab and go, and pack a bunch of healthy snacks I can look forward to. Then when I feel like "I WANT a cookie" it's because I actually want it and not just because it's there and I'm too harried and hungry to think of a better alternative.
Definitely this :drinker:
I always have a plan ...... shopping for healthier foods ....... batch cooking so there are plenty of choices for busy days ....... and eating at a restaurant or having a treat without a guilty conscience, because I've already gone to the gym.
I RELY ON ME ...... AND PLANNING IS KEY !0 -
its one thing that i actually never thought of when i was heavier and only noticed when i had dropped a fair bit. Friends and family are mostly the same aside from the either way to go on your loss or the you have lost too much. Public, people at work, people in the stores its hugely noticeable.
You can do it, the support of the community is nice for sure but its you doing it
I lost over 50 pounds once on the Atkins diet when I weight 50 pounds less than i do now. It put me very close to a normal weight range. Grocery clerks who were familiar with me gave me so many compliments... one even pulled me aside and said she hoped i was losing a healthy way. I'm guessing she suspected drug use or something because as you know Atkins works FAST.... that was 50 pounds gone in a month and a half. It's very difficult for me to see such slow results after that experience. I put it all back on and then some with my second child. Atkins didn't work for me the second time around. I've had job interviews that i just know I was not taken seriously because of my weight. People assume you are lazy if you are fat.
People keep posting about self motivation and self support. Yeah yeah I know... I'm doing all that BELIEVE me. lol Still... You don't tell someone who has quit drugs to just hang out with their druggie friends and suck it up. Why would you have this attitude about people trying to change their life in other areas? Don't you change where you go and what you do? So.... Where do you go and what do you do?0 -
i dont know about the others but i'm not telling you to suck it up per say, more of own it.
As for changing, i didnt. I go to the same places, hang out with the same people, do more or less the same things other than what i eat and that i exercise.0 -
Why should who I hang out with and what I do change just because my eating habits are? My friends and my husband like to drink when they go out. I don't. So, they drink and I don't (usually this means I am the designated driver - lol)
Why should eating around them be any different? If they choose to eat unhealthily, then so be it. I will choose to be my own person and make my own choices with my food just as I do with my choice to drink or not. My friends respect me and love me for who I am, not the choices I make.
I understand your comparison to "druggie friends". But are they true friends if they aren't supporting your ability to make your own choices and respect you for that?
I don't plan to change what we do for fun in the summer. My husband and I go to several motorcycle camp-outs each year and will continue to do that. Now what WILL change is the type of food I choose to take along. Instead of taking all of the chips, cookies, and junk food; I will be taking the fresh vegetables and fruits to munch on. I had already cut a bunch of pop out while on the camp-outs because it didn't satisfy my thirst as well as water. So that will probably stay the same....some pop, but mostly water. My friends will be the same because they have been pretty much the same since we started. I cannot imagine them not being around. I would miss them.0
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