Should I let a toxic friend know I am thinking about her?

Leave the friend where she is...the past ..

Thanks for all of your advice. I am not going to send the gift because you are right - it's giving false hope. But I will do some random acts of kindness in honor of her instead (great idea, btw!).

I have never regretted ending our friendship, nor do I feel guilty. But I know through our mutual connections that she is lonely, and my intention with the gift was just to brighten her day because regardless of whether she's in my life, she's a good person who I want to have a happy bday.

The intention is admirable but I think the advice here is right, you need to look at how this will be perceived and it will look like an attempt at reconciliation.
If you care enough to want to be friends, you should talk to her (NOT on her birthday) but you seem pretty clear that you do not want that so, hard though it may be, you just need to move on. Who knows in a few years she may change, people do, and come to terms with her drama and calm down, then you might be able to rekindle the friendship.

This happened to my sister and her best friend. In college they were inseparable but she was a little off the rails and dragged my sister into all her petty battles and drama to the point where it was affecting her relationships with other friends. In the end she had to call it a day.
10 years later, the friend moved back to the area and they started to hang out a bit. The friend had totally calmed down, become a police officer, got married etc and they are now really close again.

I know it's hard, because there are some things about this person that you really like, and you probably think of yourself as a generous, forgiving person, but as I think everyone here has said, you should ignore the day. A gift will be a mixed signal and you'll likely get sucked back in. You're out and free now. Don't do it.

not "everyone" - I think she's missing an opportunity to repair a hole in life that she obviously feels - but what do I know?

You could be right. In my own experience, if the relationship had deteriorated to the point where I was thinking of it as "toxic," it was irreparable. There was one person whom I forgave multiple times over several years. I eventually realized he was never going to change no matter what he said and life is too short to be wasted on people who can't be relied on.

If someone is that upsetting to me I don't think it's good for my character to put up with it. I'm also agnostic and I don't believe that there will be some reward in the next life for putting up with bad behavior.

The OP has thoughts or regrets because that's how human beings behave. Seldom is anything all or nothing. I occasionally think of friends or acquaintances who dumped or dropped me even if I'm still angry or puzzled. That's no reason to renew a bad relationship or send mixed signals about one's intentions.

No.

Tell her exactly what you just said "I love you but I don't want to rekindle out friendship." lol

Why are people responding to threads 4 months old?

Eepa. I just realized as I read through that this is an ooooold thread. Strange how they come back to life.

Monica

Show me your friends and I will tell you what your future will be.

Bad company corrupts good charter.

You can't drive forward if you keep looking in rear view mirror.


Do I need to say more? Some relationships are best left in past and forgotten about. They all - good and bad leave impact on us and form soul-ties because we are spiritual beings.